


Ruse Of Sinners

by ErisedTrix6



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: 1970s, Angst, F/F, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hogwarts, Hogwarts Sixth Year, M/M, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), POV Marlene McKinnon, POV Remus Lupin, Queer Themes, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-09
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-15 10:54:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 36
Words: 90,998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29312916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ErisedTrix6/pseuds/ErisedTrix6
Summary: Upon entering their sixth year at Hogwarts in 1976, Marlene McKinnon and Remus Lupin have a heartfelt talk after a drunken interruption and Marlene realises something startling about herself; they help each other through the difficulties of being queer in the 70s and after a failed prank pulled by Snape, they think to themselves... wouldn't it be easier to just fake it?
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Marlene McKinnon/Dorcas Meadowes, Remus Lupin & Marlene McKinnon, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 180
Kudos: 171





	1. Returning Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marlene is almost late for the Hogwarts express but her tension eases as she settles back in with her best friends in the carriage, looking forward to the year ahead of her as she heads back home to Hogwarts.

3rd September 1976

As always, the atmosphere on platform nine and three quarters was alight with excitement and eager students awaiting the return to Hogwarts. Marlene had just slid through the magical wall of Kings Cross station and was now gradually sieving through the enthusiastic crowd, pushing her trunk along in front of her. She was entering her sixth year at Hogwarts and it was the first time her parents hadn’t been there to see her off; not that they didn’t want to, they just had an urgent meeting at the ministry. Marlene tried not to mind and decided it would be better to see her friends for the first time in weeks without her fussing parents kissing her goodbye.

Hogwarts Express sounded an almighty whistle as pearly white smoke swirled from the marron engine and danced around itself with the early morning air; Marlene dashed quickly to the quickest door, lugging her bulky trunk behind her in effort to not miss the train completely. Hopping onto the raised platform and into the safety of the train, she exhaled and the muffled goodbyes from parents faded as she inched down the narrow train corridor towards their usual compartment. Before stepping in, she became acutely aware of what a mess she must currently look and swept her silky blonde hair out of her freckled and rosy face back behind her ears.

“Marls! We thought you missed the train!” Sirius exclaimed as he lent forward to handle her trunk and raise it above their heads. James and Mary looked up from their conversation and smiled in welcome, Marlene smiled back and sat opposite, next to Peter.

“Almost did!” She replied, relaxing into the plush seat and feeling as though her troubles were left on the platform that they were now turning out of towards endless countryside. “Good summer?” She cheerfully asked no-one in particular.

“Yeah great, you?” James replied, offering Peter a golden wrapped chocolate frog.

“Decent. Good.” Marlene smiled. Resting her head against the cool window, her breath steamed a section of the glass and she continued to watch the emerald fields roll by under the translucent white mist as she and her friends chatted. She whipped her head around as the door to their carriage opened suddenly and Lily and Remus entered. Remus had miraculously grown even taller, his soft mousy curls hitting the top of the door frame and his jaw more defined. Lily looked small and precious next to him but still utterly gorgeous; her thick auburn hair falling seamlessly over her shoulders and her soft fair face contrasted with the dark green of her eyes. _Godric_ , Marlene was so bloody jealous of Lily Evans.

She huffed as she slumped against Sirius, looking irritated compared to Remus who smirked and collapsed beside Mary and raised his hands behind his head as if relaxing on a beach and outstretching his legs across the compartment.

“What’s goin’ on with you two?” Mary asked.

“Remus just _quit_ being a prefect!” Lily sighed angrily.

“You what, mate?” James scoffed.

“Yup. I quit, too much responsibility. Nominated you for it and they accepted.” Remus replied casually, nodding his head towards James.

“ME?!” James sat up, whipping off his glasses dramatically.

“Yup.” Remus grinned.

“So, what’s got Lily all annoyed, you still got a partner for your rounds.” Marlene asked, stifling her chuckle at James’ shocked face.

“Because that partner is _James_!” Lily grumbled, burying her face in her hands.

“OI! You’ll love me one day, Evans. That’s a promise.” James laughed, accepting the prefect pin from Remus and pinning it on his deep grey jumper. Lily rolled her eyes, bringing out her large book and reading silently for the rest of the journey.

Peter recalled some funny stories about his trip to Spain over the summer, and Mary told them about her family in Africa. Marlene laughed along but was more interested in getting out of the cramped cabin and eating her heart out at tonight’s feast.

“Must be almost there, gonna change into my robes, folks.” Sirius announced as he exited the cabin, James, Peter and Remus following behind him in agreement.

The compartment was less crowded now and although Marlene loved every one of her friends very dearly, it was a large group, always moving, always excitable. It was one of her favourite things about them but sometimes it could become slightly tiresome keeping up with the gossip and mischief.

Mary, Lily and Marlene changed into their school robes in time for the whistling train to smoothly pull into Hogsmead Station. They all grabbed their heavy trunks and lazily exited the train; then headed towards the mysteriously drawn carriages and collectively clambered in, mindlessly chatting until they reached the tall golden gates surrounding the perimeter of Hogwarts castle. 

Marlene was consistently amazed at the magnitude of Hogwarts every time she returned from a break, the elegantly carved stone of the grand castle seamlessly swirled around the deep green grounds of Hogwarts and the grass extended until the peaks of mountains could be seen in the distance or until the darkness of the towering trees in the forbidden forest consumed the floor. To Marlene, it seemed crazy that the dark creatures of the forest could live harmoniously, so close to the sanctuary of Hogwarts. The school seemed like the safest place in the world, and although it may be because the people that inhabited it may keep it protected and be powerful at defence, Marlene knew Hogwarts was not far from danger.

As always, the sorting of the first years was mind-numbingly dull. Marlene had taken very little interest in it since her own sorting in first year, and this year had resolved to mindlessly tracing an engraved poem in the dark, wooden Gryffindor table with her pointer finger.

_There is courage hidden is your dread,_

_Bravery in every tear you shed._

It must have been etched with a spell, it seemed old and withering; there were many scratches in the table caused by students but every so often they would all be wiped clean and the table renewed its glossy shine, except for this one. Marlene thought if she was to ever permanently carve a poem, she would write a better, more unique one and she would engrave it more neatly, without the ragged edges and inconsistency of font.

Cheering had fallen silent and the sorting was over; Dumbledore had glided from the large head seat at the large staff table to the golden podium in the centre of the raised platform, holding up his bony hand, commanding silence.

The final remaining chatter and whispers ceased as Dumbledore spoke loudly, a wide smile spread across his face,

“Fantastic! I daren’t not keep you long as I am certain you are all eager to devour this evening’s feast, but I must welcome the first years, and welcome back the rest! This year is important for everyone as the darkness of the outside world fails to penetrate our castle, I cannot help but warn you to stay vigilant and aware, senses come in more ways than ordinary… Now! Let us Eat!”

Slightly confused at the short speech, many of the students decided to ignore it and eagerly cheered at the finishing sentence as glorious food magically filled the brass plates in front of them, every substance they could possibly crave or desire.

“Bloody finally.” Remus sighed, reaching over Marlene and filling half his plate with golden crispy potatoes, then beef, then anything in the vicinity until he was holding a peaked mountain of food on his plate.

“Pass the parsnips will you, James?” Marlene asked, outstretching her hand till it was almost touching the bowl, James passed it and she scooped a few onto her plate.

“Whadda think that speech was about?” Lily asked thoughtfully.

“No idea, probably just Dumbledore’s old nonsense.” Peter replied, muffled by the mouthful of food in his gob. Marlene agreed, Dumbledore was always unnecessarily cryptic, which she hadn’t figured if that was a positive or negative trait for a headteacher.

They laughed and chatted throughout the feast and halfway through dinner, Marlene thought she would just about explode. However, Remus beside her had seconds and desert, which he was ruthlessly teased for by the marauders and he would usually hit back with a witty, sarcastic remark about their jealousy of his metabolism.

Lily and James left first to show the first years to the common room, Lily had to practically pull James away by his shoulders from the delicious millionaire shortbread and toward the excitable group of eleven-year olds. As they walked away Lily quickly whispered over her shoulder, “Password’s _sapienagros_.” They thanked her and turned to each other, lazily finishing the last crumbs of the feast before collectively heading to the common room.

It was unchanged from last year, still comfortable, cosy and gloriously homely; The fire roared and crackled in the corner, beside some third years playing chess. The rest of the common room was unusually crowded as the hyper first years excitably settled into their new home.

After an hour or two, most of the students had fizzled out of the common room up the twisting staircases to their dormitories, until only Marlene, Remus, Lily, James, Sirius, Peter, Mary and some excitable second years were remaining in the communal area. It was getting late and as everyone was tired and eager to slip in-between the heated sheets of their four-poster beds, so the group decided to go up soon, maybe an hour or so.

“We need to plan a party.” Sirius commanded, his legs sprawled over the sides of a marron armchair and the back of head resting on his hands.

“Bloody hell, Black! We’ve only been back a few hours!” Lily sighed.

“Oh, you’re no fun, Evans!” Sirius retaliated, “Prongs, you agree, right? Party?” James did not respond; his gaze fell into his lap then at Lily who had raised her dark eyebrows and tilted her head in the most ‘prefect’ way Marlene had seen Lily do all day.

“Well I mean it is _a bit_ early, Padfoot.” James replied shyly.

“Unbelievable!” Sirius sighed dramatically and clutched his heart as if it was causing him severe pain. “Moony, I haven’t lost you too, have I?”

“No, you have not. Seems perfectly logical to have one tomorrow.” Remus replied lazily, without looking up from the cigarette he was smoking by the window. Sirius grinned and shot James a _told-you-so_ look.

“I second that!” Marlene agreed, turning upwards from laying upside down of the sofa with her legs over the back; beside her, Mary agreed.

“What on earth- how is Godric’s name is it logically to have a party of the first day of term?” Lily sighed.

“Well, first of all it’s a Saturday--” Mary started.

“--there’s loads of Saturdays—" Lily said,

“—lessons haven’t started so there’s no homework, no revision to be done.” Remus added.

“Everyone is excited to be back at Hogwarts,” Pete suggested

“Annnnddd we haven’t had a party since last year!” Sirius finished.

“Well…” James turned to look at Lily who seemed to be lost for any kind of retaliation.

“And I’ve brought a shit ton of fire-whiskey.” Marlene added, casually.

“Marls--!”

“McKinnon, you beautiful bastard!” Sirius leaned down and kissed her cheek, pulling her into a hug, “Course you would!” Marlene giggled, struggling out of his affectionate attack,

“Ge’off Black, you big ol’ tosser!” She chuckled.

“Sounds like its on then, tomorrow night.” Mary asked hopefully, looking at Lily who glanced at James and they both shrugged.

“I S’pose....” Lily smiled.

“Yes, Evans!” James laughed. “But let’s keep it small-ish guys, I doubt that loads of people will want to come but even if they do, I don’t want to ruin my new prefect reputation with an unruly party.” He added and Lily smirked beneath her fiery hair.

“Merlin, Prongs!” Sirius gasped. “Moony, Wormy. I regret to inform you, we’re a marauder down already.”

Peter and Remus sobbed sarcastically and wiped away invisible tears, dramatically, showing no signs of stopping.

“Alright, Alright!” Mary interrupted. “Still got us.” She pointed at herself and Marlene.

“Oi! I’m not being replaced!” James scoffed.

“And what? I’m not even thought about!?” Lily laughed.

“No, Evans. You’re _always_ thought about.” James raised his eyebrows at her and smirked. She rolled her eyes, but Marlene thought she saw her blush a rosy pink which for some unknown reason, made her insides knot uncomfortably.

“Truly and utterly, lost.” Remus sniffed. “Marls, you’re the replacement.”

“Oi! What about me, wanker!” Mary retaliated.

“You’re a joint unit.” Peter added lazily.

“Are not. And I’m not in interested in being a replacement, thank you very much, Lupin.” Marlene teased.

“Just us then, Petey Boy.” Remus sighed and fell into Peter’s arms in an overexaggerated, dramatic hug. 

“Oi, how have I just been forgotten!?” Sirius whined. Remus burst into laughter along with Marlene at Sirius’ annoyed face.

“You’ll get over it Pads, not like you’re here a lot anyway, just go n shag a girl in the astronomy tower!” James added, also chuckling before Remus’ died out.

“Right, I’m off to bed folks.” Mary sighed, standing up. Lily and Marlene agreed, leaving the boys in the common room and trudging up the stone staircase of Gryffindor tower up to the girls’ dormitories.

Their heavy school trunks had been teleported to the ends of their beds, where they sat neat and unopened. Marlene knew she’d regret not unpacking tomorrow, so with one last longing look at her inviting bed, she turned, opened her trunk and started to unpack.

She took out a plastic bag with her toiletries inside and delicately placed it in their small shared bathroom in the corner of their dorm, then her clothes into her designated draws and the stuff that crinkled easy into their shared wardrobe.

Marlene knew they were lucky that there had only been four girls in their year sorted into Gryffindor in 1971 and even luckier that the girl they shared with in first year, left Hogwarts to go to a muggle school. She never really spoke to her and hardly missed her, Mary and Lily were her best friends and the best roommates.

She had unpacked most things; Lily had done the same and was now slowly getting into her bed. Mary was already asleep. So, Marlene decided that she would use the shared girls’ bathroom down the hall in order to not wake them.

After showered and clean, Marlene re-entered their dorm to see both her friends deep in unconsciousness, their curtains only half-drawn. Drowsily, Marlene followed suit and slipped between her warm sheets and fell back into the plush, soft pillow, drifting off to sleep almost instantly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all enjoyed the first chapter, I promise it gets more exciting after this one! Thank you all so much for reading and if you want to contact me leave a comment or ask for a social media handle! Love you all and happy reading :) xx


	2. Discovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At the first Party of sixth year, thrown just one day after arriving at Hogwarts, emotions are running high for Remus and Marlene.

4th September 1976

Still tired even after the long nights rest, Marlene wandered out of the common room with Remus, heading straight for breakfast in the Great Hall. Any feeling of a full stomach from last night’s glorious feast had vanished and Marlene was feeling peckish, Remus was always hungry.

Lily and Peter joined them when Remus was loading eggs onto his second slice of toast and Marlene was just starting on her tea. Sirius and James also joined them, looking windswept from the harsh winter breeze of the early morning quidditch pitch, Remus promptly turned back to his eggs.

“Where’s MacDonald?” James asked, plonking down next to Lily and running a hand through his messy black hair in a failed attempt to smooth it down.

“Still asleep.” Lily supplied, yawning and sipping on her cup of tea.

“Beauty sleep for tonight, I reckon.” Marlene added.

“Talking about me?” Mary appeared behind her shoulder and slid her arm around Marlene’s neck and while placing herself down, stole a slice of buttered toast off Marlene’s plate.

“Oi, the toast is literally right there.” Marlene sighed, pointing at the pile of toast on the brass plate in the middle of the table.

“Yeah but can’t be arsed to butter it can I, love?” Mary smirked and removed her arm that was slung around Marlene’s shoulder. Marlene narrowed her eyes, hiding her smile and snatched another piece of replacement toast.

“How was the pitch?” Lily asked James and Sirius.

“Good, try-outs are in a few weeks, so thought we’d get Pads that extra training, keep him on the team, eh?” James replied, slapping Sirius on the back.

“Mhm,” Sirius smiled politely.

“Oh, don’t worry, I know you’ll stay on, Black.” Mary comforted.

“Yeah and we’ll all give James a beating if he kicks you off,” Marlene added.

“His loss, he’ll be losing a great beater, eh?” Peter furthered.

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d say your flirting with me Pete.” Sirius smirked raising a dark, sleek eyebrow.

“In your dreams, Black.” Peter teased.

“Nightmares.” Sirius corrected and they all burst into fits of uncontrollable laughter around the breakfast table.

***

After a long and uneventful summer, Marlene had one incentive tonight; to get absolutely plastered. The three girls danced about their dorm listening to _Blondie_ on Mary’s record player, getting ready for tonight’s party. Per James’s request, the party was kept semi-small, only Gryffindors were being told about it, but Mary was still adamant that they should all look their best. Marlene was glad of this because she found Sirius’s girlfriend – Emmeline Vance (a Ravenclaw) to be an insufferable gossip and was far too pretty for her own good.

Lily was more convinced by Mary’s persistence of fashion than Marlene, as she thought she only brought a few really nice things, she would like to save them for a larger occasion.

“You can borrow my brown mini skirt?” Mary suggested while she pinned up Lily’s thick curled locks behind her head with a pretty turquoise clip.

“I’m fine really.” Marlene replied, pulling out a pair of blood orange flared corduroys, then a small black spaghetti strap top. _Yes,_ Marlene thought, _this will be perfect_. It was. As she excited the bathroom, she held out her arms and span around slowly to show Mary and Lily her outfit then cocked her eyebrow up, wordlessly asking for their opinions.

“Oh, that’s actually perfect, Marls!” Lily exclaimed.

Marlene smiled and rolled her eyes, “Don’t have to act so surprised.” She chuckled. Mary chose a short dark denim skirt and matched it with a tight electric blue bodysuit; Lily was wearing a white turtle-neck top under a chequered black and grey dress, and she looked stunning.

Immediately as they entered the common room, the atmosphere already had the buzzing energy and magic that every marauder’s party had no matter the magnitude.

“What can I get you to drink m’ladies?” James bowed as they entered, his hair dark curly falling over his face, and offering a hand to help them down the last few steps, trying to be graceful but having to shout over the music so it was not to the desired effect.

Mary accepted his hand and said, “I think we’d better start with the shots.” As guided her fully into the room.

“Ill drink to that!” Sirius bellowed, racing over with two shots in each hand, offering them to the girls and keeping one for himself. Marlene knocked hers back and let it slide down her throat feeling the familiar burn of pleasure at the back of her mouth that she had missed all summer.

“Bloody hell, McKinnon! We were gonna do it together!” James laughed.

“Guess I’ll just have to have another.” She smirked.

Before the rest of the students arrived, they decided to start with a shot of muggle vodka, although it would be Marlene’s second.

“To the everlasting friendship of Gryffindor class of 1978 and may we all pass our NEWTs and then grow old and wrinkly together!”

“CHEERS!” They chanted as they all raised their small shot glasses high in the air in unison then threw it to the back of their mouths.

“Eugh! That’s vile.” Peter complained.

“Buy your own drink next time then!” Lily teased.

“This record sucks. I got a new one over the summer let me go and grab it real quick.” Mary said, dashing up the stairs and reappearing seconds later with the new _Queen_ album. They all liked it so much that it was the only one they played for the rest of the night.

Half an hour passed, Marlene was three drinks in, and the buzzing common room was still only occupied with the seven of them.

“Padfoot…” James asked suddenly.

“Prongsie…” Sirius playfully responded.

“You _did_ ask everyone to come, didn’t you?”

“What?! No that was your job!” Sirius defended.

“ _No_ , my job was to keep everyone not invited out of the common room.”

“Shit…”

“…”

“Right I’m off to bed then.” Peter stood.

“HEY! No.” Lily commanded in her prefect voice, snapping her fingers at Peter, then continued, “The way I see it,” She smirked, “We’ve got a guaranteed empty common room, drinks, music and a buzzing party atmosphere…”

“THAT MY GIRL!” James shouted swooping Lily up into a bear hug,

“No, she’s not.” Remus teasingly reminded him, sticking his tongue out and receiving a scowl from James. The party would continue, but with the seven of them and Marlene thought that tonight, she’d prefer it this way. 

***

Remus loved Queen, this album especially; he and Sirius listened to it repeatedly over the Summer, and although it was new, Remus new every lyric of every song. Remus was now tipsy enough to watch Sirius dance and sway his hips without caring how obvious his fixed gaze on the boy was. He was lazily perched on the arm of the maroon armchair casually sipping his drink whilst thinking of all the things he’d love to do right then to Sirius black.

“Dance with me, Mooonnyyy!” Sirius pleaded as he came over from the fireplace, “C’moonnnn, this is our soooonngg!” He tugged at Remus’s shirt and grinned, his dark eyes fixing on Remus’s and it took all Remus’s power to not grab Sirius by the neck and overpoweringly snog him right there; so, there was none left to resist a dance.

They sauntered onto the rug in the centre of the room, Sirius still pulling Remus by his shirt, “We can do the tango just for twooo, I can serenade and gently play on your heart strings…” Sirius began, it was pitchy but beautiful, anything coming from Sirius Black’s mouth was beautiful.

Less reluctantly than he would be sober, Remus joined in, feeling his friends in the common room drift away from him, all apart from the raven-haired boy dancing in front of him, he grinned and laughed as they span around each other; oblivious to the others around them,

“Just take me back to yours that will be fine!” Sirius sang and rolled his head back, exposing his adam’s apple. _Christ_.

“ooh love—”

“--there he goes again—” Remus smiled manically, letting the music absorb him, feeling nothing but pure adoration for Sirius.

“—ooh love—"

“he’s my good old fashioned loverboooyyy!!”

“What you doing tonight, hey boy,  
Everything’s alright just hold on tight,  
That’s because im a good old fashioned--” they collectively inhaled, “LOVERBOYYY!”

The track ended and they seemed to reluctantly float back to reality, their friends all had identical grins plastered across their flushed faces, except maybe Marlene, hers was lopsided.

“Wow. I think it’s taken me six years to see Moony _properly_ dance!” James scoffed.

“Shuddup, wanker!” Remus playfully shoved him, and James pushed him back.

“No, seriously! You’re not half bad y’know. Do it again!” James demanded. Shaking his head, Remus laughed as though it was the funniest thing that he’d heard all night.

“No!”

“Oh go’on! I reckon—OH I LOVE THIS ONE!” James screamed as ‘ _Somebody to love’_ echoed through the common room, he had promptly jumped on the table and swiftly charmed his wand into a microphone so he was almost as loud as the track blasting off the record player, “Ah got no common sense, no body left to believe in!” James sang, he wasn’t bad – could even be good if he hadn’t been drinking. Commanding the room, they all gathered at the table, “I JUST GOTTA GET OUT OF THIS PRISON CELL, SOME DAY IM GONNA BE FREE OH LORD!”

The rest of them joined in, starting quiet along with the track,

“find me somebody to love...”

“Somebody!” James started,

“SOMEBODY!” They chanted in unison.

“Somebody!”

“SOMEBODY!” they repeated until the belting built into a glorious crescendo of sound “CAN ANYBODY FIND MEEEEE, somebody to LOOVVEE!!”

The sheer volume gave Remus goose-bumps across his pale skin, such an amazing, _amazing_ group of people; what could he have possibly done to deserve this? 

If he hadn’t of cast the silencing charm himself earlier this evening, he would have been worried they would have broken, somehow. The racket only grew louder after James’s commanding performance, the dancing more aggressive and constant, and his desire and desperation for Sirius had reached an unbearable peak.

“Dorm room. Five minutes.” Remus demanded into Sirius’s silky black hair, when no-one was watching before quickly disappearing up the spiral stairs and into their dorm. Not even two minutes later, Sirius had opened the large wooden door and swiftly closed it behind him. Urgently, Remus paced over to him in two large strides then cupped his face; pinning Sirius back against the door he entered through seconds earlier, kissing him passionately, desperately.

“Fucking hell, Moony.” Sirius gasped breathlessly, undoing the buttons on Remus’s shirt.

“Shut up.” Remus commanded, fiercely undoing Sirius shirt as he kissed his sharp jaw and neck, moving down to his knees, fiddling open Sirius’ belt buckle with his long skinny fingers. Sirius pulled Remus back up to his feet and kissed him urgently, edging them both to the bed.

Remus playfully shoved him onto the mattress and straddled him, knees either side of Sirius’s hips; Bending over Sirius’s naked torso, Remus traced a line with his tongue from Sirius’s slender neck down to his naval and Sirius failed to stifle a gasp.

Remus’s shirt was now removed and Sirius was working on the belt when the door to their room flew open so violently they both sprang apart from each other as if on fire. Quickly, Remus grabbed his shirt and threw it over his head, as a girl with shockingly blonde hair sprinted to their bathroom and promptly threw up in the toilet.

“MARLENE? What the fuck are you okay?!” Remus asked, running over to the door of the bathroom and instinctively pulling her hair into a ponytail at the back of her head as she retched over the toilet bowl.

Remus looked to Sirius in panic, Sirius mirrored the same look with a shrug and dashed to the door scrambling on his clothes over his boxers. Remus nodded his head towards the door in _a get-out-I-don’t-know-if-she’s-seen-you-yet_ kind of look. Sirius understood immediately and clambered down the stairs back toward the party.

“Shit. I’m _so_ sorry, Remus!” Marlene spluttered, coughing and wiping her mouth with the back of her hand.

“Don’t worry, love. Look… _Scourgify_. All cleaned up, eh?” Remus reassured, rubbing her back and trying to appear calm as his insides panicked and rampaged about his body.

She forced a smile and thanked him, “I’m sorry, really! I knew I was going to be sick and the boys were closer than the girls, I didn’t- I didn’t mean to er- interrupt. I’m really sorry.” She gushed. _Shit_. She had seen. Clearly noting the panic on his face, she hurriedly continued, “Oh Remus! I won’t tell anyone I promise!” 

_Still_ , someone knew. Remus thought he might be sick too, what would Sirius do? Would he end it? Whatever this thing between them was? Surely not. “Marls…”

“Remus, I don’t give two shits if you’re queer! Or well… I don’t know… just messing about? Whatever you were doing, I really don’t mind, but I’ll keep it secret.” She reassured him.

For his first time (except Sirius) his coming out didn’t go to plan, he felt overwhelmed with panic; “I need a fag.” He muttered and Marlene swiftly stood up, offering one from a box in her pocket. “Cheers.” He nodded, accepting one, “Better not, in here. James’ll go bonkers.”

They climbed out the window of his dorm and sat on the roof overlooking the castle’s grounds twinkling in the moonlight. He lit his cigarette and inhaled slowly, watching the smoke drift off into the darkness of the night.

“I mean it, Remus. That stuff doesn’t bother me.” He could feel her gaze fixed on him but daren’t look her in the eye, he didn’t think he’d ever be able to again.

“Well it will bother some people.” He replied, not really knowing what else to say.

“I’m sure it won’t bo—”

“You don’t know that!” Remus snapped. He didn’t mean to, she was being nice, supportive. “Sorry.”

“No. _I’m_ sorry, it’s my fault for drinking too much anyway and storming in your room n throwing up all over your bathroom,” She paused, taking an inhale from her cigarette. “My lips are sealed Remus you can forget I was ever here.”

He smiled and felt slightly relieved, maybe it was the smoking or maybe it’s because he knew Marlene was such a good friend that she would be true to her promise. “Thanks Marlene, Really.”

“The view is better here.” She said, “I go on the girl’s roof sometimes but it pretty boring, just forest.”

“Mhm.” Remus agreed, thankful for the change of subject but not really knowing how to reply. After a few long aching moments of silence, Remus felt the sudden need to talk, which had almost never happened before, “It’s kinda nice someone knows.”

“I bet. How longs it been going on for?” She asked casually.

“Well kinda figured out I was queer in 4th Year; everyone had been talking about snogging for like a year and dating and I just never had an interest in it, and a muggle girl kissed me once, but I felt fuck-all. Thought I was a late bloomer. But then Christmas of ’75 rolled round, and I was staying at the Potters with all the marauders, Sirius complained about James snoring and came to sleep with me one night and that’s when I knew for sure. Felt this need to kiss him, hard… Which I hadn’t got before… I always admired him y’know and I thought it was normal, I would _say Oh I’m so jealous of Sirius Black and I’m so jealous of his lips and eyes and body,_ but I was just convincing myself you get me? I didn’t want to have Sirius’s features, I wanted to have Sirius. Any way it didn’t go away and it got to a point last year that I couldn’t stop thinking about him so I just kissed him and he was a real dick but then over the summer we started messing about a bit and--”

Remus abruptly cut himself off, he hadn’t the faintest idea why he just said all of that, poured his big gay heart out to Marlene McKinnon on the fucking roof, she stared at him stunned. _Shit. Fuck. I’ve said too much_ he thought _, she just wanted an answer like ‘bouta year’ not a whole monologue about my inner workings._

He finally made eye contact with her for the first time all evening, she looked completely astonished, speechless.

As if on the cusp of speaking she opened her mouth but then instead of forming words; she suddenly leant forward and kissed him, hard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs in this chapter:  
> Good Old Fashioned Lover Boy - Queen  
> Somebody to Love - Queen
> 
> Thank you to everyone who has read this far, hope you all are well! Please leave a comment if you feel like, it would be much appreciated! xx


	3. Dawning and Denial

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after...

As Remus had so eloquently described, Marlene felt ‘fuck-all’; after a few moments, Remus pulled away first and Marlene was hit with shocking realisation of what she had just done, unable to move, unable to form a coherent thought; Marlene gaped at him speechless. She was hit with too many complicated emotions to comprehend, but one thought that seemed to be standing out in all directions was: _What. The. Fuck._

Confused, Remus stared at her; she was worried he would be angry but he didn’t look it; he looked baffled and slightly concerned, his mouth still slightly agape and his eyebrows pointed downward, creasing his forehead as he stumbled for words…

“Marls… I er- Well, Im sorry but… urm.” Remus started, clearly hoping Marlene would explain so he wouldn’t have to continue, Marlene couldn’t; she didn’t know what to say. She still had too many thoughts swarming her, taking over her mind until she had trouble breathing and her vision clouded.

“Marls?” His voice was much further away than he was, it echoed and drifted through the air between them. “Marlene?!” He scooted over the roof next to her and held her tightly against him, her breath was an inconsistent stutter as if all the oxygen in the air had been sucked away from her. “It’s okay! I’m sorry, I was just shocked! Are you okay?!”

Marlene didn’t remember much after that.

***

5th September 1976

On Sunday, Marlene did not go down to breakfast. Instead, she lay under her covers with her curtains drawn around her, trying to make sense of last nights events. Luckily, no-one would suspect anything, blame it on the hangover. Although she felt dreadful after drinking and throwing most of it up over the boy’s bathroom, she felt even worse about what happened afterwards and while she had thrown up by then and was almost sober, it was still fuzzy and she made a list in her head to help figure it out.

  1. _She wanted to get wasted, and she did._
  2. _She found Remus and Sirius snogging naked, but then threw up._
  3. _Sirius left, Remus took care of her, he was worried about her seeing but she told him she didn’t care._
  4. _They went on the roof for a fag._
  5. _Remus relaxed and spoke for a while and Marlene started panicking._
  6. _Remus was gay and describing feelings all too familiar._
  7. _Marlene kissed Remus._
  8. _Marlene felt nothing._
  9. _Marlene was queer._



No, no she wasn’t. She was completely and utterly hammered last night, and Remus was confusing her. He was talking about familiar feelings but that meant _nothing_. He was attracted to men so if Marlene felt similar then surely that means she is too. As for the kiss, Marlene had only been kissed once in third year and felt the same thing that Remus explained; but that was just because she really was a late bloomer.

She felt absolutely nothing again. There was many reasonable explanations for this: Remus was her friend and she felt no attraction to him whatsoever and he felt none toward her; she could just be a really, _really_ late bloomer; she was drunk out of her mind, minutes before; or could it just be…

“Alright in there, sweetheart?” Mary’s voice rang through the curtains.

“Mhm.” Marlene groaned back through the covers of her duvet.

“Brought you up some toast, fancy a walk?” Ugh she was such a good mate, how could Marlene refuse. She threw back the cover and opened her maroon curtains, revealing a beam of sunlight from outside and she squinted her eyes shut as her head throbbed. “There ya go, love.” Mary smiled, holding out a clean tissue wrapped around three slices of toast with jam. 

Quickly, Marlene got dressed and they headed to the grounds and strolled around the deep blue lake that beautifully glistened, reflecting the rays of the beaming sun.

“I’d better head to the library. Got some reading to do before classes start tomorrow.” Marlene said after about an hour of walking.

“Course! I might join ya in a bit, but that Ravenclaw – Creevy, He wanted to meet me today, so I’ll catch you later, eh?” Mary said, walking of in the opposite direction.

“Okay, have fun. But not _too_ much!” Marlene called after her.

“No promises!” Mary replied, throwing a wicked grin and a wink over her shoulder. Marlene rolled her eyes and slowly trudged off towards the castle.

Although she had many, the library was one of her favourite places in Hogwarts, so rich and deep with thick knowledge of all sorts, and often a comfortable quiet place for focusing and revising, which was a rarity at a boarding school.

Without thinking, Marlene darted straight through the bookshelves to the large wooden desk in the back that they always revised at, it was quiet and far away enough from Madam Pince that they didn’t have to talk in hushed voices. When Marlene swiftly approached the table, she begrudgingly found it occupied.

“Hey, McKinnon!” Sirius welcomed, moving the books and parchment aside and clearing a space, although most of it was Remus’ study material; Sirius looked as if he was just lounging beside him for moral support.

Marlene very much wanted to turn away and head up to the common room, but considering they had both already seen her and she _did_ need to revise; she decided against being a rude prat and leisurely slumped opposite them, routinely resting her bag on the corner of her wooden chair.

She didn’t speak at first, just anxiously smiled back at Sirius and took out her Transfiguration Level 6 Textbook. After a few seconds of awkward silence, Sirius had disappeared to find a book, leaving Marlene and Remus alone for the first time since last night; now she really wanted to leave.

Remus finally looked up from his school work and softly focused his gaze on Marlene under his long dark eyelashes and curly mousy hair that delicately fell in front of his eyes, the streaks of diverse coloured strands illuminated from the glowing sun that was filtering through the old window panes. Remus breathed deeply and broke the agonising silence.

“Marls I… I haven’t told anyone if that’s what your worried about.”

“Oh.” Marlene replied, “No, I wasn’t actually but now you mention it would you mind not saying anything… I get it if you have to tell Sirius or…”

“No.” He promptly replied. “No, I don’t have to. Don’t worry. He’s snogging birds left, right and centre every sodding minute anyway. He can’t get mad.”

“Oh right…Thanks.” Marlene murmured, she’d been so busy rapidly failing to process her own thoughts, that she’d had scarcely thought about Sirius’s and Remus’s relationship, which now that she was, she couldn’t make sense of it… Didn’t Sirius have a girlfriend? Yes, and she was bloody annoying.

“But- Well, I dunno Its just…” Remus started, “I’m flattered but er, I don’t think...” lowered his voice to a low grumbling whisper that was quiet even for the library, “I _am_ gay like _completely_ —”

“I don’t fancy you, Remus.” Marlene interrupted, not being able to bear watching him struggle to find the words, as if _he_ was the one that had to explain himself.

“…Oh…Right.” Remus replied, looking slightly puzzled and slowly opened his mouth to speak but then closed it again.

“I was just really bloody hammered. I’m so sorry, I really owe you an explanation, but I don’t really have one… sorry.” Marlene spluttered, hoping it would satisfy him but then she really couldn’t find one worthy of quenching her thirst for normality and practical logic.

“Y-Yeah, course… okay.”

“I’m really sorry.” Marlene said, apologetically looking at him, now she was losing one of her dearest friends, all because of heightened curiosity then felt tears of an unknown source slowly glossing her shimmering blue eyes. _No, Merlin No. Not now!_

“It’s okay, Marls. Really.” Remus replied, reaching out to gently touch her hand on the desk and she smiled back at him. “All is forgotten… but would you mind not saying anything about yknow…”

“Of course! I meant it, I really don’t care, I won’t say a thing.” Marlene replied.

“Thanks, Marls,” Remus smiled, “oh and, I told Sirius you didn’t see… so like just try not to mention It in front of him either.”

“Er- Right okay. Yeah whatever you need.” She smiled, growing even more confused about the boys’ dynamic but choosing to respectfully withhold her queries.

Sirius joyfully reappeared from the opposite side of the large library, holding a thick and dusty book, that he dramatically threw on the table that knocked over the pot of jet-black ink beside Remus, causing his work to drown in a sea of darkness.

“Padfoot! You bastard!”

“My apologies, Moony. But look at _this_.” Sirius excitedly gestured to the ancient book and Remus rolled his still slightly irritated hazel eyes before indulging in the mischief that Sirius was no doubt planning for, he would never be this excited about schoolwork. Unbothered about Sirius’s plans, Marlene turned back to her unexciting textbook and read deeply for a good hour or so.

“Oh Marls! They were giving out timetables at breakfast this morning and I grabbed yours for ya.” Remus exclaimed, whilst rummaging around in his oversized brown jacket and withdrawing a neatly folded parchment, “There you go.” He slid the paper over. “Still find it mental that’s you and Evans picked potions.”

“Got to. Requirement for Healer’s school.” Marlene explained, opening her timetable and scanned her eyes to Monday – double charms, herbology, potions and double defence against the dark arts. “Eh I’ve got a decent day tomorrow, minus potions.”

“We’ve all got Charms and Transfiguration together...” Remus stated, comparing all three of their timetables.

“Oh, and defence against the dark arts!” Sirius added. “And that’s it…”

“No, we’ve got History of Magic on Wednesday, Padfoot.” Remus corrected.

“Ah, wicked okay. Still don’t know how you tricked me into doing that.”

“I hope the new teachers are okay.” Marlene supposed.

“Same here, DADA is always pot-luck.”

“Yeah, I liked Professor Framick, why’d he ‘ave to leave?!” Sirius whined. Marlene and Remus murmured in agreement. “Fancy heading down for some lunch?”

“Yeah bloody starving.” Remus complained.

“Course you are.” Sirius retorted, hitting him on the arm, playfully.

“Oi! You brought up food! I wouldn’t--”

“Quiet or OUT!” Madam Pince appeared over a bookshelf, pointing a long bony finger toward the exit. They muttered their apologies and set off down the grand moving staircases toward the great hall. Marlene was more at ease knowing that (almost) all was resolved and that everything was back to normal with Remus, she felt quite content as she sauntered into the hall for lunch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, A lot of Marlene POV so far; Remus will get his time to shine in a minute! xx


	4. The Boggart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the first day of lessons and Defence Against the Dark Arts gets slightly out of hand.  
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: Violent Imagery  
> Brief suicidal thoughts.   
> Blood, gore ect.

“LEAVE ME ALONE, POTTER YOU TOSSER!”

“NO! I WON’T LET YOU BE LATE ON THE FIRST BLOODY DAY!”

“AUGH!” Sirius cried as James ripped open the curtains of Sirius’s bed, in which he was still splayed out, face muffled in his pillow and limbs dangling off the side of the mattress.

A pillow was thrown from the depths of Sirius’s bed and harshly hit James on the back of the head. “OI!”

Remus rolled his eyes, stretched and headed to the bathroom for a quick and bracing shower. Once clean and dressed (no matter how uncomfortable it was getting dressed in a steamy, stuffy bathroom, Remus would take that any day if it meant he could avoid showcasing his scars to his closest friends in broad daylight,) he re-entered to find Sirius still spread across the bed. James and Peter had clearly got tired of trying and had most likely left for breakfast.

“ _Siriussss,”_ Remus poked his stomach over the airy duvet, “C’mon. Prongs is right you can’t be late on the first day.” He tugged at his arm, only to get a muffled moan of response.

“ _We_ can be late though.” Sirius grumbled, wrapping a strong arm around Remus’s lean waist and pulling him in. The offer was tempting, but Remus knew better and mustered up every last bit of will power.

“No. We can’t, Pads.” Remus said, sharply, overpowering Sirius, withdrawing and heading for the door, If James couldn’t do it, Remus definitely couldn’t.

“Where you going?” Sirius huffed, finally sitting up.

“Breakfast then Charms.”

“Okay, Okay, give me a sec, I’m coming.” Sirius trudged off to the bathroom, still half asleep.

***

“Blimey, Moony! How’d you do that?!” James scoffed, nodding at the sleepwalking Sirius, with mouth full of porridge.

“Threatened him with loneliness.” Remus supplied, sitting next to Lily and hungrily grabbing some bacon. The full moon was two days away and it’s ever nearing proximity made Remus ravenous and constantly on edge. _Why has it got to be at the very start of term?_ He pitied himself.

“Yeah me and Wormy did that but the prick didn’t move.”

“I’m still here.” Sirius grumbled.

“What can I say, Prongs. I’m irresistible.” Remus laughed.

“Too right.” James agreed. “Don’t know why I bother trying for Lily if you’re gonna go and sit next to her, handsome sod.”

“Don’t know why you bother at all.” Lily retorted; James made a dramatic _oof_ sound as he clutched an invisible wound in his chest caused by the harsh words of his greatest love.

“It’ll pay off one day, darling. This will be a lovely joke we laugh about in our wedding speeches and recall to our litter of children.” James battered his eyelashes.

“In your dreams, Potter.”

“Precisely!” James manically smiled as Lily unhurriedly stood, he acted completely unbothered by the brutal and constant rejection.

“I’m going to Charms.” She said, floating out of the hall with a thick ponytail of flaming hair bouncing behind her.

James rested his head on his knuckles as he soppily watched her leave. “She’s starting to like me y’know.”

“Sure thing, Prongs.” Peter laughed, slapping him on the back.

The rest of the first day passed in agonising sluggishness, all of the lessons Remus had attended that morning had started in the exact manor as the rest; a long and repeated speech about the importance of NEWTs and how imperative it is that students stay focused on their studies.

Although this year was different from his past five at Hogwarts, Remus had picked subjects that interested him; which after the restlessness of the ever-nearing full moon passed, would make lessons all that much more bearable. However, he did feel slightly disheartened that he didn’t have a specific direction for his life and career. Lily and Marlene had both taken a steady interest in Healing, Marlene would even help Madame Pomfrey once or twice a week. James was devoted to quidditch and was bloody good at it too, Peter probably had a cushy job at the ministry waiting patiently with his name on it. Mary always said her mum wanted her to get a muggle job but knowing Mary she’d figure something out to become a successful celebrity and Sirius was always able to land on his feet. Remus had nothing, no idea of his future profession, no idea of his hobbies.

After lunch, the seven of them had all taken Defence Against the Dark arts and were all eager to meet the new teacher, so excitedly left the table early and swiftly headed to their classroom.

When they arrived, they were surprised to see that they where not the only students who had the thought process; almost all the class was lined up against the dingy stone wall, chattering excitedly. The large dark door swung open to reveal a tall, bulky bald man with a stern face. Everyone fell silent at once. The intimidating man’s expression softened and morphed into a contrastingly wide grin.

“Oh, excellent! You’re all ‘ere early! Come in, come in!” He gestured into the classroom as he politely stepped out the way to allow students to filter in.

As they were the last ones in, they reluctantly chose the last remaining table at the front of the dark classroom and Remus sat in-between Mary and James.

“Hey, Folks. I’m Professor Randal but am not fussed ‘bout what you call me. Now, I reckon you lot ‘ave had an earful this morning about NEWTs but it’s the first day so I fink we ought to do somefin fun, eh?”

Everyone nodded cautiously, furtively looking around at their peers, each as confused as the other. Professor Randal had a strangely contrasting personality to his stern appearance and harsh deep voice, he seemed like one of the nicest DADA teachers they had ever had, except Remus knew not to blindly trust someone off an introduction.

“Okay. Anyone any ideas what I got in ‘ere?” He rested his hand on a vibrating trunk beside him, as something inside squirmed and wriggled to be free of its dark and condensed prison. No one raised their hands, and Randal looked slightly disappointed but continued in a cheery manner.

“None of ya? …Alright. Guess It’s been a while since you’ve seen one, so I’ll let it slip. This, ladies and gents, is a boggart, came across how to defend yourself against one third year I believe, but now we entering NEWTs Level, we gonna amp it up a tad, but first I fink you gonna have to refresh your memories and repel one, yeah? Okay make two lines, remember the spell is _ridikkulous_. Then we’ll move onto how to use a boggart to attack and use to your advantage.”

As instructed, the class made two lines of eight, since last year the size in classes were even smaller, now only housing a maximum of twenty students. Remus managed to squirm out of having to face his deepest fear in third year, but now he was thinking that would be almost impossible.

Randal quickly threw open the curved wooden lid of the trunk and two swirling balls of moving air twisted to the front of the two lines and started rapidly transforming into a variety of objects. Mary was up first, and the boggart twitched and shifted into an isolated crippled old lady, with distinctly brown eyes and large black hair, littered with strands of grey – although most definitely a few decades older, it was clearly Mary. The lady cried and sat alone staring at a photo frame, tears dropping and staining the glass.

“RIDIKKULOUS!” Mary screeched, the old lady burst into a glittering sequin dress and red heels, dancing with a group of people looking much happier now surrounded by a group of friends.

Mary’s anxious look faded as she smiled and quickly ran to the back of the queue. Marlene’s boggart had transformed the old lady and her friends into a small, ivory envelope with a red stamp on the back. It floated upwards and opened itself, revealing a short letter inside with one word in particular standing out in big, bold ink – **REJECTED**.

Marlene’s expression flickered slightly as she harshly swallowed and shouted a shaky “ridikkulous!” Her voice sounded tender and fragile but instantly cheered up as the letter floated down, burning to ash and a cute and tiny kitten erupted from the smouldering pile. She did the same as Mary and jogged to the back, and the two girls started mindlessly chattering.

James approached next, still managing to maintain that confident James Potter strut, the kitten grew large and slowly morphed into a mossy and cracked gravestone, surrounded by overgrown greenery, the names ‘Euphemia and Fleamont Potter’ etched into the withering stone. Any composure James had left was sucked out of him with the speed of a bludger as he quickly squeaked “Ridikkulous!” With a harsh thrust of his wand.

The gravestone flicked to a white frosted wedding cake, delicately decorated with fondant flowers and lace, along with icing figures of a dark-haired boy and a ginger girl placed on top, with the names ‘James and Lily’ in cursive along the bottom. Remus couldn’t help but laugh when James turned around to shoot Lily with a wicked wink and she, for the first time in her life, looked speechless and almost turned as red as her hair.

The grin dropped off Remus’s face at an instant, as James left Remus standing directly in front of the wedding cake.

“It’ll be alright mate, just do it quick.” James reassured with a friendly and anxious smile, before making his way to the back of the queue.

Remus tried to breath as his heart expanded and invaded the space his lungs would normally occupy. The wedding cake shivered as he approached, the white icing of the cake through itself up into the air and formed an extremely full moon, the room engulfed itself in darkness as black as ink and the light of the glowing moon illuminated the two figures on top of the cake that fell to the ground and smashed, turning into the mangled slaughtered corpses of James, Peter and Sirius, their throats torn out and eyes unfocused. Remus saw himself towering over them, his face and hands drowning in the blood of his dead friends.

 _It’s not real. It’s not real._ He repeated as he turned around to look at his perfectly healthy friends, but they were not there, consumed by the darkness. Remus started hyperventilating as he urgently searched his empty mind for the simple spell that would get rid of it, he knew it, he did. “Ri-Ridikkulous!” He cried, aiming his wand at the other version of himself. Boggart-Remus did not move but looked directly at Remus and transformed into the wolf then aggressively snarled as he lunged forward and sunk his long teeth into the stomach of boggart-Sirius, ripping his flesh apart destructively.

“NO! NO PLEASE STOP! S- STOP!” Remus was sobbing now, unable to form a proper breath, “R-ri-RIDIKKULOUS!” The wolf continued to gnaw away at his friends’ corpses. _This wasn’t supposed to be happening! He had said the spell!_

“NO, STOP IT!” MAKE IT STOP!” Remus wept, falling to his knees. “NO!” He raised his wand again, “RIDIKKULOUS!” More blood. Distant screams of Lily, Marlene, Mary… “R-Ridikkulous!” _WHY WASN’T IT WORKING!?_

Unable to form a coherent thought, he couldn’t answer his own question, but suddenly Sirius’s voice sounded inside his head, ‘ _Think of something funny, Moony. Do it for me._ ’ It told him. Incapable of doing anything except follow the instructions, Remus thought of the only thing he could, “RIDDIKULOUS!”

The grotesque scene in front of him was promptly sucked into a section of air that gracefully fell into the shape of a cartoon. It was an old drawing Peter sketched in second year of all seven of Remus’s closest friends. The artwork was truly shocking and unproportionate but he loved it with his entire being, he loved the way James’ teeth were bigger than Marlene’s eyes, how Mary’s hair took up a significant quarter of the image but most of all he loved how safe that image made him feel at the time, that he had people who really cared about him. He was accepted.

The light had been restored to the classroom, Remus was still on his knees desperately looking at the cartoon on the parchment before it was slapped into the trunk by Professor Randal, Sirius was at Remus’s side in an instant, but Remus couldn’t hear him, just echoed speech in a vast world distanced from him own.

“YOU TWO OUTSIDE NOW!” Professor Randal cried, pointing at Remus and Sirius, which finally broke Remus’s focus slightly. As he shuffled past his concerned group of friends out into the dark corridor, his eyes remained unfocused and glossy with sharp tears.

“What on EARTH did you think you were doing Mr Black?!” The teacher screamed, his stern face finally matching the attitude. Sirius who had been holding Remus up, released him and started on the professor,

“I WAS TRYING TO MAKE SURE NO ONE SAW!”

“Do not raise your voice at me, young man.”

“BUT—”

“DO NOT!”

“What happened?” Remus asked, trying to make sense on why Randal would be mad at Sirius. _Remus_ was the monster, the monster that fifteen other people just saw in its worst form, ripping apart his classmate’s flesh.

“I cast an invisibility charm, I--”

“Your friend, Mr Black here. Cast an invisibility charm, unexperienced—”

“I read about them!”

“NOT ENOUGH.” Randal shouted.

“I dunno what happened, Moony. I cast it and it formed like a barrier, w-we couldn’t get to you.” Sirius stuttered.

“It’s called an Obice.” The professor explained, “Happens when you fail to produce a cloaking charm, instead of creating a wall to hide, it creates a wall to lock.”

“Did- Did it work though?” Remus stammered.

“ _Work?”_ The professor questioned; Remus nodded. _It not that fucking hard. did they see me being a murderer or not?_ He thought. “Well, in a manner of speaking yes. Most of the students did not see what was happening under the barrier.”

“Well then what’s the issue?” Remus asked, bluntly. He still felt drained, unfocused and dirty - untouchable.

“Mr Lupin! You where out of your depth! I was unable to repel the bogart myself, Mr Black interfered with your safety!”

“I’m glad he did.” Remus snapped. He should be dead. Everyone would be better for it; he’d kill himself right there if anyone had seen it. “…But you saw it?” he cautioned.

“Yes, Mr Lupin. My experience is too great to be muffled by a lousy first attempted cloaking spell.” He paused, “I assume Mr Black will have seen it too, as the caster?”

“Yeah, I did.” Sirius muttered. Remus felt as though his insides had been replaced with sand, Sirius saw- oh god he was going to be sick. Remus raised a sweaty hand to his swaying and unusually heavy head, hoping to balance it and stop the dizziness, his hand fell to cover his mouth when Remus realised, he couldn’t breathe.

Stumbling against the wall, he slid down onto the cold stone floor and watched with dotted vision as Sirius and Randal tried to support him, but Remus flinched, how dare they touch him - a filthy murderous monster. They spoke rapidly at him, but Remus couldn’t hear their words just watched their mouths open and close until it all faded black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Remus, Sorry for that one, folks.


	5. Obice Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus has made up his mind, no-one can change it now.  
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: No direct warnings but still not pleasant, don't worry though, not quite as graphic as the last chapter.

“Oh, Remus dear you’re awake.” Madam Pomfrey rushed over and replaced the flannel on his forehead with a cooler one. “You alright, darling?”

No. He wasn’t. He had just seen the reality of his furry little problem and felt as though he had been living in an oblivious dream state his whole life, never quite realising just how serious and dangerous he was.

And Sirius…Oh Sirius. He would never want to go near Remus again, seeing himself being ripped apart and— Remus was going to cry. He sucked back his tears, breathed in deeply and tried to reply as steadily as he could.

“No.” There was no point being dishonest to Madam Pomfrey, she could smell a lie a mile off.

“Want to talk about it?”

“No.”

“Remus—”

“No. I’m going to bed, I’ll see you tomorrow afternoon, Madame Pomfrey.” He was still in his uniform and had only been sat on top of the bed, so quickly he got up to leave.

“Moony!” Sirius exclaimed as Remus exited, he had been leaning against the wall outside the hospital wing, Remus’s eyes widened in surprise. He’d been expecting a little time to prepare himself for the heartbreak, but he braced himself ready for Sirius to- “Thank Merlin you’re alright! Are you okay?!”

“I-… What?! _Me_?!” 

“Yes, _you_.” Sirius looked concerned, not scared. _Why was he not scared?_ This might be worse than him leaving. Remus scoffed and set off toward the common room with long wide paces, making Sirius almost jog to keep up with him. “Hey, hey! Moony?! What’s up?!”

“WHAT’S UP?!” Remus stopped in his tracks.

“Okay, wrong choice of words. I just- You scared me to death Moony!”

“Good! You should be scared of me, Sirius!” Remus was walking fast again.

“No! Not like that! never like that, Remus!”

“Like what then?!” Remus snapped.

“I COULDN’T GET TO YOU! YOU WHERE ALL ALONE IN THAT STUPID BUBBLE I MADE! I SAW YOU—” His voice broke.

“ _That’s_ what scared you?! Not me _murdering_ —”

“That wasn’t you!”

“Yes, it was, Padfoot! It’s exactly what I am! _Who_ I am!” They had reached the common room, stepping through the portrait hole still bickering, they were met with Peter, James, Mary, Marlene and Lily eagerly waiting their return, all tired and slumped but upon seeing the boys entering, straightened and jumped to their feet,

“No, it _isn’t_ , Moony!”

“Just Stop it, Padfoot!”

“NO, IT’S ALL MY FAULT FOR CASTING IT!”

“I’M GLAD YOU CAST IT!”

“BUT YOU—"

“OI! QUIT IT!” James bellowed. Remus had almost never heard James shout before except maybe giving quidditch orders. Apparently neither had anyone else as everyone stared at him. “Are you okay, Remus?” he continued.

“I’m fine but—”

“Great.” James interrupted, “Then I think we’d all better get a good night’s rest, it’s the full moon tomorrow and—” 

“YOU ARE _NOT_ COMING WITH ME TOMORROW!” Remus yelled.

“Remus—” Lily started.

“No, there’s no way!”

“You’re being stupid, Moony!” Sirius exclaimed.

“NO IM NOT!”

“WE’VE DONE IT FOR YEARS! NOTHING’S CHANGED! A STUPID BOGGART SHOULDN’T CHANGE THINGS!”

Remus collected himself, he really wanted to get away. Or argue. Arguing felt good. “You’re not coming with me. End of.”

“This is crazy, Remus!” James started, “I don’t know what you saw, but we’ve done it loads of times now! Nothings gonna happen!”

“We’ve been naïve, Prongs! You’ve been putting yourselves in danger for no reason! I’m not risking it!”

“Risking what?! For fucks sake, you’re not gonna kill us, Moony!" Sirius stated.

“I MIGHT!” Remus was burning with rage; _how could they not understand?! Sirius had even seen it with his own eyes!_ “OR WORSE I MIGHT BITE YOU AND GIVE YOU A LIFE OF ETERNAL SUFFERING AS A MUDEROUS BEAST!”

“REMUS!” Marlene and Mary screamed in sync.  
“MOONY!” Peter exclaimed.  
“DON’T YOU FUCKING DARE SAY THAT ABOUT YOURSELF!” James ordered.

“I AM! AND WE WERE ALL TOO STUPID TO REALISE! I’M A MONSTER! AND I’M NOT LETTING ANY OF YOU NEAR ME.” Remus stormed out, it was passed curfew, but he didn’t care. Swiftly, he paced the halls of the castle, he wouldn’t have slept anyway, the full moon always made him restless.

An hour later, he was perched on the bank of the lake, throwing stones into its dark depths as the almost full moon gracefully shone on the ripples to make the surface of the water look like elegant waves of silk.

“Hey.” A soft voice floated across the air and Remus sharply turned around to see a gentle and timid Marlene with her robes thrown over her pyjamas. “Thought you might want these.” She held out a box of cigarettes and Remus scoffed, but smiled and thanked her. “I get it if you want to be alone though.”

Remus considered this; he didn’t feel worthy of his friend’s company, but he also craved it and Marlene was being so nice, he thought it might be rude to send her away.

“No, it’s fine Marls, you can stay.” She mimicked his body language, sitting on the bank beside him and pulling her knees up to her chest. “I’m sorry I got so mad.”

“No, no Remus love. I didn’t come here to make you apologise, I just wanted you to know you’re not alone.”

He smiled at her, using all his willpower to not completely break down in tears, it had been a long day.

“I hate it when you talk about yourself like that though, Remus. The wolf- he doesn’t own you, okay? You shouldn’t put yourself down.”

Remus lit his cigarette and passed one to Marlene, lighting it for her as well.

“Whatever you saw today, Remus, whatever happened, it’s only a figment of your imagination. It’s not going to happen.”

“But it might.” Remus sniffed

“It won’t, darling. You’re our Remus.” Marlene smiled and Remus felt a pang of guilt. She wouldn’t be saying this if she saw the wolf today, if she saw _him_ today. “Do you want to talk about what you saw? A problem shared is a problem halved, I’ll just be your personal secret keeper.”

Marlene made sense, and perhaps if he told her it might scare her off which would hurt Remus but was necessary for her safety, for all their safety.

“I… There was the moon.” Remus started, his voice shaky and uneven. “A-And me - normal me after I had transformed.” She nodded, encouraging him on, without a flicker of change of emotion on her fair face, illuminated by the moonlight. “A-and all of them! They were all—” Remus had started crying, his mouth extra wet and thick with saliva as he tried to compose himself, struggling for breath for the hundredth time that day. “I killed them! I killed them all!” His shoulders began to shake and vibrate as he let the tears engulf him, stream down his cheeks and he buried his weeping head in his hands.

“Oh, love.” Marlene sighed, scooting closer to Remus and firmly enwrapping him in her slender arms, holding him tight and secure so he couldn’t drift away. “Let it out. It’s okay, let it _all_ out, darling.” Marlene affectionately rubbed his back while allowing him to pathetically sob into her shoulder.

***

8th September 1976

The atmosphere stayed cold and sharp throughout the unbearable lessons of Wednesday; After that night, Remus and Marlene had not spoken and it was agonizing Marlene at the punishment Remus was inflicting upon himself. In Transfiguration, she anxiously surveyed him for the duration of the lesson, she watched him steadfastly avoid eye-contact with anyone and only quietly speak one-worded answers when Professor McGonagall would pick him. He stared into his lap, playing with his long skinny fingers as his leg bobbed up and down under the table, repeatedly tapping his heel on the stone floor, his deep blue eyes distant and consistently full of self-hatred.

Dusk would be approaching in a few hours and Remus would be trudging down to the shack with Madame Pomfrey for a night of torture; Marlene couldn’t bare thinking of him in that state, and it would most likely be worse than usual if he didn’t have the marauders there with him.

After the lesson had finished, Remus wobblily stood and went to exit in his now usual brisk fashion. The last two days, James typically watched him leave with knitted eyebrows and worried glances but this time, Marlene saw him sternly place himself in front of Remus before he had time to exit. He took Remus’s bag off his shoulder and hauled it on his own, then placed his hand reassuringly on Remus’s arm.

“I’ll take this for you, mate. Should we go and get an early dinner?” He said gently. Marlene was worried Remus would refuse and he looked as though he was about to but then weakly closed his eyes and nodded once, allowing James to guide him down the hall.

They had their dinner in silence. All eyes worriedly watching Remus as he selectively picked at his meal, although Sirius was noticeably the most concerned; his un-flickering gaze never once lifted from Remus, not even to look at his own untouched food. Marlene thought he’d form a permanent wrinkle between his eyebrows if this went on much longer.

Marlene was always in the hospital wing at 5pm-9pm on a Wednesday, she would volunteer to help around the Hospital Wing and learn some tips from Madame Pomfrey. Tonight, she thought she would go with Remus and was sure Madame Pomfrey wouldn’t mind if she was a bit early. Remus had decided to drop his stuff of in Gryffindor tower first and despite everyone’s offers and protest, he said he could do it himself, so they just came with him instead.

The common room was littered with students revising and relaxing, as well as just chatting and James suggested they go up to their dorm. The girls came too as support and Marlene sat next to Peter on his bed, anxiously looking at Remus who already looked worn and weak. The room was silent for a while before Sirius broke out with a shaky voice,

“This is stupid!” He raised an exasperated hand to his temple and sighed, everyone looked up at him in anticipation. “We’ve done this so many times, Moony. And nothing has ever happened, why would it this time?”

“We’ve risked it enough times, no more.” Remus replied weakly.

“There’s no risk! It’s perfectly safe, it’s riskier being on your own!”

“There’s NOTHING perfectly safe about me, Padfoot!”

“Remus… just think about it.” Mary suggested,

“I have.” Remus replied immediately, standing up and heading for the door. Marlene swiftly stood too and dashed to the exit following Remus as he harshly slammed the door behind them. “You don’t have to come, McKinnon.” He snapped as they jogged down the staircase and into the common room.

“No worries, I would be going anyway.” She said, trying to keep her voice bubbly and gentle. His pace only quickened once they left the portrait hole and was marching down the hall and Marlene was practically running to keep up with his long strides. She felt the need to say something but didn’t know what could be met with the least resistance and resorted to just allowing him to walk in silence till they reached the hospital.

“Ah, Marlene! I’m glad you came early. I was wondering if you wanted to come to the shack to learn the necessary spells for a night like this?” The nurse suggested casually while locking up her office.

Marlene looked at Remus, she didn’t know if this was crossing a line and she slowly opened her mouth to ask but all that came out was a muffled stutter. Remus shrugged, looking too drained to formulate a retaliation.

“Er…O-okay.” Marlene stammered and followed Madame Pomfrey and Remus out into the chilly grounds, where the sky was losing its light and the moon almost rising. They reached the Whomping Willow and Marlene mindlessly trailed behind them as they entered a dark passageway that opened into a small old house that was wearing away in every corner, it was awful.

Remus gloomily sat on a creaking bed and twiddled his thumbs, staring at the dusty wooden floor. Marlene stayed beside Madame Pomfrey in the towering doorway, watching with pitiful eyes and a flare of hatred at the unjust world for allowing such a sweet boy such a cruel and tiresome fate.

“I’ll be back at dawn, Remus.” The nurse said gently. He nodded, not looking up from the floorboards.

“It’ll be okay.” Marlene added, feeling a desperate need to reassure him; the boy looked up and with one last weak nod and a faint smile as Madame Pomfrey closed the door leaving him alone inside.

“He’s locked in this place every month?” Marlene muttered, the nurse nodded, mirroring the disgust on Marlene’s face.

“I’m afraid we have no other choice…” Madame Pomfrey explained, and then began to show Marlene the procedure of multiple charms placed on the door and around the boarders of the shack. The routine usually took about three minutes but with having to explain each one, it ended up taking about fifteen; and in such time, the moon was glowing in the dark cloudless sky.

“And that last one just keeps it—” Madame Pomfrey’s explanation was interrupted as a soul-ripping scream echoed throughout the condensed walls of the passageway rendering Marlene frozen as the only movement of her body was the shiver of nerves that ran down her spine. It sounded again, an excruciating cry of agony and Marlene tightly screwed her eyes shut as she tried to shut the echo of pain out of her brain; her mouth was strangely dry and her stomach twisted into an uncomfortable knot as Remus’s repeated and desperate screams filled her entire being and Madame Pomfrey wordlessly dragged Marlene back up toward the castle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof, that was a rough one too: sorry for so much arguing but I think it's the only way Remus communicates efficiently.


	6. The First Full Moon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The marauders deal with the guilt of Remus's condition. Everyone's under a lot of stress so tension and emotions are running high and unpleasant.   
> CW: Injury, subconscious self harm (nothing outside usual full moon events)   
> Please be kind to yourself! x

Detecting how shaken Marlene was, Madame Pomfrey allowed her to retire for the night after they had reached the castle, excusing her to go back to the common room. When she reached it, she headed straight upstairs to the boys’ dormitory because she was sure Lily and Mary would still be in there as well.

“Blimey Marls!” Lily exclaimed as Marlene burst through the door, “You’re back early.” Marlene ignored her, instead hastily turning to the three boys and asking,

“Is it that bad? Every time? Does it hurt him that much?” Her voice was dazed, and Marlene only just realised she had been holding back tears and it felt as if a lump had formed deep in the back of her throat.

“What happened? Marlene, what happened?!” James panicked.

“I- Madame Pomfrey took me down there. To learn the spells and charms and I-I don’t know it must be some kind of training but… Godric! I had to lock him in that awful place like a fucking animal! And—” Her breath caught, and she really was crying now, tears sliding down her rosed cheeks.

“And what?!” Peter asked, sharply.

“I heard him - his screams, oh Merlin is it like that every time?!”

There was a pause as the three boys looked at each other and James spoke first, “Yes. It’s agonizing to hear, worse to watch.”

Marlene exhaled sharply and fell on the bed beside James, her hands clutched around the back of her neck.

“Shit. I didn’t even think the transformation would be painful.” Lily sighed, looking just as upset as Marlene.

“Course it fucking is, s’called the shrieking shack for a fucking reason, Evans!” Sirius snapped and started pacing the small dorm.

“Oi, watch it!” James growled at Sirius. But Marlene barely heard as the room was drowned out at the sudden realisation that hit her with the force of a bludger, how _could_ she have been so clueless? Remus was in the shack right now, and the only people that could help him where still here in this room, still in human form.

“Fuck!” Marlene yelled. “Can you not just go down now?”

“Not now you’ve cursed the bloody locking charm.” Sirius answered, throwing his hands in the air, exasperated.

“Oi, don’t you dare start on me, Black! I didn’t have a choice; you’re the one that locked him in with that boggart!”

Sirius recoiled and looked hurt as he accepted the insult.

“You wouldn’t actually go down, if you could?” Mary queried.

“Of course, we would!” Peter snapped.

“But he doesn’t want you to!” Lily replied, looking all annoyed, worried and scared.

“Doesn’t matter what he wants! Have you seen him? He’s full of self-hatred, what he wants isn’t what’s good for him! FUCK! We should have fought harder!” Sirius yelled, his voice cracking slightly, and he paced past the window and glanced at the shining full moon.

“No, we shouldn’t have forced him into anything.” James replied calmly.

“Are you mad, Prongs? Like it wasn’t your idea to go ahead becoming animagi even after Moony told us not to?!” Sirius recoiled.

“That was different! That…” James mumbled,

“What? Was to help him? And sitting here doing nothing while he rips himself to fucking shreds is helping?!” Sirius voice broke and he had started crying a little. Marlene had never seen Sirius Black cry. She didn’t like it. “McKinnon’s right! It’s all my fucking fault! If Randal could’ve just repelled that boggart, he wouldn’t have seen…”

“What _did_ he see, Pads?” Peter asked innocently. Sirius breathed in deep and responded gently.

“Us.”

“ _Us_?” James echoed.

“Yes us. Dead. After a full moon.” Sirius hastily explained and the room’s atmosphere grew even sharper and cold as Peter, Mary, James and Lily all blinked slowly and breathed deeply, processing the information. “So now he thinks he’s gonna kill us if we go near him but he’s gonna end up killing himself! He hasn’t been without Padfoot, Prongs and Wormtail since the beginning of fourth year and he’s grown a heck of a lot stronger since then!”

“Merlin, Sirius! I wish you told me what he’d seen before we let him go down there!” James exclaimed.

Sirius sat down and stopped pacing, burying his head in his hands and sniffing, “Its all my fault,” He cried, softly. Mary, who was also on his bed, shuffled beside Sirius then put her arm around him comfortingly.

“He’s going to be just fine, and by next month he’ll have forgotten it, eh? Then you three can go down and turn into those weird animals and keep him from hurting himself, mhm?” She said with an airy attempt at lightening the mood.

Three hours passed and the three girls were still in the boy’s dorm. Normally they would hang around their room anxiously pacing or sitting on Mary’s bed waiting until the animagi returned or until sleep selfishly stole their consciousness. This moon, the girls had Sirius, James and Peter with them for the first time since they knew about Remus’s condition; Marlene knew that the boys felt the same uselessness that she, Mary and Lily have felt every month.

 _‘Maybe we should just become illegal animagus too.’_ Mary had suggested one night before they had all drifted into sleep. Marlene still hadn’t completely given up on this thought, but she knew Remus didn’t need a bigger pack and it would be a lot of effort and cause a lot of unneeded trouble to be worth it. She also knew Remus would never let them risk their reputation for him.

The six of them were spread out around the small dorm, Sirius had been unwaveringly staring out the window for a few hours while Lily was accidently drifting of to sleep onto James’ shoulder who at any other time would have been thrilled to bits but his was clearly preoccupied with other matters.

Mary, Marlene and Peter had been sitting silently but even Peter looked as though he would fall asleep any moment. Mary’s head dipped as she leant back on Peter’s bed and Marlene knew she was already consumed by unconsciousness.

Marlene glanced over at Sirius who was still tense and unmoving, not showing the slightest display of exhaustion, she moved over to his and set beside him on the window ledge. “Hey.” She whispered,

“Hi.” He returned, still not moving his gaze from the moon, Marlene did the same as she thought that the glowing lunation could be extremely beautiful if the connotations weren’t so awfully dire.

“I’m sorry for what I said earlier… you shouldn’t blame yourself.” She started,

“No, you were right plus you did have to lock him in, if you didn’t that would be much worse.”

“Yeah…”

They sat in silence for a while and Marlene felt her eyes being pulled shut by darkness as it dragged her under into the bliss unconscious state.

“McKinnon! McKinnon wake up!” Sirius whispered loudly, shaking Marlene’s shoulders; she opened her eyes and scolded herself, _how could she have been so selfish as to give into the tempting sleep?_

“Shit, I’m sorry—”

“Madame Pomfrey sent a patronus! She said she needs you at the shack now!”

“What!?” Marlene whispered in a panicked tone, trying not to stir the others at this early hour. “Me?”

“Yes you! She’s never needed help before, Marlene. It must be bad.” Sirius confirmed her thoughts as she shimmied on her shoes and robe over her slept-in uniform.

“You don’t know that. It could just be this new practical teaching method she’s adopted.” Marlene suggested, searching for her wand.

“Not willing to take the chance. Let’s go.” Sirius replied.

“Oh no you don’t, Black. _I’m_ going. _You’re_ staying here—”

“I have to help!”

“Yes, so do I, and I can’t do that if you’re there and leaving everyone clueless up here!” She turned and shut the door behind her before Sirius could retort, sprinting through the deserted corridors of the castle and out into the early morning grounds.

She found Madame Pomfrey in the destroyed shack bent over a lifeless body, bleeding in all directions, causing the floorboards to be stained red with thick scarlet liquid. “Oh my god!” Marlene screeched, falling to her knees beside Remus’s unconscious body as she removed her wand from her sleeve and followed each of Madame Pomfrey’s instructions.

“We have to get him to the hospital wing, but this gash needs to be at least slightly closed.” She muttered, indicating the large slice that spread diagonally across his body, although there where so many cuts that Marlene could scarcely see his skin under the mounds of severed flesh and blood.

Something clicked in Marlene’s brain as she no longer recognised the figure as the body of one of her closest friends, but a problem and a problem she could solve if she stayed calm. Blocking out any sound, Marlene began casting and muttering complex spells over Remus’s body and he started to fade in and out of consciousness.

She felt a trembling hand lay itself on top of her own and she looked up to see Madame Pomfrey, eyes wide and nodding at Marlene.

“We can take him back now, dear,” She summoned a stretcher which they both carefully tried to lift him onto, worried that levitating may be to risky. Once they set him down, he let out a deep groan and his unfocused eyes fluttered slightly open, “Dead?” He weakly croaked.

“No,” Marlene laughed a breathy and tearful laugh, “you’re here, alive with us, Remus.” He closed his eyes and drifted unconscious once more.

Getting Remus back to the hospital was a challenging and taxing task but was made easier because there was two of them. Once Remus was peacefully asleep on sleeping draught and his wounds no longer open, Marlene allowed herself to recognise him as her friend and not a patient. Tears rolled down her cheeks at the sight of his torn flesh and skin, how much younger he looked when sleeping but also how different he was compared to the small, frail boy Marlene met on the Hogwarts Express six long years ago.

“I’m incredibly sorry, Marlene.” Madame Pomfrey’s voice echoed from behind her,

“Er- Why?” Marlene questioned,

“It’s a lot of pressure to put on an untrained sixteen year old to come and heal one of her closest friends but I panicked, he hadn’t been in that much of a state since his second year and even then I could handle him on my own. I couldn’t ask for any other older student without informing them of Remus’s condition, I hope you can forgive me Miss McKinnon.”

“Yeah; no, of course. I’m glad you reached out.” Marlene smiled tiredly and hugged the nurse, allowing them both to cry a little.

“I’m proud of you. You’re going to make an amazing healer one day, Marlene.”

***

As soon as Marlene entered the dorm, she was met with an overwhelming stampede of unasked questions as everyone looked up at her with glaring, anxious eyes. Marlene wanted nothing more than to answer the wordless queries but when she opened her mouth, she burst into uncontrollable tears.

Mary leapt to her feet and held Marlene tight and close, letting her cry into the spot between neck and shoulder.

“Is he okay?!” James asked, beside am extremely pale Sirius.

“H-He’s okay,” Marlene sniffed, removing herself from Mary’s embrace. The entire room let out a sigh of relief and James audibly exhaled, running a hand through his hair. “But…”

“But what McKinnon?!” The panic returning to James voice.

“He- He butchered h-himself.”

Peter groaned and Lily squirmed covering her face with her elbow. Sirius looked as though he was going to be sick and turned so white, he was almost blue.

“Ripped all over, j-just completely shredded!” Marlene sobbed and fell back into Mary’s arms again, just to catch Sirius rapidly brush pass them and out of the door until his loud footsteps had faded. Mary removed Marlene’s cloak to reveal her bloodstained uniform which Marlene had not noticed was so coated, all five of them sounded varying noises of surprise and discomfort at the sight.

“Let’s get you cleaned up, mhm? Breakfast is ready in hour.” Mary suggested, gently and Marlene did as she was told.

But Sirius did not turn up at breakfast.

Nor the rest of the day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry! Last unpleasant chapter (in terms of gore) for a while, I promise!


	7. Save Your Pity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If it was possible, emotions are running higher than the night before.

9th September 1976

The agony had not yet subsided, but Remus was at least able to think semi-coherent thoughts; he was now conscious, but kept his eyes softly closed as he hadn’t found the strength needed to open them yet. As usual, Remus remembered nothing from the previous night, but not so usually, he also did not have any recollection of this morning or the journey back up to the castle. That, combined with the fact that he could feel the shredded remains of his body tremble every time he breathed, led Remus to believe the wolf was in a particularly aggressive mood last night.

Ever since the marauders became animagi in fourth year, the wolf seemed content with opportunely playing with them rather than tearing apart his human occupant’s flesh. Since Remus refused it their company last night, the wolf was likely missing its pack. _Better than it accidently killing its pack_ Remus thought glumly.

In a desperate attempt to escape his morbid thoughts, Remus gently fluttered open his eyes, only to be met with something worse. Sirius was slumped at the side of Remus’s bed in a deep sleep, his head lolling so that his long raven hair brushed in front of his face. _Great_ Remus thought, _missed a night of sleep and a day of lessons so he could sit and pity the murderer_.

“Remus, dear! Oh, how are you feeling?” Madame Pomfrey approached, not loudly, but with such volume that Sirius awoke. Remus could feel the scratch in his throat, _oh how great he had been howling_ ; but he managed to sound a small weak grunt which neither signified he was okay, nor dying.

“I’ll get you some water and a painkiller draught.” She disappeared behind the curtain with a flourish, leaving a now conscious Remus with an awake Sirius. 

Remus tried to shuffle up the bed and sit to rest his back on the pillows, his body pained like it hadn’t in years; he gritted his teeth harshly and loudly groaned and grimaced as he hauled himself upright. Sirius looked pained at the sight and tried to help but Remus swatted him away,

“Save your pity, Black.” He murmured.

“I’m _so_ sorry, Moony—”

“I said save it.” Remus quipped. Sirius visibly shrunk back into his seat. Good. Remus wanted time alone, but he knew Sirius would not be leaving any time soon. What Sirius was apologizing for, Remus didn’t know or care. He’d find out later. After a few seconds of silence, Sirius continued,

“Remus, I’m not letting you do this to yourself next month.”

“Too bad.” Remus replied, he was truly exhausted.

“You’re being stupid!”

“No, I’m being realistic. If I can do this to myself, I can do it to you.”

“I would take that over this any day!” Sirius replied, in an exasperated but still quiet tone. Remus really wanted him to leave.

“Well I wouldn’t. I don’t know why you are here, Sirius.” 

“You don’t know why I’m here?!” Sirius looked hurt and confused as he raised his voice to a normal volume. “I’m here because I care about you, Moony—”

“No, you don’t! You care about me when you need the occasional shag and Emmeline isn’t there! You care about me when u want a quick late-night snog or when you need the homework answers! But you don’t actually _care_ , and don’t you dare say you do! You make me miserable every fucking day you know, like I’m not good enough like I’m not what you what; well guess what I’m fucking done being miserable!”

Sirius recoiled and looked a strange mix of angry, upset and a linger of sympathy was still glossing his eyes. “Remus—”

“No. Leave me alone, I’m sure your pretty girlfriend’s waiting patiently for you in the common room, and you certainly care about her more than me!”

“Fuck you, Lupin! You know that isn’t true and I’m not stopping you getting a girlfriend, just you and your insecurities, you’re just jealous and full of self-pity get up off your arse and find someone rather than moping!”

“Oh, Fuck you, Black!” Remus spat with the last of his energy and watched as Sirius promptly stormed away, out of the hospital wing before falling back asleep again.

***

11th September 1976

On the contrary to most months, Remus did not want to leave the sanctuary of the hospital wing. Normally, he would leave as soon as Madame Pomfrey suggested he was almost ready; but this time he didn’t want to go and see his friends, he wasn’t even bothered about all the schoolwork he was missing, he just wanted to stay here, where per his request, Madame Pomfrey turned away any and all visitors.

That luxury had been revoked when he left the hospital wing at about midday on Saturday after the nurse told him she had no need to keep him any longer. His plan of action was simple: head down, straight through the common room, into the dorm, behind his curtains, stay there until he felt like coming out or starved.

***

It was a week into school, Marlene, Mary and Lily were playing chess in the common room (Mary and Lily where playing and Marlene was refereeing,) when Remus came back. The three girls looked up from their game as Remus strode across the common room in a few large paces and ascended the staircase. _Not a good idea,_ Marlene thought.

Sirius hadn’t removed himself of his bed since he returned from the Hospital wing; although before he locked himself away, he made a huge scene of publicly breaking up with Emmeline. No one found this surprising, in fact the most surprising thing was that the couple manage to stay together throughout the summer; Sirius Black was not a long-term relationship man.

Using her advanced intellect, Marlene assumed Sirius’s mood was interlinked with the reason Remus had been refusing visitors for four days, and anxiously looked to Mary and Lily when they saw him enter the lion’s den.

“At least he looks better?” Marlene suggested.

“Mhm… Let’s hope Black doesn’t ruin it.” Lily replied, turning back to the chess game.

“Do y’think we should go and check?” Marlene worried,

“No, lover boy is fine, Marlene,” Mary answered.

“Huh?” _What the fuck was lover boy and why were they not more concerned about Remus?_

“She’s talking about your crush on Remus.” Lily supplied.

“My what?!”

“Oh, come on, Marls. You haven’t had a boyfriend since third year.”

“Darren doesn’t count as a boyfriend; it was like three weeks.” Marlene defended.

“Exactly! And we’ve figured out it’s because you like Remus, I mean he’s great and you guys get along and you were really worried about him—”

“Yeah because he was fucking dying?! What the actual fuck is wrong with you two?” Marlene snapped as she abruptly stood and stormed up to her dorm.

She was completely enraged, one at the fact that she actually didn’t fancy Remus or any other boy for that matter, but also that Mary and Lily had the cheek to use her concern for their friend against her. They should be worried too!

“Marlene?”

“Go away.” She called to the voice that entered the dorm, she didn’t want to hear their lame apology. 

“We’re sorry Marls. We’re douchbags.” Mary said.

“Yeah, you are.”

“You just never talk to us about dating, we thought we’d make it easier for you…” Lily started,

“I don’t want to talk about boys to you, it’s stupid. I’ll listen but don’t expect me to contribute I have bigger things going on,” Marlene replied.

“Okay, we’re sorry.” Mary sounded through the maroon hangings.

“S’ok,” Marlene accepted, “as long as you get it out of your stupid heads that I fancy Lupin.”

“Okay.”

***

Remus tried not to notice anyone, more so to avoid eye contact than anything else and as the common room always is on a Saturday, it was busy. He weaved through the kids with immense pace but noticed three girls in the corner from the corner of his eye and didn’t look at them.

He made it to the spiral staircase and felt no need to maintain his tiring, quick pace. Once at the dorm room door he lazily pushed it open, ready to climb into his comfortable sheets and sleep the weekend away. Much to his dismay, Sirius had already beaten him to it, with the maroon hangings tightly drawn around his bed and Remus could smell him, sitting upright on the mattress.

Panicking, he quickly closed the door again, he would not wait to be pounced on by Sirius, not just sit in the same room as him until they argued. But now his plan was ruined, and he just blankly stood for a moment weighing up his options; the library would be pointless seen as all his books and homework were in the off-limits dorm; the common room too busy.

James would probably be on the quidditch pitch, he could sit watching in the stands, it would be boring, but it would suffice for now. New plan in mind, he set off back down the stairs and into the common room, even if he wanted to talk to Marlene, Mary and Lily, they had disappeared, leaving an unfinished chess game behind. 

“Remus! Merlin, I didn’t know you where out yet, how ya feeling?” James approached Remus as he entered the quidditch pitch.

“I’m fine, got out this morning.” Remus told him, jamming his hands in his pockets and looking directly and the ground below his feet.

“Ah, glad to hear it mate. Sorry but I er I gotta back to practise…”

“Yeah, yeah no worries just came to watch.”

“Brilliant, you can sit with Pete in the stands over there if you want, unless you want to fly with me.” James suggested, jokingly. He would always suggest it, and Remus would always turn him down but something wild possessed him,

“Yeah okay.”

“Wait what?! Er okay, you sure your well enough, mate?”

“Sure”

“Moony’s gone mental!” James laughed, handing him a broom and Remus took it gratefully and slotted himself on top. 

Remus never loved quidditch like the rest of his friends, he almost never got on a broom voluntarily; perhaps it was the pent-up anger or James’s persistence of how good flying was that made him do it. Once he was in the air it didn’t matter, the only thing in Remus’s mind was how he never wanted to come down.

It was nerve-racking at first, but nothing he hadn’t done before; he began to circle round the pitch slowly but on the second lap decided to pick up the pace. He darted around the stands at full pelt, not that elegantly but Remus didn’t care what he looked like, his curls blowing out behind him as he dove deeper into the air and let all his anger at the world, at himself at Sirius fucking Black fall behind him. He felt as light as the air blowing passed his ears and continued angrily lapping the pitch until James and Peter called him for dinner and Remus landed very clumsily on the wet grass.


	8. Initiation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is where is happens folks!  
> A prank gone wrong brings out Marlene's rooted feelings and her and Remus come to an agreement.  
> CW: Mild homophobic language   
>  Unconsented dosing? (I wasn't sure if this needed a CW, but better safe than sorry; This isn't a sad chapter though, don't worry!)

“I want to finish it tonight so I can go to Hogsmeade stress free next-weekend.”

“Great you can help with mine then.”

“Mary, you know McGonagall will know if you copy off me.”

“You’ll just have to right it for me, then.” Mary teased, Marlene rolled her eyes and shovelled a large spoon of mash potatoes onto her plate; doing Mary’s transfiguration essay wasn’t exactly how she wanted to spend her night.

“I’ll help as well, Marls. Then Mary owes us both.” Lily added with a smile as she lowered herself into her seat, not long before Sirius made an appearance and slotted himself next to Marlene.

“Hey, feeling better?” She asked and he responded with a worldless nod. Although she knew it had to be the argument between him and Remus that was keeping Sirius locked away and bed-ridden, she decided to not bring it up. It was only a week into school, and it felt as though as a group they had already had more arguments than casual conversation; Marlene just hoped Remus wasn’t in an quarrelsome mood.

“Ello, ello!” James voice greeted as he and Remus sat at the dinner table, Remus looked significantly more content than earlier today, his hair was as wild and messy as James’s although Peter still looked completely normal.

“Remus have you been on the quidditch pitch?!” Mary laughed, obviously catching the same unusual features.

“He sure has! Not half bad either.” James answered for him.

“I bet. Faster than you I reckon, James. Probably looks better while doing it as well.” Lily teased; Marlene felt Sirius stiffen beside her.

“Unfortunately, you’re actually right, Evans.” James shoved Remus playfully.

“We _are_ still talking about flying?” Peter teased, which got answered with a harsh slap across the back of his head.

“No, you’re not right, Lily. Prongs is being modest.” Remus laughed shyly.

“Since when is Potter ever modest?”

“Never.” A snarling teasing voice appeared beside them. Severus Snape, a dirty, greasy haired Slytherin boy and was accompanied by none other than Sirius’ brother Regulus and a small and angry prat named Barty Crouch.

“Oh, piss off, _Snivellious_.” James shooed him away with his hand.

“You too, Reggie-Boy.” Sirius snapped, looking much less drowsy than he had been the rest of the meal.

“We were wondering when my dearest brother and his little friends are going to pull their first prank of the year, I mean we are one week in and not so much as a dung bomb…” Regulus teased,

“We just hope the infamous marauders aren’t losing their pranking flair.” Barty added.

“Of course not! We’re just waiting till we have it all ready!” Peter spluttered.

“Not that you’d know, Snivellious. Three months of planning would make your itty-bitty head explode.” James added.

“It would not! I’ll have you know; I actually have been, and my head has not exploded!” Severus rose to the bait.

“Awh, been prodding at your potions kit for three months?” Remus teased.

“Yeah actually!” Snape cried. Marlene couldn’t think of a potion worth brewing if it was going to take three months, although she had been interested in Veritaserum _… holy shit._

As Remus rolled his eyes and looked over to James and Peter, a hand from inside Snape’s robes curled around the outside of the table and poured a clear liquid from a small bottle into Remus’s cup. Marlene seemed to have been the only person that saw, but Crouch had seen her watching; Remus (still laughing at Snape) grabbed his cup and raised it to his mouth to drink.

“Remus don’t--!”

“SILENCIO!” Crouch shouted, aiming his wand at Marlene’s mouth and her vocal cords abruptly cut all noise, as her mouth continued moving soundlessly. Everyone at the table looked at Marlene in confusion as she signalled to Remus to not drink.

It was pointless, no one knew what she was doing and Remus’s cup inches from his lips, she acted upon instinct; this boy was a gay werewolf and merlin knows what else, she couldn’t let him drink it, she had much less risk. Quickly grabbing the cup from Remus’s hands she through the entire contents into her mouth.

“What the _fuck_ , Marls?” Remus questioned, the three boys behind him, looking extremely disappointed at the wrong target swore and walked away back to the Slytherin table.

Thank Godric for that silencing spell, Marlene suddenly felt the need to speak every single thought aloud until she no longer had any secrets. Her mouth kept moving soundlessly otherwise her brain would burst from the pressure but then…

“Sonorus!” Sirius said, pointing his wand at Marlene’s constantly moving mouth and undoing the silencing incantation.

“You idiot! Ah you shouldn’t have done that now I’m not going to stop talking. You really are dumb, Black but not academically which is really unfair because you _never_ revise, like at least Remus and Lily try to be smart so then its _okay_ that they’re so good at everything. Actually, no it’s not. It’s unfair that they’re good at everything, especially you Lily. Literally you’re so perfect and smart like your so good at the whole shebang and your hair and skin and eyes your just so fucking perfect which I know sounds a lot like jealousy but it isn’t or well maybe it is but not the jealousy that Remus told me about in the roof. Actually, Remus told me a lot on the roof which is one of the reasons I drank this, like just _imagine_ —”

“SILENCIO!” Remus cried, interrupting Marlene’s babbling but her mouth continued to soundlessly talk as though nothing happened. The entire table looked at Remus shocked. “Er- Veritaserum I reckon.” And Marlene nodded enthusiastically, _at least somebody got it_.

“Oh shit!” James face fell into realisation, “That son of a bitch Snivellous was trying to drug you, Moony!”

“I’ll go get Slughorn, See if there’s an antidote or something.” Lily dashed out the hall swiftly as Marlene contently watched them all, smiling.

“I’d better get this one upstairs before she says something she regrets. C’mon you lunatic.” Remus tugged at Marlene’s sleeve and she obligated giving a last smiling wave to everyone at the table.

“Sonorus.” Remus chanted as they entered the dorm, Marlene let out a sigh of relief. The potions effects may have been wearing off because she didn’t feel the need to relay her thought processes.

“Snape slipped it in your drink, and I thought better me than you.” She explained.

“You maniac.” Remus laughed, “You could have just spilled it or chucked it at Snape, you literally know half my secrets, it’s no better.”

“Actually, if I only know half then I believe its fifty percent better, you ungrateful twat. And I was acting on impulse.”

Marlene felt very tired and without thinking climbed into Remus’s bed and gestured for him to join her, he hesitated and looked at her confused.

“C’mon! I’m tired and cold and we’ve been over I don’t fancy you... Hey! Now that I’m literally on truth serum I can tell you without a doubt! Remus. I. Don’t. Fancy. You.” Marlene laughed, he followed suit and sat next to her.

“I’ll try not to be offended.” Remus chuckled, “Just confused.”

“Nothing to be confused about, darling.” Marlene sighed

“Why’d you do it then?”

“Prove I wasn’t a dyke.” Marlene replied, matter-a-factly.

“A-What? Prove- A.. What?” Remus stuttered.

“Yeah, it failed though.”

“No, it didn’t. You don’t have to prove anything to me—”

“Not you, arrogant tosser.” Marlene rolled her eyes. “I panicked when you told me about you being queer and felt the need to do something overtly heterosexual. Hey, I didn’t even know that until this truth serum thing! I was just denying it, Well Remus you’re finding out the same time as me. I’m a raging lesbian.” 

Remus looked at her speechless, “Are you sure?”

“Remus, I don’t think I could be anymore sure, given the circumstances,”

“Oh, shit yeah… I won’t say anything, Marlene.”

“Good, you better not after I’m keeping whatever you and Sirius have quiet,”

“We don’t have anything, anymore.” Remus quipped.

“Awh love… is that why he broke up with Emmeline?”

“He what!?”

“Crap. You didn’t know,” Marlene said, “To be honest, Remus I was very confused about you two for a while.”

“Yeah me too… He thought of it as like a fling and I was fine with that at first but then I realised it wouldn’t be enough and he kept on at me to get a girlfriend but I didn’t want a girlfriend I wanted him and him to not have a girlfriend.”

“I get you; Mary and Lily keep on at me to get a boyfriend.”

“Maybe we should just get in a relationship and they’d stop hassling us.” Remus joked, but to Marlene it didn’t seem like such a bad idea; everyone would get what they wanted. Marlene sat up to face Remus who looked up from playing with the hem of his jumper.

“Remus…”

“Marlene…” He mocked her tone.

“That’s a good idea!”

“What? I was joking, Marls!”

“I know! But think about it. Sirius will get jealous or if he doesn’t then he will at least get what he wanted, and Mary and Lily will stop pestering me and we are all happy!”

“You’re mental.” Remus laughed,

“No, I’m completely rational.” Marlene smirked.

“I think we should discuss this once you are off drugs.”

“I’ve never been thinking so straight in my life!”

“Yes, because two queers faking a relationship is completely straight.” Remus teased and Marlene slapped his shoulder then looked at him, eyes still pleading for an answer.

Remus studied her for a long moment, then sighed with a smile and watched her intensely.

“Marlene, would you do me the honour of accompanying me to Hogsmeade next weekend?”

“Er- Sorry to interrupt but I have the antidote,” Lily entered, not looking one bit apologetic instead smirking and setting down a small glass bottle on the table, winking at Marlene as she left.

Marlene stood up and chugged it immediately, feeling her brain settle from the dizzying business. She coyly smiled at Remus and shook her head,

“No… I’m seeing clearly now, and I don’t think it’s a good idea, I-I’ll think about it.” Remus looked embarrassed and said nothing but continued shyly playing with his jumper. “You gullible idiot!” Marlene laughed. “I would love to accompany you Mssr. Moony.”

“Bitch.” Remus reached out to hit her, but Marlene ducked just in time.

“Alright, see you next week, _boyfriend_.”

“No, you’ll see me in like an hour, dumb-arse.” Remus quipped.

“I was trying to be romantic.”

“Are you sure you’re gay?”

“I was literally on Veritaserum, dimwit.”

“Fair enough.” Remus laughed.

“But since you weren’t, I have to install my blind trust that you are queer too and that under no circumstances you’ll end up falling in love with me.”

“I can assure you that won’t be a problem, Marlene.”

“Wanker. I’ll try not to be offended by that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry there an insane amount of dialogue in that chapter, just the way it worked out if i wanted to stay consistent in my average chapter size! (about 2-2.5k words, if you're interested)


	9. Terms of Agreement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A development is made in James's department and the first Hogsmeade weekend rolls around while conditions are settled.

Feeling lighter than she had for months, Marlene bounced down the staircase into the common room and flopped down onto the plush armchair by the fire. Although she wasn’t a hundred percent pleased with her realisation that she was queer, it felt good that she knew for definite; even better that someone knew and would treat her no different for it and _even better_ that she could successfully hide it without Lily and Mary pestering her for a boyfriend. 

“Alright, Marls?” Mary asked from the rug whist braiding a second-year’s hair into small delicate plaits, she smirked, and Marlene assumed that Lily must have told her what she heard.

“Mhm.” She signed with a grin. “I’ll help you with that essay now, if you want, Mary; I’ve pretty much finished mine.”

“As much as I would love that, McKinnon, I’m going to need some details.”

“Maybe, if I’m feeling generous. Essay first though or I’m not doing it.”

“Fine! There you go Jada, all done.” Mary patted the girls head as she smiled and hugged her, running a hand over her newly braided hair.

“You look beautiful.” Lily added and Jada giggled then ran back to her friends.

***

_“So?”_

“So.”

“Oh, spit it out, Marlene!”

“Whatever do you mean?” Marlene enjoyed teasing them, but once they had all climbed into her bed, she knew she was in for a night of gossiping she thought it may be time to ‘spit it out.’ “Remus asked me out.”

“Eee! And?”

“And I said yes.” Mary and Lily smugly looked at each other than quickly back to Marlene,

“Sooo… You realised you _do_ like him.” Mary probed. Marlene was stupid enough to have not thought this far, she hadn’t had time to come up with a sufficient backstory.

“Errr… It must have been the veritaserum. Brought out the depths of my brain I reckon.” She spluttered.

“Yeah that was a pretty romantic gesture, taking poison from him.”

“It’s not poison! I just didn’t want him to tell everyone he was a werewolf and the Slytherins walked away when they got the wrong person, so it worked, mhm?”

“I guess.” Lily smirked. “…. While we are here…” she started, Mary and Marlene looked at each other with anticipation and back to Lily, wordlessly edging her to continue, “ImgoingwithPottertoHogsmeade.” She mumbled quickly and buried her face in her hands.

“What was that, Lils?” Mary grinned, knowing perfectly well what she just said. Lily raised her head up and spoke clearer but just as embarrassed,

“I may or may not have accepted an invite to go with Potter to Hogsmeade next week because I may or may not have finally stopped convincing myself he’s a dickhead.”

“Yes!” Marlene punched the air and Mary groaned then stood up from Marlene’s bed trudging over to her own and returning a few second later with two large handfuls of chocolate frogs and dumping them into Marlene’s lap.

“Oh, well done, McKinnon.” She sighed as Marlene poked her tongue out and smiled contently. 

“Err…?” Lily questioned.

“Oh, I won the bet we took in third year. That you would finally accept you liked Potter.” Marlene answered, shoving a chocolate in her mouth and offering one to both the girls.

“You- You what!?—"

“Ugh, now I’m the only one left single alone and a dozen chocolate frogs down.” Mary sighed.

“What about Creeby?” Marlene asked,

“Creevy.” Mary corrected, “and he wasn’t anything serious just a little mess around.” She winked. “Anyway, I want to hear more about Lily’s little loverboy…”

***

“LADS! URGENT MARAUDERS MEETING STAT!” James burst theatrically into the dorm room and after harshly throwing his bag on his bed across the room, he swiftly jumped onto Sirius’s bed where Sirius was reading but put down his book at an instant. Peter clambered on too and James looked urgently round to Remus who was still perched on his bed. “I SAID STAT, MOONY!” James cried even though he was only a few feet away.

James violently patted the side of the bed and Remus reluctantly looked at Sirius to check he was okay with it, and he subtly nodded with a kind smile that made Remus’s tummy flutter and he forgot for a second that he was supposed to be mad at him. After this, maybe he’d forgive him, and they could go back to being friends. Like old times. Remus climbed in hesitantly, only resting on the edge so he could escape quickly once James had finished. 

“Evans.” James sighed as if that explained everything and looked at the other three boys with contentment.

“What did she look at you and not gag?” Sirius teased.

“No. We’re going on a date.” James corrected. Remus, Sirius and Peter started laughing but when James didn’t join in, Remus thought he could possibly be telling the truth.

“Are you being serious?!” Remus scoffed.

“No, _I’m_ Sirius—” 

“Oh, shut up!” Pete slapped Sirius as he made the joke that had been wearing thin for a good five years. “So? what happened?”

“Well, I asked her to Hogsmeade, y’know for traditions sake but then she actually said yes!” James declared proudly.

“I think she might be joking, mate.” Sirius laughed, as they all revelled in disbelief.

“No. No I swear, and she blushed! And I just stood there—”

“ _Just stood there!”_ Sirius echoed and they all were laughing again, except James.

“Oh my god, you must have looked like a right old tosser!” Remus cried, laughing at the gobsmacked imagine of James he had conjured in his head.

“Probably just stood there like a goldfish that just orgasmed!” Sirius added and he and Remus roared with pure laughter and clutched their stomachs as they wiped away tears of laughter whilst adding more comments about the scene. It felt really good, to have Sirius back.

“Are you two finished?” James raised an eyebrow at them both and they tried to stop laughing, breathing very deeply and loudly. “I’m freaking out!”

“Clearly.” Remus chuckled and Sirius broke into wheezy giggles again before getting a harsh slap round the head from James.

“Just be your usual charming shelf, I mean she just _loves_ everything ‘Dickhead Potter’ does.” Sirius suggested, Remus was laughing so no sound came out except for the occasional gasp for breath which made Sirius start laughing again, and James sighed and rolled his eyes.

“Both of you are actual shit-sacks. You are officially defriended. C’mon Pete.” James tried hiding a smirk as he and Peter left the dorm; Remus and Sirius stopped chuckling momentarily as the door closed but erupted into outrageous laughter that took a full ten minutes for them to calm down and stop clutching their stomachs in joyous pain.

“Ahhh… he’s gonna make a dick of himself.” Sirius sighed, the laughter still present in his smile.

“Probably.” Remus agreed.

“Look Moony, I just—”

“It’s okay.” Remus interrupted; he didn’t want the moment to be spoiled by modern problems when it felt just like old times.

“No really.” Sirius persisted. “I didn’t want to make you miserable, Remus. I-I was such a dick.”

“Yeah.”

“I broke up with Emmeline.”

“I know.” Remus started and watched the hopeful and apologetic glint in Sirius’s cool grey eyes. “But it’s too late Sirius.” He said quietly as he left the dorm room.

When thinking about it, Remus didn’t understand what Sirius was suggesting; even though Sirius was no longer the noble Black heir, he still had standards. Standards Remus couldn’t come close to, if Remus thought Sirius was suggesting that he was wanting to please him and do more… he wasn’t. Sirius Black wouldn’t, he had a reputation. One that Remus would destroy at the slightest touch.

***

18th September 1976

“Moony, how do you do it?”

“Do what?”

“Y’know, the _charm_.”

“I think that’s your area of expertise, Prongs. Or ask Sirius. I’m far from charming.”

“No, you’ve got an electric aura Remus. An attractive atmosphere, something me and Padfoot will never possess.”

“Are you flirting with him, James?” Peter giggled.

“One hundred percent, everyone’s gay for Moony.” James winked then huffed in the mirror at his hair and examined his face, “Why am I even trying? I’ve got one chance to make her like me and if she doesn’t then my entire future is ruined!”

“Okay calm down, mate.” Remus laughed as he stood up to get dressed, it was about ten minutes till they would be heading to Hogsmeade and James had been nervously fidgeting around for an hour. Remus shoved on a random jumper and jeans then ruffled his hair in the mirror and shrugged. It’ll do, not like it’s a real date anyway, even if it was, Remus thought he’d react the exact same way.

“See! Effortlessly hot!” James groaned, pointing at Remus.

“If you want to date me, Prongs, just say.”

“Nah, I don’t stand a chance with all the fawning ladies. Teach me, Moony; you’re so calm what if Marlene doesn’t like you? What if she thinks you’re repulsive?”

“Wow thanks for the confidence boost.” Remus laughed,

“No, like how are you not worried about that? It’s all I can think about.” James sighed.

“Marlene?” Remus teased.

“No! Evans, you twat!”

“Well firstly, I haven’t planned my entire future with her, so my stakes aren’t that high. Second, just act like any other time, you obviously did something right to make her agree.” _Third, we’re both gay_ Remus thought but that didn’t really help James.

“Yeah, yeah. Okay.” James nodded.

“C’mon! Can we go now?” Peter huffed. They descended the staircase and met the girls and Sirius in the common room. Remus was enjoying the fake scene he and Marlene put on almost as much as she did; he strolled up to her offering his elbow and she interlinked her arm with a smile.

“Shall we, m’lady.” He joked, gesturing at the portrait hole.

Lazily, they ambled to Hogsmeade and collectively headed straight for the three broomsticks where they promptly ordered seven butterbeers and James pulled out Lily’s seat which Remus tried not to laugh at but apparently Lily thought it was very ‘gentlemanly’ and according to Mary it was an act of chivalry but Marlene told her that it was just sexist.

“I’ll make note to never do anything ‘gentlemanly’ then.” Remus joked.

“Awh thanks. And they say romance is dead.” Marlene laughed to which Mary and Sirius rolled their eyes, but only Mary’s seemed to be joking.

Sirius had been quiet and grumpy all day; earlier, Mary had said he must be jealous of James and Lily, that his best friend had left him, but Remus couldn’t help wondering if he was jealous of something else. It was an idiotic thought, which Remus swiftly pushed away; he didn’t want anything with Sirius anymore anyway. But wasn’t that the whole reason he was ‘with’ Marlene in the first place? To make him jealous?

Later when it was just him and Marlene, he relayed his thoughts to her and she said it didn’t just have to be to make Sirius envious, but it would ground him and make him realise Remus wasn’t his, that he’d have to do more and treat Remus better if he wanted a chance. Remus agreed because she made a lot of sense to him and the charade was much too fun to drop. She also agreed and talked about how nice it was to be unbothered by Lily and Mary.

“I think we should set some ground rules.” She stated.

“Ground rules?” Remus echoed.

“Yeah. Like erm… are we dating? Or are we feeling it out?”

“Dating.” Remus replied. “First date was today, and I asked you to be my girlfriend, that’s how it works right?”

“Psh, how would I know? But okay. Boyfriend… Pet names?”

“Pet names?”

“Y’know like Sweetheart, darling, excreta.”

“You call everyone those anyway. I think we should go with… Babe.” Remus snorted.

“My god, that’s hideous. I love it.” Marlene giggled.

“What about public displays of affection?” Remus asked

“Well I don’t want any private displays.”

“Hey, you kissed me!” Remus defended jokingly. “I think holding hands is allowed but your hands are clammy.”

“And how would you know?”

“I don’t. But you look like the type of person to have clammy hands.”

Marlene rolled her eyes and grabbed Remus’s hand in hers and rhythmically swung it between them as they walked down the cobbled street. “Holding hands. I can sit on your lap, provided you don’t get a hard on.”

“How many times do I have to state I’m literally gay.” Remus scoffed. “Right so, hand holding, lap sitting, kissing?”

“Gross, I don’t want to kiss you again, Remus. But I guess in an emergency snog is okay or if it’s a peck goodbye on the cheek.”

“Gonna look over the fact you called my kissing gross and ask what clarifies as an emergency?”

“Urm, like a kissing game? We can’t kiss other people publicly because I guess that shouldn’t happen in a relationship.” Marlene pondered.

“Yeah that’ll be suspicious if neither of us get jealous. Obviously, you can in private though if you like.”

“Oh yeah because there’s so many lesbians to snog at Hogwarts.” Marlene teased. “Right so, if it’s necessary to avoid suspicion or if - now I know you said you don’t want to make Sirius jealous – but if that changes just say… er, I don’t know, ‘Marlene I’m going to snog you now’ or something.”

Remus laughed and stated that it might be slightly obvious so they decided it would just have to be blind trust to just start kissing without verbal warning if need be.

“We’ll do the same for you if you want to make anyone jealous.” Remus offered.

“Okay, thanks. So, making out, hand holding, lap sitting. That doesn’t leave much else.”

“I don’t want to have sex with you, McKinnon.”

“Wow, thanks for clarifying that. I don’t want to either, I thought you might have worked that out from the ‘no private displays’ unless you wanted to publicly shag in the common room.”

“Not really.” Remus chuckled. “We are going to be the grossest couple. I’m looking forward to it.”

“Me too, babe.”


	10. Confronting The Green Monster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A successful month of deceit and faking escalates as Marlene and Remus up the anti.   
> James and Lily have news.

25th October 1976

Over a month of school had passed along with four successful weeks of Remus and Marlene’s fake relationship; no-one suspected anything, and it was working tremendously in both of their favours. Marlene was sat on Remus’s bed and James was running around the room fussing for a date he arranged with Lily, Remus felt amused by his panic but did not allow himself to show it; although there was no way he could help him so he just laid with Marlene on the bed.

“Okay, Okay. I think it’s all ready.” James mumbled, then smoothed down his shirt in the mirror and sighed turning round to Remus and Marlene, “Do I look okay?” He asked nervously.

“Handsome as ever.” Marlene smiled, and James looked significantly less stressed.

“You’ll be fine mate.” Remus reassured him and James beamed back.

“Thanks guys. Right I best be off; and er cast a silencing charm or I don’t know put a sock on the door or something, I don’t wanna walk back into anything… Wish me luck!”

“Good luck!” They both called as James cheerfully dashed out the door and left. Marlene sat up and rested on the opposite end of the bed and pulled out a book. Remus sat up a little too, resting on the soft pillows behind him.

“Marlene?” He asked shyly after several minutes silence. He had been meaning to ask her something for a while and she gave the best advice Hogwarts had to offer; clearly noticing his query, Marlene set down her book and focused her attention on him.

“I just… y’know Sirius?” Remus started; _I should have planned this_ he thought.

“Yes. I’ve heard of him.” Marlene responded with a smirk. Remus hadn’t quite got this far in planning the question and was hoping Marlene would answer his enquiry telepathically. When he thought he might be asking too much of her he decided just to ask,

“Why do I want him to be jealous? Of us I mean? Because I’ve already decided I don’t like him like that anymore. I’m quite content us being friends even though it’s not the same as it was last year, I like him being my friend and it’s too messy to be more. So why do I want a mess?”

Marlene sighed, “Oh, Remus…” She scooted up the bed and sat cross legged at his side. “Remus you can’t just decide you don’t like someone anymore. You can’t just block that want out of your mind; it stays whether you want it to or not. And I’d bet my hat that’s why Sirius hasn’t had a girlfriend since Emmeline because he’s still got that want, just like you.”

“Sirius doesn’t want me, Marlene. He’s a noble Black. Imagine what a scrawny gay werewolf would do to his status. He’s not jealous and he won’t ever be… but I really want him to be.”

“Let’s make him jealous then. I’m calling an emergency snog.” Marlene stated.

“Er… Marlene. He’s not going to be jealous, your wasting your saliva.”

“Am not. Here’s the plan. We hear him coming up the steps, he’s gonna walk in, see us snogging, be jealous, confirm our suspicions and I’m going to say I told you so.”

“How can you tell if he’s jealous?” Remus queried.

“I’ll tell you when it happens.”

 _“If.”_ Remus corrected.

“ _When_.” Marlene smiled. Remus didn’t say anything, he wasn’t satisfied with the answer, but he didn’t know _what_ he had wanted her to say. He definitely didn’t think this would work but would go along with it so Marlene could be proven wrong and perhaps give him a satisfactory answer. “And don’t call yourself a scrawny gay werewolf, Remus.” She added as she laid down beside him, throwing an arm across his chest. 

“I am though.” Remus chuckled, it was just facts, not a self-insult.

“No, you are so much more.” She smiled. After a few seconds, Remus broke the silence.

“I don’t want to like him, Marlene.” He admitted in a voice so quiet and delicate it was almost a whisper.

“I know, love.” She comforted, squeezing him a little tighter.

Although it was completely platonic, Remus had never been this comfortable laying and confiding with anyone. It was really pleasant actually; feeling someone so close and knowing that you could both rely on each other. The only issue was he deeply wished it was Sirius. And that was most definitely an issue. In more ways than one.

“Oh shit, that’s him!” Marlene whispered as she quickly leapt from her side and straddled Remus on the bed so that she was sitting in his lap; Remus awkwardly sat beneath her and Marlene sighed, irritably grabbing his hands and placing them on her back. They waited two long seconds until they could hear the doorknob turning and at the last possible second with one last _‘here-it-goes’_ look, dove into an intense lip-lock.

Remus kissed back with vigour, hoping to Merlin that Marlene was right and that Sirius would indeed be jealous, otherwise this was nothing short of embarrassing for all parties. Once Remus was sure Sirius had entered, him and Marlene seemed to wordlessly communicate and upped the intensity so that Remus’s hands roamed her back and she grinded her hips into his lap, all Remus could hope was he didn’t look as awkward and uncomfortable as he felt.

They pulled apart at the clearing of a throat and turned to the doorway where Sirius stood with his hands stuffed into his pockets and looked at them both with piercing grey eyes. The silence was louder than anything Remus had ever heard as Sirius looked at them, saying nothing.

The quiet lasted an agonizing while as none of them had anything to verbalize. Marlene came to his rescue with a loud inhale “Right, er… I have that Charms essay to do. Godric knows where Lily and James are, and I don’t really wanna risk our dorm, so I’ll be in the common room.”

Remus nodded and smiled at her gratefully _, thank fuck for Marlene McKinnon_. As she climbed off him, she noticeably winked at him and headed for the door shuffling past a frozen Sirius before throwing over her shoulder, “I’ll be in the common room till about midnight, if you want to do the essay with me Remus.”

He’d already done the essay but was willing to accept her escape route when Sirius spoke, “Remus has already done the Charms essay and I’m sure you’re more than capable of completing it yourself, McKinnon. Goodnight.”

Sirius and Marlene held malicious eye contact in the doorway, Sirius’s eyes so full of stern antagonism that Remus thought it might burn a hole through Marlene’s head who directing a similar glance back at him, although Remus noticed the side of her mouth twitching as though she was stifling a laugh. 

Marlene let her smirk widen as she licked her bottom lip and nodded slowly, “Of course.” She turned to face Remus who was still on the bed and raised her eyebrows and cocked her head, definitely smirking now and giving Remus the most ‘ _I-told-you-so’_ face you could possibly give without actually saying the words. “See you in the morning, Remus.” She turned back to Sirius and nodded, “Night, Black.” And with that she left, Remus couldn’t know for sure but had a suspicion she was laughing to herself as she walked down the staircase.

Sirius shot a final glance at Remus before disappearing into their small bathroom and Remus followed him in. Sirius splashed water over his chiselled face and with hands firmly placed either side of the sink, made eye contact with Remus in the mirror who was leaning against the towel rack behind him.

“That was a bit rude, Padfoot.” Remus said.

“Okay.” Sirius replied, turning round to grab a towel and wipe his face.

“Okay? No. See, I’d rather you not be rude to my girlfriend.” Remus wanted to push Sirius, he wanted him to spill his thoughts, so he was no longer confused. Although Marlene seemed convinced Sirius was jealous; Remus need confirmation. He needed Sirius to react.

“Fine.” Sirius huffed, his face red from the friction of the towel and Remus didn’t look away however much he wanted to, the proximity the boys was too close in the small bathroom, but Remus needed to ignore it. He needed to agitate Sirius into talking. 

“What is your problem, Sirius?!”

“ _My_ problem?!” Sirius echoed loudly. _Yes, he had him riled now_. “Your fucking killing me Remus! My issue—” He buried his head into the towel once more even though his face was already dry and let out a muffled groan. “Y’know what, just forget it. I’m going to bed.”

Remus watched as Sirius stropped off to bed. Regretfully, Remus was left with more questions than answers and in a quest for clarity, immediately followed Sirius into the bedroom.

“What’s that supposed to mean?!” Remus asked.

“It means I thought you’d have figured it out by now!”

“Figured what out? You’re not giving me much here, Sirius!”

“I-I DON’T KNOW OKAY!” Sirius cried; Remus stood frozen in front of him. If Sirius didn’t know then how could Remus possibly figure it out? How could he detangle his knotted thoughts if there were no tools to do so? Remus took a moment to decided this was utterly selfish of Sirius, sod the confirmation plan, he wanted an argument. 

“Well--!” Remus was cut off as Sirius lunged forward and forcefully connected their lips, pushing Remus back against the wall as he hungrily slipped his tongue into the other boy’s mouth. In a moment of weakness, Remus allowed it, allowed Sirius to consume him and take over what short thoughts Remus had and they seemed to unravel and detangle at the sensation, his brief thoughts consisting mainly of varying versions of something like: _I hate that I love this_.

Almost as quick as it started Sirius pushed himself away from Remus, panicked grey eyes connecting with blue, his shining lips slightly parted as he yelled “ _Fuck_! That wasn’t- I’m not supposed to--! Ugh! Fuck you, Remus!” Sirius spluttered angrily before slamming the door behind him and leaving Remus alone in the dorm room.

Solitary and befuddled, Remus could only manage to conjure a breathy question that he whispered to the empty room “What the bloody fuck…?”

If he wasn’t so bloody confused, Remus would have been livid.

***

Marlene had already done the Charms essay but had decided it was the easiest escape route for the them both, clearly not as the jealousy of Sirius Black was so blatantly obvious it was almost laughable. It _was_ laughable, Marlene chuckled to herself shaking her head as she walked down the staircase and thinking about what was going on in the boy’s dorm room at this very second until she reached the common room. She did tell Remus she would stay there till midnight, but she really couldn’t be bothered to hang around so went straight to the girl’s dormitories.

“Ah! Finally, how was the sex?” Mary asked casually from Marlene’s bed, flicking through a fashion magazine.

“You really have nothing better to ask?” Marlene sighed as she slumped next to her.

“Well it’s heart-breaking, I was left alone in this little room while my two best friends were getting action.”

“You could get action any time you wanted, Mary.”

“Yeah but I like complaining.” She shot a smirk at Marlene, “For example, I hate Mondays. And tomorrow is a Monday.”

“Well aware thanks, MacDonald.” Marlene smirked, “How long has Lily been gone?”

“Bout two hours? Maybe over? Probably be back soon.”

“Do you think she’ll say yes?”

“Oh, absolutely. They’ll become as sickening as you and Lupin.”

Marlene sniggered to herself, last week her and Remus decided to secretly compete for whoever could give the most ridiculous pet name. At dinner yesterday Remus took top spot with ‘my sweet darling sugar-pie’ and Marlene had to try and remain unbothered whist not spitting out her tea. She did not doubt James and Lily would do the same - but for real - once they were ‘official.’

Her train of thought was cut off when Lily dashed into the room and Mary and Marlene looked at her, anxious with anticipation; Lily’s facial expressions gave no clue what her answer was and for the first time since Marlene had heard about it, she doubted Lily’s answer. Lily looked up at them and a childish smile spread across her face.

“Potter asked me to be his girlfriend.”

“And?!” Marlene and Mary prompted in unison, Lily obviously didn’t know that Marlene and Mary already knew James was going to ask so was taken back by their lack of enthusiasm but continued,

“I said yes obviously!” All three squealed and pulled her on the bed for more details. “It was really nice, and he was really thoughtful he said he waited so long after Hogsmeade because he really wanted to do it right and not scare me off.” She giggled.

“Of course.” Mary rolled her eyes.

“Yeah and I said yes and then that was that.” Lily blushed.

“That was that?” Marlene raised an eyebrow, and Mary chuckled.

“Yes! Filthy animals you are.” Lily slapped them both. “Ugh, it’s so stupid.” She giggled, “I really like him. Like _really_ like him.”

“Awh, Evan’s is in love!”

“Oh no I’m not, shut up! Honestly! It’s been five minutes! Now I’m tired let’s go to bed.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I loved writing this chapter so much, it practically wrote itself!   
> Jealous Sirius, Sassy Marlene and Angry Remus - my fave versions of them all. Hope you enjoyed too. x


	11. Upping The Anti

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus is getting frustrated with Sirius's mixed signals and Marlene has a plan.

26th October 1976

“Now, I need you all to remember to complete the evaluation on the uses of mistletoe berries in antidotes as well as the essay on the consequences of misused mandrake leaves. Fail to do so and I will have to embark consequences such as detention. Okay, you may go for lunch now. But Miss Evans, Miss McKinnon and Mr Minsky could you stay behind for a moment?” Slughorn instructed as the potions class fizzled out of the classroom, leaving the three students with the professor.

“No need to look so glum, children! No, see I am here to inform you I am now reopening the Slug Club and I’d like to invite you all to join. I see huge potential in you all and it would be my pleasure to have you there. First dinner is Friday evening, can you all make it?”

“Yes, sir.”  
“Yes, Professor.”  
“Absolutely.”

“Excellent! I shall see you there then. Now run along to lunch.” He smiled as they exited the classroom. Remus was resting against the dungeon wall and visibly brightened when he saw Marlene, she sauntered over to him, giving a polite goodbye to Lily and Simon.

“What took you so long?” He asked kindly.

“Slughorn’s reopened his exclusive club and asked us to join.” She answered. “What are you doing down here?”

“Came to see you, obviously.”

Marlene looked at him questionably, “No, you only come to the dungeons if it is a necessity for a prank. Has this got something to do with last night?”

Remus sighed, “You down for a walk?” She nodded and they headed to the out cold grounds; the sky was clouded an opaque grey and the grass crisp with thick chilly air.

“So… Why are you avoiding Black?” Marlene asked.

“How’d you- ugh. Okay well I’m mad. I want to make it clear I’m mad.”

“Abundantly clear. Go on.”

“Well after you left, he didn’t say anything so I followed him into the bathroom and asked him what’s up and he said I was killing him or something, then walked out so I followed him again and then he said he didn’t know what was wrong, so I got mad, and then he kissed me, then swore at me and then left.” Remus told her very quickly in in breath as his words projected out of his mouth like vomit and not the usual elegant manner which he commonly delivered his stories.

Abruptly, Marlene stopped walking and sceptically stared up at Remus in disbelief. “Um wow… Okay can you repeat that but much slower and detailed, please?” She asked and he obeyed, relaying the events piece by piece until Marlene had deciphered all she needed and was now ready to explain it to Remus.

“Okay, this makes sense…” She thought out loud.

“No, it doesn’t not one bit of it makes sense!”

“Remus you overthink things too much, you just need to look at the facts and assess them! Okay so Sirius obviously still likes you.”

“But he swore and yelled at me and then left!” Remus huffed.

“Listen. I know you said you worked out you were queer quite early on and that’s great but I certainly didn’t; it took truth serum to pull it out of me! And I don’t want to think how long it would have taken otherwise. I acted out when I was questioning, remember?”

“What so people just kiss me when they are questioning their sexuality then?”

“Look, I’m not defending him, and he was a real dick but he’s spent his entire life thinking he’s straight, now you come in and he starts really liking you and it’s messing up his system and he can’t escape it. He’s frustrated, Remus.”

“Well me too.”

“He shouldn’t be taking it out on you, that’s not fair but he’s confused.”

“So, what do we do?”

“We make it clear for him.”

***

28th October 1976

Wednesday afternoon was double transfiguration, the first time they had it in the first week it had been a full moon mere hours later and everyone was anxious and unsettled. Since then, Remus had agreed to allow the marauders to accompany him again on the long nights of transformation after ruthless persuading but overall looked pleased about the development; Marlene definitely was.

Transfiguration was bearable when doing practical work, but theoretical dragged like no other subject and the ticking hands on the large clock at the back of the classroom would slowly edge around the ivory face infuriatingly measured. Marlene was resting her drooping head on her knuckles and thought she would drift off at any moment when a delicate hand tapped her shoulder and lazily passed a folded sheet of parchment with a familiar messy scrawl.

_Marls,_

_Smile when you read this because your boyfriend has just written something loving and sweet in this note, definitely not this:_

_I’ve thought about another thing we could do because this lesson is mind-numbingly boring, and I feared my brain would go stale if I didn’t exercise it. I need you to be anything but subtle when receiving my next note. McGonagall needs to intercept it. Pass back something, it doesn’t matter what you write._

_Remus._

Marlene smirked and not because Remus had instructed her to but because she was eternally glad to have a momentary escape from the dreary voice of McGonagall. She mindlessly followed the instructions and turned over her shoulder to smile at Remus then added onto the same torn piece of parchment with her neat, rounded font:

_Remus,_

_Great. Anything to escape this lesson, only 50 minutes to go, that’s just 10 minutes, 5 times! You know I’m down for whatever except public sex and something tells me that’s not where your heading so its all good. The bar really is on the floor here._

_Love ya,  
Marlene xxx _

She passed the note back to Remus through the girl that provided it to her in the first place; Remus quickly received it and nodded at her while smiling, pulling a new piece of parchment from his bag and swiftly scrawling on it. Marlene turned back to the professor, ready to obviously accept the letter that needed to be intercepted when it seemed to have been done for her.

“Mr Lupin! Are you passing notes in my lesson?” McGonagall quipped, dramatically snatching the paper from Remus’s hand. “To Miss McKinnon I believe?”

Marlene turned around seeming as though she had no knowledge on the subject, and she felt several others stiffly sit up as the lesson was finally worth paying attention. McGonagall swooped to the front of the class, holding up the parchment, unfolding it and clearing her throat.

“See you at the Astronomy Tower at nine. Yours, Remus. And a winky face.” The professor read and the class burst into muffled giggles and teasing _Ooo_ s. “Classy as always Mr Lupin but I feel the need to remind you that public displays of intimate affection are strong prohibited. I will also remind you that if caught out of curfew you will both receive detention.”

The class was now uncontrollably laughing and whispering without shame, but Remus looked thoroughly unbothered, “Good shout, professor.” He nodded then turned back to Marlene shouting over the rowdy students “Better make it eight, Marls!”

Marlene gawked at his with amused disbelief before steadily concealing her embarrassed face behind the palms of her hands.

“You will do nothing of the sort. Detention with me from six to eight for disrupting my class, Mr Lupin. And for you Miss McKinnon…” The teacher snapped, but behind the stern mask of justice, glimmered a faint show of amusement. Marlene looked at her and cocked her head telling McGonagall she hadn’t done anything worthy of punishment. “Just don’t pass notes in my class again.” She settled.

***

“Remus!” Marlene practically threw herself at Remus once the class had ended, “What the actual fuck? I thought I said anything _but_ public sex! Literally _anything_!” She sighed, half amused, half gobsmacked.

“I don’t remember having public sex, McKinnon.” Remus smirked and Marlene reached up to give him a slap across his head.

They both had an early dinner as Remus now wanted to eat before his detention and as usual, Marlene was going to help Madame Pomfrey at the Hospital Wing.

“I think that was one of your more pathetic plans.” Marlene commented.

“Oh, I don’t.” Remus reply was muffled by the absurd amount of pasta loaded in his mouth. “Did you see Sirius’s face?”

“No, sorry, I was too busy dying of embarrassment.” Remus rolled his eyes at her theatrics. “Right. I’d best be off. I do hope it’s not too boring tonight.”

“I’ll pray someone gets seriously injured for you.” Marlene scowled at him before quickly bouncing out of the hall.

Marlene spent the first few hours perfecting the art of brewing a sleeping draught; it was useful in almost all instances of injury and Madame Pomfrey agreed that it was one of the priorities for Marlene to perfect. After she had successfully brewed three bottles, she was reading to leave when the hospital doors flew open and James struggled in, carrying an almost unconscious fourth year. They were both in quidditch robes, stained slightly bloody and Marlene dashed to help James hoist the boy into an empty bed, shouting for Madame Pomfrey to come from her office.

Madame Pomfrey came at an instant and swooped to help the boy, but James stopped her, “It’s worse. At the quidditch pitch. I don’t know what happened, but I went for a quick practise and they were all there but I could only carry one up here—”

“It’s alright Mr Potter, I’ll go down to the pitch. Marlene can you stay here and heal?”

Marlene turned her attention from the groaning boy to the nurse and nodded but she was already swiftly leaving, throwing a cloak over her shoulder as she raced out of sight. Marlene knelt beside the boy and asked James what happened, surveying the patient for any kind of life-threatening injury.

“I don’t know, looks like it might have been a fight? Practise gone wrong? But there was like six of them on the floor, I just grabbed him and ran here.” James stuttered and Marlene nodded, casting spells over the evident wounds, nothing severe just scratches and one slash. The boy was still whimpering and groaning dizzyingly.

“Where does it hurt?” She asked him and the boy let out a shrieking cry as she touched his arm. James watched solemnly, offering to help.

“No visible damage on the right but still sensitive and hot; broken arm I reckon. Bruising around the eye, not coherent speech, probably a small concussion.” Marlene quickly analysed out loud and James watched her fervently. “Can you grab that teal potion from the cabinet, next to the painkillers?” She instructed him as she frantically muttered an incantation at the broken arm.

“This?” James held up the potion and Marlene nodded, still focusing on the arm and the boy sighed of relief as the arm started to decrease in swelling, she instructed him to sip the potion before he drifted to sleep and looked in a significantly less amount of pain than a few minutes ago. “Jesus christ.” James sighed as Marlene stood next to him, both watching the sleeping boy.

“Oh, Marlene McKinnon will do.” Marlene teased and James laughed.

“Sure that’s what you wanna do for a career? I just got so stressed that I reckon I knocked ten years off my life, and I wasn’t even doing anything!”

“Yeah.” Marlene sighed, but was overall happy with her accomplishment, she had helped him hugely even if it wasn’t that big of injury; it was a big deal to her. “I’ve never worked on a patient alone before.”

“Shit, really? You’re a bloody natural then, Marls.”

“Do you think we should go to the quidditch pitch?” Marlene asked, but before James could answer Madame Pomfrey returned, assuring them everything was under control.

“It was just a fight. With try-outs next week it seems everyone wanted some extra practise and it escalated, seems that Mr Jacobs here had it the worst.” She indicated to the boy in the bed, “Mr Potter you may go, I just want to conferee with Miss McKinnon for a moment.”

“Oh okay… I’ll see you in the common room, Marls.” James smiled as he left.

***

Remus quickly exited his detention as soon as the clock struck eight, he was determined to catch Marlene on the way back and return with her so Sirius would see. Remus stopped in his tracks outside the hospital wing, _was this getting a bit much?_ Making Sirius jealous now seemed like immature, childish activities. Should he just drop it? His train of thought was interrupted as James flew out of the hospital wing and down the adjacent corridor, not even catching sight of Remus. _What the bloody hell was James doing in the hospital wing?_

Marlene exited a few minutes later, Remus straightened against up, stopped leaning on the wall to greet her and she looked extremely surprised to see him, “What are you doing here?” She asked.

“Came after my detention.”

“Oh, you want to make it look like we actually did meet at the astronomy tower.” She smirked.

“I-er, well only if your okay with it.” Remus spluttered.

“Yeah, I admire your dedication, Lupin. Let’s just stoll around 6th floor, it’s always empty after seven.” Marlene suggested and Remus nodded, if Marlene approved of it, it couldn’t be _that_ bad.

“What happened in there? I saw James leaving.”

“Oh yeah he brought a boy with a concussion and a broken arm and I ended up having to heal him while Madame Pomfrey went to the quidditch pitch to deal with the other six of them.”

“Woah, what? That’s awesome you healed him yourself?!”

“Yeah, no big deal.” Marlene smiled but Remus could tell it was a big deal to her, she hadn’t done that before. 

“Yes, it is. Proud of you, McKinnon.”


	12. Rolling Meadows Of Realisation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marlene and Lily attend the Slug Club Dinner and Marlene is hit hard, Remus is there to comfort her.   
> CW: Mild homophobic language.

30th October 1976

Marlene just wanted to get this dinner out of the way; even Lily agreed that Slughorn’s suppers where usually painfully boring and awkward but Slughorn always seemed to have a soft spot for the both of them, and it could likely be beneficial in the future when Marlene needed contacts or information for her career. Mary always told Lily and Marlene that it was weird how Slughorn would select talented students like they were collectibles and both girls would tell her she was over thinking. Although it was strange when he found out James and Remus had dropped potions and he complained about ‘losing them’ and even stranger when Sirius had denied the invitation in first year and Marlene heard Slughorn mumble about how he would of liked to complete the ‘Black Family set’.

Marlene and Lily said goodbye to a particularly comfy looking Mary who was reading on her bed with fluffy socks and a soft blanket wrapped around her shoulders; Marlene wanted nothing more than to ditch the dinner and have a comfy Friday night, but Lily was already pulling her down the stairs and she shot one more longing look at her inviting bed and Mary laughed at her expression.

Slughorn’s office was extremely large with a huge round table suitable for seating about twenty students and walls filled with photographs and shelves of trophies and awards; Slughorn welcomed the two girls inside.

“Ah girls! Please, please come in!” He ushered with a beaming smile that folded the edges of his plump cheeks, “Now let me introduce you. This is Kingsley Shacklebolt, a seventh year Gryffindor, Kingsley this is Marlene McKinnon and Lily Evans, _sixth_ year Gryffindors.” Slughorn introduced, Marlene had seen him around the common room but never been formally acquainted.

“Pleased to meet you.” She said, shaking his hand before he took Lily’s.

“Ah, now this is Barty Crouch and his friend Regulus Black, fifth year Slytherins. Boys this is Marlene McKinnon and Lily Evans, sixth year Gryffindors.” Marlene did know these two, she did not make an effort to shake their hands or even politely smile, just shot a burning glare at the Slytherin boys who returned an almost as lethal one back.

“We are already acquainted, Sir.” Lily explained politely to Slughorn who looked confused at the interaction,

“Right. Of course.” He chuckled nervously, “Oh Mr Minsky and Miss Vance have arrived, please excuse me. Make yourself at home and introduce yourselves.” Marlene turned to Lily and they began politely chatting to the approximate dozen students in the large office.

“Oh, Marlene and Daniel!” Slughorn raised his voice over the sea of students, indicating for them to come over, Marlene pulled Lily with her, not wanting to be on her own. “I wanted to introduce you to Dorcas Meadows.” He smiled. Next to Slughorn was a tall olive-skinned girl with piercing green eyes, her long dark hair braided neatly as it fell neatly past her defined jaw, slim neck and bronzed exposed collarbones. Marlene suddenly forgot how to speak, and her mouth went very dry.

“She’s a sixth year Hufflepuff and an extraordinary chaser on the Hufflepuff quidditch team, are you two not on the team?” Slughorn continued.

“Yes, professor. Daniel Folkins, Ravenclaw seeker, fifth year.” Daniel introduced, shaking hands with Dorcas. She smiled back politely, her plump pink lips creating dimples in her cheeks as she spoke, but Marlene couldn’t hear what she was saying until Lily subtly but harshly stomped on her foot.

“Oh er… Marlene McKinnon, Gryffindor Chaser, also sixth year.” Marlene said and Dorcas shook her hand softly, one side of her mouth lifting into a charming smile as she held direct eye-contact with Marlene long after she finished talking; it made Marlene’s stomach flip and twist into an uncomfortable knot.

“My absolute pleasure to meet you, Miss McKinnon. I’ve played against you a couple times and you truly are _brilliant_.” Dorcas flattered and Marlene laughed a breathy and nervous exhale, trying to keep her cool and digest what Dorcas was saying then respond in an appropriate manner.

“Oh, please call me Marlene. And the pleasure is mine; you are a phenomenal chaser.”

Dorcas didn’t respond and first, just continued smiling at her with the corner of her lips, then with a charming nod said, “Thank you, _Marlene_.” And with one last prolonged second of eye-contact, she excused herself to move further into the party and Marlene let out a harsh breath that she didn’t realize she had been holding.

“The fuck was that?” Lily whispered, hitting Marlene on the arm.

“What?”

Lily looked at her gobsmacked, then impersonated Marlene’s nervous expression a few minutes ago. “Marlene McKinnon getting flustered is what. That _never_ happens.”

“I was not _flustered!_ More like _intimidated_. She’s just really good at quidditch.” Marlene defended, although she felt the blush rising to her cheeks from her neck but hastily turned around before Lily could see _. Fuck_ , this was new.She needed a minute to think, to calm down, she needed to talk to Remus, needed to get-

“Dinner is served students! Please gather round.” Slughorn smiled. Marlene and Lily took their places beside Minsky and regrettably when Marlene turned to her left her eyes were met with the piercing green of Dorcas’.

“Oh, Hi.” Marlene greeted.

“Hi.” Dorcas smiled back and Marlene struggled for something else to say so stupidly repeated,

“Hi.”

Dorcas smirked again and chuckled lightly, her eyes left Marlene’s as they glossed over the rest of the face and upper body then back to her eyes. She ran her tongue across her teeth, still cheekily smiling then turned around to confer with the people on her left. Marlene once again exhaled shakily and very quietly swore at herself under her breath, rubbing her fingers quickly across her temple in exasperation before turning back to Lily and Minsky. She made a mental note to ask Lily what his first name was, she couldn’t keep calling him Minsky.

“…so I guess I think an auror is a good career path for me.” A boy had just finished explaining.

“Mhm yes and a fine one you would be. I’ll have to put you in contact with a friend of mine, Frank Longbottom he graduated two years ago and is now an amazing auror, he’ll be able to…” Slughorn explained but Marlene wasn’t focused on that, she was lazily picking at her ice cream sundae when a soft hot voice whispered in her ear.

“Poor girl.” Dorcas chuckled; Marlene whipped her head around so fast her neck almost snapped.

“Huh?”

“Alice. Her fiancé, Frank Longbottom, where you not listening?”

“Er…” Marlene continued “Well er not really no.” She chuckled a little.

“Alice is marrying this ‘Frank Longbottom’ apparently,” Dorcas explained, “Changing your name to Longbottom, and so young as well. _Poor_ girl.”

Marlene chuckled along with Dorcas, it was unfortunate, but Marlene couldn’t focus all too well with Dorcas’s voice close and their thighs almost touching.

“You’ve got a nice name.” Marlene commented with instant regret, Dorcas turned to face her, coyly smirking again.

“Oh, yeah?” She raised her eyebrows, then leaned far too close to Marlene’s ear, “Do you want it?” She whispered with hot fresh breath, before quickly pulling away and casually turning back to her sundae. _That was flirting. There was no way- What the actual fuck? She couldn’t have known… Even then, flirting is not second conversation material._ Marlene’s thoughts messily rampaged around her mind as her stomach fluttered up to her throat rendering her speechless.

“You’re not eating.” Dorcas pointed out, looking at Marlene’s played with but uneaten ice cream.

“Oh yeah, I’m full from dinner and best not stuff myself with try-outs tomorrow.” Marlene explained.

“Of course. What time is your slot?” Dorcas asked.

“Erm 12-3.”

“Brilliant, I’ll come and watch you.”

“What- Oh er you don’t have to—” Marlene spluttered. Dorcas chuckled lightly,

“I’ll be there anyway and maybe I can learn something off you.”

“Oh, I highly doubt that.” Marlene scoffed.

“We’ll see… So, you’re not having ice cream because of try-outs?”

“And I’m already stuffed.”

“Ah.” Dorcas sighed then dragged the bottom of Marlene’s glass along the table with two bronzed slim fingers, then raised them swirling the tip of her finger at the edge of Marlene’s sundae then placing it into her mouth and sucking the ice cream off her finger, all while keeping eye contact with Marlene. Marlene just about fainted as she fought to keep her gaze on Dorcas’s eyes, not her lips or finger. “Mhm…yours is better.”

Marlene nodded, “Um, yeah. Vanilla is better than strawberry, I guess.”

“Vanilla girl then, McKinnon?”

“Well, they didn’t have chocolate. I thought I told you Marlene was fine?”

“Mhm but I like McKinnon and I best get my use out of it before you take mine.” Dorcas said casually.

“Marls, we should get going.” Lily tapped her shoulder and Marlene nodded, turning back to Dorcas who was already walking away,

“I’ll see you tomorrow, McKinnon.” She called over her shoulder with one last smirk that sucked the air out of Marlene’s lungs.

***

Sirius Black had always been a complex individual with a variety of erratic emotions, but Sirius Black had never been this insufferable polite and submissive.

Remus hated it.

Sirius used be outrageously witty and retaliate with a hilarious sarcastic quip, or he would be livid at his family or at Peter or at Remus and he would scream and shout and kick; he hadn’t done that in months, since the last full moon. Now, he would smile politely and make stupid fucking small talk all the time making Remus wanted to scream at him to ‘ _stop treating me like a fucking stranger and shout at me!’_

Remus didn’t though, instead he watched an oblivious Sirius from the other side of the common room, feeling too many emotions at the sight of him, if he could Remus would shut down his desire and everything wonderful that happened in the past if it meant he could at least have his old friend back. _Stupid fucking teenage hormones and my stupid fucking horny brain and my stupid fucking-_

Sirius looked up to Remus by the fire, catching him staring directly at him; he sheepishly smiled, “Alright?” He asked, politely. Remus wanted Sirius to laugh at him or make fun of him, even shout – anything except this cold reserved tone he recently adapted towards him.

“Pads…” He started, but both their attention was caught by the portrait hole opening and James swooping Lily in his arms at the sight, telling her he missed her and Lily stating it had only been a few hours. Remus tried to ignore the fact that old Sirius would have made fun of James for that. Instead, he looked at a frantic looking Marlene who just stepped out from behind Lily. She looked at him with wide eyes and nodded toward the dormitories with a desperate hastily look of _‘I need to talk to you!’_

Remus looked back to Sirius who caught Marlene’s stare as well and had slowly moved away from him, hiding a pained look at the couple. _Fuck, why now Marlene?_ He thought selfishly but that evaded once he returned to Marlene’s panicked eyes.

She followed him up the staircase, then went straight into the dorm and was climbing out the window, Remus grabbed his cigarettes from his bed-side, then mirroring her, climbed onto the roof and sat beside a shaken Marlene before offering her a smoke. The breeze was sharp and cold in the October night air and spirals of vapour were already rising from their mouths without even lighting the cigarettes.

“What’s wrong?” He asked quickly, and Marlene sighed lengthily, resting her back on the slanted roof of the tower, looking up at the all-consuming darkness of the star-littered night sky.

“Dorcas Meadows.” She sighed as though it would explain everything. Remus looked at her, waiting for her explanation to develop.

“The Hufflepuff Chaser?” He inquired.

“Yeah. Yeah, that’s her.” Marlene clarified. “I met her tonight.”

“Ok…”

“I- er… Well I made a complete fool of myself… but she didn’t seem too bothered to be frank.” Marlene chuckled, with a glint of something he’d never seen on Marlene, often on James. It dawned on Remus what Marlene meant, why she was talking to him not Mary or Lily, why she had a smug flicker in her eyes.

“Holy- You like her!” Her spluttered and she subtly nodded. “Woah, okay tell me what happened.”

“Well Slughorn introduced us, and I couldn’t speak I mean she’s just so bloody…. _Charming_. But then I snapped out of it and she looked at me and I got this really weird fuzzy feeling in my stomach and er… other—”

“Okay!” Remus interrupted with a giggle, he remembered the feeling all too well, he had it mere minutes ago at the sight of Sirius and he remembered how awfully overwhelming it was the first time, the guilt and realisation he felt.

“I’ve never had it like that before.” She told him. “It all felt so right and then she was…” Marlene’s face dropped, the embarrassed but happy smile turning into a look of pure sadness and desperation as her eyes glossed over like fresh glass, she turned to Remus who had subconsciously stopped smiling too and murmured something inaudible, looking sternly at the tiles on the roof. 

“Fuck.” She whispered, sounding very small and quiet. “Fuckfuckfuck!” She buried her face into the palms of her hands, and Remus knew exactly what was going through Marlene’s head, the bliss moment of a crush that’s impossible to reach, the knowing they’re never going to like you back - which made it all the more painful as he wrapped his arms around her and held back his own tears at the back of his throat. He held her as scattered words came through her soft sobs “I thought - she wouldn’t though – it’s not – it’s not the same.”

“I know, I know.” He comforted, wishing he could do more, but thought that just being there was at least more than what he had. 

“It all feels so fucking real now.” She whispered. “Like, I didn’t really get it and now it’s like…”

Remus shushed her more out of comfort than wanting her to stop talking, talking would most likely help. “This… Is this going to be the rest of our lives? Endless chasing with no hope, no one else…”

“We aren’t the only ones Marlene. I know it might feel like it but there are others out there. It sucks, it really fucking sucks, I know.”

“Why us?” She sobbed softly.

“I don’t know, love; but it’ll get easier I promise.”

“I just wish…” Marlene cried hard into his shoulder, and Remus didn’t want her to finish that sentence, knowing it would cause tears to fill his eyes too.

“I know, me too, love. Me too.” He chocked, the ball in his throat making his whisper sound like a strangled cry as he kissed the top her smooth blonde hair.

“Shit, I’m sorry Remus I shouldn’t—” She lifted her head and hurriedly wiped her eyes with a sniff.

“Hey, hey it’s alright.”

“No, I’m sorry, I mean… I can’t imagine…”

“Marlene. It’s okay really. If anything, it made it easier to accept I was queer after already being an outsider since I was five. You can’t compare issues and even though we have different circumstances we’ve similar experiences. So please don’t be sorry.”

She nodded and laughed a little through the tears and sniffed, “Am I gonna cry every time we come out here?”

“I’ll be here every time.” Remus smiled as she hugged him one last time and stubbed out the cigarette on the tiled roof. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it was all going so well until the end when it hit poor baby Marls!  
>  How are you all coping with Lockdown? It's hard but I've got more time to write so that's a bonus, i guess! x


	13. Halloween 1976 - Part One: Nails, Eyeliner and Endings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Extremely Busy Chapter where:  
> Quidditch Trials are held, Most are pleased with the result.  
> Halloween feast renders everyone full.  
> The Halloween/Sirius Black's birthday party is underway!

31st October 1976

“She’s coming to watch apparently.”

“I am too.”

“Fuck, Remus I’ve got enough pressure!”

“Just pretend we aren’t there! If Potter doesn’t keep you on the team, I’m going to fucking rip his head off.”

“Right.”

“So _, Dorcas_ is going...”

“Shush! And yes, I just said that…. What!?”

“Nothing! Nothing…” Remus giggled as he lowered his raised eyebrows and Marlene shot him a pained look that spoke louder than words could, “Right, no. Sorry.” He retreated shyly.

Trials went much smoother than Marlene could have hoped, she didn’t miss one single goal and was almost as good as James. _Almost_. He told her she had a space before even trying out the rest of the Chasers, leaving Marlene to be the only Chaser available for testing out the keeper’s ability to block her goals.

Sirius got to keep his beater position and the other beater post went to a skilled fourth year. Peter tried for keeper and Marlene even made her shots easier for him to block but he was still under performing, which was a shame considering keeper was the only position Peter was good at, James was saddened by his underperformance too, ‘ _he’s always such a reliable keeper’_ he whispered to Marlene before he painfully had to give the position to a seventh-year girl who was undoubtably very good at blocking.

Finally, the seeker position went to a small and shy second-year boy who was surprisingly agile and fast. Once James allocated the team spots, he kept the seven of them behind for a quick briefing on the rest of the year.

“Right so match against Ravenclaw is in January so I need us to work our arses off because we have to start strong. We’re gonna win this year guys, I’m telling you! This is the strongest Gryffindor team we’ve had in decades!”

They all cheered in agreement before slipping away to the changing rooms. Marlene was starving and was very thankful it was Halloween so that she could stuff herself silly with well-earned food.

“Congratulations.” A voice sounded beside Marlene; she slammed her locker shut to reveal Dorcas leaning against the deep grey doors next to her.

“Thanks.” Marlene smiled. Earlier, she had purposely not looked to see if she had turned up in the stands; same with Remus, Mary and Lily but she could hear their screams and cheers every time Marlene scored. “Did you learn anything then?”

“Oh, yes.” Dorcas smirked, the dimples in her cheeks creasing and making Marlene even more hot and bothered than the quidditch had made her. “The most important thing isn’t going to help me when I try out though.”

“What’s the most important one?”

“That you look really hot on a broom.” Dorcas smiled and Marlene felt the fuzzy butterflies return to her stomach while her cheeks heated red.

Hot? That was more than a compliment… that was flirting? But Marlene reminded herself to think logically – it’s not normal to be queer… She’s just being nice. Friendly.

“When do you try out?” Marlene redirected the conversation. Dorcas laughed softly at what Marlene assumed to be her blushing cheeks.

“Five minutes.”

“Five minutes?! What- why are you here then?!”

“Calm down, McKinnon. I’m going now, just wanted to congratulate you first.” Dorcas laughed, then turned around headed for changing room door and without thinking Marlene grabbed her wrist and it felt so slender and warm at her touch. “Wait…”

Dorcas turned round and looked her dead in the eye with the same intense green burning as last night, “We’re throwing a party tonight, in Gryffindor tower after the feast, at like 7. It’s for Halloween but also kinda a birthday party for Sirius. Sirius Black that is, His birthday is in a couple days and we always end up merging them and it’s- sorry I’m rambling. Do you want to come?” Marlene spluttered and Dorcas looked amused at Marlene’s lack of articulacy but nodded.

“Yeah, d’love to. Thanks, McKinnon.”

“Oh great…. Oh er it’s a costume party.” Marlene added, slightly embarrassed. 

“Of course, it is.” Dorcas chuckled. “I’ll see you there. Seven?”

“Yeah, seven. Goodluck.” Marlene called as Dorcas exited the changing rooms with one last charming smirk and nod.

“Marls! Marls! Marls!” Mary and Lily burst in through the back entrance, “You did it! You got Chaser!”

“No need to act surprised.” Marlene chuckled as they swooped her into a hug, “Guys, stop it, I stink!”

“Fine have a shower and we’ll meet you for the feast.” Mary smiled, and Marlene disappeared into the cubicles.

***

“Oh, do mine, MacDonald!” Sirius exclaimed, hurdling over the sofa in the common room as Mary pulled out her nail varnish, setting down at the table with a grin. It was an hour and a half till the party and the feast had just finished, all of them giddy with excitement and full stomachs.

“Oh yeah, Padfoot will take any excuse to have a manicure.” James teased.

“For my Halloween costume, tosser!” Sirius retorted.

“Yeah ‘cause Elvis _always_ has painted nails.” Peter joined in.

“Oi, this is toxic masculinity right here! Sirius I’ll paint your nails if you want.” Marlene quipped.

“I’ll do it Marls; I’m waiting for mine to dry anyway.” Mary said, “Oi Remus, Peter, James! Which one of you is going to let Marlene do your nails?!”

“I’m perfectly satisfied with naked nails, thanks.” Peter hurriedly replied.

“Busy with the confetti, Sorry Moony.” James smiled. Remus rolled his eyes and trudged over to the table where Mary was now painting Sirius’s nails a deep scarlet colour. Remus selected a simple black and allowed Marlene to lather it on all his nails, she cast a drying charm and Remus held out his newly painted hand for examination. It did look cool, in his opinion.

But Sirius absolutely rocked it. 

“Thanks!”

“No worries, love. Right I’m gonna go get ready.” Marlene declared, disappearing up the winding steps to the girl’s dormitories. 

“You should paint your nails more often.” Remus smiled at Sirius who slowly turned around and gave a respectful closed lip smile, nodded and headed up to the dorm room. It broke Remus further than he was used to, he just wanted Sirius back. Maybe they had gone too far with the ruse; but even then, shouldn’t Sirius be mad about it, not silently sulking? It hadn’t even been two months, but Remus needed to talk to Marlene, this just wasn’t working for him anymore.

***

Mary was generously applying a wicked shade of pink lipstick when Marlene was braiding Lily’s hair into two plaits; she was going as Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz and Mary was a barbie doll. They both looked so great and effortlessly stunning that it made Marlene doubt her hippie disco dancing outfit but once she put it on, her previous revisions were reset, she looked good and the deep green of her two piece brought out the bright blonde of her hair and the deepness of her eyes. Marlene found herself wanting to look the best version of herself as Dorcas would be there.

Oh god, Dorcas would be there.

She found herself analysing the conversation she had earlier while Mary curled her hair. Hot _. Hot?_ That was the one word she found herself revisiting, even Remus would agree - Shit Remus.

If it was flirting, how could she explain Remus to Dorcas? _Yeah, I’m a lesbian with a boyfriend?_ She would have to talk to him, see if this charade had gone on long enough for him too.

***

Remus didn’t do a lot of things; costumes was one of them. He threw on a black knitted jumper and jeans, then a headband with red devil horns. Sirius and James looked borderline insane as Elvis Presley and Superman, Peter chuckled to Remus about it but when Remus asked what Peter was, he said a long title that Remus didn’t know or care enough about to ask more.

He bounced down to the common room that was littered with bright banners, confetti and twinkling warm fairy lights. Pumpkins hung from the ceiling with confetti floating around the walls and it looked as good as any marauders party ever did.

“Remus Lupin what the fuck are you wearing.” Lily sighed.

“What?! It’s a normal outfit!” He defended.

“Yeah, that’s the sodding issue. Where’s your Halloween spirit?”

Remus pointed gracefully to his devil horns placed in his head and Lily irritably stood, she was in a blue and white tartan dress with red bows secured at the end of two thick braids and eye-catching sparkling shoes. “Right well at least let me give you devil-esk make-up.”

“No, thanks Lils.” Remus chuckled. Lily pouted and flicked his chest, then did her best puppy eyes that made Remus just shake his head more vigorously.

“C’mon, I’ll do a bit of eyeliner, Remus. You’ll look like David Bowie!” Marlene charmed in, who was no doubt dressed as a hippie kind of dancer, but Remus thought it didn’t differ too wildly from her normal style. 

“Well… I do like David Bowie…”

“Eee! Okay, I’ll do it, Lils. I need to talk to him anyway.” Marlene pulled Remus to the side and took an eyeliner off Mary. “Look up.” She instructed. Remus was glad to have a moment with Marlene and took a deep breath, hoping that what he was about to ask was not too harsh.

“Marls—”

“Remus—” They both started at the same time, “Oh no, you go first.” She smiled.

“Oh, okay. Um well I was just thinking, you know… well I think maybe…”

“We should break up?”

“Er… well yeah…I’m sorry.” Remus exhaled.

“Don’t be, I was actually going to suggest the same.” Marlene replied.

“You were?”

“Mhm… I know I’m getting my hopes up, but I just thought… Dorcas- Well Lily and Mary aren’t pestering me anymore and I can’t shake this feeling… it’s stupid, it really is but Dorcas called me hot today—”

“What!? Oh my god, Marlene!” Remus gasped, pulling away from the eyeliner pencil in his eye and laughing.

“-and I invited her here and she said yeah so….”

“Holy shit!”

“Remus, you know I can’t get my hopes up.”

“I know. I know, I’m sorry.” Remus sighed, “But I mean…”

“Okay! Well, why did you want to break up? Is Sirius sufficiently jealous?”

“No, well I don’t know but he’s been weird for so long and I cant stand it anymore, I think I need to talk to him and that will probably be easier if I don’t have a girlfriend.” Marlene nodded solemnly,

“It’ll be fine, love.” then pulled back and examined her work. “Plus, even I wouldn’t turn you down right now, you look so hot! And that’s coming from your lesbian ex-girlfriend!” She chuckled.

“Damn, Moony! Look at you, that’s hot shit.” James ran over.

“Yeah jeez Remus, Marlene’s got lucky tonight!” Mary called, and with seven of them in the room, Remus looked to Marlene and she gave him the same confirming look.

“Urm actually guys… We just broke up.”

The room went silent and Lily and Mary clapped a hand over their mouths and with concerned eyes looked at Marlene who smiled, unfazed. James and Peter stopped giggling, turning into solemn glances, flicking their gaze between the two of them and Remus didn’t dare look at Sirius to register his expression.

“Guys it’s okay. We’re fine, it’s really not that biga deal.” Marlene laughed.

“Are you sure, Marls?” Mary asked tentatively.

“Yes! It’s fine, isn’t it?” She turned to look at Remus.

“One hundred percent, you can all act like nothing’s changed.” He supplied.

“Er- Okay, well great if you guys are sure…” James said and they both rolled their eyes before James put his hands up in surrender, “Okay! Okay! Let’s get this party started then! Moony will have to find another lucky lady tonight!” He threw an arm up over Remus’s shoulders and the rest of them cheered in agreement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woah, a lot of POV changes in that... Next chapter is going to be a good-en! :) xx  
> UPDATE: next chapter is out now !


	14. Halloween 1976 - Part Two: Happiness is a Butterfly.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gryffindor Tower on Halloween of '76 throws the biggest party of the year so far...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: Underage Drinking, Brief mention of abusive childhood, Internalized homophobia.

By 7:30pm the party was in full swing, KISS blasting off the record player and vibrating the walls and floor with the assistance of the amplifier charm Remus had cast on it earlier. Bodies were steadily filling up the alive common room, costumes of all varieties taking place on the dance floor and Remus shuffled through the crowd to greet everyone he could; he was a host after all. Although there seemed to be at least two dozen people he didn’t recognise and assumed that they must be the invites of Sirius.

He was shouting over the music to welcome a friend from one of his classes, offering him a drink and pointing out obvious things like the loo, the music, the buffet – although in hindsight, they didn’t really need to raid the kitchens after a huge feast. Then he saw a tall, tanned girl stepping in through the portrait hole and Remus recognised her immediately as one of the Hufflepuff Chasers, Dorcas Meadows. She was dressed in a smart black blazer that squared her shoulders but had the sleeves neatly rolled up to her elbows broadcasting her slender forearms.

Remus, being much taller than most of the crowd, only had to glance around to try and spot Marlene but when he subtly tried to catch her attention, her focus didn’t divert from a deep conversation she was having with Mary and Remus decided to head over to Dorcas himself. Politely excusing himself from his classmate, he sieved through the crowd, pulling Dorcas’s attention away from scanning the room and toward him.

“Hey, Dorcas?” He asked, the girl nodded “Remus Lupin, er…host.” He introduced, holding out a hand which she shook gently.

“Hi, yeah… Um Marlene invited me?”

“Oh yeah, she said! Well more like casually mentioned actually- er drink?” He offered, guiding her toward the table of various beverages where she gratefully accepted the plastic cup of fire-whiskey that he handed her.

“I like your eyeliner.” She shouted over the deafening roars of the music and the crowd.

“Thanks! I like your make-up.” He matched her volume and pointed to her face that had neat black streaks of a button nose and whiskers, along with the all black attire and the pointed ears – Remus deduced she was supposed to be a cat.

“I can see you share my enthusiasm for costumes.” She smirked, looking him up and down, piercing green eyes roaming his outfit and finally settling on his horns.

“Haha er yeah, not a big dress-up guy, you should see James though, he’s got a cape and everything.” She laughed, and Remus agreed with Marlene that she did have a very charming and allusive atmosphere about her. “Shall we find, Marlene?” He offered and she nodded, reaching on her toes to scan the crowd again, “Over there.” Remus supplied, already guiding her to Mary and Marlene. She was tall, but no-one was every as long and lanky as Remus, she could probably be maybe around the same height as James or Sirius, but she looked taller without the accompanying bulky build.

“MARLENE!” Remus called, and she whipped around, eyes dancing around for the source of the shout.

“Dorcas! Oh, I’m glad you came. This is my friend, Mary,” She gestured toward Mary standing beside her, they nodded at each other with a polite smile. “and Lily is…” Marlene was scanning the room again, “Oh, she’s making out with Potter. Okay then, Mary this is Dorcas Meadows, Hufflepuff Chaser.”

Remus turned to see James was indeed snogging Lily and she seemed to be trying to reach her tongue all the way down his oesophagus.

“Nice to meet you.” Mary smiled, “I’m sorry but I’ve just gotta nip to the loo real quick! Talk later!” And she had disappeared through the cluster of dancing bodies, leaving Remus awkwardly standing next to them.

“Do you want a drink?” Marlene asked, to which Dorcas raised her hand with the cup Remus had given her earlier,

“Oh, Remus already got me one, thanks.”

“I’m just going to change the record!” Remus called as he drifted off toward the direction of the music, wanting to leave the two girls alone.

Peter was sat at the side of the record player, sifting through albums, “Alright there, Wormy?” Remus asked.

“Mhm…ABBA or T-Rex?” Peter held up two records with a shrug, and Remus tapped the ABBA album with a nod.

“If there’s anything James loves more than Queen it’s ABBA and if there’s anyone who loves ABBA more than James, it’s Sirius.” Remus chuckled and Pete agreed, swapping the record onto the player and _Waterloo_ echoed throughout the room which was greeted by a few drunken cheers in several directions.

“Top up, Moony?” Pete offered, pointing at the empty cup in his hands. Remus thanked him but ended up going with him anyway, and once they were at the drinks table, they somehow found themselves throwing back approximately three rounds of shots with some Ravenclaws.

“Moonyyy! Wormyy!” James slug a strong arm round both Remus and Peter’s shoulders and the height difference between the three boys made James slant in an awkward tilt. “I love you guys.” He smiled, messily kissing them both on the cheek.

“Love you too, Prongs.” Remus chuckled.

“Hey, I think we should have some water, mhm?” Peter laughed, pouring James a cup.

“No. We should play _never have I ever!_ ” James chuckled.

“You drink all that water and _then_ we can play, okay?” Pete handed him the cup.

“You’re too good for us, Wormtail.” James mumbled happily, then downed the water and stuck his tongue out as proof. “Never have I ever!” He cheered.

Over the six rounds of Never Have I ever, Remus learned that six of his classmates had ‘a thing’ for older men and that three Hufflepuffs had tried to suck their own dick once when drunk. They were only the things he could remember. The room was swaying as he – not danced – but bopped to the beat of the music and Remus decided to cut himself off, he definitely didn’t want to be throwing up tonight.

He felt his gaze wandering over the drunken, messy group of dancing teenagers as he tried to locate a certain Elvis Presley, but with no such luck, strolled over to Marlene, perched on an arm of a sofa.

“Have you seen Sirius?” He asked her.

“Upstairs, said he was tired and wanted to go to bed.”

“What? But it’s his party!” Remus retaliated, to which Marlene just shrugged. Remus found himself ascending to the dormitory and opening the door before he could stop himself. Sirius was walking out of the bathroom and had changed out of his costume, embarrassingly just the sight of Sirius made Remus sober up and he asked, “What’s up?”

“Oh, I’m just tired.” He responded. “Sorry. Go back down I don’t want to ruin your night.” Sirius looked at the floorboards and nervously rung his hands; the stance belittled him in a way Sirius Black should never be portrayed and Remus couldn’t stand it any longer.

“You’re not ruining anything Sirius… I’m worried about you.” Sirius looked up to Remus under a cluster of thick dark eyelashes, grey eyes illuminated from the slither of moonlight dancing in through the windowpanes.

“I’m fine, Remus.” He shook his head and went to sit on his bed, Remus desperately followed him and took a seat beside him.

“Talk to me, Sirius. Please.” He pleaded, not caring how desperate and broken his eyes and voice might present.

“It’s not fair on you.” Sirius muttered and Remus shot him a confused, pained look, begging for an explanation. Sirius looked up again, his bottom lip trembled as he exhaled, “I’m so sorry, Moony.” He whispered. Remus lightly shook his head in misunderstanding, failing to find words to express his thoughts.

“What?” Remus exhaled softly.

Sirius swallowed hard, throat bobbing as he continued, “You’re so different Moony. When I’m with you it’s like… like I can forget everything; like touch doesn’t have to be a punishment anymore. I was so selfish and treated you like pure shit. I’ve got no excuse, I was just so confused… and then I lost you and _fuck_ I just, it made me crazy.” His voice was shaking and eyes glossing over as he continued, “And even after I told myself fuck The House of Black, Fuck ‘staying pure’. Fuck _everything but you_ …. I don’t care if I’m _sinning,_ I don’t care if I’m going to hell… because I would go to hell a million times over for you, Moony.”

“Sirius…” Remus barely whispered, consumed by the glossing of tears dancing around the liquid silver of Sirius’s eyes.

“But even then – and it’s so fucking painful – but… I can’t give you what you deserve, Remus. You deserve the entire fucking world and- and that’s not me.

“But… y-you saw the boggart?” Remus asked and his voice was a lot shakier than he anticipated.

“I saw you at your worst, and I thought… even my best can’t give you what you should have.”

“Sirius—”

“No, Remus. I’m so sorry—”

“Stop. Sirius.” Remus put his hand on Sirius’s, both boys held eye contact, eyelashes fluttering and a tear streak across rosed cheeks. “You’ve got it so backwards, Padfoot...” He started but didn’t want this to become a competition of self-loathing and deep-rooted trauma so alternatively took an honest approach, “Sirius I-I want you so much it hurts.” 

Sirius surveyed Remus’s expression with desperate eyes for a second before exhaling a sharp relieved chuckle, “God, I know the feeling.” He whispered. Their faces mere inches apart, Remus mirrored the relieved smile still etched on Sirius’s mouth.

“Can I kiss you?” Remus asked softly but before he had answered, Sirius had softly pressed their lips together, placing a steading hand on Remus’s shoulder as the kiss deepened gently and Remus felt as though he would never want anything as thoroughly as he wanted this forever. It was a feeling he missed but somehow had never really had, he had experienced kissing Sirius but never without shame, never when Sirius had been open and fully mirroring Remus’s desire, it was truly magical. Simultaneously, they retreated and rested their foreheads on each-others.

“You never have to ask permission, Moony.” Sirius chuckled, so did Remus.

“And I thought it was your birthday?”

“This is the best birthday present I’ve had in seventeen years.”

“I’m better than Honeydukes’ chocolate?” Remus asked sarcastically to which Sirius eagerly responded with another kiss, more passionate this time and Remus returned equally, running his hand through Sirius’s thick soft mass of hair. “I missed this, so much.” Remus breathed.

“Merlin, me too and I’m going to be so much better this time, Moony. I promise.” Sirius whispered, stroking the hair at the nape of Remus’s neck while seriously looking into Remus’s lightened eyes and Remus softly smiled at the happy, mischievous glint, that had been missing for far too long, had returned to the pools of silver in Sirius’s orbs of grey.

***

“Hiya Birthday Boy! You alright, darling?” Marlene sauntered up to Sirius who was leaning gloomily against the fireplace.

“Yeah I’m fine, Marls, just knackered.”

“Want another drink?”

“No, no I’ll probably just go up to bed, but you keep it going, eh?” He sighed with a tired smile.

“If you’re sure… Can I get you anything?”

“Nah m’alright, thanks McKinnon. Night.”

“Goodnight, love.” She watched him as he ascended the staircase to the dorm room then scanned the busy room for Dorcas who she lost in the crowd a few minutes ago, she located her dancing, arms thrown above her shoulders swaying her head with the beat of the music. Resting on the armchair, she subtly watched in awe with desire and allowed herself to mindlessly dream, rather than think logically for a moment. 

“Have you seen Sirius?” Remus had appeared at Marlene’s side and after explaining he had gone to bed, she half-heartedly watched as Remus went upstairs while trying to keep her gaze on Dorcas. She only formed a half a thought about what arguments may be occurring in the boy’s dorm before her focus was stolen by the tall bronze girl ushering her to the dance floor.

Incapable of refusing the plea of those incredible green eyes, Marlene swayed her way to Dorcas and as they danced she felt as if all logic drifted away and she allowed herself to be transported to a blissful distant world of just her and the goddess before her.

“Hey, Marlene! You two wanna play truth or dare? Can’t find Moony or Pads and I don’t really fancy playing with just a group of strangers.” James shouted at them both and they agreed, strolling to the sofas where a small group of people leisurely sat including James, Peter and Lily.

“I’ll start.” Dorcas announced. “Potter, Truth or Dare?”

“Oh, dare.” James scoffed.

“Alright… Urm, I dare you to kiss Peter.” She raised an eyebrow as if it was a challenge, but James gave her a ‘ _that-all?’_ kind of look before giving a quick, wet and over-dramatic peck on Peter cheek alongside a loud ‘ _MWAH!’_. With a mock look of disgust, Peter turned to Dorcas,

“Thanks a lot, think that’s the second time he’s done that tonight.”

“Brotherly affection, Wormy. Brotherly affection. And don’t flatter yourself I’ve kissed Sirius at least five times tonight. And Moony once or twice.” James drunkenly sighed and Lily laughed. “Oh, don’t worry, babe. No-one compares to you. Right okay Dorcas, I’m giving you a dare now.”

“Go ahead.” She smirked.

“Er.” James sighed, looking around the room for a spark of inspiration. “Oh okay. Kiss the prettiest girl in the room!” James smiled at his creativity of a dare.

“Ew Potter what is this some kind of fetish—” Marlene teased but was cut off by Dorcas placing a large warm hand on Marlene’s jaw and turning her head to meet her own before pressing their lips together with such delicate passion. Marlene’s brain seemed to stop working as her insides twisted and fluttered around her whole body, Dorcas kissed slowly and beautifully; Marlene opened her mouth slightly allowing her to slip her tongue inside.

She always wondered if she would of never realised she was gay without that veritaserum but now she knew, she would of discovered in this very moment; everything felt so brilliantly right and glorious as Dorcas continued snogging her. This was everything she had ever wanted, everything that was missing from the awkward kiss she had with Remus and she never wanted it to end. But it did.

Dorcas pulled away, parted lips beautifully smudged with Marlene’s matted lipstick before she turned back to James, but Marlene didn’t pull her eyes away from the goddess before her, watching her smirk widen and head tilt.

Brain still fuzzing, she closed her slightly agape mouth and swallowed hard, quickly turning back to the group in an effort to appear unfazed, she would figure out what the _fuck_ that was later.

“Merlin’s Balls, Meadows! I said kiss, not snog!” James laughed, amazed.

“Just making sure you get your moneys worth, Potter, after that pathetic peck you gave Pettigrew.”

“Well sorry to disappoint but I’m not making out with Pete.”

“Thank Godric for that.” Peter laughed. “Right I take truth…”

Marlene didn’t even attempt to listen after that, her head empty of any and all thoughts; then her brain seemed to disappear entirely and the butterflies in her stomach that were just beginning to settle furiously fluttered again after Dorcas sent her a subtle but wicked wink alongside a sultry lipstick-smudged smirk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for the support on the last chapter, your comments really make my day! Love you all Xx
> 
> Next chapter should be out end of today/tomorrow!!


	15. Halloween 1976 - Part Three: Take me to Church.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The night continues but details are hazy for some... What happens now?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: Major internalized homophobia, underage drinking, unsupportive family.

With Remus and Sirius still absent from the party, Marlene assumed something had gone down - whether it was an argument or the opposite or both, she had no interest in finding out right now. What she did need was a moment to think and a cigarette would probably help; she settled on the sitting on the stairs that led to the dormitory. The music was still blasting but significantly muffled, Marlene hummed along to _Disco Inferno_ and raised her lighter to her cigarette when someone poked their head into the small stairwell.

“Hi.”

“Hey.” Dorcas greeted and sat on the step beside Marlene. “You alright?”

“Great, you?” Marlene smiled, she’d never been this giddy before but whole-heartedly hoped that it wasn’t showing too much, that would be embarrassing.

“Never better.” Dorcas nodded as Marlene passed her the smoke, she tried not to look at the way her two slim fingers delicately held it, tried not stare at the way her perfect lips took a drag the cigarette, tried not to focus on the way the smoke evaded her mouth in such a perfect cloud.

“You’re a good kisser, McKinnon.” Dorcas handed it back, Marlene chuckled.

“You’re better.” She retaliated with a smile. They held fierce eye contact as Marlene slowly inhaled the cigarette until Dorcas’s gaze dropped to Marlene’s plump lips.

“I’d like to do it again, sometime.” Dorcas said quietly and Marlene hadn’t noticed she had got much closer - not that there was a lot of space in this small stuffy stairwell – _oh god she was a lot closer now – it was definitely getting hotter in here._

All it took was Dorcas looking at her once more with those piercing emerald eyes as she licked her lips and Marlene found herself furtively kissing her before logic told her not to. If it was possible, it was better than the first; this was different this was private, not a dare, not a show – wanted. Dorcas grabbed Marlene’s neck and pulled her in closer. Everything felt so right…

Y _ou shouldn’t be enjoying this_ a startling voice sounded in her head and Marlene tried her best to steadfastly ignore it until it was screaming at her, raising above the muffled music and cheers from the other room. She pulled away and Dorcas hand fell by her side.

They watched each other for a few seconds, anticipating a flicker of regret or maybe a slap around the face, but when neither came Marlene asked, “Are you…” Dorcas nodded, “…and how did you know…?”

“I didn’t. Well, I guessed, but a guess is never good enough – was worried you might punch me. Then I kinda gave up after I found out you had a boyfriend—”

“We broke up.”

“Oh, I’m sorry.”

“I’m not.”

Dorcas smirked and continued, “was about 99% certain when you kissed back and about 99.9% certain when you kissed me just then and now I’m 100% certain you asked me that.” They both giggled faintly, but Marlene felt so out of her depth – this may singlehandedly be the most elated she ever felt, relived and accepted. But she couldn’t shred this weight of deep-rooted guilt and the confusion of the uncertainty of it all, what happened now? They couldn’t just go on a date. Would they just forget any of this ever happened? She didn’t know if she could. She couldn’t lie that she would be happy with a mess about like Sirius and Remus had, she would want more. But what was more?

“Hi guys!” Mary slurred as stumbled into the stairwell and fell clumsily over the steps, Marlene quickly rushed over to her and awkwardly held her up.

“Oh dear, lets get you to bed, mhm?” She coaxed her and smiled apologetically at Dorcas, “Talk to you soon?” 

“Yeah, I should probably get back before extended curfew.” Dorcas nodded.

“Course.” Marlene agreed.

“I had a good time tonight, thanks.”

“No worries, me too.” Marlene grinned.

“Goodnight, Marlene.”

“Night.” Dorcas turned, shoving her hands in her pockets and Marlene watched until she was out of sight.

“ima be sick.” Mary mumbled, Marlene turned her away just in time and tried to grab the huge mass of black hair out of Mary’s face while already withdrawing her wand ready for the _scourgify_ charm.

“Oh okay, time for bed I think, yeah?”

***

“Hey Pete!” Remus practically flew to the other side of the room as the door opened, “Where’s Prongs?” Sirius asked, but Peter didn’t look at either of them, just groaned and face planted into his bed.

“Think he passed out on the sofa, mate” Peter muffled into his pillow. Smiling, Remus and Sirius rolled their eyes then headed down to drag him back upstairs.

“James! C’mon, bed now?” They prodded at him, awkwardly trying to lift him off the couch. He groaned and shoved them away.

“We should just leave him.” Sirius sighed.

“No way, he’ll murder us tomorrow if he wakes up too stiff to train.” Remus reasoned and Sirius nodded in agreement.

“PRONGS! UP!”

They managed to log him into the dorm, but he put up a stern fight against pyjamas, so they left him in his boxers and threw the superman cape beside his bed. James and Peter where in bed and Remus signalled for him and Sirius to go downstairs; the common room was empty, and the after-party atmosphere still present even after the boys charmed the room clean.

They sat on the chilly window ledge of the empty room, staring out at the star-littered night sky and Remus looked over at the boy next to him, staring at all his perfect features, high cheekbones, chiselled sharp jaw that cut below his perfect pink lips.

“What you looking at?” Sirius teased quietly.

“You.” Remus smiled and leant over to kiss him, just because he could now – he didn’t think he’d ever get used to it. He felt Sirius’s lips turn into a wide smile under the kiss and retreated.

“Moony if you don’t stop looking at me like that and kissing while still wearing that fucking eyeliner and nail varnish it’s going to make me do something we’ll both regret.” Sirius snickered.

“Oh, shit I forgot I was wearing it.” Remus chuckled, self-consciously raising a hand over his eyes.

“I swear to Merlin, you looked so fucking hot today I thought I was going to combust.”

“Nuh uh, I straight up _told_ you I liked the nail varnish and you ignored me!”

“I didn’t ignore you! Was my confession not satisfactory enough?” Sirius teased and his tongue stuck out of his smile as he playfully shoved Remus and he was powerless against submitting to kissing him again.

“You might wanna revoke that permanent permission of kissing you, I’m going to abuse it.” Remus laughed.

“I’d love that… Merlin it’s going to be so hard to not grab you halfway through Charms.” Sirius exhaled as Remus continued to press small delicate kisses across his jaw and neck. “Or even the dorm…”

“Pads…”

“I know, I know. We’ll wait. I’m just happy I’ve got you, even if it’s just in private.”

“Me too. So happy.”

***

1st November 1976

“Black, McKinnon I need you on the quidditch pitch after you’ve finished eating.” James announced at their late breakfast, Marlene lifted her throbbing head off the table and scowled at him.

“Really, Potter? I think we can miss one training session.” She pleaded.

“Yeah some of us have these things called hangovers, Mr black-out-drunk-and still-fine Potter.” Sirius groaned.

“I was not black-out-drunk!”

“Yes, you were.” Six of them chanted.

“Okay well- actually… yeah no I don’t remember a fucking thing.” James laughed.

“Well you got everyone to play Never Have I Ever, truth or dare and spin the bottle like ten times.” Lily provided.

“You kissed us all a record-breaking amount.” Sirius added.

“Did karaoke to Dancing Queen.” Peter pointed out which made Marlene giggle at the memory.

“Refused to put on pyjamas.” Remus added.

“Oh yeah and you got Dorcas to kiss Marlene like the perv you are.” Lily added to which Remus frantically looked up to Marlene from his tea but was not alone as Mary and Sirius did the same.

“Actually, I believe it was prettiest girl, not specifically Marlene.” James reasoned.

“Still fetish—y, James.” Sirius chuckled.

“I couldn’t think of a dare okay!” James defended and Marlene braced herself for more questions or teases, but none came, they all just viewed it as another drunken antic of the night and Marlene hoped with her entire being that Dorcas didn’t see it as just an inebriated mistake. She listened as the group continued to reminisce about last nights’ events.

“Okay fine if I cancel training for today will you all please stop embarrassing me?!” James bargained.

“Yes!” Marlene and Sirius called, then reached over the table for a dramatic high-five.

Marlene tried her best to focus on her potions essay about the effective use of something or other in antidotes but every time she managed to write a sentence, her mind trailed off to a place she really didn’t want to visit right now.

How Dorcas kissed, it was truly fantastic – soft but writhing with passion and glorious relief.

Sunday Church from her childhood, God would say she’s sinning. Her father would say she’s a disgrace to the family.

Do bozarts react badly to mandrake leaves?

What would her mother do? Her mother had always been supportive or everything in Marlene’s life, even though she was a muggle with limited knowledge about the wizarding world, she was supportive of Marlene’s choice to be a Healer. That’s not quite the same though is it?

How many times do you commonly stir an antidote for poisonous hexes?

Remus would want to know what happened after. Would she deny it? If she didn’t, how much does she have to tell him?

Was he thinking the same thing? Something must have happened between him and Sirius last night, why else would they be in the happiest mood she’d seen either of them in for weeks?

Do mistletoe berries cause potions to blow up or overheat?

Dorcas’s lips.

How long do you leave the antidote brewing compared to simmering?

Remus’s questions.

Pretty sure you’re not meant to let it reach boiling point.

Is God sending her to hell?

No, mandrake leaves definitely act as an explosive if misused.

She was born this way; God couldn’t send her to hell for something he made her.

Dorcas’s lips. 

“Fucking hell!” She groaned loudly as she irritably slammed her head into her arms on the solid wood table.

“Woah, woah. What’s up, Marls?” Mary reassuringly touched her shoulder lightly and Marlene sat up to show her the half-completed essay.

“Sodding potions and my stupid fucking brain wont bloody shut up!"

“Hey okay, well I’m shiza at potions but I’ll bully Lily into doing it and I’ll run you a nice hot bath and kick all the second years out. You look really stressed, love – just need to try and relax.” Mary smiled and Marlene felt a surge of gratitude toward her best friend, she really didn’t deserve her but nodded gratefully before she heard Mary yelling at the second years to leave the shared bathroom.


	16. Sirius's Seventeenth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first coming of age birthday has arrived...  
> CW: Mild discussion of abusive family

3rd November 1976 - 12:04am

Amused, Remus watched as he, Peter and James dramatically tip-toed across the dorm in colourful party hats that caught the occasional sparkle of twilight to faintly filter across the pitch-black bedroom. They collectively reached the end of Sirius’s bed, where he comfortably lay on his side, cutely enwrapped in his duvet and dark hair spread gracefully behind him on his pillow.

Slowly, Remus and Peter glanced at James who nodded, they raised their party poppers in a firing stance; James nodded once more and wordlessly mouthed a countdown, accentuating every number with a bob of his head.

“3…2…1…”

_BANG!_

_“_ HAPPY BIRTHDAY PADFOOT!!!” They chanted as the streamers fell directly upon a startled Sirius while he hurriedly sat bolt upright and instinctively reached for his wand beside him, uncoordinated with sleep.

“What the fuck?!” He lowered his wand, seeing it was just three cheery boys in party hats, beaming at him. Remus giggled as Sirius looked down at his confetti covered body and the three boys inelegantly clambered into crowded bed, Sirius groaned, rubbing his eyes. “Merlin, what time is it?” He asked sleepily.

“Midnight.” Pete replied cheerily. “Now present time!”

All three boys pulled out various shapes and sizes of gifts, in Remus’s case, wrapped neatly and orderly but in Pete and James’s a failed effort of precision.

“Guys! This is too much.” Sirius whined but the other three pushed him collectively.

“Oh, shut up. You only come of age once! Now. Open.” James instructed, thrusting one of the presents int Sirius’s lap; he unwrapped the box gingerly and inside was an expensive- looking shiny golden watch, the clockface engraved with _Messr. Padfoot_ and the back with _Forever and Always Marauders_.

“Prongs! This is…”

“Oh, just accept it, will you? It’s from mum and dad too, they’ve sent a letter and a chocolate cake that we are going to have for breakfast.” James told him.

“Thank you.” He smiled. Remus and Peter watched happily as Sirius opened the rest, including an enormous load of Honeydukes chocolate from them all; a few new muggle records from Remus as well as a fancy first edition of his favourite book; Peter got him a wizard rock band t-shirt and new ‘magical self-inking quill’ that the three purebloods were amazed at and Remus fought not to say it was just a fancy pen.

“I love you guys. Thank you so much.” Sirius gushed as he harshly pulled them into a tight embrace.

“Right. 1am, so we’ve got about 7 hours to sleep before the fun can begin.” James told them. “Get to bed, tossers.”

“Yes sir.” Remus and Peter obliged, heading back to their own bed and within minutes of crawling between the cold sheets, Remus heard Peter and James snoring loudly.

“Moony?” Remus caught a whisper behind his curtains and drew them back to allow Sirius to slip into his bed. “Muffilato.” He charmed.

“Hey Birthday Boy. How’s seventeen feel?”

“Brilliant. Freedom. I’m forever a free man, Moons.” 

“Are you hinting you want to be single, Pads?” Remus joked.

“Oh, never in a million years.” Sirius happily nestled into Remus’s chest, while Remus wrapped an arm around the other boy’s waist, pulling him closer.

“Good… Oh! I got you something else.” Remus added, reaching under his bed and withdrawing another small box.

“Remus! What- you got me too much already.”

“Open it, Pads.”

Sirius did as instructed; popping open the top of the box and withdrawing a golden ankle bracelet, engraved with a night sky – a star constellation and a crescent moon.

“Oh my god, Moony.” Sirius looked in awe from the bracelet to Remus and Remus leant over Sirius’s shoulder pointing at the carvings.

“That’s the moon on day twelve of the lunar cycle so it’s when I’m at my happiest and that’s your star and your always happy when—”

Sirius cut him off with a soft kiss, cupping Remus’s face tightly.

“I love it. So much.” Sirius smiled; he leant down and put it over his foot letting the gold sit over his muscular ankle and beautifully contrasting his skin tone. “Second best gift I got this year.”

“Yeah I agree, Wormy’s t-shirt was pretty good.” Remus teased.

“No, Dimwit. Oh, you’re just trying to make me say it.”

“Affirmative.”

“ _You’re_ my favourite present, Moony.” 

“You’re my favourite, Sirius.”

At around 8am, Remus and Sirius panicked as they were awoken by a toilet flush and they realised they had fallen asleep enwrapped in each other’s arms.

“Shit!” Sirius whispered.

“Padfoot, rise and shine! C’mon I don’t wanna have to rip open these curtains!” James called into Sirius’s empty bed. “What the fuck? Moony! Have you seen Sirius?”

“Errr….” Remus looked to Sirius next to him in his bed who shrugged.

“Moony?” James repeated, his voice alarmingly close before his head had peeped in through the hangings.

“Bloody hell, Prongs! What if I was wanking?!”

“What if you were having a seizure?” James retaliated, “Padfoot why are you in Moony’s bed?”

“Couldn’t sleep this morning cause of your sodding snoring and Remus was awake.” Sirius answered.

“Wanker. Okay, downstairs in ten – I want cake!” James called as the dorm door closed behind him and Remus waited until he couldn’t hear his footsteps to exhale.

“Fucking hell that was close.”

“Your fault for having such a comfy chest. Right I’m getting in the shower… Coming?”

“Yeah and how will we explain that one to ‘no-privacy Potter’?” Remus laughed.

Downstairs James handed them both a large slice of moist chocolate cake on a paper plate. The three boys put their party hats on again and handed Sirius his own, as well as a badge with _IM OF AGE TODAY_ plastered in bold letters. The three girls bounded into the room wearing identical party hats, Lily carrying a present from them.

“Eee! Cake for brekky!” Mary chuckled scooping one of the plates from James.

“Happy Birthday, darling.” Marlene leant down on the sofa where Sirius sat to kiss both of his cheeks.

“Happy Birthday.” Lily handed him the gift, taking a place beside Remus.

“Plans for skiving still on, folks?” Peter asked.

“Just first period, Pettigrew and you better appreciate this, Sirius.” Lily smirked.

“Oh, I appreciate it so much, Evans.”

The cake sent by Mr and Mrs Potter really was truly delicious; after they ate it, they headed through the passageway to Hogsmeade and window shopped while ruthlessly gorging on chocolate.

Remus was mid conversation with Marlene about the best flavour of _Berty Botts Every Flavour Beans_ , when he considered for the hundredth time whether to ask her about what happened with Dorcas at Halloween but didn’t want to pressure her into saying anything if she would prefer not to.

He assumed she must be thinking the same thing, she hadn’t asked about Sirius and if she did, Remus wouldn’t know what to tell her. Still, it pained him; he could see Marlene’s occasional moments of sadness or frustration, and just steadfastly hoped she wasn’t beating herself up. She caught him watching her and smiled.

“You can talk to me if you need to, Marls.” He offered, not sure what else to say.

“I know,” she glanced around at their friends bouncing down the paved streets back toward the passageway, “not now. Thanks though, Remus. You too.”

He nodded as Mary whisked her away spinning her into Honeydukes cellar and Remus saw her put on that mask of bliss happiness. He desperately hoped that at least some of it was sincere - as genuine as his own. It didn’t seem fair for her to be dismal when he was very much the opposite.

“Potter, Lupin! Stop where you are. You too, Black, Pettigrew!” McGonagall scolded from the corridor just after lessons had finished, “What are you up to? Show me your wands.” She commanded.

“Oh Minnie,” Sirius tutted. “You think so little of us!” McGonagall’s scowl deepened as she surveyed Sirius with stern eyes.

“You cannot blame me for being cautious on a day like today, Mr Black. I’ve already been informed that you were not in attendance in your Charms lesson this morning and over the six years of experience – never has there once been a prank-less day on such occasion.”

“Professor?... What exactly _is_ today’s occasion?” James prodded and Remus stifled his grimace as the Professor took the bait.

“Why I believe I would not be mistaken to say that today is Mr Black’s birthday.”

The word triggered the bellows that filled all the portraits in the proximity,

_HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU  
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU  
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO SIRI-US  
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU_

The trigger word sounded in the song and created a mass domino effect; every portrait in sight and out, chanting chorus’ of _Happy Birthday_ in unpitched and shrieking singing voices. They were charmed to not stop until a counter spell was made and the echoes of song filled the corridors.

_HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU  
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU  
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO SIRI-US  
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!_

“BLACK, POTTER, LUPIN, PETTIGREW THAT IS DETENTION FOR THREE WEEKS! GO TO DINNER WHILE I HAVE FLITWICK AND RANDAL FIX THIS!” McGonagall boomed and they obeyed with solemn faces that evaded once they turned the corner and burst into outrageous laughter. They were still sighing and wiping tears from their eyes as they settled at the dinner table in the great hall.

“Oh Merlin, what did you do now?” Mary surveyed, smiling at their tearful faces. Peter opened his mouth to speak but just laughed harder which made Remus start up again at the sight of Peter’s amusement. Soon all four where clutching their stomachs and wheezing, the three girls chuckled at their uncontrolled friends. Every time one of them snorted the vicious cycle started again, cackling hysterically until they were in pain and in danger of lack of oxygen.

“Ahhhh…” James sighed, hand pressed into his stomach and the other wiping his eyes. 

“Are- are the portraits _singing_?” Marlene questioned and Remus couldn’t help but snort again, sending the four into yet another laughing fit.

After ten minutes, they had significantly calmed down and were in a decent state to eat their dinner, tucking into the sausages and mash when the evening owls flew into the hall. One swooped down to the group, gracefully landing in-front of Sirius. A Noble Black owl. Sirius removed the ivory parchment from the owl’s foot, and it took off, not even waiting for Sirius to open it.

“Not to worry, sure it’s just a birthday card from dearest mummy and daddy.” Sirius comforted as he shook off the concerned looks being shot at him from six directions, but Remus could see beneath the Sirius Black charm. He was just as nervous as the rest of them as he opened it; grey eyes rapidly scanning the letter before him, without a flicker of emotion.

Everyone anxiously watched as he reached the end of the parchment, then folded it neatly and slipped it in his pocket. “Right… Prongs can you pass the peas, please.” Sirius held out a hand for the bowl just out of reach. James surveyed him with disbelief, expression mirrored by the rest of them.

“Er, you want to go upstairs, mate?” James asked anticipatedly. Sirius shook his head with a smile, standing up to reach for the peas himself, then casually carrying on eating while they continued to look at him worriedly.

“What?” Sirius questioned, muffled by a mouth full of sausage. 

“Padfoot…”

Sirius rolled his eyes and shook his head, “Well if I must tell you so you stop acting like weirdos – upon being disowned last year, they would like it to be known that since I am now of age, I no longer hold any connection to the Black Family except my name. They also, albeit begrudgingly, were legally obligated to assign me my Uncle Alphard’s fortune. Again, I now no longer have any ties to the Noble House of Black and due to my age, any action taken can result in legal consequences, such as stepping onto their property or conferring with other family members.”

“Oh, Sirius…” Lily sighed.

“Guys. Stop looking all pitiful, this is literally good. Now I’m rich and I don’t have any connections to that awful family – what possible downsides are there to that? Now can you all eat before you starve.”

James and Remus looked at each other for confirmation, “If you’re sure you’re okay, Pads.”

“Yes.” Sirius nodded and Remus was surprised that he seemed genuinely okay, perhaps a little flattened but shouldn’t that be expected when you are thoroughly and legally disowned? On the same hand, it was an abusive, retched family and Remus was extremely relieved that Sirius had no affiliation with them anymore, and Sirius ultimately seemed fine as well.

All in All, a successful seventeenth birthday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some British terms/slang: (sorry I didn't realise they weren't commonly used in other countries.)  
> Party popper - a device used as an amusement at parties, which explodes when a string is pulled, ejecting thin paper streamers.  
> Dimwit - like a dumbass (stupid or silly person.)  
> Tosser/wanker - someone who masturbates a lot (commonly just used as an playful insult,)
> 
> Thank you for all the love, I thoroughly appreciate it and I'm so glad you're enjoying reading - please let me know your thoughts in the comments i really love reading them! As usual, next chapter should be out tomorrow; hoping to do at least one daily with lockdown hehe. Love you all! xx :)


	17. Ultimatum

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marlene is given an ultimatum.

7th November 1976

Marlene knew it was pathetic, but on Saturday morning she awoke earlier than usual; quietly dressing and slipping out of the dorm room without waking Lily or Mary. As expected, James was leant over the sofa lacing up his trainers.

“Morning McKinnon! Fancy a jog?” He asked, cheerily. Marlene agreed.

It was likely Dorcas would be there practising for the Hufflepuff v Slytherin match next week and Marlene knew James always jogged down to the quidditch pitch on weekend mornings. It would look coincidental if she ran into Dorcas, no suspicion aroused; she was fully aware that her friends knew about their first kiss and had to be cautious. Although, they had probably all forgotten – Marlene couldn’t give them a reason to remember.

This was one of the reasons Marlene hadn’t spoken to Dorcas since Halloween, along with the fact she couldn’t pluck up the courage to approach her in the great hall. Marlene knew she was pathetic.

Her and James briskly jogged into the cool air of the early morning Hogwarts grounds; the leaves frosted white and the lake producing thin sheets of ice across the surface. Panting, they reached the quidditch pitch and agreed to train quickly for a few minutes while they were out there.

Marlene mounted her broom and quickly shot off into the bracing cold air. As she swiftly looped around the large pitch, the sharp fog pierced and stung her skin in the most exhilarating way and she could feel her cheeks reddening with chill. She and James took turns playing their position as chaser while the other filled in as keeper; training with someone as good as James was rewarding and he surprisingly felt the same about Marlene, but after about half an hour of ruthless training, James stated he was ravenous and going to head back to the castle for some breakfast. Marlene told him she was going to stay for a bit longer then shower in the changing rooms because Mary always hogged theirs on a Saturday morning – which was true.

Driven by hope, she did two more laps of the quidditch pitch, keeping an eye out for Dorcas. When she didn’t show, and Marlene’s cheeks were numb from the frozen air, she grouchily trudged through the muddy grass of the pitch into the changing rooms and scolded herself for being so pathetic in the first place. If she was that fucking desperate, she should just find her then go and talk to her.

The boiling water of the shower ran over her cold rosed skin, Marlene squeezed her eyes shut as she allowed the soft warm water to drizzle over her face and extract the chill that seemed to have deeply settled in her pores. She exhaled longingly as she wished that her emotions and problems could trickle down the drain alongside her bodywash.

At least a large quarter of the changing rooms were thickly steamed with the heavy warm fog from Marlene’s shower. She routinely sauntered over to her locker; certain she had some clean jogging bottoms in there somewhere when a voice sounded behind her.

“Hey McKinnon.”

“Bloody hell!” Marlene squirmed, startled. Self consciously grabbing the towel covering her tighter around her body and she quickly turned around. “Jeez. Sorry you scared me.”

“I can see.” Dorcas smirked, bending down to pick up the jumper Marlene dropped.

“Thanks…er can you give me a minute; I just need to get changed quickly.”

“Yeah, course.” Dorcas nodded, but didn’t move, her earthy eyes still attached to Marlene’s pastel ones, alight with a smile. Marlene raised her eyebrows in an effort to get her to turn around, Dorcas obeyed with a playful sigh and eyeroll; spinning on her heel to face the wall. Understandably feeling more exposed and vulnerable than usual, Marlene clumsily slipped into her mixed-matched tracksuit, the presence of Dorcas making her nervous and uncoordinated in her haste.

“Ok, I’m changed now.” Marlene announced.

“Bummer.” Dorcas sighed, spinning back around to lock her dangerously green eyes with Marlene’s again. Marlene had forgotten the electric atmosphere Dorcas possessed, the type where everything and everyone except the two of them seemed like a distant world. The reality they were in was thoroughly issueless, with no worries, no problems just air thick with desire and unsaid pleads.

Worrying Dorcas’s gaze would make Marlene do something drastic, she turned to the mirror on the inside of her locker and fumbled with her blonde locks to place it into a messy bun. Within seconds, Dorcas was close behind Marlene olive eyes continuing to pierce her through the mirror.

“I haven’t stopped thinking about you.” She whispered, her soft lips brushing the top of Marlene’s ear and the sensation made her insides tingle and knot.

“Same here,” Marlene managed to breathe out; eyes fluttering shut as Dorcas placed delicate kisses along Marlene neck and jaw, she tilted her head allowing Dorcas better access but in a desperate need for more she quickly span to face her, eagerly kissing Dorcas on the lips. Dorcas pulled back for a second then swiftly connected her and Marlene’s mouth even harder full of hungry passion.

Marlene allowed herself to be forcefully pushed against the lockers and desperately held onto Dorcas shoulders as her knees buckled slightly. Dorcas’s hand roamed Marlene’s waist and back which she promptly arched to close the small space between their two burning bodies. Marlene’s head was wiped clean of thoughts except for the proximity and weight of Dorcas against her; everything seemed so clear in that moment; this was what she wanted – what she needed. Nothing mattered except making sure this elated feeling lasted forever.

“Marls? Potter said- holy shit!”

Still with her arms wrapped around Dorcas, Marlene breathlessly broke the kiss, seeing a wide-eyed Mary standing with her mouth agape in the doorway as she looked at the two flushed girls with rosed parted lips. Hastily, Mary turned and shut the door behind her without uttering a word.

“Mary! Wait!” Marlene called after her, pushing passed Dorcas and chasing her best friend out of the changing rooms. At the exit of the tent, Marlene struggled to get her trainers on due to the mud and by the time she had, Mary was already half-way back to the castle. Hopelessly, Marlene watched with a hand clapped over her mouth as visions formed in her mind of Mary telling the group- “Shitshitshitfuck.” Marlene mumbled holding back tears in her eyes, what would they think of Dorcas- Dorcas! Shit, she just left her!

With a new motive, Marlene dashed back into the tent, eyes scanning for Dorcas. But she was gone.

Overcome with emotion, Marlene harshly fell onto the bench in the centre of the empty changing rooms, letting the sobs evade her as her shoulders violently shook and she dropped her head into her hands to muffle her cries.

 _I just lost them all_. 

***

Remus was sat cross-legged by the fireplace, playing chess with Peter and sipping a tea that Lily prepared him when the portrait hole swung open. Mary swiftly paced passed them and up into the girl’s dormitories, without saying a word.

“She alright?” Sirius asked after a minute and everyone looked around with a shrug.

“Maybe she and Marlene had an argument?” James suggested.

“No, they never argue.” Lily confirmed and they all murmured in agreement. “But maybe I should check on Marls, Mary doesn’t look like she wants to talk.”

Remus was forced to think quickly, something about Mary and Marlene having a disagreement seemed so foreign to everyone – so wrong and it made Remus feel uneasy like something more had happened. “Oh, I’ll go, Lils. I need to speak to her about potions for er this prank I’m thinking about… We’ll play later, Pete?” He asked but had slipped out the portrait hole before waiting for a response.

He was too preoccupied securing theories about what happened to worry about his lame excuse, every plausible scenario he procured included Dorcas which… never mind he can worry about it when he finds out.

He quickly reached the cream-coloured tent next to the quidditch pitch and waited outside the changing rooms for a second, listening for voices before entering, although all he heard was muffled sobs and that was enough incentive for Remus; he slowly opened the door and peaked his head into the room.

It was empty except for a timid blonde girl, hunched over on the bench in the centre. Marlene looked up at the noise of Remus’s entry, her eyelashes soaked in salty tears that had created glossy streaks down her rosed cheeks; when she saw him, she cried harder, shoving her head back into her hands.

“Hey hey hey. What happened?” Remus comforted, sitting on the bench beside her, she looked up mildly confused.

“W-what do you mean? She didn’t tell you?” Marlene asked through sniffs.

Remus shook his head, “Who? Mary?”

“Yeah. She- she saw me and Dorcas together and then she ran off, so I chased her and… I was such a dick I just left Dorcas here without even looking and then when I came back, she was gone.” Marlene’s voice broke delicately.

“Oh…love.” Remus wrapped a comforting arm around Marlene’s shaking shoulders. “I think you need to talk to them both. The longer you leave it the worse it will get; I’m sure Dorcas will understand.”

Marlene nodded and cried a little more.

***

She neatly knocked on the door three times, biting her lip anxiously as she waited for it to open… oh god what if she never opened it-

“Hey Marls.” Mary greeted, and Marlene was relieved just by the answer.

“Hi, can I come in?”

“Of course, it’s your dorm as well.”

Marlene gingerly sat on her bed, facing Mary who took a seat opposite on her own bed. “Yeah well… Look I owe you an explanation.”

“No, you don’t, I’m really sorry I ran off like that Marls. I dunno what I was thinking, I was just really shocked.”

“Oh. Oh okay.” Marlene replied, her speech she prepared and recited four times in her head was now useless, she didn’t expect this.

“I am a little hurt though, Marls. I don’t know what I did to make you feel like you couldn’t tell me. I know running off was really shitty but I’ve been your best friend for years, I mean have you been lying this whole time?”

“No! No, I didn’t know! I was going to tell you I promise but I only just found out like two months ago and I didn’t really know what was going on. I’m sorry I just wanted to figure it out myself first.”

“Oh right. Wait so help me understand, you and Remus but you and Dorcas?”

“Um, well er I guess I just liked Remus as a friend but then when we tried it as a relationship it just didn’t work out because… yeah well… I’m gay.” Marlene waited for a reaction, but none came, which was pleasant. “And I think I really stuffed it up with Dorcas after I ran out on her earlier.”

“Oh love, oh I’m so sorry.” Mary transferred to sit next to Marlene on her bed. “You going to go talk to her?” She asked.

“Yeah, yeah but I wanted to talk to you first.”

“Ah, I love you, Marls.” Mary replied. Something about it pulled on Marlene’s heart, perhaps it was just her emotions running high or because Mary said it the same way she always said it before, despite the circumstances, but Marlene’s vision glossed with tears and she gave a breathy chuckle that creased her eyes into releasing the droplets down her cheeks.

“Oh, C’mhere you.” Mary pulled her into a tight hug. “You really thought, I’d love you any less, huh?” She chuckled but it sounded like she was crying too.

“Thank you for not telling anyone.” Marlene sniffed.

“Of course, that’s for you to do, darling. You’ll do it when you’re ready and everyone is going to love you the exact same, I promise.”

Marlene laughed and whipped away the tears on her and Mary’s face.

“Now c’mon, let’s get you to Dorcas.”

***

Marlene didn’t touch her lunch, she swivelled the heavy fork around her plate without ever lifting it to her mouth; Dorcas sat one table away and Marlene kept shooting glances up at her back, if only she would just turn around… No. This was Marlene’s fault; she would take action and she would talk to Dorcas. Closely, Mary sat next to her, carefully surveying Marlene but with perfect subtlety.

Across the room, Dorcas stood with two other Hufflepuffs that Marlene didn’t recognise; they made their way to the exit and she felt Mary reassuringly squeeze her hand under the table.

“Need to dash, see you guys tonight.” Marlene hastily told Lily, Peter, Mary and James before swooping out of the hall and quickly pacing to catch up with the Hufflepuffs slowly making their way down the corridor.

“Dorcas?” She asked and all three turned around, the dark- haired boy to Dorcas’s left trailed his eyes up and down Marlene’s frame with unhidden suspicion; Marlene tried to ignore it – she was here for Dorcas - not them. “Can we talk?” She asked shyly.

“I’ll see you guys back at the common room.” Dorcas told the other two, turning back to walk with Marlene, “Lake?” She offered and Marlene agreed, turning out into the grounds.

“I’m sorry for earlier, really. I was such a shit-sack. Really, I’m so sorry.”

Dorcas waved her off with a small shake of her head, “I get it, McKinnon. Don’t worry, I’m glad you came to talk to me.”

Again, Marlene didn’t expect such a pleasant surprise of quick forgiveness. Before she could think of a response, Dorcas had stopped walking to which Marlene promptly followed. “Look, Marlene. I really like you.”

“I really like you too.” Marlene spoke without thinking.

“No, listen. I like you too much to be shameful experiment. Now I don’t know what you want and I’m willing to wait till you’re ready but I’m not going to wait forever.” Dorcas continued, it seemed rehearsed which Marlene found unsettling and her stomach twisted in anticipation of her next words. “I’m out to my friends, and I like being out – it’s freeing, okay? I don’t want to go back, so if _this_ is going to happen, I’m sorry but I need you to respect that I don’t want to hide it.”

Marlene stared, at a loss for words, “Y-you want me to come out?”

“I’m not asking you to shout it from the rooftops, but just like your friends. I assume… er sorry, names gone,”

“Mary.” Marlene assisted.

“Yeah, well Mary knows now, right?” Dorcas asked.

“Well yeah.”

“I’m sorry to ask it of you, Marlene really I am, but I had to be honest. It wouldn’t be fair to myself or you if I let this go on like this. Just think about it.”

Marlene slowly nodded with uncertainty, not being able to process and hoped that would suffice as a reply. Dorcas opened her mouth to speak again but promptly shut it and with a smile she patted Marlene’s shoulder affectionately and headed back toward the castle leaving Marlene on the gravelled path. Slowly Marlene slumped onto the wet bank by the lake, not caring about the wet patch it would cause on her robe, and mindlessly picked and pulled at the grass beneath, letting her brain process and hopefully conclude. Then it did, with surprising and dangerous ease.

Hell would sooner freeze over than Marlene would allow the glorious sensation of Dorcas’s presence to slip through her fingers so effortlessly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trainers- shoes/sneakers.   
> Jogging bottoms- sweatpants.  
> Tracksuit - usually matching sweatshirt and sweatpants.   
> Jumper- sweatshirt.


	18. Actions Outweigh Silence.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> CW: brief mention of alcoholic parent, homophobia  
> This chapter was a pleasure to write, If you often listen to music while reading I recommend listening to Say Something by A Great Big World when it switches to Marlene's POV for the full emotional experience, happy reading! :)

Sunday 8th November 1976

“Well that would leave me as Harrison!” Pete complained, as they decided who would be each Beatles member, the album was playing off the record player and Remus found himself mindlessly tapping the beat with his fingers on the arm of the sofa.

“Yeah!”

“No way, I wanna be Ringo.”

“ _I’m_ Ringo, we’ve been over this wormy.” James defended.

“You can swap with me Pete. I’ll be Harrison, you be Paul.” Remus offered.

“Nuh uh! That isn’t how it works, Moony. Petey you’re Harrison get over it.” Sirius interrupted.

“Just because you called dibs on John Lennon!” Pete whined.

“Guys! It doesn’t matter about the individuals because the most memorable thing is that they were _The Beatles_! Just as we _the marauders_ , showcase our comradery as a collective—”

“Oh, shut up, Potter you drama queen.” Lily chuckled as she entered the common room, her flaming red hair held up in a bun by her wand. She lazily flopped on the sofa next to Sirius. “Oh, what are you guys’ plans for Christmas?”

“My grandma is coming down from Liverpool, so I’ll be in misery.” Pete supplied. It made Remus realise he really didn’t have any plans and he always wanted to stay away from home as much as possible; after his mother’s death last year, his dad became an abusive alcoholic that hadn’t seemed to have moved passed the anger stage of grief. Remus would only go back if he absolutely had to, which he wouldn’t have to after he came of age in a few months.

“Probably stay at here.” He answered.

“Same.” Sirius agreed with a cheeky smile toward Remus.

“What? Mum and dad—” James started,

“I’ll let you have a family Christmas for once, Prongs.”

“Sirius, you are family!” James protested. Sirius smiled and faintly blushed; acceptance was one of the few things that would render Sirius Black shy.

“Well, I wouldn’t want to leave Moony on his tod.” He said quietly and James dropped the subject with a kind glint of ‘ _we’ll talk about it later’_ in his eyes.

A throat cleared behind them, Mary and Marlene where standing at the exit of the girl’s dormitories, staring at the only other people in the room – two fourth years. Using their sixth-year privilege, the two girls scurried out the room. Mary nodded reassuringly at Marlene before taking a seat next to Peter, leaving Marlene standing at the head of everyone’s gaze.

Remus watched as Marlene cleared her throat again, compulsively wringing her hands that seemed to be shaking ever so slightly. “Hey guys, I um… I have something to tell you all.” She looked up cautiously from her hands, to Mary who Remus saw give her an encouraging nod. He turned back to Marlene who swallowed hard and regained her composure, standing taller and pushing back her shoulders although it didn’t stop her voice from cracking when she spoke.

“I’m gay.”

***

Marlene felt the air leave her lungs, sucked to a distant world as her anxious eyes flicked between her friends. Starting with Mary who smiled proudly, as expected, since yesterday she had made it very clear she was in full support and helped her the whole way, god Marlene loved her. Next to her was Peter who as anticipated had wide eyes and an open mouth, slightly disgusted. Marlene tried not to be bothered; but her breath became unsteady again – she knew Peter would be an issue, she also assumed Sirius would be considering his familial background but the details were fuzzy on his and Remus’s relationship, making her unsure.

She gazed at him, his dark eyebrows raised and in danger of disappearing into his hairline. He stared at her along with the six other pairs of eyes she could feel burning holes into her sweating skin. Sirius looked to Remus who surprising looked just as shocked, Marlene felt the tears forming rapidly, a ball in her throat slowly moving up and up her oesophagus.

She should run, just run as far and as fast as she could until she collapsed; escape this room of judgmental eyes and flee. She tried to breathe, opening her mouth the let air seep into her lungs but it didn’t come, just trembling lips and glossing eyes that were in danger of pooling over.

The silence was breaking her, ripping her soul like a flimsy piece of parchment as she imagined the disgusted faces that she was wasn’t looking at anymore, her gaze fixed on the carpet beneath her feet. It was all too much, a tear finally evaded her filling eyes, falling directly on the floor. 

She looked up; Sirius was standing directly in front of her. If his face didn’t hold the same tears as Marlene’s and his mouth in a kind smile, she would be worried he was going to punch her. He didn’t, instead he wrapped his arms tightly around her shaking body, holding her close and his grip tightened with every passing second.

She embraced him back with equal enthusiasm and tautness; somehow now able to breathe, she chocked on the air quickly flooding into her lungs as the ball in her throat suddenly released its grip as Sirius’s tightened; causing the tears to flood, breaking the quiet slightly as she tearfully gasped.

The silence wasn’t as cold and unbearable anymore as Sirius held her long and hard, his actions speaking louder than words ever could. Marlene felt arms embrace her from behind as well; the smell of fresh sheets and cinnamon filling her senses and she knew even with her eyes squeezed shut on top of Sirius’s shoulder that Lily was hugging her too. Then two more bodies enclosing from either side, then another two.

They stayed like that for what felt like a minute, then they collectively released each other in an effort to breathe; Marlene realised she wasn’t the only one crying as Lily and Mary wiped their wet eyes, and Marlene thought she just caught Sirius subtly do it as well.

Looking round with weepy eyes she observed all her friends, eternally grateful for their acceptance and understanding; with a tearful chuckle she broke the peace, “I love you guys,”

“We love you too, Marls.” Lily replied and they all nodded in agreement, even Peter and he looked like he genuinely had disregarded his old pureblood views.

She reflected their smiles and pulled them into another, significantly looser, embrace as she wondered if anyone else had ever found such amazing family.

***

9th November 1976

Marlene had been desperate to talk to Dorcas for the entire day, but as soon as lessons ended James was pulling her to the quidditch pitch, not even for training but for some boring inventory check. She begrudgingly trudged with him, hoping it would be over soon so she could go and give Dorcas the news.

They reached the field and to Marlene’s surprise, the Hufflepuff team shuffled passed them heading back up to the castle. Her hopeful heart slowly deflated as Dorcas wasn’t with them. They entered the pitch and stood alone in the centre was that bronzed goddess that Marlene had been eagerly waiting to see all day, she couldn’t help but beam at Dorcas who looked back at her with a confused smile to which Marlene replied with an enthusiastic nod; wordlessly answering her query.

Dorcas face lit up with a mirroring grin somehow making her more attractive, which Marlene didn’t think was possible. She found herself running up to her, Dorcas doing the same. They collided with abrupt force and Dorcas lifted and spun Marlene round by her waist with surprising strength, making her giggle until she pressed their mouths together, both of their lips still curved upwards in a joyful smile.

She kissed her even though James was right there, even though it was far too cold to hang around outside, even though she was supposed to be doing inventory. This was what she came out for, this made it all worth it. Dorcas holding her, Marlene being the cause of her joy, the ability to kiss Dorcas in front of James in the middle of the quidditch pitch.

And it was so much better than she could have possibly imagined.

***

Marlene entered the common room with a beaming grin; Remus looked at her quizzically, but he couldn’t help but smile at her joyful face, it was one he missed deeply and hadn’t seen in several months; this one perhaps brighter than the one she had before. Flopping over the back of the sofa, she squirmed and giggled on top the cushions and Remus gently laughed at her, “What?” He chuckled.

She sat up and looked across the sofas to him, a mischievous glint in her eye that he had only ever seen in Sirius’s. “Mr Lupin, you are looking at the girlfriend to Dorcas Meadows.” She said quietly to avoid accidental eavesdropping but joyfully, nevertheless. Remus gasped and stood up, she did too and they excitedly hugged.

“Really?”

“Really! And Remus oh it’s amazing and now I can talk to Mary and Lily about it and James saw and was fine and he even let me off inventory and Dorcas… Oh my god I’m just so happy, Remus.” She laughed, and Remus was overcome with the joy he felt for her. “Oh! I need to tell the girls!” She excitedly dashed to her dorm and Remus chuckled as she left, heading up to his own dorm.

Sirius was thoughtfully staring at the corkboard on their wall with the latest prank idea pinned into the canvas when he turned around and his face lit up when he saw Remus, strolling over to him wrapping his arms around Remus’s waist kissing him quickly and pulling away, looking quizzically at Remus’s smile that was still unconsciously etched on his face.

“What is it?” He chuckled.

“Marlene got a girlfriend.” Remus answered.

“Godric, really! That’s amazing, who?”

“Dorcas Meadows.”

“The Hufflepuff chaser?” Sirius asked and Remus nodded, “Oh! Good for them!”

“Yeah, Marls is over the moon. And about coming out, said it’s very freeing.”

Both their smiles faded a little as they both felt the weight of hiding fall slightly heavier on their shoulders; their group had proven they were overall supportive except for the momentary grimace Peter pulled which he was overly apologetic for after James set on him afterward. But it was different for Remus and Sirius and they knew it. Queer men were not going to be as quickly accepted – and if it got spread around… it just wasn’t an option yet. They were happy though, with each other.

“Still think it’s hilarious how two queers were in a relationship,” Sirius chuckled, slightly changing the subject. “Where you that bad in bed you turned a woman gay?”

“Oi! You know better than anyone I’m not bad in bed, or you certainly didn’t say that last night--”

“Okay! Fair enough!” Sirius laughed.

“Plus, we never...”

“Oh really? Mr Astronomy Tower at nine?” 

“I knew you were jealous!”

“Yes, I never tried to hide that!” Sirius retaliated with a chuckle.

“So, what are you planning?” Remus chuckled and turned to the corkboard with a smile.

“I’m glad you asked, so y’know the green curtains in the Slytherin common room, I was thinking what if we just… pink? Now listen up…”

Remus smiled, settling on his bed ready for a few cunning hours of prank-planning.

***

“LILY GET YOUR ARSE OUT THE SHOWER MARLENE’S BACK!” Mary called upon the sight of Marlene entering the dorm, Lily stumbled out of the bathroom in a fluffy dressing gown and hair wrapped in a towel. “Did you see her?” Mary prodded and Marlene nodded, grinning.

“She asked me to be her girlfriend!” She beamed and the two girls squirmed, jumping up and down with excitement and hugging Marlene.

“Oh my god! Did you say yes?!” Lily asked and Marlene laughed.

“No, I said no…. Of course, I said yes, tosser!” She giggled, settling on Mary’s bed preparing for a night of heavy gossip, ecstatic that for once she could contribute too. 

Weeks, even years later, Marlene would look back on this moment and think of how naive she was to believe her elated state wouldn’t fade. She would learn that happiness never lasted forever. 


	19. Christmas Antics

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All is well in the last week of term before Christmas Break of 1976.

Monday 12th December 1976

The last week of term was always a glorious whirlwind of excitement, pranking and fun. Termly exams had finished the week before, and now lessons consisted of meaningless recapping that the teacher would easily get distracted from and the class would end up doing something unrelated and amusing. Even Remus agreed that skiving off lessons was no-biggy anymore and the teachers didn’t seem to care either. Sirius and Remus had just come back from smoking outside the greenhouses and were now in the library doing last minute research for their end of term prank; well, more like Remus was researching and Sirius patiently observing.

“What _are_ you doing?” Remus asked, looking up from _Practical Jokes through the Ages_. Sirius appeared to be carving a series of lines into the corner of the wooden desk they always sat at.

“Carving.” Sirius replied, simply.

“Yeah I gathered that but what are you carving, Madame Pince will have your head.” Remus inquired.

“It’s us!” Sirius beamed, showing Remus the jagged lines, that looked just like that – lines.

“Er Pads. Never become a carpenter or an artist.” Remus chuckled.

“No, you idiot. C’mhere.” He ushered; Remus walked around the table and Sirius pulled him into his lap. “This,” He traced three of the lines with his fingers, “Is you. Don’t recognise it?” Remus shook his head amused.

“This is me. Recognise it?” Sirius asked again and Remus studied it more carefully, then he did!

“Your star constellation!” he smiled, feeling like a kid that just got the answer right in his favourite class.

“Ding! Ding! Ding!” Sirius mimicked a bell with a grin, “Now back to you, these my dear Moony…” He took Remus hand in his, and guided his hand to trace the cuts in the table, then moved both of their hands under Remus’s school shirt and Remus felt his own cool hand against his chest, Sirius guiding it in a perfect synchronicity of his scars.

He turned to look at Sirius in surprise, but he was already staring back at him with a smug smile. “My scars?” he asked, and Sirius nodded, removing their hands from Remus’s shirt. “But how—how did you…”

“You underestimate how often I trace them once you fall asleep, Moony. It’s like muscle memory or something.” Sirius smirked; Remus fought very hard not to kiss him, instead turning back to the carvings, seeing very clearly how his scars perfectly intertwined with the constellation. Like they were soulmates.

A loud and aggressive shush came from the other side of the bookcase, Remus heard James and Peter’s voices apologising to the librarian and he quickly scrambled off Sirius’s lap.

“Hiya!” James greeted, “Found anything useful?”

“Nah not really, unless you count ‘exchanging thou’s ink from black to blue.’” Remus replied, sarcastically and irritably closing the ancient book.

“No. No I’m afraid I don’t count that as end of term worthy, Moony” James clarified.

“Fuck the prank for a second.” Peter said and they all turned to him in mock disgust. “I just mean- the snow has settled…” He raised an eyebrow. All three boys glanced out the window to see Peter was right, the vast grounds of Hogwarts blanketed by untouched white snow.

Sirius and James exchanged the usual mischievous look and clumsily ran past each other, Pete following suit and Remus hurriedly shoved the books in his bag and slung it over his shoulder, sprinting out of the library calling an apology over his shoulder to Madame Pince. 

By the time he reached the grounds, James was already covered in fluffy snow, fallen into the white sea but Remus barely had time to observe as Sirius fired a snowball directly at his chest that exploded upon contact. His face twisted in a mischievous grin, his tongue playing in the corner of his mouth which quickly faded as Remus launched his counterattack. “Right!” He started, grabbing a fistful of snow and chasing a screaming and giggling Sirius down the white-covered field.

“Wormy help me!” He cried, failing to aim a snowball back at the perusing Remus, he caught up with Sirius and tackled him into the snow, pinning his arms into the ground, his black hair gloriously contrasting with the white. Sirius cocked an eyebrow, “Oh I like where this is going.” He whispered to Remus, sultrily. 

“Oh, shut up, you’re being punished.” Remus quipped cheerfully, ignoring the alarming tightening in his trousers at the sight of Sirius sprawled and pinned on the ground, instead shoving snow down his shirt as Sirius erupted in squirms and giggles.

“Prongs! Help me!” Sirius screamed, “Moony plays dirty!” He laughed, not missing the chance to wink at Remus who scowled back but released him. Sirius scrambled to his feet and threw a snowball directly at James face which settled in his circular glasses, slowly he wiped them clean with a menacing look on his face.

“You’ll pay for that Padfoot!” James scooped a large handful of snow and ran after a fleeing Sirius; Peter and Remus following in fits of laughter.

***

James didn’t show up for training, probably busy having childish snowball fights in the snow; so, Marlene sent the team off for an early dinner and strolled to the stands where Dorcas was sat, contently.

“You don’t have to watch training, it’s boring.” Marlene smirked.

“No, but lucky I did because now we have the pitch to ourselves.” Dorcas chuckled, mounting her broom and Marlene mirrored her, flying up into the cold December air; Dorcas chased her around the pitch, Marlene making it challenging by swooping into the stands, around the hoops and under banners.

Once they had exhausted themselves, they collapsed at the side of the pitch in a breathless bundle of laughs. They ambled into the changing rooms, each turning on a shower, but Dorcas strolled over to Marlene’s cubicle, leisurely turning off the faucet.

“Best not to waste water.” She winked, slowly unclipping the front of Marlene’s robes. Instantly, Marlene responded, pushing Dorcas against the tiled wall with her kiss, hands fumbling with the hem of her top and breaking the embrace momentarily to pull it over her head. Dorcas did the same and once they were both naked, she quickly pulled Marlene into the other steaming cubicle.

***

Wednesday 14th December 1976

“Todays the day lads! Right, Mssr Moony I need an update on the laundry room.” James commanded.

“All set-in place, house elves are none the wiser Mssr Prongs.” Remus replied.

“Brilliant, Mssr Wormtail is the dye prepared?”

“Affirmative, sir.” Peter nodded.

“Absolutely fantastic. Mssr Padfoot how is Slughorn’s office looking?”

“Secured and ready for initiation, Mssr Prongs.”

“Great. If all continues to go this swimmingly, we shall be crowned prank-masters of Hogwarts for decades.” James sighed happily.

“We already are.” Sirius replied.

“Incoming data!” Peter screeched, looking at the marauders map sprawled in his lap, “Target Sluggy spotted on the move toward the hall!”

“Go! Go! Go!” James ushered at Sirius, who sprinted from the bed, grabbing James’s invisibility cloak and ran out the dorm in two lengthy strides.

“Okay, Moony. The house elves appear to be done preparing breakfast and a large majority are heading to the utility rooms.” Peter updated,

“Go now, then you’ll get there with time to spare.” James recommended and Remus agreed, swooping out the door in one swift motion.

By the end of the day, the marauders had initiated their extravagant pranking preparations and went to bed, smiles spread across their faces in anticipation for the chaos due to transpire the next morning.

Thursday 15th December 1976

Even Sirius didn’t need prompting when it came to awaking in the morning, all four boys bounded into great hall for the earliest breakfast they’d had in years. The hall was empty except for them for about twenty minutes until Professor McGonagall and Professor Randal sauntered to the teacher’s table. When McGonagall caught sight of the four giggling boys, her eyes narrowed, and she surveyed them with utmost suspicion before drifting down toward them.

“Why are you here, boys?” She asked.

“Why we are enjoying a lovely early breakfast, Minnie.” Sirius beamed.

“Nothing illegal about that, perfectly normal behaviour.” James added.

“Illegal? no. Suspicious? Extremely. I don’t know what antics you four have planned for today but believe me I will not hesitate to punish you throughout the next term if need be.”

“Oh, I don’t doubt it,” Sirius smirked, “but worry not, Minerva. Nothing usual about this fine day all is well and totally and utterly boring.”

McGonagall slowly surveyed the boys, “I’ll hold you to your word Mr Black.” She said, turning back the teacher’s table. After an hour, all the staff except Slughorn had come for their breakfast, and the hall was slowly filling up with students – none of which Slytherins.

The marauders chuckled to themselves, now certain their prank had worked; they waited for it to reveal itself to the rest of the school. McGonagall still sat at the teacher’s table cautiously watched them as the Slytherin table remained empty.

“Blimey you lot were early,” The girls slumped beside them but none of the boys answered, eagerly watching as the extravagant doors to the great hall opened.

A group of about twenty Slytherins entered the hall, all bright pink from head to toe; their robes, ties, jumper – not even their shirts had been spared from the pastel magenta staining. One of the boys had a head full of hot pink hair and Remus turned to Sirius mouth open,

“What did you do to his hair?! That wasn’t part of the plan!”

“I couldn’t help it! It was so tempting.” Sirius giggled.

“Merlin, you lot are going to be in deep shit.” Mary scoffed, eyes watching the pink flock of Slytherins along with the entirety of the hall. Another group entered, a gloriously hilarious sight as Professor Slughorn guided the Slytherins – including Snape and Barty Crouch, they too stained completely pink; Slughorn’s robes coated in purple and pink swirls completed with scarlet red hearts.

It was hilarious. All the Slytherins stone faced and angry, contrasting with the bubbling joyful attire they wore. Remus watched with a smile spread across his face as Snape flipped up his middle figure from across the hall, looking like he would hex them if he were any closer.

“Got a little something there, buddy.” Sirius laughed, shouting across the hall and indicating at his entire uniform, before Remus saw a towering McGonagall grab his ear, pulling Sirius and James from the table and instructing Peter and Remus follow - which they did, not wanting to have their ears ruthlessly grabbed. Remus still caught the chuckles of the girls as they hurried out of the hall, taking one last glance at the vision of pink also known as the Slytherin table.

“Explain yourselves!” McGonagall dropped both boys from her grasp and turned round to the face the four of them.

“Interhouse competition?” James answered shyly and McGonagall’s nostrils flared as she looked like she was fighting not to quip him around the head.

“You know that I am partial to the occasional friendly competition, not public humiliation and tampering with personal possessions! I am truly disgusted! What do you have to say for yourselves?!”

“That Slughorn should wear pink more often.” Sirius replied, solemnly and Remus thought he might explode with stifled laughter. Upon seeing the menacingly dangerous glare McGonagall shot Sirius, he quickly backed down “Sorry Professor,” but Remus watched him trying not to laugh and it all became too much as he let out a snort.

Immediately he clapped a hand over his mouth, the chuckles still evading him, tears filling his eyes as he desperately tried to withhold his laughter and had to look away from James’s twitching lips. 

“Something amusing, Mr Lupin?” McGonagall snapped. Even the terrifying woman before him couldn’t stop his laughter, Sirius silently chuckled behind her.

“No, No. Sorry Professor.” Remus wheezed, muffled by the hand still covering him smile, shaking his head. “I’m sorry,” He chuckled, aware he couldn’t look any less apologetic right now. God, he had to get a grip, but every time he tried to stop laughing, he imagined the grumpy Slytherin with pink hair and he became breathless again.

Soon James and Sirius were also biting their lips stifling laughs and McGonagall shook her head. “I hate that you’ve made me do this but that’s thirty points from Gryffindor. You will spend your morning creating the countercharm. Slughorn has complained the entire common room is pink, I will not stand for this.” McGonagall scolded but Remus saw a glint of amusement in her eyes.

“Yes, Professor.” Peter nodded.

“Actually professor, the clothing will wear fade in a matter of hours and the common room just needs a reverse spell I’ve already formulated.” Remus answered.

“Oh, good… Well I guess you are free to go then.” McGonagall nodded and left the boys in the hallway. As soon as she exited, Remus fell on the floor laughing.

“Why’d you keep looking at me like that, Potter! I think I’ve pissed myself!” Remus wheezed followed by Sirius.

“McGonagall loved that! Not even a detention! This is the highlight of our careers, fellas!” James snorted.

***

Marlene watched James and Sirius get pulled out of the hall by their ears with a hand discreetly sheltering her chuckles as the two boys squirmed at McGonagall’s mercy.

“Honestly they’re asking for it sometimes,” Lily commented once they had left. “We still ready for the counter mission?”

“Definitely.” Mary replied, “Already charmed the knights in the hallway and Peeves is on target to hit the deadline.”

“Great, just wait girls, tonight the marauders aren’t going to know what’s hit them.” Lily chuckled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all! I've heard some of my readers have recommended this fic on TikTok, I am truly so grateful for all of you and thank you so much for spreading the word; I don't know their users but if it you do, please let me know so I can thank them properly! :)  
> I appreciate all of my readers so deeply, thank you all so much and I hope you are enjoying reading! <3 As always let me know your thoughts in the comments - I love reading them!!  
> xxx


	20. You Drive Me Wild

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On the last day of term after a disgraceful counter-prank, the marauders are in the mood for rebellion.  
> CW: Homophobic Language toward the end.  
> Song is You Drive Me Wild by The Runaways.

It truly was an unsolvable mystery how Remus found himself in detention that night alongside his fellow marauders, he contemplated as he wrote his lines and even, he – Remus, the professional overthinker – couldn’t fathom how the misunderstanding has taken place.

During the afternoon of Thursday, someone utterly unidentifiable had pulled a prank, one so extravagant that the incident of pink Slytherins was almost completely forgotten, and Remus fought hard to supress how impressed he was and turn it into the spite he felt toward the counter-pranksters. How dare they try and out-do the all great Marauders?

Sirius, James and Peter were also stumped when it came to the identity and motive of the pranksters and they discussed it at length in the common room after their detention, with the girls who seemed to be just as confused but more bored.

“I mean, I just- It’s disgraceful.” James sighed.

“You really sat through that detention, you didn’t even try and defend yourselves?” Lily scoffed.

“First of all, McGonagall would never believe that.” Peter started, which everyone agreed with; the latest hundred pranks pulled over the last six years had been pulled by the marauders – denying it would be useless.

“Second!” Sirius started, “How humiliating! We have counter-pranksters in our midst, trying to out-do us! It’s disgraceful, I will not admit it wasn’t us to save my life.” Remus, James and Peter nodded solemnly in agreement.

Humiliating. That was what it was.

Marlene giggled, “Jesus, your egos!” The three girls shook their heads while they laughed, and Remus became slightly aggravated; this was serious, a damage to their reputation-

Oh. Maybe Marlene was right.

“I would crush whoever did it if I knew who they were.” James huffed and Lily laughed harder.

“It’s impossible, it wasn’t even house directed – it could be anyone!” Peter commented and Remus regretfully agreed.

“Best save our dignities and forget it, lads.”

The boys murmured in agreement, “Yeah but if they strike again, I’ll kill them. Or myself. Or both.” Sirius murmured.

“I hate them.” James added.

***

“God, that boyfriend of yours really is pathetic, Evans. Oi budge up.” Mary commanded as she squeezed into her own bed that Marlene was already sat in, Lily joined them.

“They all are. _I’ll crush them_.” Lily mocked.

“ _I hate them!”_ Marlene joined in,

“Certainly didn’t hate me the other night.” Lily teased with a smirk, sending Mary and Marlene into a bolt upright position.

“You didn’t tell us _things_ had developed!” Mary prodded.

“I just did!” Lily defended, crawling back to her own bed.

“Nuh uh, I demand details, Evans!”

“Go to bed, MacDonald you pervert!” Lily called from behind her curtain hangings.

***

Friday 16th December 1976

It was the last day of term; tomorrow, the Hogwarts Express would whisk away his friends for two weeks over Christmas and Remus thought he would be spending it in solitude – until Sirius informed him that he was staying too. Remus didn’t push the subject but was secretly internally delighted that they would have the castles to themselves over Christmas break.

Lessons finished after lunch to give students a chance to pack, James said he would do it in the morning, Peter had never unpacked, and the girls had done it the night before; leaving the afternoon free for them all. They lounged in the common room bathing in each other’s company while they still could until evening drew in, consuming the room in dim light even though it was only 4pm.

“I feel we should be doing something rebellious.” Sirius stated.

“Turning all of Slytherin pink not good enough for you?” James asked.

“Shut up. Who wants to get wasted?” Sirius raised, met with several cheers and whoops from Remus, Marlene and Mary.

“Has anyone got any fire-whiskey though?” Peter asked. They looked around at each other all shaking their heads. Remus felt his momentary excitement fade, he really did feel like getting absolutely smashed tonight. 

“We’ll to Hogsmeade we go then!” Sirius chanted, Remus cheered louder alongside the rest – even prefects Lily and James didn’t object.

They strolled down the passageway to Honeydukes cellar, Marlene had managed to bring Dorcas so the eight of them didn’t even bother trying to squeeze under the invisibility cloak, just took their chances in the open.

They reached the cobbled streets that were still littered with snow, Christmas carols slightly echoing through the night as they leisurely walked to the Hog’s head. It wasn’t as nice as the three broomsticks, but they were worried that Madame Rosemerta would recognise them and call for McGonagall, so settled for the other pub.

As they entered, their senses were hit with loud singing erupting from the front as a band loudly played some kind of wizard music Remus didn’t recognise, but he liked it. Seating themselves in a booth, Sirius and Dorcas went to the bar to get drinks being the only ones of age; Remus found it amusing that they were both wearing almost identical leather jackets - Sirius looked better but he might have a biased view.

The atmosphere in the Hog’s Head was usually creepy and unsettling but somehow the booming music eased the drunken room, everyone either bobbing their head, tapping their foot or beating their finger to the bass.

Marlene and James were already singing under their breath, Remus probably would of if he knew the lyrics. The drinks arrived and they collectively knocked back two rounds of shots to start the first round – it was going to be a good night.

After three rounds everything was slightly fuzzy, Remus was thoroughly enjoying himself putting his hand further and further up Sirius thigh discreetly until he felt the slight erection through Sirius’s jeans who quickly slapped his hand away. However, due to the questionable people in the pub, Dorcas and Marlene were able to snog to their hearts content; lesbians were the least of some of the undoubtably criminal’s worries, but they stayed slightly discreet just in case. Remus was jealous, he realised; but moved passed it quickly – he was having too much fun to worry about something uncontrollable. 

“We’re opening it up to karaoke! Come up here!” The lead singer bellowed after finishing his dozenth song; James’s face lit up, but Lily pulled him back.

“Potter if you dare embarrass me in front of our friends here, I’m breaking up with you,” She slurred drunkenly. James smiled and nodded, staying seated – thank god for Lily Evans.

A man stumbled on stage singing another song Remus didn’t recognise and enjoyed less than the others, possibly because the man was drunk and out of pitch. Remus was too tipsy to care.

“Dorcas you sing, don’t you?” Mary asked.

“Yeah and I reckon one more shot will get me drunk enough to do karaoke.” Dorcas chuckled to which Sirius promptly slid over his own shot and Dorcas threw it back and tightly squinted her face. “Let’s do it!” She called, and the seven of them whooped her.

“What you wanna sing, love?” The lead singer asked her as she strolled to the front, she fitted in effortlessly, long braided hair pulled into a high ponytail falling to the hem of her leather jacket.

“Any Pink Floyd?” She asked. The singer shook his head,

“Nah sorry darling, don’t know any muggle songs,”

“Not even The Runaways?” Dorcas gasped, then when the man shook his head again and she slumped to go back to her seat.

“I do!” Remus called, surprising himself as well as Sirius and Marlene either side of him, “I played the bass, I know some of The Runaways.” He clarified.

“You do?” Sirius and James asked at the same time, Remus nodded shyly.

“Come up ‘ere then lad!” The bassist removed his instrument and once Remus reached the front, he slung it over his shoulder, the singer gave Dorcas the microphone and they smiled nervously at each other. Remus was never good with crowds, but the alcohol pumping through his veins and the familiar feeling of the bass in his arms encouraged him on.

***

Marlene watched as Remus seemed to completely transform personas under the weight of the bass in his hands; he stood taller head tilted down and his mousy curls falling over his face while his long fingers strummed the strings causing echoes of sound throughout the room. He looked to Dorcas and nodded.

Remus began to play the intro of _You Drive Me Wild_ ; Dorcas held the microphone close to her lips, looking quite nervous compared to the loose Remus next to her – like they had swapped personalities. However, every sense of uncertainty that Marlene thought resigned in Dorcas quickly evaporated as she began to sing; her voice perfect in every way and she smiled into the microphone.

_“You know when you're close you really turn me on  
That's why I want you so bad when your gone,” _

Dorcas sang, head rocking in beat with Remus’s tapping foot. He was really good; Marlene wondered how many other hidden talents that mysterious boy had and apparently so did everyone else – looking at the two performers in amazement. Sirius, who was now next to Marlene due to Remus’s absence was wide eyed and speechless.

That answered Marlene’s query about their relationship, whether she would be able to remember it after the amount if drinks, she was unsure, but she whispered loudly to Sirius, “They’re really hot, aren’t they?” Still with her eyes fixed on Dorcas. 

Marlene felt Sirius’s head turn as he looked at her, then he laughed. “Yeah.” He exhaled, then turned his gaze back to Remus ruthlessly strumming the bass, tongue falling out of his mouth slightly in concentration.

“If I fancied blokes, you’d be in danger right now.” She teased and Sirius laughed again.

“Likewise, McKinnon.” He downed the rest of his drink, “You’re gonna have to remind me you’re the first person I came out to. There’s like a point five percent chance imma remember this.”

“Bold of you to assume _I’ll_ remember, Black,” She chuckled, not speaking another word as she felt overly hot at Dorcas’s eye contact while she beautifully sang,

_“You drive me wild, yeah yeah  
You know you do, uh huh!” _

After they finished the song with Remus dramatically flourishing his strumming, the entire pub erupted in applause – their booth the loudest, cheering without shame as the crowd called for an encore.

Remus and Dorcas where breathlessly hugging, and something twisted in Marlene’s stomach as she watched, possibly the happiest she’d ever been; not only had her friends excepted her when she came out – but they took Dorcas as well. The sight of one of her closest friends hugging her girlfriend almost made her cry. Probably just the drink.

Remus and Dorcas obeyed the cheering crowd playing another two songs before they all collectively stumbled back to Honeydukes cellar.

***

Saturday 18th December 1976

“Oi up you get you wankers!” James’s voice rang threw the curtains and Remus woke with a pounding headache, cautiously opening his eyes to adjust to the light flooding in through the hangings that James was standing beside. Remus looked at him, then his brain seemed to wake up and he turned to the still sleeping Sirius wrapped around him, face buried into Remus’s neck. “Sorry, Moony.” James apologised indicating at Sirius, “We were all drunk and he wasn’t getting into his own bed and I was too tired so gave up. Sorry mate. You did say it was fine last night, but we were all so pissed.”

Sirius stirred beside him, pulling Remus closer and James laughed. “SIRIUS GET UP YOU POOF! WE’RE LEAVING!” Sirius woke irritated at James’s shouts, then registered the situation after seeing him towering over the bed and released Remus, untangling their legs in panic. James laughed once more, “Sorry again, Moony. Don’t let him get that drunk over Christmas and if he does make sure he stays in his own bed, can’t come back to you being sleep deprived. PETE GET OUT HERE WE’RE LEAVING!”

“Oh, here comes McKinnon, nice little walk of shame for ya there.” Mary teased at the breakfast table.

“Ah, shut up MacDonald.” Marlene quipped, pouring a coffee.

“Walk of shame, eh?” James questioned.

“Mm, little Marly Warly here didn’t come back last night.” Lily explained. “Somehow managed to sneak into the Hufflepuff dorms I reckon.”

“Oh, piss off the lot of you.” Marlene sighed.

“Can’t say I blame you, McKinnon; Dor and Moony looking smoking last night!”

Remus audibly groaned at the memory, “Please don’t, Prongs.”

“I think Potter had a gay awakening, Remus.” Lily teased.

“That I did. Right let’s get going before we completely miss the train.”

At the train platform, Remus watched as everyone said their goodbyes – James and Lily’s involving a lot of snogging even though they were going on the train together, Dorcas’s and Marlene’s involving a lot promises to write and Peter miserably complaining about his grandmother.

“Have a good Christmas, beautiful. See you in the new year.” Mary smiled at Remus, pulling him into a tight hug.

“Merry Christmas, Mary.” He hugged her back, then Marlene then Lily, James and Peter before they boarded the train, waving out the window as they left. Sirius, Dorcas and Remus waved back, and he thought this must be what it’s like for parents only worse, _it’s only two weeks_ he told himself _._

He didn’t know if he would ever be able to live without his friends. 

“Merry Christmas, darlings!” Lily’s voice trailed off as Hogwarts Express quickly faded into the distant evergreen fields beyond the castle.


	21. Falling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas break has arrived.  
> CW: Mentions of domestic and child abuse.

Remus hadn’t realised Dorcas was also staying at Hogwarts until the day the others left; he didn’t want to ask why she chose to stay – if her reasons were anything like Sirius and Remus’s then it was probably best left unsaid. They sauntered back up through the grounds to Hogwarts castle. Christmas always made it look more magical; snow covered the tiled terraces and warm lights strung around trees and bushes.

Gryffindor Tower was empty, for some reason this year Sirius and Remus were its only occupants at Christmas. It felt eerily chilling without the presence of the others, but Sirius could provide warmth for lifetimes. It was very freeing to lie entangled in each other’s arms by the roaring fireplace; they stayed like that for hours, Remus could have gone years feeling nothing but pure affection for Sirius’s cradled body on top of his, their breathing steadily matching as he pushed black strands from his face, revealing the gloriously sculptured features that lay beneath it.

Everything about Sirius was glorious. Remus wanted nothing to ever change; the idea scared him – he didn’t know how he would cope when he would no longer be able to call Hogwarts him home, the day Sirius might get bored and leave him like everyone else had. He scolded himself, that wasn’t going to happen, the boy resting on his chest wasn’t capable.

A thought dawned upon Remus; he wanted to spend the rest of his life with Sirius. With all his friends – but especially Sirius. He wondered whether he was becoming too attached, one should never rely on someone for happiness but then again, he just couldn’t help it. And he just couldn’t care.

Sirius stirred against him, raising his sleepy head towards Remus’s.

“What you smiling at?” He queried, Remus leant forward and kissed his forehead.

“Just you.”

Sirius smiled contently and buried his face back into Remus’s chest. “What did I do to deserve this?” He mumbled; Remus softly laughed - he was thinking exactly the same thing. “Actually, it’s very infuriating.”

“What is?”

“You. Everything about you, very frustrating.”

“Wow and I thought we were having a cute moment.” Remus chuckled.

“I just mean- like who knew you could play the bass? And look so goddamn sexy doing it? I almost busted in the booth.”

Remus cackled, “That might’ve blown our cover a little, Pads.”

“Oh yeah, um…” Sirius sat up and Remus watched him cautiously. “Well it’s a bit fuzzy but, I think- I think Marlene knows about us?”

“Oh, you told her?” Remus was surprisingly unbothered but then again if anyone could figure it out, it was Marlene, she knew their background – they just didn’t talk about anything after Halloween.

“No, she just kinda _knew_. You’re not mad?”

“No, of course not. Can’t help it can we? And Marls won’t say anything.”

“No, I suppose not. Nice though - bit of weight lifted.”

“Yeah it is,” Remus mindlessly agreed. “and Marlene’s cool about it.”

“Huh?” 

“What?”

“How do you know Marlene’s cool about it?” Sirius smirked.

“Well, I mean- just, y’know er… the circumstances.” Remus stuttered. Slowly Sirius narrowed his eyes, corners of his mouth upturned.

“Marlene knew you were gay, didn’t she?”

“Well… I—” Remus submitted to the smirk Sirius was accusing him with, “Yeah.”

“I knew it! And you knew she was?”

“Er—”

“When?”

“Huh?”

“Don’t play dumb with me Lupin.” Remus muttered something so quiet even he struggled to hear himself. “Repeter!” Sirius commanded, his French always getting the better of Remus.

“September.” Remus blushed; Sirius was quiet for a moment then fell on the rug, cackling maniacally. 

“SEPTEMBER!” He repeated between wheezes. “OH MY GODRIC!” Remus waited for him to calm down. “Holy shit, that whole time you where both faking it? Why?!”

Remus muttered something again, Sirius burst out laughing once more– this time Remus joined in. “Well it worked didn’t it!” He chuckled.

“I s’pose but Moony I was mad for you! All you had to do was look at me and I would be on my knees! What and Marlene just went along with it?!”

“It was mutually beneficial.”

“MUTUALLY BENEFICIAL!” Sirius screamed as he rolled around with laughter, Remus had gone back to an embarrassed expression, small smile and hiding under his hair. “You’re mad, Moony. Merlin how many secrets do you have in there.” Sirius ruffled his hair.

Remus waved him off, with a small laugh and Sirius gave his last chuckle with a shake of his head and a sigh, “God, I love you.”

Both boys straightened up as his words rung in their heads, echoing throughout the silent room. The grey of Sirius’s eyes flickered in panic when he backtracked, “I mean, not--! just like… you know… just- I didn’t mean- I’m, I’m gonna have a shower.” He darted up the staircase.

Remus slumped back on the sofa, mouth parted and eyes wide. The most startling thought occurred as the disappointed flooded through his head at Sirius’s takeback. Because he didn’t want him to take it back. Because Remus loved him, and he wanted to say it back – he wouldn’t. Not yet. But still, the thought was acknowledged, and it was terrifying.

Remus was in love with Sirius Black.

***

The platform at Kings Cross Station was buzzing with families reuniting, Marlene waved a quick goodbye to Mary, James and Peter before weaving through the crowd to her mother, who was standing beside Lily’s mother, Natasha Evans, they both bonded over being muggles since Lily and Marlene introduced them in first year.

Vanessa McKinnon was a tall, skinny blonde woman; she looked extremely similar to Marlene and she would be happy if she grew old to look like her mother – she only had about three wrinkles.

“Hunny! Hiya, how are you?!” Her mother hugged her at first sight, taking her into her arms like she was a little girl.

“I’m good, mum; you?” She beamed.

“I’m great. Sorry Tash, we best be off; see you soon?” Vanessa nodded to Mrs Evans.

“Yes, we’ll have to meet for a coffee. Good to see you, Marlene.”

“You too, Mrs Evans. See you soon, Lils!” Marlene called over her shoulder as she helped her mother through the wall of Platform Nine and Three Quarters who after four children and over two decades of marriage to a wizard, was hardly fazed by magic anymore.

They took a cab back to Primrose Cottage, they arrived around lunchtime. Their cottage was large, surrounded by green fields and wooden fences; the flowers and ivy conquered the walls of the house, trailing like veins up the sides and stopping at the brown thatched roof. It was blanketed by the hanging Christmas lights that were draped around the top and surrounding bushes. Inside, her mother had already put up the Christmas tree – it was large and comforting including an array of colours and mix-matched baulbals.

It used to be home. Technically, it still was but whenever she was there, she found herself counting down the days until she could return to Hogwarts, to her friends, _her real home._

Her mother and her were in the kitchen preparing dinner, they had informed their house elf – Yally, that they would cook tonight, Marlene enjoyed her mother’s company and she rarely ever got to cook. They were both laughing when they heard the door open – her father. Immediately, they both became wordlessly serious, Marlene fixed her posture and swiftly brushed her flour covered hands on her apron, resuming her vegetable cutting with utmost professionalism.

It made her uneasy how her mother shrunk back into the same persona Marlene had just adopted, she didn’t think he was abusive to her but unfortunately it wouldn’t overly surprise her. Her father had always been a fan of physical discipline which in Marlene’s mind was justified when trying to punish four rowdy children, but something about her mother being the other end of his fist or wand made her significantly more perturbed. Being the only daughter as well as the youngest, Marlene was partial to her father’s routine chastisement although when she brought it up in conversation with Mary once, she told her it definitely wasn’t normal and was more abuse than discipline. Marlene thought they were the same thing; how could you discipline without pain? But as she grew older, watched how teachers issued their punishments she slowly began to realise the oddity of it.

Still in his ministry robes, her father entered the kitchen. He was carrying his briefcase by his side and wearing a flat expression that didn’t waver when he saw his only daughter for the first time in months. He surveyed her, she stood tall – chin up, eyes straight forward and hands by her side, just like he had taught her all those years ago. Once done with his brief inspection he nodded and walked out of the room without a sound.

Marlene and her mother had made pie and mash for dinner, it was sufficiently tasty, and Marlene wished her brothers were here to try it alongside her parents. Her mother had informed her that Simon, the closest to Marlene is age and friendship would be arriving tomorrow and the eldest two on Christmas Day. At least she only had to sit through one awkwardly silent dinner by herself, occasionally filled with small talk about Marlene’s first term of NEWTs. She would have to think hard but quickly before answering, nothing too outrageously vague, nothing incriminating herself. She reminded herself to practise her occlumency tonight, although her father hadn’t used his legilimancy skills on her in years, but if something provoked him—

There was far more at risk this year. Too much. Way too much. She just simply couldn’t chance it.

As soon as she was excused from the table, she guided herself upstairs to her small neat bedroom. Her trunk already unpacked thanks to Yally, and she immediately whipped out parchment to write to Dorcas. They had both promised to write as often as possible and even though it had only been a matter of hours since they last spoke, Marlene missed her a concerning amount.

_Dorcas_

_I safely arrived at the cottage this afternoon with my mum, she says Simon is due to come some time tomorrow which is good – it’s really boring here. Missing you so much and hoping Hogwarts is bearable without me._

_Marlene xx_

She amused herself by adding a winking face at the end, and promptly attached it to one of the two family owls, sending it directly to Hogwarts before settling cross-legged on her bed to shut Dorcas and any other thoughts her father may deem ‘impure’ to the very depths of her mind.

After about an hour, she gave up. It had been so long since she tried occlumency, she hadn’t even ever been taught how to do it properly, just managed to somehow build a wall around some parts of her memory.

She would try again tomorrow, right now she was consumed by waiting for a reply from Dorcas. She sulked off to have a lengthy shower and by the time she returned, the golden-brown owl had returned with a reply.

_Marlene_

_I regret to inform you Hogwarts is significantly less fun without you, but still bearable, you egocentric twat. Remus and Sirius are still great, I just had dinner with them, but they pretty much kept to themselves today. They’re even more joined at the hip than him and Potter or you and Mary. I’ve got a mad theory they’re dating but that could just be me going mental without you here to keep me sane. Black doesn’t seem like the type._

_And apart from them all I’ve got is a fourth-year girl to share Hufflepuff Basement with. She’s alright, already braided her hair for her – I think I accidently made a promise to paint her nails but don’t know how to tell her I’ve never done it._

_That’s good news about Simon! Sorry it’s so boring there but maybe think of it as a break from the chaos? Missing you too. So much._

_Dorcas xxx_

Marlene re-read it numerous times, although it contained nothing particularly exciting, she read it in Dorcas’s voice, and it made her chuckle. She imagined it as though they were having one of their usual conversations and swiftly wrote her reply.

_Dorcas_

_I don’t think you can call me an egocentric twat, but I’ll let it slide because I miss you._

_I wouldn’t be so quick to judge Black or Remus but don’t tell them I said that. Keep an eye out I want reports of anything juicy between them. Don’t be a perv though, I know you can be partial._

_The girl seems sweet, she’s probably lonely too. Nail varnish isn’t too hard and there’s a drying charm that’s easy enough to master. Mary left her varnishes in her drawer, I’m sure you can ask Remus or Sirius to get it for you if the girl doesn’t have any._

_It is most definitely a break from chaos. But you know I thrive off chaos sometimes._

_Marlene xxx_

She sent off her reply and slipped Dorcas’s into her drawer, for re-reading if the wait between replies became too long. If Christmas continued like this, it would most definitely be bearable for a few weeks.

Although harder to occlude if Dorcas was going to be at the forefront of her mind all the time. She would have to learn to shut it off. And anyway, her father hadn’t invaded her mind in years, why would he do it now?


	22. Agony Like No Other.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> CW: Animal abuse, Child abuse, Graphic scenes of domestic violence, homophobic language, homophobic slur.  
> Just a generally unpleasant chapter, not the best if you're already having a bad day, take care of yourselves <3

Friday 24th December 1976

“Moony! Moony! It’s snowed!” Sirius shook Remus awake, pointing out the window that they could see from Remus’s bed because they forgot to draw the curtains or close the blinds, otherwise busy in their unoccupied dorm last night…

The light from outside was so reflective and bright that Remus didn’t need to sit up to determine Sirius was right.

“Well it did snow last week.” Remus groaned, his voice crackling with sleep.

“Yeah but it’s Christmas Eve! White Christmas, Moony.”

“I guess I’m just gonna have to beat you in another snowball fight then.”

“Sounds good to me, breakfast first,”

“Obviously.”

Dorcas was already at the breakfast table, smiling at another letter Remus assumed with astute accuracy was from Marlene, they hadn’t stopped sending letters since last Saturday. It was quite sweet.

“Morning, Dor. Fancy a snowball fight? Warning: we play rough.” Sirius offered.

“Sure!”

After some bacon and eggs, the three of them headed into the grounds, Dorcas had the idea to bring sledges which Remus had never done before, and it was exceedingly fun. They rode down the snow-covered hills then ran up again and again and again. Remus thought he was worn out to the point of no return but as soon as a snowball collided on his back thrown by Sirius who was wearing the cheekiest grin possible, he found his energy returned as he chased him down toward the lake.

He had him corned with the lake behind him, but then Sirius ran out onto the surface that was thickly frozen over, sliding and slipping all over the ice.

“Sirius! You’re going to kill yourself!” He exclaimed, “What if it cracks?!”

“MOONY! THIS IS SO FUN!” He ran and slid across the radius of it, laughing as his body was carried by the ice, “DOR GET ON HERE!”

“No, don’t! What if it cracks?!” Remus repeated, Dorcas scoffed and grabbed his arm, dragging him across the bank onto the lake. “Woah! Hey!” It was very unsteady and slippery; Remus didn’t like the lack of control.

He copied Dorcas’s feet movements, sliding one in front of the other like ice-skating but without the blades. It did end up being a lot of fun, especially spinning Sirius round and flinging him across the ice.

“Shit! Guys!” Dorcas pointed at the emerging slice through the surface, getting larger and closer. Sirius and Remus scrambled to their feet, grasping other hands as they all made a clumsily ran to the safety of land.

They collapsed in laughs of relief as they collided with the snow on the side of the bank, “Told you so.” Remus smirked breathlessly.

“Oh, shut it, you had fun.” Sirius giggled.

“Hate to break the flirting but can we go inside it’s bloody freezing!” Dorcas laughed.

The fire didn’t seem to warm Remus, the cold had seeped deep into his pores and settled. He and Sirius and were cradled under a shared blanket in the common room, hands outstretched to the roaring flames and already in the pyjamas, they’d either go down to dinner in them or just raid the kitchens after curfew. It was Christmas Eve after all, and rules never seem to apply at Christmas.

***

_Marlene_

_Sorry I only wrote once today, pretty eventful Christmas Eve. Started by sledging, then snowball fight, then a near death experience on the lake with the boys. Then after lunch Katie (I finally re-asked her name, it was embarrassing after sharing a common room with her for a week but yeah, her name’s katie,) We went to the quidditch pitch so I could teach her some stuff, she’s actually decent. I reckon she might even be able to get in the team next year if she keeps at it – she was very happy when I told her that._

_As far as Remus and Sirius go, definitely a couple. Sledging and giggling together the whole morning. It was sweet until they start bickering like an old married couple. They didn’t even retaliate when I joked about them flirting so I’ve reached my conclusion. Don’t know if it’s risky to bring up – I mean they know I’d be supportive but still, it’s a bit personal and they’re your friends after all._

_How was your Christmas Eve? Looking forward to seeing your bros tomorrow? Wishing you were here._

_Dor xx_

Marlene read the letter with a smile plastered across her face, of course they had a snowball fight that ended up on the lake. She was upset she was missing out, but Dorcas seemed to be having fun and that made her happy. She smiled as she scribbled her response.

_Dorcas_

_Sounds so fun! Wish I was there too. Overall is pretty boring, Simon and I have played about fifty games of chess and it was too cold to play quidditch today, so I’m impressed you stayed out all day. I’m guessing you’re by the fire reading this, I wish I was next to you._

_I am looking forward to seeing Thomas and Leon tomorrow, mainly just for a change of company. Simon and Yally are great but can get boring._

_Sirius and Remus! Honestly makes a lot of sense and I trust your judgment. If you want to bring it up, do! I wanna see how they react and they’re your friends too, Dor. You don’t have to ask my permission. If you do please tell me what they say!_

_I’ll probably write even more tomorrow just to escape dinner. It’s going to be so boring. Have a good rest of Christmas Eve, I’ll send a letter first thing tomorrow if you don’t beat me to it!_

_Missing you so much it’s crazy,_

_Marls xx_

Downstairs, she settled next to the Christmas tree now overflowing with neatly wrapped presents beside the fire, hot chocolate in hand ready for yet another game of chess against Simon.

Saturday 25th December 1976

Her father had always insisted on church first thing on Christmas morning, by now it was routine for Marlene except this time she didn’t actually pray. She didn’t follow the steps and hymns she normally would have, because if God hated what he made her, she thought she shouldn’t be expected to deliver unrequited respect. They did the rounds of greeting various families, wishing a merry Christmas and talking to the priest. Thomas and Leon her eldest brothers had met them at the church, and they all took the flu network home, erupting out of the fireplace beside the Christmas tree.

Firstly, they opened some gifts; Marlene had got some advanced books and a new broom. A very good haul for the year, she thanked her parents profusely but also tried to withold her affection slightly – there was nothing her father hated more than displays of emotions.

She watched as the rest of her family unwrapped their own and her mind drifted to what her friends were doing which she commonly found herself doing in the presence of her biological family. Dorcas would probably still be in pyjamas, possibly opening presents with Katie. Lily and Petunia were probably arguing, James getting spoilt rotten, Peter getting abused with kisses from his grandma and Remus and Sirius sat by the fire in the common room. 

She was going to write to Dorcas as soon as Christmas dinner was over, she just hadn’t got the chance with church so early in the morning.

Yally prepared a phenomenal Christmas dinner, turkey, stuffing, potatoes, parsnips, carrots all exquisite. Marlene could have scoffed it on the spot but waited until they had finished saying grace then until the head of the table – her father, started eating. They all did. Table manners was of the upmost importance to Kenneth McKinnon.

“So, father, how are things at the ministry?” Leon asked, politely.

“Decent under the current pressure. There are rumours about the war.”

“Serious rumours?” Her mother questioned, alarmed but composed.

“Yes. I would not bother myself in indulging if they were not holding some kind of truth. The war seems inevitable. Perhaps we can manage to put it off but will almost certainly be in play by the time Marlene leaves school.” Her father replied.

“Perhaps we shouldn’t at dinner, dear. Let’s discuss—”

“We will discuss what I see fit, Vanessa!” Her father snapped; Marlene almost dropped her fork, but the clash of metal would certainly have enraged him further. “It is important discussion now we are all here. Leon your job at Gringotts will likley not be affected, Thomas and Simon I expect you to drop everything and fight for your side. Marlene, females don’t belong on a battlefield, but you will be in healer training, you will tend every injured soldier and you will do so with utmost obedience. Do I make myself clear?”

“Kenneth…” Her mother pleaded.

“Do I make myself clear?!” Her father repeated in a shout, quickly slamming his balled fist on the table and vibrating the suddenly unappetising plates of food placed upon it.

“Yes, father.” The four children, chanted.

Marlene swallowed harshly. Christmas never went great but this year it had spiralled quicker than expected. Her father was already aggravated, anything would trigger him again; Marlene would have to be more perfect than usual—

The owl knocked at the window, everyone whipped round to the sound that echoed through the otherwise silent room.

“Who dare send post on Christmas?!” Her father’s lip curled as he abruptly swept to the window, grabbing the owl by the feathers and violently slamming it to the ground after removing the letter. The owl whimpered, wing probably broken, Marlene thought, though Lily was the one good with animals. Her father withdrew his wand and shot a violent killing curse at the moaning creature, sending Marlene into a silent panic; he was dangerously aggravated.

“It’s for you, Marlene.” He snarled, holding the letter but staring directly into Marlene’s soul; his grey eyes cold and violent, turning back to the letter and withdrawing it from its envelope, Marlene panicked. It was from Dorcas – almost definitely.

“Don’t!” She abruptly stood, hearing her mother faintly gasp beside her and seeing Simon grimace. Her father was the most terrifying site, nostrils flared and gaze intent. Marlene had severely fucked up already.

“I beg you pardon, young lady.” He muttered, advancing closer to Marlene, wand still in hand from the owl’s murder.

“Probably from a friend, I just didn’t- I didn’t want it to interrupt dinner. Just leave it.” She tremored.

“Dare you speak to me in that tone!” Her father shouted as grasped her around the arm, shoving her against the wall. She heard her mother gasp as he seeped his wand into her neck, it grew hot very quickly and seared at her sensitive skin. Screaming would just make her look weaker, her father hated weakness. She was to resist, just grit her teeth.

“I-I—" Marlene stammered for her apology, her father pushed her harder against the wall, wand burning permeant marks into her skin.

“What is it so important in this letter?!” He pressed.

“Kenneth!” Her mother pleaded.

“QUIET!” He screeched, he would have hit her had he not been solely focused on Marlene’s pain, the heat was becoming unbearable, it felt like his wand would impale her through the neck. She screwed her eyes shut in an effort not to scream.

“WHAT IS IT? BEFORE I OPEN IT MYSELF!”

“NO!” Marlene screeched with instant regret.

Before she could defend herself, her father was in her head, abruptly searching her consciousness and turning over memories. The swift invasion made Marlene collapse in pain, still withholding a scream. The only thing holding her vertical was her father’s clenched hand clasped violently around her neck.

The letters, there was a whole drawer full - the dozens of ivory sheets of parchment covered in cursive ink that Dorcas had sent.

Marlene smiling reading them.

Marlene writing back.

He pulled back, out of her mind – the damage was already done. The raid too quick and unprepared, Marlene was powerless to resist, her mind an open book for him to skim.

“ACCIO DRAWER!” He bellowed, the letters flying into the dining room, encased in her wooden cabinet. Even Marlene in her barely conscious state could panic, could see the confusion and fear plastered across her mother’s and brothers’ faces. Her father dropped Marlene to her knees, releasing her neck as he strode to the letters, skim reading them all.

“WHAT IS THIS?”

“It’s nothing!” Marlene whimpered, wobbling to her feet. Not long before her father had penetrated her mind again, searching deeper and more rapidly this time, his movements ripping her memories so violently Marlene was sure she was crying – possibly screaming.

Dorcas and her in the shower in the quidditch changing rooms.

Dorcas and her in the Hog’s Head.

Dorcas and her at the Halloween party.

Dorcas and her in the Hufflepuff dorm.

Dorcas.

The way Marlene thought, looked at and spoke about Dorcas.

She heard her mother’s faint cries, echoing throughout her swelling head, she heard her own tear-covered screaming as he ripped through her memories.

“Ken! STOP! Stop it Kenneth, what are you doing to her?!”

Marlene couldn’t hear much after that, her ears ringing as her father withdrew from her head, the most repulsed and enraged expression Marlene had ever seen spread across his face. He dropped her again, she fell once more onto her knees before he kicked her over onto her back. He kicked her again and again, she felt the bruises forming across her skin, her brain coming back to some sense – she wished it didn’t, now she could feel every hate-inflicted hit.

“VERMIN! HOW DARE YOU!”

“KENNETH STOP!” Her mother cried, he steadfastly ignored her. Carried on kicking Marlene, until he wanted to inflict more pain, she wasn’t being punished enough.

“CRUCIO!” He screeched.

Marlene had never felt torture like it, her whole body tearing itself apart; screams evading her mouth over her cries. She heard her mother’s terror-filled questions, her brothers trying to tear their father away.

“WHAT’S HE DOING TO HER?”

“Torturing curse.” Leon answered with a panicked waver that cracked his voice as he spoke. “Father, STOP!”

“TORTURE? KEN! WHAT DID SHE DO?! STOP!”

It grew more painful, Marlene screamed louder as everything hurt, everything was being ripped pulled, shredded. Just screams. Screams. All she heard were screams and cries.

“FUCKING FAGGOT! DISGRACE TO THE FAMILY, TO GOD! HOW DARE YOU SET FOOT IN HIS HOUSE! IN THIS HOUSE?! CRUCIO!”

“STOP!”

Marlene shrieked, feeling her body tremble and shiver into a ball of nothingness. She would rather be dead. She would be, just wait a few more seconds… her screams slowly fading.

A few more seconds, then she’d be free. Just a few more seconds of torment.

“YOU’RE KILLING HER!” Simon’s screaming voice broke through the bubble of her throbbing head. “FATHER YOU’RE GOING TO KILL HER!”

“GOOD! TO HELL WITH HER! CRUCIO!”

“STOP!” Thomas was trying to retch him off her, but the curse just drew longer, harder. Seconds dragged as the agony continued, any second, any second now.

“SHE’S DYING, KEN! STOP IT, PLEASE GOD STOP IT!”

It was fading, the anguish becoming darkness. She was being freed, death was mere seconds away and Marlene could not deliberate a straight thought except how grateful she was for the bliss unconsciousness in the peace of death.


	23. The Three Letters.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas Day at Hogwarts 1976.  
> Song Sirius and Remus are referring to as 'their song' is Good Old Fashion Lover Boy by Queen and is mentioned as 'their song' in Chapter 2.

Saturday 25th December 1976

Remus awoke to Queen on Christmas day; Sirius happily prancing around the dorm in his boxers ushering Remus to join him. He rolled off the bed to Sirius’s arms where they danced to ‘their song’ as Sirius called it. It was a great start to the day; it always was when Sirius was beside him; he enjoyed waking up and immediately smiling.

“Merry Christmas, Moony.” Sirius smiled after _Good Old Fashioned Lover Boy_ had finished, pulling them from into a hug from the dancing position they had just ended in, both still in their underwear.

“Merry Christmas, Pads.” Remus parroted, kissing the top of his hair. They showered, got dressed and headed to the great hall for breakfast. Christmas morning breakfast was extravagant as ever, but Remus tried to leave room for what he knew would be an equally fantastic dinner.

Dorcas and the other Hufflepuff girl entered the hall, the girl going to a group of Ravenclaws in her year and Dorcas sitting beside Remus and Sirius. “Happy Christmas, loves.”

“Morning.” Remus smiled, “Opened any presents yet?”

“Oh, um. No, no I don’t really- no I haven’t, you?”

“Nah gonna do it after this is you want to join?” Sirius offered; Dorcas nodded. “Heard from Marlene yet?”

“No, imma write now. Probably get a reply in an hour or so.”

Remus watched Dorcas scribble a letter and send it via the morning owls to Primrose Cottage. They collectively headed back up to the common room to open presents. Hilariously, Remus and Sirius had both got each other nail varnish, and promises to paint it later that day. Sirius also got him a new knitted jumper; Remus loved it but joked Sirius would probably steal it, Dorcas cocked an eyebrow.

Remus also got some books from Lily and Peter, a new scarf from Marlene and a pack of condoms from Mary. Alongside a lifetime supply of chocolate that Remus would probably devour in a matter of days. Sirius was amazed by an ear-piercing gun that the group had got him collective; Remus and Dorcas promised to help him use it after dinner. 

In the afternoon, Remus watched from the stands as Sirius and Dorcas practised quidditch, he started one of the books Lily bought him, it was muggle fiction which was his favourite. Sirius and Dorcas were both equally talented and versatile on their brooms despite playing opposing positions.

“I apologize in advance for when I beat a bludger at your head in the Hufflepuff v Gryffindor game, but it must be done, Meadows.” Sirius told Dorcas on the walk to Christmas dinner.

“I’d like to see you try, Black. I’m too fast for you. I’ll apologise for winning in advance because I’ll score triple the points Potter and McKinnon will.”

“Oh yeah? Well—”

“Jesus, enough about quidditch.” Remus teased, the other two laughed but dropped the subject. “Looks like Prongs has got competition in the best friend department.”

“No. Dorcas is way better, there’s no competition.” Sirius smirked.

“Your lucky I’m a lesbian otherwise I’d steal your boyfriend, Lupin.” Dorcas chuckled.

“Oh yeah, I’d like to see you—wait what?”

Dorcas looked at them both as if waiting for conformation, Remus turned to face Sirius before they both weakly shrugged and nodded.

“Knew it! Oh, I must tell Marls—I mean…shit sorry. I won’t if you don’t want me to,”

“Nah, McKinnon’s okay, we think she already knows but um, can you just keep it quiet?” Sirius asked, Dorcas nodded solemnly with a kind smile.

The rest of Christmas day passed nicely, after a delicious feast, they strolled the castle trying to walk off their full stomachs; Dorcas complained about not getting a letter from Marlene but Sirius and Remus waved her off, saying she was likely just having fun with her brothers. Dorcas looked unconvinced but accepted it, heading down to the basement.

Sunday 26th December 1976

Sirius and Remus got shit-faced that previous night; Remus didn’t remember much but woke up on the floor of the common room, three empty bottles of fire whiskey beside him, Sirius knocked out cold on the sofa. He didn’t even know where they got it, they were probably high.

It was already becoming evening; they had slept all day and Remus fancied going back to bed properly but instead ventured to the kitchens to get him and Sirius some dinner. With ease, the elves gladly bestowed him with varieties of sandwiches and pastries. When he returned, Sirius had awoken, and they sat by the roaring fire happily gorging on the food.

Suddenly a rapid pounding sounded outside the portrait hole; confused, Remus and Sirius watched each-other before cautiously approaching the door and allowing it to open. Dorcas quickly strode past the two boys, not even glancing at them and frantically paced the width of the common room.

“Two days. Two days with no letters.” She muttered. “Somethings wrong I can feel it. I’ve sent three letters and she hasn’t responded to any.”

“Woah, okay slow down,” Sirius held her shoulder reassuringly and guided her to have a seat on the sofa. “ok so, what’s happened?”

“I don’t know! Something bad.” Dorcas huffed. 

“Something bad because Marlene hasn’t written back for a couple days?” Sirius asked.

“Yes! Look if you’re not going to take this seriously, Black then I’ll leave.” Dorcas irritably stood but Remus pushed her back down.

“Let’s just think rationally for a second,” Remus suggested.

“I have! That’s all I’ve been doing all day! Fuck this, what if something happened?” Dorcas said, eyes filling with tears a little.

“Hey, it’s okay, what do you think could have happened?”

“I don’t know!”

The next several minutes contained a lot of easing Dorcas out of the irritable state she spent the day working herself into. Once significantly calmed, they wrote two letters – one to Marlene, one to Lily. Their families had the most connections, it made sense if something happened, the Evans would be most likely to know. Not that Remus thought anything serious was at bay, she was likely just busy, but sent them for Dorcas’s peace of mind.

Tuesday 28th December 1976

It took two days to receive a reply, in that time a considerable amount of dread had built up in Remus, four days was suspicious for someone as regular as Marlene. They were eating breakfast in silence when the owl came. Remus read first.

_Remus, Sirius, Dorcas_

_I haven’t heard anything from Marlene, why? is something wrong? My mother used the telephone (Remus please explain to Dorcas and Sirius what that is) to call her mother. It was off the hook. Rowdy Christmas perhaps?_

_Sorry it took me a while to find an owl, didn’t mean to cause alarm. Please let me know if she writes back, or if you hear from her. Sorry I couldn’t be more help._

_Lily._

“Shit.” He muttered, swallowing hard – any hope that had arisen at the sight of the owl was hastily whipped away, leaving less than before.

“What?!” Dorcas snatched the parchment; her reactions were slow but tetchy and Remus seemed to think she was only surviving off coffee. “Fuck!”

“What is it?” Sirius questioned as Dorcas re-read the letter numerous times.

“Nothing. Lily hasn’t heard and the phone’s off the hook. I wont bother explaining but it basically means that… I don’t know what it means.” Remus sighed. The likelihood of a rowdy Christmas was getting slimmer and slimmer as the days drew on.

Two more owls swooped into the great hall, both landing in front of the three of them, Dorcas and Remus grabbing the other simultaneously. Remus seemed to lose all his breath as he read the rushed messy scrawl on the torn corner of parchment.

_Dorcas Remus Sirius,_

_She’s alive. Barely. Just hanging on. Don’t send any letters._

_Mary._

He had to read it three times before it seemed to register slightly in his brain, not that it took long to re-read. Why was Mary--? Why _wouldn’t_ she be alive? Why couldn’t they send letters? Why was it so rushed and short? _Barely?_

“Why the fuck does James know somethings up?!” Dorcas looked up from her letter, panicked.

“What?” Sirius snatched the letter. Remus read it over his shoulder.

_Sirius, Remus, Dorcas_

_What the fuck is wrong with Marlene and why wont anyone tell me anything???!!!! Give me info if you know._

_Prongs._

“What the fuck?” Sirius muttered, shaking his head. Remus turned back to Mary’s note. Then Lily’s. Then James’s. Something was so incredibly wrong that he scolded himself for not taking Dorcas’s concerns more seriously. Why would James know something was wrong before Lily – Marlene’s best friend?

Dorcas took Mary’s note out of Remus’s hand, read and exhaled sharply. Quickly, she clasped a shaking hand over her mouth and ran out of the hall, Sirius following behind. Remus snatched all three parchments and followed suit.

Dorcas had her head between her knees, sitting on the grand staircase while she breathed rapidly and heavily, Sirius trying to calm her down. “What did it say?” He asked, Remus didn’t know how to tell him so just handed him the parchment. “Oh, fuck.”

Faster than it started, Dorcas had risen and was sprinting up the staircase, Sirius and Remus shared a startled glare for a fleeting moment before following. “Dorcas! What are you doing?!” 

The staff room – that’s where Dorcas brought them, striding in and catching McGonagall and Sprout with her frantic eyes; the two professors hastily took them outside, “What is the meaning of this?”

“I need to leave.” Dorcas stated, she looked tired and unstable, her voice matching the appearance in wavering demand.

“Because?”

“My friend. Marlene McKinnon, I need to speak to her.”

“Can’t you send an owl?” Sprout suggested.

“No.” Dorcas snapped, promptly. “No, I need to see her.”

“Okay, I’m sure we can arrange the flu network since you’re of age—”

“No, I- I don’t know where she is.”

Remus watched as McGonagall and Sprout shared the same concerned and confused look that he and Sirius shared moments earlier. “Can I ask what’s so important?”

“I don’t know that either.”

“Miss Meadows, I don’t think we can do much for you. Perhaps try a shower and a walk, then writing—”

“I TOLD YOU I CAN’T!” Dorcas cried, sprinting down the corridor in tears. The professors looked to both boys who helplessly returned the confused glance before running after Dorcas.

Back in the common room, Remus read over the letters more times than it possible to count, looking for anything, any indication in those few dozen words.

_She’s alive.  
Just holding on.  
I haven’t heard anything.  
Is something wrong?  
What the fuck is wrong with Marlene?  
Don’t write back.  
Why won’t anyone tell me anything?  
She’s alive.  
Barely._


	24. Holding On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happened to Marlene in those three days?  
> CW: No specific warnings but remember to be kind to yourselves if you aren't having a great day, this isn't exactly mood-lifting :) <3  
> Flat - british term for apartment.

25th December 1976

It was fading, the anguish becoming darkness. Marlene was being freed, death was mere seconds away and she could not deliberate a straight thought except how grateful she was for the bliss unconsciousness in the peace of death.

It was coming she could feel it, or her lack of feeling. There was nothing but the screaming in her head that was becoming fainter and fainter, then suddenly a tight grip on her arm, she was ripped out of the sleep and screamed at the interruption. The hand didn’t let go of her, it spun her through a tight section of air, squeezing her through the atmosphere until she wasn’t laying on the wooden floor of the dining room, it was colder and wet like a cement road.

The hands grabbed her again, pulling her off the floor and her head swayed like it was going to fall off at any moment. “Fuck! Marlene look at me!” Simon commanded. She couldn’t, her body was too limp, and the apparition took the last of her strength, even standing with Simon’s assistance was making her dizzy. “Marlene!” He repeated in the echo of her mind, mustering up any energy she had, she tried to open her eyes. The bright lights and black dotted vision becoming too much as she collapsed and Simon let her, holding her fallen body on the side of the road.

“Where does Lily live?! Fuck no they know her! Mary, what about Mary that’ll give us a bit of time! MARLENE!” He shook her. She was so close, so close to being free, “Marlene I need you to tell me where your friend Mary lives!” It would be peace in just a moment, any moment now.

“Marlene please!” Simon sobbed, shaking her gently while he cradled her drifting unconscious body.

“T-twenty-three.” Marlene mumbled, something deep within her pushing it out of her mouth, her mind still black and charred.

“Twenty-three! Yes okay! Twenty-three what?!”

Marlene knew somewhere in the depths of her shredded brain she should answer, but she couldn’t, and the half-formed thought of her dying on her side of this random road was all too tempting and appealing.

“Marlene! Twenty-three what?”

“Square Court.” She murmured, taking every ounce of life remaining in her and drifting deep into the blackness. Simon flung her now unresponsive body around his shoulder, apparating outside the small flat of 23 Square Court. 

“MARY! MR MACDONALD!” He pounded on the door, not caring if it was Christmas day and if the gesture was rude and improper – Marlene’s breath was drawing faint. Marlene drifted back, the only feeling alongside the pain was disappointment of the death she narrowly escaped. Everything hurt so much more.

Mr MacDonald flew open the door, wand raised and pointed at Simon, a startled look crossing his face as he saw him carrying the lifeless girl.

“Simon McKinnon! Brother to Marlene, your daughter, Mary’s friend!” He identified himself. At the mention of her name, Mary peeped round the corner, a look of pure horror spreading on her face, “MARLENE!” She called, pushing passed her father and helping Simon lug her inside the flat.

“What happened?” A voice called from the other room, “Goodness!” Mrs MacDonald launched toward them and grabbed the cushions off the sofa, creating a space for them to lay Marlene down. 

“What happened?!” Mary cried.

“Father, he- he used his llegimency and found… something and then he kicked and spat and tortured till she was unconscious. And i-I panicked and apparated us here.” Simon answered.

“You apparated with her in this state?!” Mrs MacDonald chastised as she waved her wand rapidly over Marlene’s bruised unconscious body.

“I didn’t have a choice!” Simon sobbed, Mary squeezed his hand, the other clasped over her mouth as she watched Marlene uncomfortably stir in and out of consciousness between groans.

Marlene had drifted awake again, everything still black and hurting, she heard little voices in a separate room and a larger one ushering them away, then closer ones. She wasn’t on the road anymore, it was softer, and someone was trying to heal her, making her brain drift slightly back into the reality. She screamed and cried at the feeling of it, and a comforting hand on her lay on her trembelling body. She could open her eyes now, faintly; she saw Mary, her eyes full of tears and wet cheeks. She darted beside her, “Hold on for me, Marlene. Please!” she begged.

Marlene shook her head, crying soundlessly. “No, let me go. I-I want to go.” She rasped, drifting back into the darkness where everything hurt a little less.

Mary sobbed, pleading with the unconscious body of Marlene, “Never! Marlene please, please. Just hold on, a little longer, _just a little longer_.”

“She needs to be transferred to St. Mungos. I’m not a trained healer, she’ll die otherwise.” Mrs MacDonald informed them; Mary cried harder.

“She can’t. They’ll find her. But they could find her here too.” Simon retaliated. “I’m sorry, I have to go. He-he could be killing my mother next, is there anyone you could take her to?” He cried.

Mary and her mother eyes each other hopelessly thinking, “I suppose we could—”

“Wait, don’t tell me!” Simon interrupted, “He could find it in me.” Both women looked at him in horror. “I’m really sorry about this... If-If I dont… Tell Marls I love her when she wakes up?” He asked, voice cracking as he did and tears glossing his eyes. “Tell her I love her, for me.” He nodded.

Then he was gone.

Mary and her mother eyed at the unconscious timid girl sprawled and bleeding on their sofa. “Mrs Potter. She’s a healer, their house is unplottable but still accessible by Flu.” Mary nodded, it seemed to be the only possible option.

“We’ll have to risk it.” Her mother agreed, hauling her to the fireplace. Marlene stirred one final time as they dragged her body upright, eyes fluttering open to Mary.

“Please hold on for me, Marls. I love you.” Mary whispered through tears, Marlene barely registered her words but nodded, she would hold out through all the agony she felt at that moment. “POTTER MANOR!” Mary’s voice was the last thing she heard before her body collapsed again.

Her body rolled onto the floor of the Potter’s house, bruised, beaten and unconscious. James shrieked and turned her over to see her face, “MARLENE?!” He cried, his mother and father came running out of the kitchen. Mary appeared seconds later, erupting from the green flames. “What happened Mary?!” James cried, moving out of the way to allow his mother access to the girl.

Mary looked at him, deciding it was best not to share with anyone except the necessities. “James, I’m sorry but I need to talk to your mum. Just her.” Her voice was still shaking and thick with tears. He looked up at her, then down at Marlene.

“Leave, son!” His mother yelled, and he obeyed. “What happened, dear?”

“This is Marlene. Her brother dropped her body at ours, she’s been llegimenced a lot and er crucio-ed even more and beaten. Then apparated twice and once on flu network. Her father did it. He would find her at ours and James always talks about how good a healer you are—” She sobbed through the entire account.

“It’s alright dear.” Mrs Potter comforted, still focused on Marlene’s lifeless body cradled on the floor. She performed a number of complex spells, summoned a few potions that she poured into Marlene’s mouth. “Is she okay to stay here for at least tonight?” Mrs Potter asked Mary once Marlene was on sleeping draught.

“If that’s okay with you.”

“Of course!... and um would _you_ like to stay, dear?”

“Oh, I um, I wouldn’t want to intrude any more then I already have.”

“Nonsense. I’ll set up a room. You are Mary?”

“Yes, Mary MacDonald, pleasure to meet you, I’m sorry it’s under such dire circumstances.”

“Yes, most unfortunate… You did the right thing, dear. Marlene should be okay with rest and care; she looks like she’s just hanging on.” Mrs Potter smiled. 

27th December 1976

Marlene didn’t recognise the room she woke in, she had no memory of almost anything except pain, the antagonising torture of her mind, soul and body. The sheets were unfamiliar against her freshly bruised flesh, the pillow soft and steadily holding her throbbing head that was overtly numb, still holding the aftermath of pain and torment. Marlene knew nothing, except one thing. Everything hurt.

She flickered her eyes open slightly to take in her surroundings, it was clean and expensive looking, she didn’t recognise anything until her eyes reached the slumped girl at her bedside, Mary. Her slight movement awoke her, and she smiled tiredly. “You’re awake!” She whispered, “How do you feel?”

“Shit.” Marlene mumbled, and closed her eyes again. To her surprise and disappointment, she stayed conscious and heard Mary chuckle.

“I wanted to stay until you woke. I have to go now though, I’m sorry. My family… Mrs Potter is taking care of you. I haven’t told them anything except the necessities.” Marlene heard her stand. “I’m really sorry, Marlene. But you’re a fighter, you’re gonna get through, I know you will. I love you.” The door clicked and Mary was gone.

Marlene couldn’t feel anything except her aches and pains, the bruises littered around her body, the freshly torn memories and penetrated mind. If she could feel, she would be overwhelmed.

She would feel the most burning hatred for her father, she would hate him so much that it would ruthlessly burn his skin like he did hers.

She would feel utmost despair for leaving her family with a man like that, for giving her mother trauma and for the ultimate pain of her brothers.

She would feel guilty for dragging Mary away from her familial Christmas dinner that she looked forward to all year, she would tell her she loved her too.

She would feel so eternally grateful to the Potters for healing and giving her a place to stay, making her feel at home when she didn’t have one.

But she couldn’t. She couldn’t feel or even think, her mind a dark empty void to be filled with nothing but the pain and suffering she’d endured the last few days. She didn’t want to feel ever again, the gaping hole in her head that once held a consciousness might have well been replaced with fine sand.


	25. Consequences of Impulsivity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Situations are explained on the last portion of Christmas break.

“For Merlin’s sake let me see her!”

“James. I will not repeat myself; she will speak to you if and when she’s ready, she will want to tell you herself.”

Marlene heard the muffled voices arguing outside the door, it was James. She was naive to hope he wouldn’t notice her presence in his house but then again, she didn’t even know how she got there; James was probably involved somehow. The door opened, Mrs Potter entered holding a tray of some fresh potions; Marlene had managed to have two strained short conversations with Euphemia, in which she tried her best to express her thanks.

Euphemia Potter was exceedingly kind and since the acceptance of Sirius, Marlene knew she as partial to taking damaged kids under her wing. It didn’t make her any less grateful.

“Marlene, how are you feeling, dear?” She asked softly, placing the tray beside the bed, she helped her sit up against the pillows. It hurt, but she obeyed any instruction Mrs Potter gave her.

“Better. Is that James?” She asked.

“Yes, he’s worried as you’d except but I thought you would want to speak to him when you’re feeling stronger,”

“I can talk to him now.” Marlene said quietly, she just wanted it over with. But what she wanted over with she didn’t quite know. Mrs Potter nodded and brought James in, he looked small and worried as he entered, staring at Marlene with unhidden concern. Euphemia closed the door behind him and left them alone, James neatly glided to the seat next to her.

“God, Marlene I’m so sorry.” James whispered, continuing to survey her bruised and beaten body. She shook her head with a smile, if she had the energy, she would tell him it wasn’t his fault. “No-one has told me anything, what happened?”

Marlene looked at him slowly, she didn’t want to say it. As if saying it would make it official that this wasn’t a horrid nightmare, that she was about to wake up on Christmas morning and go to church and be a good girl this time. But she wasn’t and she had to say it, she owed it to James. To herself.

“I got a letter from Dorcas on Christmas day. Dad found it and then went in my head.” Her voice was cracking under the lack of use, making her sound even more broken then just the emotion, “he saw everything, he-he wasn’t happy and then I don’t remember much, everything hurt so bloody much and it was going dark… and I just, I just wanted to die.” She explained honestly. James blinked slowly, looking like her words caused him severe pain. “I think my brother brought me to Mary’s and then I woke up here.”

“It’s unplottable.” James explained, “So that they couldn’t find you.”

“Oh ok… I’m sorry for all this.”

“Merlin, don’t apologise, you silly sod!” James chuckled tearfully, grabbing her hand softly on top of the sheets.

“D-does Dorcas know?” She asked, it had been playing on her fractured mind – she didn’t know what answer she wanted.

“No, I wrote to her, Remus and Sirius yesterday, because no-one was telling me anything or letting me see you. They must have got it this morning and they wrote back; they don’t know anything.” James pulled out the letter, handing it to Marlene. She stared blankly at it, her mind still too dizzy to read, shaking her head she looked at James,

“Sorry can you—”

“Oh yeah, sorry.” He took it back and read it to her, “James, we know less than you do. Please write to us as soon as you have anything, we’re all so worried, Dorcas isn’t coping well at all. Remus.”

Marlene swallowed, flicking her unsteady gaze to James. “You can tell them. I don’t want to say it again.” She said.

“Okay. Yeah, you’re okay?” He asked, eyes still full of concern.

She looked to him and smiled, “No. I will be though.”

“I know you will. I’ll let you rest.” He turned to the door.

“James,” She hoarsely called after him.

“Yeah?”

“Do you know what happened to my brothers? And my mum?”

He shook his head regretfully, sad expression consuming his features. “No. I don’t, I’m sorry.”

“Oh okay,” She hopelessly sighed, “And James?” He turned again. “Thank you.” With a smile and a nod, he left.

***

Dorcas was asleep for the first time in days when Remus and Sirius got the letter from James; she was passed out on the common room armchair from the exhaustion caused by her relentless worry. It was a tough decision and Remus and Sirius where in disagreement.

_Dear Dorcas, Sirius, Remus._

_Marlene is awake at my house. I know what happened now and she wants me to tell you because she wishes to not repeat it._

_The letter Dorcas sent on Christmas morning got intercepted by her father who then proceeded to read her mind. Apparently, he’s a skilled llegimens._

_He found her memories. All of them._

_She got really beaten, mum says if he cruico-ed her once more she would have gone insane or died. Her brother took her to Mary’s flat, but she couldn’t stay where they could find her. Mary brought her to mine because mum’s an ex-healer and we’re unplottable; she’s doing better now._

_She says she is anyway, she looks awful; I can see how broken she is. It’s so painful. Mum said she’ll be fine by the new year to come back to Hogwarts and she’ll be physically stable enough to heal the bruises._

_I’ll let you know if anything happens. She is doing alright, I promise. She’s not going to die. Which is good and more than we could say a few days ago._

_James._

“She’s going to blame herself!” Remus yelled under the silencing charm.

“You don’t know that!” Sirius retorted.

“Yes, I do! Look at her!” Remus pointed at the sleeping Dorcas. “She’s been blaming herself since Boxing day! This will send her over the edge if she thinks her letter did it!”

“It wasn’t though, it was her fucking dad! None of this is Dorcas’s fault!”

“I know that! I was not for a second blaming her, but she will!”

“She deserves to know!” Sirius retorted.

“She can’t handle it! Look she’s already tearing herself apart!”

“What if it were us? Would you not want to know?!”

“Of course, I would!” Remus snapped, “This is different I don’t want to send her into a spiral.”

“We’ll talk about this later. She’s waking up.” Sirius waved his wand and removed the silencing charm. They didn’t talk about it later. None of them were talking. Dorcas reaching a concerning level of unstable, she didn’t eat or sleep; she either looked thoroughly drained and emotionless or her feelings would mount to a burst of outraged sobs. Remus didn’t blame her, if he were in her position, he would completely crumble under the uncertainty of Sirius’s condition.

He didn’t agree they should give her the letter, but maybe they could figure out how to tell her Marlene was alright. The idea was ripped away that night as Sirius made an impulse decision while Dorcas was playing with her food.

“Fuck, I can’t watch this.” He exclaimed, pacing to the place Remus’s brown jacket hung, withdrawing the letter from the pocket,

“Sirius don’t!” It was too late, Dorcas had seen it and snatched it from Sirius in a shaken hurry. She read, her bloodshot eyes skimming the parchment and filling with tears that didn’t drop.

“Oh my god.” Dorcas whispered; she clutched her chest breathing deeply. Remus could hear the increased pounding heartrate protruding through her rattling ribcage. Just as he expected, she ran out the room in sobs.

Remus shot Sirius a murderous piercing glare, “You fucking idiot!” He cried, then heaved himself off the armchair and hastily followed Dorcas who was running out to the rickety wooden bridge that overlooked the foggy grounds of Hogwarts. 

She fell to her knees on the bridge and slumped against the wooden railings. “It’s all my fucking fault. All my fucking fault!”

Fucking Sirius’s fault. Remus knew this would happen, he _told_ him this would happen.

“No, Dor listen to me—”

“Tortured! She- She!” Dorcas sobbed, drowning out any protest or comfort Remus offered, her breathing rapid and echoing through the cool and empty air of the night.

“Dorcas! Listen! This isn’t you and she’s—”

“—almost died!”

Sirius came onto the bridge, McGonagall beside him, her cloak flowing behind her slender figure as she rushed to the hyperventilating girl on the wooden ground. “Miss Meadows, please could you—Dorcas I need you to come with me.” She ordered; it was the first time Remus had ever seen her slightly unsure of what to do. Her hands hovering over Dorcas’s shoulders in uncertainty.

She was taken to the hospital bay with promises of a sleeping draught, leaving Remus and Sirius alone on the bridge.

“I _told_ you that would would happen! God, I was going to suggest something less drastic, but you just did it un-discussed, un-warned! Merlin Sirius you’re a nightmare!”

“Remus, I—” Sirius started looking apologetic.

“I don’t want to fucking hear it, Sirius. You never bloody think!”

“All you do is think! Fucking hell, Remus just like DO something every now and then!”

“I don’t know what you’re on about, but I think we’ve just seen a prime example of why just acting impulsively isn’t ideal!” Remus stormed off the bridge, back into the castle. He didn’t stop pacing until he reached the library, he definitely wouldn’t be studying but he would stay there until he was calmed. Grabbing a random book off the shelf, he settled at the normal table and banged it open on the desk.

Just below the spine, Sirius’s carvings peaked out from under the book. He pushed it off to examine them further again. The way his scars were exactly identical to the ones beneath his fingers on the desk. How they intertwined with the constellation.

The wolf and the dog. The stars and the moon. Remus couldn’t stay mad at his other half, he and Sirius had been through so much, emotions were running high. It was bound to happen.

He continued to trace it with his fingers, knowing Sirius’s had been there a few weeks ago. He closed his eyes and shut his mind off for the first time in days, allowing himself to just _be_. To feel. The tears rolled down his cheeks as he thought of Marlene’s tortured, dying body rolling out onto James’s carpet. How Mary would have screamed and cried at the sight, how Dorcas reacted to just hearing about it, how much he loved Sirius and would die if any of that happened to him.

“I’m sorry.” He whispered to the empty room, “I’m sorry.”

“Me too.” Sirius’s voice echoed behind Remus. He turned around to face him, and grabbed him, pulling him into a tight hug.

“You’re still a bloody idiot.” He cried softly into Sirius’s shoulder. He chuckled and squeezed back.

“I know. I’m really sorry, Moony.”

“Not me you have to apologize to. You’re right though, she deserved to know. I would want to if it was you.”

“Ditto.” Sirius smiled.

_I love you_ , Remus thought. He wouldn’t say it, they hadn’t talked about Sirius’s accidently confession and Remus didn’t plan on it. He wouldn’t say it, but he didn’t have to.

_I love you_ , he thought again and again.


	26. Only Know You Love Her When You Let Her Go.

_You could still be  
What you want to  
What you said you were  
When I met you_

_You've got a warm heart  
You've got a beautiful brain, _

_but it's disintegrating._

Sunday 5th January 1977

“You send me an owl if you need anything, mhm?” Mrs Potter straightened her the arms of her jacket that Mary had sent over. Marlene didn’t know if she’d ever get her possessions back from that house. She didn’t know if she wanted them.

“Yes, thank you again, Mrs Potter. I don’t know how I can thank you.” Marlene said, using all her social strength to smile, she at least owed that to Mrs Potter.

“Oh, it was no trouble. Maybe you can come for the summer? With Sirius and James? Our door is always open for you, Marlene.” She hugged her loosely, Marlene could sense she was being careful of her like she was a delicate ornament of glass; but she felt tears forming and wondered maybe she was as fragile as she was being treated.

Kings Cross made Marlene distressed, the last time she was here, her mother had hugged her, she was still caught in bliss unawareness. Now she didn’t even know if her mother was alive. They weaved through the happy families that made Marlene sick, either from longing or disgust and James carried her trunk alongside his own even though she was physically stable now.

They boarded the train quickly, settling in their compartment before anyone else had arrived. Lily and Mary came first then Peter, Marlene didn’t look at them; she couldn’t bear the looks of sympathy they would probably shoot her with. She assumed James or Mary would have told them—

“Good Christmas, Marls?”

Clearly not. Marlene lifted her head off the cool window, turning her gaze to a cheery Peter awaiting a response. She saw James grimace and try to subtly shake his head as she kept her expression straight and unwavering.

“Brilliant.” She drawled, the sarcasm dripping off her words like daggers. She only caught the slightly offended expression that whipped across Peter’s face for a fleeting moment before turning back to watch the train pull out of London.

***

Dorcas didn’t show up to Hogsmeade station, they agreed to meet there to greet Marlene, Mary, Lily, James and Peter. But she didn’t come, leaving Remus and Sirius to welcome them. Everyone seemed to be treading on eggshells as they hugged but Remus’s breath caught when he saw Marlene stepping out of the carriage. Her face was worn down to reveal her cheekbones, her whole appearance generally thinner and worn. She looked fragile and deep purple bags hung under her eyes matching the new burn in her neck. All her bruises had been healed so Remus assumed that one was a magical cause- he didn’t want to know how it occurred. He just knew she looked… broken. That wasn’t the Marlene he knew; he didn’t know what he expected her to look like. But it wasn’t that.

He didn’t know what to say to her, but she didn’t give him the chance anyway, she kept her head down, she didn’t speak – she made herself utterly unapproachable. Remus was slightly glad Dorcas wasn’t here, he didn’t know how she’d handle it.

When they arrived back at the castle, Marlene went straight to the dorm, it didn’t diminish the silent and fragile atmosphere that had formulated around the group. No-one spoke for a while, just sat in the common room anxiously waiting for dinner. Remus was glad for the excuse of an early meal, he was always ravenous around the full moon, which once again due to his shitty luck, fell on the first week.

When they decided to go to the great hall, Mary told them she would meet them there, that she would let Marlene know to come down.

She didn’t.

Mary came into the hall, alone, disappearingly shaking her head as she sat down, deeming it hopeless. They didn’t talk about it. They didn’t talk at all.

Tuesday 11th January 1977

The full moon rolled around as usual, Remus hadn’t been anxious about it since the beginning of the year, he always had the marauders. He still did but Marlene was always quiet when she descended to the shack with Madame Pomfrey and him, and Remus didn’t think it would be good for her to shrink anymore than she already had.

He entered the shack, casting a final reassuring smile to Marlene. She was usually the one to do that, his stomach twisted at the thought that he ever made himself as cut off as she was. They locked him in, before the marauders revealed themselves from under James’s invisibility cloak.

“Was I ever like that?” Remus asked.

Sirius hesitated, “Yes, every time.”

Remus nodded and swallowed, feeling the wolf protrude to the outer layers of his skin and beckoning for Sirius, James and Peter to transform to their alter animal egos.

Thursday 13th January 1977

It was another awkward night of silent existence in the common room. Marlene wasn’t there, she never was but she didn’t need to be for the room to stay tense and thick with unspoken concern.

Remus didn’t seem to have any other thoughts for the last week. He felt guilty, Marlene had always been there even in his darkest moments to comfort him and now she needed it most and he had no idea how to approach her, how to make her feel okay. She seemed completely unreachable and isolated, he badly wanted to tend to her fractured brain but also wanted to slap some sense in her. The latter was definitely not an option and he felt even guiltier for thinking it. But he had no idea how to reach her, how to pull her back to the world that he missed seeing her in.

He wanted the old Marlene back and he hoped with his entire being that she was still in there somewhere. He wanted to see the grin that spread over her face when she told him her and Dorcas where dating or when they were just messing around in the common room and she would burst into her cute hilarious giggle that made Remus laugh just by hearing it. He hoped she was still capable of that laughter, that he would get to hear and see it again, rather than the stone-cold mask worn over the pale skin and dark eyes permanently glossed with a film of tears.

He hadn’t even seen Dorcas since Christmas break, it seemed she too was isolating herself. Mary had asked him about her the other day, he shrugged telling her he had no idea where she was. Remus just hoped she wasn’t punishing herself although he knew in the depths of his mind it was inevitable. God, he was so useless! Could he not even—

“I’m sorry but what happened?” Peter burst out, interrupting Remus’s train of thought. 

“What’s that Pete?” Lily asked softly.

“I mean like, what _happened_?” He repeated, looking worried as he watched the rest of the group who all had their eyebrows raised in shock.

“Y’mean no one’s told you yet?” Sirius asked, dazed; Peter shook his head.

Remus couldn’t help but smile at Peter’s obliviousness, _of course_ the poor bastard couldn’t work up the nerve to ask – just blindly followed everyone else.

“Er not here, Wormy. Come over here.” James pulled Peter into a corner of the common room, Remus didn’t watch as it was explained – his brain was replaying it enough, he didn’t need to see it displayed again. Slowly Peter came back and sunk into the sofa, face in solemn upset.

“Well, what are we doing then?” Peter questioned; everyone looked at him in confusion, “What? We’re just going to let it go on?”

“There’s nothing we can do that we aren’t already trying.” Mary sighed.

“What about Dorcas? Where’s she? We’re all just sitting around not speaking, it isn’t helping her!” Peter exclaimed. His sudden outburst was so surprising it seemed to shock Remus out of his self-pitiful state. Peter was right, they weren’t doing enough.

Remus didn’t know where the entrance to the Hufflepuff common room was, he waited in the basement that Dorcas always went to and watched as a group of Hufflepuffs disappeared into a nook on the right-hand side of the kitchens. Remus followed, he didn’t go inside, he thought that might be intrusive, just rapped his fist on the wall, until a prefect opened it in aggravation asking what he needed.

“Can I speak to Dorcas? Meadows.” He asked, minutes later she was in the corridor with him. She looked wearing too, not as severe as Marlene but still concerning.

“How’s Marlene?” She asked timidly after a few seconds of silence.

“Well you could see for yourself if you came to see her.” Remus quipped in disbelief. Dorcas just hung her head lower, no response. “She’s okay. Kind of, she won’t speak or well she won’t really do anything.” Remus furthered, she nodded shyly, and he was getting irritated at her lack of co-operation. 

“Why have you cut yourself off, Dor?! She needs you.” Remus asked desperately.

“No. No she doesn’t.” Dorcas said quietly and shook her head, “She- she’ll do better without me.” Her voice grew thick and shaky and Remus saw a tear fall to the ground from her tilted head. “She wouldn’t’ve got hurt if it wasn’t for me. She won’t get hurt again now.”

“She’s not getting hurt regardless. It’s over, she’s not going back to her dad’s.”

“Still better off without me.”

“Dorcas listen to me. Do you know how many times I’ve thought that?!” Remus had to stop himself at her quizzical look; forgetting that she was the only one of his closest friends that didn’t know about his condition. He couldn’t tell her now, anyway – she was too fragile to find out her friend was a lying monstrous werewolf. “I just mean, I get it. When you think you don’t deserve someone or when you think they’d be better off without you… But you’re only hurting both of you.” Dorcas swayed her hung head, sniffing back tears.

“Do you love her?” He asked after a few moments of quiet.

Dorcas looked up at him from under dark wet lashes, her once emerald eyes now a deep seaweed green, heavy with hurt. “I- I—”

“Do you love her?” Remus repeated urgently, hoping it would make it simpler. She hesitated for a fleeting second, watching him intently.

“Yes.” She nodded.

“Then don’t let her go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song at the beginning is Medicine by Daughter, i was listening while writing and it was too fitting to not include.  
> Again, thank you all so much for reading, means so much! xx


	27. Omne Odium

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Events of January 1977...  
> CW: Suicidal thoughts.

Marlene hated everything. Not single thing excited her anymore, her mind a numb dark void of nothingness. She was aggravated by the slightest thing and cried if she stubbed her toe, but then would feel nothing as she lay awake at night staring at the ceiling with tears that wanted to fall but never did. 

Every day felt the same, a tedious, endless repeat of boring activities. She woke up, she showered, she had breakfast but she wouldn’t eat it, she sat through lessons but didn’t take any notes, she ate dinner purely for sustenance, she neglected her homework, then she went straight to bed and tried to cry but couldn’t. And she would repeat it, she repeated it all through January and began to wonder if this boring life was even worth living. She didn’t want things to go back the way they were, she couldn’t bare it; but she didn’t want to live in this state forever. There wasn’t another option.

Although if she did want it to go back, the group had taken to her depressive moods and even their relationships seemed to be strained. Marlene hated it, just like she hated everything else, they should just get on with their lives. Disregard her like she had herself. They shouldn’t be moping with her, it just made everything that much more insufferable. Mary and Lily tried talking to her, but their soft pitying manner made Marlene irritated and tired, she would rather they just leave her alone.

Even James had treated her different on the quidditch pitch, the only place she could take out the pent-up anger and saw through the air had now also been consumed by sympathy. The match was coming up against Ravenclaw and he kept asking if she was still okay to play, if she would be alright to possibly, maybe come to practise if she felt like it. None if the harsh commandment’s that James was always so partial to.

Another day had rolled around, Marlene awoke with the disappointment that she hadn’t died in her sleep and trudged to the bathroom. She got in the shower quickly, not looking in the mirror. She hated mirrors, now. She hated her reflection almost as much as herself, ever since she saw it in Potter manner, utterly distorted and grotesque. Her skin black and blue, beaten beyond recognition with a new burn mark in her neck caused by her father’s wand; Mrs Potter hadn’t been able to get rid of that since caused by magic and it stayed as a permanent reminder. Alongside her wearing body that she could see her ribcage protruding from under her thin pale skin, she didn’t look in the mirror; she didn’t want to be reminded again.

She sat through the lessons, simply because she had to. She got given detentions for not doing the homework by teachers that didn’t know, but as soon as they threatened to call her head of house, she would miraculously get away with doing nothing. There was no substance of happiness to continue her days, her main source before was Dorcas but she hadn’t seen her since December. Probably hated her for having a homophobic family, either that or she didn’t want a broken unattractive girlfriend anymore. She didn’t care, she told herself and every time she did the constricted knot in her stomach tightened just that bit more.

Then, when Marlene was heading to Gryffindor Tower for her nightly isolation, she saw her. Worn and tired but walking through the corridors how she usually did, Marlene thought her stomach contracted so hard it would explode. She stood still against the rustling of students knocking her shoulders, it was so much easier to supress when she didn’t have to see her. Dorcas caught sight of Marlene and they just stared, both ridged and frozen; until Marlene ducked away and toward the common room.

Her tears came a lot easier that night.

29th January 1977

One of the things she liked about the quidditch match was that some of the team members treated her like they always did, ignoring her snarky sarcastic quips, telling her that it was a good practise. She liked the feeling of the air through her face more, the weight lifted from her as she darted through the air, and finally it would not only just be a practise but she could finally direct her anger, direct it at slaughtering Ravenclaw in the match.

***

Mary had painted a lion on Remus’s scarred cheek, he liked the way it covered the healed gashes and thanked her as they all stood in the stands. He had wished Sirius a _thorough_ good luck in the equipment room beforehand and a more appropriate wish toward James in the form of words of encouragement. He didn’t get a chance to speak to Marlene, he just hoped she could feel his support through his cheers.

Both teams darted onto the pitch, strikingly contrasting blue and red quidditch robes flew out behind them as they soared round the pitch during their introductory; a voice echoed from the commentator’s box – not one Remus recognised but he immediately disliked them.

“There we have Gryffindors – their first match of the season led by none other than Captain James Potter, excellent chaser, the other chaser close behind that’s Marlene McKinnon and beater, Sirius Black. Both seem to have not only similar high skill set, but similar families, rumours of a rough Christmas on—”

“Mr Johnson please stick to the matter at hand!” Remus heard McGonagall quip. He hoped Marlene and Sirius were too focused to hear that, it might send them off their nerves and they needed to be as calm as possible; he would murder that Johnson son of a bitch if he ever could, discussing their home lives like that- disgraceful. He heard Mary curse him under her breath too.

“Sorry professor, right so we’ve also got second year seeker – Elijah Oakley, youngest seeker Gryffindor has had in a decade – Ravenclaws now out on the pitch, led by Captain Hayley Durgess…”

“They got this.” Lily nodded, looking like she was reassuring herself more than anyone else. Peter bounced up and down waving a Gryffindor banner they had made and cheering. Remus joined in, watching eagerly as the quaffle was released into the pitch by Madame Hooch.

“Quaffle is released and we’re a go – promptly caught by Captain Potter, moving through to the hoops, interference from Durgess there as she attempts a tackle – _oh_ that’s unfortunate – Potter still in possession, passes to McKinnon, she shoots – anddddd… she _scores!_ Ten points to Gryffindor in the first five minutes!”

A scream of cheers erupted around Remus in the stands, he watched Marlene, how her stern expression didn’t waver. She was determined, almost angry; Remus didn’t mind too much, it was a nice change from the upset plaster of sadness she’d been wearing for the past month. But it was unsettling, her lack of happiness at the goal, he hoped it would start to filter in as they got further into the game.

“Ravenclaw chaser, Tripez in possession of the quaffle, getting close to those hoops there, attempted bludger hit by Beater Black – Tripez shoots and _ah_ blocked by Gryffindor keeper, thrown back to Potter. Ravenclaw beater hits a bludger right OOOo narrow miss there, Durgess steals quaffle from Potter, promptly drops by a incoming bludger, McKinnon back in possession heading toward the hoops—”

“C’MON MARLS!” Mary shouted, it sounded more a desperate instruction rather than cheers of encouragement.

“Bludger headed straight for her, ah she drops the quaffle! Swiftly picked up by Tripez, passes to Durgess, she shoots, SCORES! Ten points to Ravenclaw, now ten-all!”

“Shit!” Peter exclaimed.

“Tripez back in- McKinnon steals it! That girl is fuelled today one can only wonder—Sorry professor! Anyway, McKinnon passes to Potter - Black blocks an incoming bludger there – Potter still in possession, shoots, Ravenclaw keeper misses—Ten points to Gryffindor! Now twenty: ten to Gryffindor! Oh! It seems Ravenclaw seeker may have spotted the snitch, he’s on it so is Gryffindor, oh that’s a close one!”

Remus watched through gritted teeth as the seekers missed collision by millimetres, losing sight of the snitch entirely, he didn’t know how anyone would ever spot it.

The game continued, Remus turned to Mary in exasperation of the near goal, but her gaze cast toward the stand opposite. She stared at Dorcas who had recently come to watch, Remus hadn’t seen her, but she looked small and worried as her eyes followed Marlene with the quaffle. She darted back, out of the stands toward the tent.

“Fuck this! I’ve had enough!” Mary exclaimed, running to the quidditch tent Dorcas was now inside, Remus followed urgently, leaving the screaming crowd and thrilling game behind him.

“Mary! Mary what are you doing?” He chased her to the changing rooms, but she steadfastly ignored him.

“Dorcas!” She yelled, “Dorcas, where are you?” The tanned girl peeped around the corner of the lockers, locking eyes with Mary and Remus blended into the background. “What the fuck are you doing?” Mary exclaimed.

“W-what?”

“I mean, you can’t just fucking show up at her match without even speaking to her for a month then fucking disappear into the tent! You’re going to break her!”

“She’s already—”

“No! Don’t you dare tell me what Marlene is _. I_ was the one that saw her when turned up unconscious and beaten bloody to my doorstep. I watched as her life slipped away right in front of my eyes.” Mary’s voice was growing thick with tears as she waved an angered finger at Dorcas, “I held her hand while she begged for death! When she asked me to just ‘let her go’! I was the one that had to send her collapsed body rolling onto James’s carpet on Christmas day, watch as she screamed and cried and slipped away again and again!” Mary was crying heavily through her angered exclamations.

“I stayed with her all that time, and all this time she’s been shut off! All the nights she’s forgot to cast a silencing charm over her muffled sobs, I stayed with her! And you’ve just left, let her assume the worst!”

Dorcas looked at Mary in shock and upset, tears falling down her cheeks and Remus watched, unable to breathe.

“And you know the fucking worst bit?! It’s that I know she would do it _all_ again for you! She would do it time and time again if it meant she could have you back but no, you have let her isolate herself, you’re letting her torture herself and not offering an escape. You’re pathetic, Dorcas! Just fucking help her, she would do it for you! She would give _everything_ for you!” Mary finished, breathing deeply once and swinging herself around and back out into the stands.

Remus looked at a horror-stricken Dorcas; she swallowed harshly and wiped away her tears, walking out the back entrance toward the castle.

The front door swung open and Lily burst in, “Where’d you go?” She smiled, but her mouth turned downward at Remus’s solemn face. “What happened?” She asked.

“I don’t really know…” Remus sighed, “Mary just went _off_ on Dorcas.”

“Oh? What, why?” Lily questioned, Remus shook his head and guided them back to watch the rest of the match.

Gryffindor won. They won by miles, 180:70. Remus couldn’t find it in himself to celebrate but watched as Sirius threw the second year seeker into the air, cheering him on, watched how Lily and James shared a long happy snog at the win and Marlene… emotionless and stern. Not the usual chaotic jumping around with Mary and James. Just pure dead expression. It didn’t differ in the afterparty. No-one was feeling particularly celebratory after the game, the momentary happiness Sirius and James possessed was quickly expelled as they were brought back to reality, but they watch as the rest of the house celebrated.

Marlene only stayed for the necessary congratulations before disappearing up to her dorm; Remus tried to comfort her, but the door was locked. When he descended back down to the common toom he was surprised to see Dorcas standing shyly by the portrait hole. He remembered the last time he welcomed her into a Gryffindor party and how different her whole atmosphere was, the confident flirtatious girl consumed by a nervous upset soul.

“Dorcas? You okay?” Remus approached her.

“Yeah, er is Mary here?”

“You want to speak to Mary?!” He asked, mildly surprised; Dorcas nodded. “Er yeah okay urm she’s over here.” He guided her to her.

“Mary?” Dorcas asked politely, Mary turned around, “Hi, I um I just wanted to say you’re right. I’m sorry, I really was…” Mary surveyed.

“Okay. Okay, I guess I’m sorry too.” She gave in.

“Can I speak to Marlene?”

“Oh, she’s locked her door.” Remus contributed, both girls turned to him with strong glares as if he were interrupting their moment, “Sorry, er… I’m going to bed.” He left them to discuss.

***

The match took everything out of Marlene, she lay on her bed overwhelmed. She could hear the party downstairs, but she knew that the group weren’t enjoying themselves. Just another thing to add to the list of things she hated. The doorknob turned after some knocking, Marlene was glad she locked it, god couldn’t she just be left alone! Slowly She heard the footsteps fade down the staircase. Good.

Not even twenty minutes later, the knocking started again. More consistent this time and Marlene rolled over onto her side; they’d go away if she ignored them long enough.

“Marlene! It’s Mary please open up.” Marlene shoved a pillow over her head, unless they could do wandless magic – she was safe in here. “Marls please, I-I’ve got Dorcas here.”

Marlene paused at that; Dorcas was standing right there – then she was crying again. She didn’t know why but the tears escaped her violently and quickly, gushing down her face like a waterfall and she shoved the pillow over her head harder, maybe she’d suffocate. Hopefully.

The knocking didn’t fade, Mary called her name one more time. “Go away!” Marlene finally called, her voice tearful and muffled, she didn’t even care Dorcas heard her sobbing; just relished as the knocking faded and she curled into a tight ball under her sheets and continued crying until she drifted asleep.


	28. Tough Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> CW: Depressive behaviour/ signs of depression.

1st February 1977

Since it was a weekend, Marlene had no excuse to pull herself out of bed. Once the locking charm had worn off the door and Mary and Lily had come to bed, she promptly charmed her curtains shut. They tried to get her out several times, but Marlene didn’t answer. They left her food by the side of her bed; she didn’t want to eat but forced herself to. On Saturday night she heard them talking in hushed whispers but didn’t try to catch what they were saying, just remained in the tight ball she had curled into a few days ago.

Monday rolled around and Marlene thought she would skip lessons; it was less insufferable in the small section of the world she had isolated herself in. She heard Mary and Lily get dressed, she pictured their every movement around the dorm as they got ready – they were taking longer than usual and then, they didn’t leave. Not that Marlene cared, she would stay there with or without them; she had all her energy and motivation (or the little that was left) sucked out of her after that night.

Lily and Mary were still in the dorm for an hour. It was most uncharacteristic for them to skip lessons, or Lily anyway. Marlene heard as they approached her curtains and she buried her head further in the pillow trying to block out the inevitable soft prompts she had heard for the last few weeks.

“Marlene. Get up.” Lily’s harsh voice sounded outside the maroon hangings. Marlene was so against listening, but the new commanding tone startled her, not enough to make her respond. “C’mon. Out.” Lily ordered.

Marlene sat upright, not quite sure the emotion she was feeling; she’d only felt sadness for so long that she couldn’t put her finger on this new one. She stayed quiet for a moment; it was the only thing she knew how to do anymore.

“Marlene, stop feeling sorry for yourself and get up now.” Mary said in the equally harsh commanding tone Lily had adopted.

“I-Im tired, go away.” Marlene managed to stammer.

“No. I don’t care how tired you are, come out.” Lily ordered.

“I’m counting to five before I cut the curtains off with scissors.” Mary added. Marlene didn’t like this new approach; she wasn’t used to it – she was used to the soft pleading. “Five…” _angry_ that’s how she was feeling, “…four…” she was angry at how weak she was, “…three…”

Marlene quickly whipped back the curtains, Mary and Lily looked down at her sternly and Marlene hated how they just stood there with their arms crossed. She paced passed them to the bathroom and locked herself in.

“Alohomora.” Lily said calmy and the bathroom door flew open.

“What?!” Marlene quipped at the two girls in the doorway.

“You are to have a shower, then dress. We are staying until you do.”

“Then you’ll leave me alone?” Marlene sighed.

“No then you’re coming with us.” Mary told her, Marlene was too weak to argue and it made her even angrier, she shouldn’t be this submissive. But she was, Marlene nodded and stared at them waiting for them to shut the door.

“C’mon.” Lily prompted, and that’s when Marlene finally thought it time to retaliate; they had always been so comfortable around each other, after all they were best friends that had been sharing a room for six years. But Marlene was so ashamed of what her body had become – she couldn’t let them see.

“C-can you close the door?” She asked without meeting their gaze.

“You might lock it—”

“Please. I-I don’t… I just don’t want you to see me. I wont lock it.”

She felt Mary and Lily’s harsh attitude fade slightly, back to the sympathetic speechlessness for a fleeting moment, then they nodded and closed the bathroom door. Marlene showered as instructed, she managed to look in the mirror as she brushed her wet blonde hair that had become a matted mess. In the end she gave up, but Mary promptly helped her detangle it, it wasn’t quite the silky straight hair she had before but was the closest it had come in weeks. She looked slightly less weathered, but her face, skin and body still reflected the worn and tired soul within.

Once she was dressed, Mary and Lily took her to the charms corridor without speaking, Marlene tried to ask once why they were going there, they didn’t even have charms today, but the girls didn’t give an answer and she was too tired and unbothered to pursue asking questions.

Mary opened a small broom closet, Marlene looked at her quizzically but didn’t have time to actually question because Lily had already pushed her in and slammed the door shut. _Great_ , so she couldn’t lock herself in the comfort of the bathroom, but they can lock her in a dusty broom closet. It wasn’t anywhere near spacious, cramped and unused, she harshly knocked on the dark wooden door with her balled fist.

“Guys what the fuck? You’re really pissing me off now!” She called. No response. It was dark and smelt old, but she slid down the wall and curled up against the corner, it was unpleasant, but she guessed she could get used to isolating herself in there. Marlene heard muffled voices outside and stood to press her ear against the door, but it flew open, the light burning her eyes and she took a few seconds to readjust to the sudden brightness.

She felt another body had been shoved in, heard their muttering of dissatisfaction. “Lumos,” Dorcas stood directly in front of Marlene wand raised and illuminating both their faces in the dark room. Marlene stood frozen, she hadn’t—she was so close to her.

“YOU’RE NOT COMING OUT TILL IT’S SORTED!” Lily yelled through the door. Marlene swallowed harshly, still staring at Dorcas with wide eyes.

“Sorry, I didn’t know they were going to do this…” Dorcas mumbled.

“Oh, um me neither.” Marlene said, she felt like she was going to cry but she didn’t know why, and she definitely didn’t want to. They both stayed staring at each other for what felt like an eternity, the air thick with unsaid words.

“I’M NOT HEARING ENOUGH TALKING!” Lily’s voice boomed once more, then some scuffling and muffled voices. Dorcas broke the silence first.

“I’m sorry, Marls.” She said softly.

“You’re--?... Why?” Marlene said after a second of processing, but nothing made sense, probably a dream, she’d wake up still locked in her bed and go about her day in the normal depressing state. But Dorcas presence felt so real, so familiar that it couldn’t be.

“What?” Dorcas looked just as confused.

“You’re sorry?”

“Well… yeah. I—”

“Left me alone like I wanted everyone else to do?” Marlene prompted, “You weren’t pestering me to feel normal, it was a nice change.”

“Oh, but I… I was still a dick.”

“Yeah… but me too.” Marlene sighed, her stomach felt so strange, she wasn’t sure if the knot was unravelling or pulling tighter. “I’m sorry for being distant.”

Dorcas stuttered and looked at Marlene baffled finally producing words, “Don’t apologise. It wasn’t your fault, it was mine.” Marlene returned the same puzzled expression, opening her mouth to speak but couldn’t. “I sent the letter. It was me in those memories,” Dorcas voice cracked as she started crying gently, “you wouldn’t- you wouldn’t have got hurt if you didn’t know me.”

Marlene was speechless, it never crossed her mind that Dorcas would ever blame herself, it seemed so inane that Marlene didn’t know what to say. This was too many new emotions in one day. She looked away from Dorcas, staring pointedly at a crack in the floorboard. 

“It…don’t blame yourself, Dor.” Marlene said softly, “I would do it again if… if I could go through those few months once more. It was worth it.”

Dorcas met Marlene’s eyes with her own; Marlene was certain she would be able to hear her pounding heart beating a mile a minute. “We could… without you getting hurt… we could go back…?” Dorcas said hopefully. Marlene processed, leaving the small, foul-smelling room silent for minute before Dorcas let out a tearful sigh, “Can we be okay again, Marls? Please, I miss you so much.”

Now Marlene was sure; the knot in her stomach detangled itself in an instant, she felt so light and relieved, like she could finally breathe properly after a month of suffocating. She nodded eagerly and smiled so that her creased cheeks released salty droplets from her eyes. “I miss you too,”

Swiftly and urgently, Dorcas pulled her into a tight hug and Marlene buried her head into the other girl’s neck, grateful she was holding so firmly, she thought she might drift away otherwise. Marlene let her tears fall onto Dorcas’s shoulder, not that she had any power to stop them, but she felt such strong relief that she had forgotten was possible.

“I’m never going to let anything happen to you ever again, Marlene. I promise.” Dorcas whispered, gently stroking the back of Marlene’s hair. “I promise.”

***

Remus and Sirius had grabbed Dorcas out of her Charms lesson just before break-time that day, she exited, and they seized her arm pulling her to where Mary and Lily suggested. He wasn’t sure about their plan; he didn’t even know how they were going to get Marlene out of the dorm, but they all agreed this needed to end and what they were currently doing wasn’t working.

“Hey! Let go! What the- where are you taking me?” Dorcas struggled, against their grip but they wordlessly continued forward. Lily, Mary, Peter and James were standing outside a small door that Remus hadn’t ever noticed before.

“She’s in there.” Mary nodded and Lily swiftly opened the door making Sirius and Remus shove Dorcas into the cupboard and Mary closed the door rapidly behind her.

“God if this doesn’t work, we’re all dead.” Sirius muttered. Remus agreed, it could go terribly wrong shoving Marlene and Dorcas in a confined space, but they were running out of options and they didn’t know any other way to get them to talk.

“YOU’RE NOT COMING OUT TILL IT’S SORTED!” Lily yelled directly at the door. A few of them put their ears against it to hear their mumbles but it was inaudible and then grew silent. Remus thought maybe they’d passed out or died, but that was most likely his lack of faith in the plan. Probably just obstinate silence, he could feel the awkward energy radiating out of the closet. “I’M NOT HEARING ENOUGH TALKING!” Lily yelled again. Mary grabbed her away, pulling her to the other side of the corridor and hauled the others with her.

“Well they aren’t going to bloody talk if we’re all listening in, are they?” Mary sighed; James begrudgingly agreed moving his ear off the door. Remus stared at the room intently along with the others, he didn’t know if he was relieved or anxious as time went on. He chewed his nails ruthlessly on his right hand and felt someone hold his left; turning in panic he saw Sirius holding _his_ hand in broad daylight, he rubbed his thumb along the back of Remus’s palm calmly and squeezed tighter when Remus went to pull away. No one was paying attention anyway, all gazes fixed on the door, and it was comforting – so Remus squeezed back.

They dropped each other’s hands after a minute when Mary took to slightly pacing. “Was this a bad idea?” She chewed her lip.

“Possibly.” Peter agreed.

“Almost definitely.” Sirius nodded.

“Well we would know if you let us listen—” James started but was interrupted as they all fell silent by the door opening. Marlene and Dorcas stepped out hand in hand, both smiling faintly; Marlene cocked an eyebrow and eyed the group.

“Alright, wankers?” She grinned.

Remus let out a relieved laugh and thought he might cry, Sirius scooped her up by the waist and span her round causing her to let out the giggle Remus had missed so dearly. Clearly so had Mary as she exhaled happily, and Remus hugged her purely out of relief that things might go back to normal.

The group had piled in a collective embrace around Marlene and Dorcas in the middle of the deserted corridor, holding on to each other for dear life. 

“Right get off now, I’m going to suffocate.” Marlene laughed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Words can't express how grateful I am, thank you all so much for 100 kudos, it means so much. I hope you are all enjoying reading as much as I am writing, thank you again! :) Love you all <3 xx


	29. Valentines Day 1977

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two weeks into February everything goes to dog sh-poo as Valentines Day '77 rolls around...

14th February 1977

“Prongs… have you really thought this through?”

“Yup. She’ll love it.”

“Yeah but will Marlene and Mary?”

“Ah fuck them for a minute.”

Remus scoffed, this was bound to end badly but James had always bottled up his affection for Lily Evans on Valentine’s Day and he was finally thrilled he was going to be able to broadcast it. Remus was jealous even though he hated the idea of Valentines, he thought Sirius might like it – and if Sirius was happy, Remus usually was too. But they couldn’t do big public displays of affection like Lily and James, so they would have to make do with private ones – but he still loved every minute of those.

“Okay I think we’re ready.” James nodded; his smirk illuminated by the light erupting from his wand tip.

“You’re taking full responsibility when McKinnon goes to murder one of us.” Sirius reminded him; James sighed.

“Yes, we’ve been over this, I will be the one being assaulted but I don’t think they’ll even care. We never do.”

“But it’s different with _girls.”_ Peter added.

“Marlene would kill you just for that, Pete.” Remus laughed.

“Stop it! We’re getting distracted, right. On three.” James nodded, opening the door to the girl’s dorm. All four boys piled in, the three beds all had their curtains drawn, sound asleep in the dead of night.

The boys initiated the first stages of their plan, Remus moved over to the window and quietly tried to wedge the ancient thing open soundlessly. Once successfully done, he crept back to the centre and pointed his wand at the bed nearest the window that the others were aiming at. 

“Three… Two… One!” James counted and, on his command, all four boys sent a BANG of lily flowers over the top of the curtain hangings. All three girls screamed awake as the flowers settled. Out of the target bed, someone fell out with a squirm, hitting the hard wood floor harshly. Remus could just make out the figure through the light casted.

“Dorcas?!” Sirius exclaimed, looking closer at the figure. “What the fuck are you doing here--? In Lily’s bed?!”

“Could ask you the same thing, dickheads. What the fuck?!” Lily’s voice sounded from the opposite side of the room, all the boys whipped around to see her peeping through the curtains eyebrows cast sternly downward. Remus quipped his head round back to the bed covered in lilies, and Marlene appeared out of the hangings irritably brushing flowers out of her hair.

“Prongs you absolute plonker! We got the wrong fucking bed!” Remus exclaimed, slapping a hand to his forehead.

“What the fuck is this?” Marlene finally asked, helping Dorcas to her feet. Mary appeared sleepily out of her bed, taking off her sleep mask.

“What’s going on?” She yawned.

“What the hell?” James whipped round the room surveying the girls and looked completely baffled how he exploded flowers into the wrong girls’ bed. “Wait why is Dorcas in Marlene’s bed?”

Sirius burst into laughter, “Well why do you think, prude?”

“Real question is what are _you_ doing here at 1am, Potter?” Marlene asked.

“I-I...What—” Loud bangs erupted from outside, “Shit, Lily! Come to the window!” He pulled her to the ledge that Remus had just opened, the rest of them gathering behind them to see pink fireworks exploding in the dark night sky spelling _HAPPY V-DAY, EVANS!_

“V-day? That doesn’t sound how you—” Dorcas laughed.

“Oh, I know _now_ , okay! Merlin, everything’s gone to pure shit!” James whined, shoving his head into his hands in irritation. Remus tried not to laugh, he thought this might go wrong, but never in a million years could he have guessed it would go _this_ wrong.

“Awh, babe.” Lily smiled wrapping an arm around his shoulders, “It would be romantic if you didn’t burst into our dorm at 1am then send a bunch of flowers into a lesbian’s bed and then write an accidental sexual reference in the sky.” She teased.

Remus and Sirius started laughing quietly as they continued to watch the extravagant firework display which earnt a scowl from James. Then suddenly, making them all jump there was a rapid knocking at the door.

“I know you’re in there Mr Potter! I know this was you!” McGonagall’s voice boomed through the dormitory.

“Wormtail! You forgot the silencing charm?!” James exasperated.

“No, I did it! I must’ve done it wrong it’s a really big area to do it on!”

“MR POTTER! I’M COMING IN!” McGonagall’s voice echoed.

“Shit! Dorcas under here!” Marlene quickly shoved Dorcas under her bed and sat on top of it, Remus desperately tried to help cover her but quickly sat next to Marlene on the flower covered mattress as soon as the door opened, smiling at McGonagall breathlessly.

“Oh my god, could this go any more wrong?” James sighed and Remus had to stifle a laugh at just _how_ wrong it had gone.

The professor stood in the doorway in a tartan nightgown, one may have thought it would soften her harsh appearance but it just added to the terrifying persona of McGonagall. Surveying the scene before her completely bewildered, her eyes cast from Remus and Marlene on the petal covered bed to Lily comforting James who looked like he might start crying and Sirius, Peter and a half-awake Mary standing by the window. “What on _earth_ is going on here?” She asked, half amused.

“Oh, just give me a detention and spare me the embarrassment of explaining.” James sighed.

“Mr Potter, you have awoken the entire castle, that’s at least a month’s detention.” She eyed him and he groaned, “However… due to my _extreme_ curiosity, I will be willing to cut it down to two weeks if I am given an explanation of _this_.” She waved her hand over the entire dorm.

“So generous of you, Minnie!” Sirius chimed in, strolling up to her and pointing out the events of the night. “See, Mr Potter here, blackmailed us three fine young men into helping him with a romantic valentine’s gesture; we really had no choice – it would be injustice to punish us. Now as you can see, the idiot fired flowers – lilies -- at the wrong bed, indeed not the lovely Miss Evans, as you so happen to know as his girlfriend but the lovely Miss McKinnon here,”

He indicated to Marlene and Remus sat awkwardly on the bed, covering Dorcas crammed beneath it, both wearing over dramatic smiles. “We are lucky she hasn’t killed us,”

“Still might.” Marlene quipped.

“Right yeah, and Remus just got tired, so he had to sit; he really is very unfit, Minerva.” Sirius continued, “Then the fireworks also failed in multiple ways as the message is… well… And Mr Pettigrew over here failed to cast a sufficient silencing charm – but as previously discussed, he is not to blame, only Mr Potter because of his ruthless blackmail. Then you turn up and now the whole thing is a huge pile of dog sh-poo.”

“Ah,” McGonagall nodded, looing like she might almost smile. “Okay Mr Potter, unfortunate turn of events. Still two weeks of detention and you must all get back to your dorms immediately, then you may enjoy the rest of your valentine’s day at an appropriate hour.”

“Yes professor.” They nodded with a smile, except James.

***

Valentine’s day fell on a Saturday which was coincidentally a Hogsmeade weekend, they made their way to the village after breakfast. Lily seemed to have forgiven James as they walked arm in arm to Hogsmeade, James looking significantly happier as Lily laughed and pointed out things in the shop windows. Marlene wished her and Dorcas could be as open, but she was content, nevertheless.

At least they could be open with their friends, she couldn’t say the same for Sirius and Remus; she could see their dilemma and it did hurt her a little to see them having to conceal it absolutely everywhere. She could now see why Dorcas didn’t want to do that at first, it would be so difficult.

They sat in the Three Broomsticks chatting about nothing in particular; Dorcas and Marlene playfully kicking each other under the table until they went to far and accidently spilled Peter’s butterbeer down the front of his top.

As another Valentine’s day surprise, James had booked him and Lily to have lunch at a café toward the south of the village, anyone who didn’t know he had been waiting for this day for six years would probably think he was going overboard. Mary and Peter both went off to get some bits and bobs around the shops, leaving Marlene, Dorcas, Remus and Sirius in the booth.

“You two doing anything for Valentine’s then?” Remus prompted.

Marlene never liked the idea of a day designated to express your affection to another person through buying them things so only big companies profited, but now she actually was dating someone, she grew fonder to the idea. Not that they could do anything anyway.

“Well, are you?” Marlene said and Remus and Sirius looked at each other for a moment solemnly.

“You’ll ruin the surprise!” Remus teased; Sirius gave a half-sad smile. “Anyway, I think we best go to Zonkos for some stocking up, eh Padfoot?” Sirius nodded, the both stood and leisurely left the pub.

“Sorry we can’t do much today,” Dorcas apologized.

“Don’t be stupid, this is enough.” Marlene smiled, holding Dorcas’s hand beneath the sticky table. Dorcas smirked back, she would have loved to kiss her.

“I got you something…” Dorcas reached into her coat pocket and withdrew a small box.

“Dor! I-I, but I didn’t get you anything!” Marlene blushed.

“Good, can’t be giving them companies anymore money eh?” She smirked, Marlene returned it, Dorcas knew her like no-one else did – knew her inside and out. “Open it.”

Marlene did as instructed, peeling back the pink wrapping paper discreetly under the table, she didn’t think anyone would look into their secluded corner but she stayed inconspicuous just in case. Beneath the wrapping paper was a velvet box containing a delicate golden necklace, a small circle attached to the chain with M&D carved in cursive.

“I—Dorcas, this is… this is too much!” She protested, trying to conceal her smile. Dorcas rolled her eyes and smirked, casting a quick glance around, then taking the necklace from Marlene’s hand and quickly fastening around her neck. Marlene looked down at it and smiled.

“Thank you. I love it.”

***

Zonkos didn’t have any new stock worthy of much investment but Remus and Sirius still got the regular load of dung-bombs and a few other things that could be slightly promising prank ideas. After they finished there, they took a leisurely stroll down the high-street, making their way to Honeydukes.

“Buy one, get one half price!” Remus exclaimed excitedly at his favourite chocolate, Sirius picked up two bars, bought them quickly and slipped both into Remus’s hand.

“Happy Valentines, Moony.” He whispered, Remus slid the chocolate into his pocket with a smile, hoping for dear life that his cheeks didn’t look as hot as they felt.

“Who knew Sirius Black was a romantic?” He teased once out on the quiet street.

“Only for you, Lupin.” He retorted with a grin, “Where’d you wanna go now?”

“I would quite like to thank you for the chocolate in the empty dorm room.” Remus cocked a seductive eyebrow. Sirius laughed.

“ _Ah_ , the things you do to me Moony! I think I’d quite like that too.”

An hour at most, that’s all they had before people started coming back to the dorm. That was plenty, Remus told himself. He could barely wait until they got in the dorm to pull Sirius’s shirt over his head and kiss him hungrily. He’d wanted to do it all day and him buying him chocolate – it was his love language.

He pushed him further into the dorm, only stopping once the backs of Sirius’s knees collided with the bed frame and they fell onto the mattress in a bundle, resuming kissing almost immediately. Sirius pulled Remus’s jumper over his head and pressed their chests together in a desperate need for contact.

Remus pulled back to kiss down Sirius’s neck, sucking harshly on the pale skin and his animalistic side relished at the deep purple bruise he created, like he was marking his territory and Sirius groaned as Remus trailed hot open mouth kisses down his chest.

The door to the dorm flew open and Remus froze on top of Sirius, sure there was no escape – he and Sirius had been caught almost shagging but when he quickly turned to look at the intruder, he saw James was otherwise busy. He and Lily hadn’t broken their snog as they entered, James’s hand sliding higher and higher up Lily’s skirt.

Remus took the moment to leap off Sirius and pull his jumper over his bare chest, Sirius doing the same. He moved a less suspicious distance from Sirius trying to cover the large bulge in his pants, waiting for James and Lily to register their presence. It grew highly uncomfortable as moans and groans issued from both their mouths and when James started undoing Lily’s shirt, Remus thought they might never notice they had company so cleared his throat loudly.

Lily squealed as she and James whipped around to see Remus standing awkwardly by the window and Sirius laying on his bed, she blushed a deep shade of red that almost matched her hair. “Oh my god! I’m so sorry… I-I’ll go.” She gushed, buttoning the top two buttons of her blue polo and straitening her skirt before dashing out the door.

“Guh! Why you guys back so early!?” James huffed, Remus and Sirius shared a panicked glare.

“Just got bored.” Remus suggested.

“And cold.” Sirius added.

“Yeah, and cold.” Remus confirmed with a nod.

“How much did you see?” James asked shyly.

“Well obviously all of it.” Sirius teased, “Pretty hard to miss actually… ahh oh! Fuck me Evans!” Sirius mimicked, even though the most they had heard was a groan.

“Oh, you can piss off, Pads… Oh ho ho! Look at that! Looks like Mr Black got a hard-on at the sight.” James pointed at Sirius’s crotch; Remus tried not to get stiffer.

“Oh, you flatter yourself, Potter. I was looking at magazines.” Sirius whipped some from under his bed as proof. Remus laughed because he knew the big tits on the cover was something neither of them would ever get a boner over.

“Merlin, where’d you get them?” He laughed.

“More like why?” James added.

“Was gonna wank.” Sirius explained casually.

“But Moony’s right there!” James chuckled; Sirius smirked at Remus.

“I was going to have a shower!” Remus burst out, heading to the bathroom.

That night, they finished what they started securely under a silencing charm, and once they had thoroughly exhausted every part of themselves, Remus curled up against Sirius and thought they should chance falling asleep still entangled, it was just too comfortable and safe.

“Don’t go.” Remus whispered.

“I won’t.” Sirius responded, “I want to be able to stay here, Moony.”

“I want that too.” Remus agreed, he wasn’t quite sure what they had just decided but was happy syncing his breathing with Sirius’s and laying on his chest contently. He thought he was going to accidently say he loved him again, like he kept catching himself doing; he thought for just a moment, then made a spur of the moment decision that he would most definitely regret.

“I love you, Sirius.” He whispered, turning to look at the other boy, but Sirius was already sound asleep, his beautiful face softly unconscious. Remus sighed and watched him for a moment, kissed his forehead and drifted off to sleep alongside him. It was always easy to sleep when he was with Sirius. 


	30. Anonymous Girlfriends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> CW: Sexual references. (nothing too graphic!)

Monday 15th February 1977

Remus sat nursing his tea at the breakfast table when Sirius came to join them; he looked up lazily to smile but immediately widened his eyes as Sirius collarbone broadcast the big purple hickey he had placed there the night before – a lot higher than he meant to. Sirius’s shirt didn’t quite cover it and it peeped right out contrasting exceedingly against his pale skin.

“Bloody hell, Pads!” James chuckled; eyebrows raised identically to Remus’s. “I didn’t know you were getting lucky last night, Jesus!” James exclaimed after further inspection, “That is—bloody hell, what chick is doing that!?”

“Oh, shove off, Prongs.” Sirius rolled his eyes and yanked his shirt higher.

“So what? Good shag?” James continued. Remus and Peter scoffed at their openness; it was too early for this.

“Really, Potter? At the breakfast table?” Marlene sighed.

“Well I’m intrigued!” James defended, turning eagerly to Sirius.

Sirius took a slow sip from his mug, pointedly staring down the group as a whole, but his dark eyes lingering on Remus’s as he spoke, “Best sex I’ve ever had.” He smirked. Remus almost chocked on his tea but played it off as just a really loud sip which made Sirius laugh.

“Who?” Peter seemed as interested as James now and Remus played along.

“Yeah who is it, Pads?” He smirked. 

“Well, they’re the hottest person to exist but apart from that, they will remain anonymous.” Sirius said, eyebrows raised.

“Oh my god! Black is falling hard-time!” Mary laughed, and the composed flirty manner Sirius had possessed that past minute was whipped away at once, a note of panic in his voice as he defended himself,

“What? No! I’m not _falling_.”

“Yes, you are! There’s only one person in this world you would define as the hottest person ever and that’s yourself. Sirius is in-love.” Mary analysed.

“You’re crazy, MacDonald.” He muttered, embarrassed.

“Your cheeks say otherwise.” She quipped and Sirius shoved his middle finger in her face.

“Fellas we’re going to find this mystery girl, unless Padfoot tells us first.” James announced.

“Oh no, I will not be telling.” Sirius replied.

“Why not, Pads? I’m sure she’s lovely!” Remus teased.

“She isn’t.”

“Oh, but she’s so hot!” Remus continued.

“Starting to rethink that.” Sirius retorted.

“You wouldn’t! She’s too good in bed.”

“No. She has a funny orgasm face and--”

“Woah! Hey, no. It’s too early for this.” Lily scowled. Remus nodded trying to hide his smirk and turned back to his eggs only to feel Sirius kick him under the table, identical smile plastered across his lips.

They headed back to their lessons after the rest had already left, Remus was not done with his teasing so they ended up skiving off first and second period, walking around the grounds and settling behind the greenhouses to smoke.

“Could you not of worn a shirt with a higher collar?” Remus laughed.

“I don’t have one and I thought coming down in one of your bloody turtleneck jumpers might arouse a bit more suspicion.”

“You steal my jumpers all the time.”

“In the dorm when there is a reason, I can’t exactly say ‘oh I’m just wearing Moony’s jumper to breakfast to cover the massive hickey he gave me last night’ can, I?” 

“No, I s’pose not.” laughed Remus, “Well thanks for calling me a sex god.”

“I don’t believe I did.”

“Well considering—”

“Oh, shut it, starting to regret ever inflating your ego.” Sirius hit him playfully.

“ _My_ ego?” Remus chuckled.

“Yes. You and you’re weird coming face—”

“So, what if I made my ‘so-called-weird’ finishing face right now, you’d be completely fine?”

“Completely.” 

Remus chuckled, if he wasn’t in such a giddy mood, he would have left the teasing there; but he was enjoying the sight of Sirius’s cheeks grow redder too much. He cast a quick look around to see the closest people were on almost the opposite side of the grounds, well out of earshot. He looked directly at Sirius before screwing his eyes shut, opening his mouth and moaning louder than he ever had in his entire life.

“Fucking hell!” Sirius stammered, clasping a hand over Remus’s mouth, “I didn’t think you were actually going to!” Remus smirked beneath Sirius’s fingers until Sirius glanced around and after deeming no one was looking, released him.

“What can I say? I’m a man of my word. How are you doing _Mr Completely fine_?” Remus smirked.

“You’ll pay for that, Lupin.”

“Oh, I’m counting on it.”

***

Marlene was definitely feeling the pressure of the NEWTs now, every lesson seemed to contain double the workload she had been given for the entirety of her school career. Lily agreed, even Care of Magical Creatures had become more theoretical and required just as much studying, if not more. The two girls were complaining about it as they walked to their only practical Care of Magical Creatures lesson of the week, it would be a nice break from all the classroom work but also still challenging as Marlene assumed they would have to put their knowledge on Winged Horses into action.

Her and Lily recited the ones they knew on a regular basis as well as their qualities; they both knew they would forget if they didn’t do it regularly. “Abraxans, granians, aethonans… er Godric I know there’s one more.” Marlene ticked off the ones she knew on her fingers and looked off into the grounds biting her lip as she racked her brain, making their way to the edge of the forbidden forest. “Unicorns?”

“No, c’mon Marls, you know this. Unicorns aren’t horses they’re—”

“They’re their own separate breed. You’re right I did know that. Okay er... oh! Thestrals, I always forget that one!”

“Yes! Easy to forget when you can’t see them.” Lily agreed. Marlene repeated it over and over in her head to hopefully jam it in there, while also trying to trudge past the mud of the greenhouses with little mess. “God, it’s so squelchy over here… Is that Remus? Oh my god!” Lily exclaimed, shoving a hand over her eyes and turning away from what she’d just seen.

Marlene proceeded to do the opposite and to glace in the direction Lily had just looked away from with instant regret. It was indeed unmistakably Remus in a dark ally just to the left of the greenhouses, and between the cornered walls of the castle with his head tilted back resting on the stone. His school trousers rested round his ankles and a figure crouched on their knees seemed to be pleasing Remus very thoroughly. “Merlin’s balls!” Marlene mirrored Lily’s actions, hastily looking away from the scene. They were far enough away that they didn’t interrupt, and Marlene didn’t make out the figure, but with the background knowledge she had, and that Lily lacked, almost certainly deduced it was Sirius.

Lily and Marlene hastily scurried away from the situation without being noticed, reaching the edge of the forest in record time before Professor Kettleburn had even arrived. “Abraxan are gigantic and extremely powerful about the size of an elephant but look similar to a palomino horse. Abraxan hair is white and is used as an ingredient in Potion-making, they also have red eyes. Errr… they can be a rare form of the Patronus Charm, although not common. Ministry views them as beasts anywhere between classification levels XX to XXXX.” Marlene recited in an effort to change the subject and she was very confident of her knowledge of this particular winged horse.

“Yes, and Thestrals are native to Britain and Ireland, but have been spotted in France and erm somewhere I can’t remember right now. They are skeletal horses and are very dangerous, classified as XXXX and should only be handled by experienced wizards. They are unusual because they can’t be seen unless you have witnessed death and accepted it’s reality.” Lily nodded.

“Wow, very impressive girls.” Professor Kettleburn appeared beside them. “Unfortunately, we’re moving on from winged horses today. Any reason you are here early?”

“Nope!”  
“No reason!”

The professor eyed the two girls sceptically but didn’t press the matter, “Okay, er we’ll just wait for the rest of the class then…” Marlene and Lily nodded, inwardly groaning. She didn’t pay attention for most of the duration of the lesson, knowing that would be a mistake when she had to revise but couldn’t help her mind wandering. She felt quite guilty about seeing… that. But she didn’t want to tell Remus, she also didn’t want to not tell him; it was quite the predicament. She landed on not telling him, but she would talk to Lily – see her thoughts and gather whether she knew it was Sirius, then maybe she could warn them to be a bit more careful, or just come out with it.

They were making their way back to the castle for lunch when Marlene asked. “You think we should bring it up?”

“No, no. I think it’s er rather private. I don’t think I would want to be confronted about it.” Responded Lily. Marlene nodded, “Plus, if he has a secret girlfriend, he probably has a reason, or if she’s just a one-time thing, I don’t really see the point.”

“Mhm, yeah.” Marlene agreed thoughtfully.

***

Having already skived off period two, Remus decided it best to go to his afternoon lesson however much he wanted to dip again. History of magic was boring as ever and he used the lesson to catch up on the mornings work while still being able to make History notes as well as letting his mind wander aimlessly.

Professor Binns could not of had a more boring, monotone voice and Remus swore in the unlikely event he was ever a teacher, he would make his lessons fun and interesting; not that it was on the table for a career, no-one would want a werewolf teaching their children.

He peered over to the other side of the classroom were Sirius had been moved to avoid their chatting, his head was resting in his arms on top of the desk; eyes softly closed, and mouth slightly agape. Remus rolled his eyes and proceeded to take two sets of notes so he could give one to Sirius later.

He wouldn’t do that for anyone else, he analysed. There’s that thing that kept creeping up, that little four-letter word beginning with L. He would tell him; he was ready now – he wanted Sirius to know. The issue was informing him, he tried once without any success but then again didn’t expect it to. He would tell Sirius, soon. Definitely soon. Maybe he could—

“Mr Lupin?” Professor Binns looked like he had repeated himself, maybe even asked a question. Either way Remus was expected to answer.

“Sorry sir, could you repeat the question?”

“The first goblin rebellion. The significance of it.”

“Oh yes…” Remus continued, pouring out all his knowledge of the rebellion as well as the modern advancements it produced and the long-term effects of it on current magical society.

“Rise and shine, dickhead.” Remus laughed as he and Sirius walked back to the common room, “Good nap?”

“Fuck off.”

“You don’t want that; I took notes for you.” Remus smiled, handing him the parchment.

“Okay fine. You can stay. Thanks.” Sirius slipped the paper into his bag with a side smirk that only he could pull off without looking like an idiot.

“Sirius?” Remus stated although he didn’t mean it to come out so questioningly. He could do it right now. _Three words. That’s it. Then you can go about your days stress free. Just three bloody words_ , he told himself. “Er… my handwriting’s a mess you might be better just looking in the textbook.” Remus gushed.

“Um okay. But I’ve managed to read your notes for a solid six years, Moony.”

“Yeah. Just in case.” Remus muttered and disappeared with a lame excuse about meeting Marlene in the library and scolded himself on what a chicken he was.

As a matter of freaky coincidence, Marlene did so happen to be in the library, huddled over a book and examining it thoroughly and when Remus burst into their corner she glanced up to recognise it was him, then quickly turned back to her work. Remus slouched opposite her, he didn’t actually have any work with him and wasn’t planning on studying today. “Alright, Marls?”

“Mhm.” Marlene hummed, not looking him in the eyes.

“What’s up?”

“Oh nothing. Just catching up on some work.” She muttered. Remus stared at her sceptically but didn’t pursue her awkwardness, just accepted she might be really into her studying. He leaned back on his chair and grabbed a random book off the shelf behind him, he tried to read but had no interest and after about ten minutes found himself doodling over a blank piece of parchment.

He pulled back out of his daydreaming state and was horrified when he realised he had drawn little hearts all over his paper. “Fuck.” He muttered, inwardly cursing himself for being a stupid lovesick git.

“What?” Marlene asked; Remus had half forgotten she was there, finding it to embarrassing to say out loud, he slid the doodled parchment to her. She observed it for a few seconds before he pulled it back, realising that was just as embarrassing, if not more. “What?” She repeated.

“Ughhh.” He groaned and crumpled up the paper, tossing it into a bin with astute accuracy. “I’ve fallen in love with Sirius.” He told her quietly.

Marlene’s eyes widened, her lips turning up into a smile and she finally made eye contact with him. “Like for real?”

“Yes, for real, McKinnon. It’s very embarrassing and I’d rather not discuss it because I can’t seem to even tell him.” Remus grumbled, “Twice I’ve tried now, and I’m not like scared. Well maybe I am. He said it accidently a few months back. And I’ve told him I loved him before but only like platonic with James and Peter, but this is different. Okay actually I am scared. I don’t know why though. I just need to be out with it don’t you think? Just fucking be like _Sirius, I love you and now you can leave or whatever I just wanted you to know_. No, that’s crazy. Wait. What if he actually leaves? Fuck I haven’t loved anyone romantically before, Marls. No offence by the way—”

“Remus, Jesus Christ calm down.” Marlene laughed softly through her nose. “I’m not offended, I think you’re forgetting it was a fake relationship, love.”

“Well I just didn’t want you to be offended.” Remus muttered, growing more embarrassed by the minute.

“I can assure you, I’m not. Look it looks like you need to tell him and just trust your judgment. You’ve got no reason to be scared, your clearly mad for each other.”

“You think?”

“I _know_. Now go tell him you lovesick prat.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I didn't upload over the last couple days, was having a bit of a mental break. Hopefully I can continue to update chapters daily again now! Sorry, and thanks for reading and staying with me. <3 
> 
> Again all comments (whether compliment, criticism or statement) are encouraged and appreciated!! Love you all xx


	31. Crazy Little Thing Called Love

Saturday 20th February 1977

Luckily, Marlene didn’t stand out against the cheering crowd of predominately yellow, she had black and mustard paint swiped neatly across her cheeks along with almost everyone else in the Gryffindor stands. All except the Slytherins seemed to be supporting Hufflepuff in the match, unlike the usual divide when your house wasn’t playing. Much to Marlene’s delight, this meant she could cheer for Dorcas with undisguised enthusiasm alongside the rest of her friends.

It was a slightly chilly day on the quidditch pitch, but at least it wasn’t raining; that could almost always put off a chaser as they dart through the air having the water slice into their cheeks like daggers. Slytherin were losing and the match was looking awfully promising on Hufflepuff’s part, but Marlene was still on edge – any chance to embarrass the snakes further should be taken with unhesitant vigour. Her hearing faded as she focused on Dorcas’s amazing form, holding the quaffle under her right arm as she weaved through the opposing players toward the large golden hoops.

Marlene’s ears refocused and cheers erupted throughout the stands as Dorcas scored yet another goal; the atmosphere was truly like no other, with the deafening sound hitting every angle of the cold pitch, the commentators voice trying to ripple over the screams. Marlene noticed they had since replaced the narrator since her last match. Good. He was a bastard. This one seemed nicer, partly because Marlene hadn’t heard her gossiping about anything except the game, she had extensive knowledge of all the players and for the most part stayed unbiased, except it was rather clear they weren’t a Slytherin.

“Following the goal from Meadows, we see Hufflepuff seeker, Pipin seems to have spotted the snitch, darting straight down the pitch look him go. Slytherin seeker has caught on, following Pipin right down, that’s close – oh so close and – PIPIN HAS CAUGHT THE SNITCH! THAT’S 150 POINTS TO HUFFLEPUFF, THEY WIN, SLYTHERIN LOOSE!” The commentators voice faded as the sheer volume of triumphant cheers rendered everyone deaf, three quarters of the students went wild screaming at the victory; Marlene included, probably louder than the rest.

“MEA _DOWS_! MEA _DOWS_! MEA _DOWS_! MEA _DOWS_!” Marlene, Mary and Peter chanted from the stands, thrusting their Hufflepuff banner with every call. Dorcas swept past throwing a quick charming grin at Marlene that made her heart flutter like the first time she met her.

Marlene looked over to her left, spotting Remus and Sirius jumping up and down cheering; she caught Remus’s eye and gave him a ‘tell-him-now’ look - he’d put it off all week and Marlene thought personally there was no better time than a victorious quidditch match. Remus nodded and quickly turned to Sirius, opened his mouth to mutter the words and Marlene watched anxiously, but in that moment, Sirius ran past him and into Dorcas’s arms hugging her with congratulations.

Remus deflated like an old balloon, letting out an irritated sigh; Marlene scrunched her face into a sympathetic smile, mouthing ‘next time’ before Dorcas was hugging her eagerly in the stands.

“You did so good!” She hugged her back enthusiastically, “Looked like a bloody whirlwind!”

“No better than you, McKinnon.”

“Oh, shut up, _you know_ you’re better.”

“You _look_ better.”

“I think that’s impossible.”

“Oi! Off, it’s my turn to hug.” Mary stropped, prying Dorcas off for congratulations. Marlene would’ve loved to spend yet another evening with Dorcas, and she thought Dorcas might too but had to let her return to her common room for the celebratory house after party. There was always tomorrow.

***

Sunday 21st February 1977

“Sirius. I have been meaning to tell you this for a while. I want you to know, I don’t care what your response is, but think you ought to know. Sirius Black, I love you.”

Silence.

“God, you look like a right ol’ sod.” Remus muttered to his reflection in the dirty bathroom mirror. He tried again, perhaps more direct would do the trick.

“Sirius, I love you.” He shook his head in disgust, “I’ve fallen in love with you, Sirius.” Remus cringed at his own words, “Sappy.” He murmured.

Remus attempted his confession again, firmly placing a hand either side of the sink, and staring directly into his reflection’s eyes.

“I don’t care what you say but I love you… Jesus christ that is way too aggressive for a love confession.” Remus sighed, maybe a mix of the two would be better, “ _I_ , Remus Lupin, love _you_ , Sirius Black.” Remus stared at himself then rolled his eyes, “He knows who you bloody are, prick…. Padfoot, I think- UGH, you’re lucky he hasn’t left you yet!” He pointed an accusing finger at his deflated reflection, earning a scowl from himself.

Taking a large breath, Remus tried once more, “Sirius, I have something to tell you… luv ya.” he waited a moment before he groaned loudly. “Just a tad anticlimactic. You’re going to die lonely you bloody coward, its three fucking words.”

Irritably, he splashed cold bracing water on his face and watch as it dripped pointedly down from his chin, causing a small pool of droplets to form beside his feet. He would go out there and get it over with now, or maybe he’d have a shower first, just to give him a bit more time. Yeah, he’d have a shower first.

“Hiya, Moony! You alright?” Sirius greeted from his bed as Remus walked out of the bathroom with dripping wet hair.

“Sirius.” Remus sat on Sirius’s bed, staring pointedly into the hypnotising grey eyes, Sirius looked up from his book, appearing slightly concerned.

“Yes?” He asked tentatively. The glare, his mouth, his knitted eyebrows, everything was too much once again. 

“Er… do you want my last chocolate?” Remus chocked out, trying to ignore the ball lodged inconveniently in the back of his throat while he leaned over to his dresser and grabbed the sweet.

“What have you done to it?” Sirius eyed him sceptically. “Why are you giving me the last of your chocolate?”

“Just because I’m such a good boyfriend, I guess,” Remus smiled and placed a small kiss on the tip of Sirius’s nose. “I’ll have it back if you don’t want it.”

“Nmo ill kef et.” Sirius muttered, already having stuffed the chocolate in his mouth. Remus rolled his eyes although it was more at himself, he’d do it tomorrow. Definitely tomorrow.

Monday 22nd February 1977

Sirius was in the bathroom, he was cornered; nowhere to escape. Quickly, Remus shook this thought as the pondered if cornering the person you loved was really a great way to tell them. Probably not. He’d do it anyway though. Steadily knocking three times, Remus took a deep breath.

“I’m going to tell you something.” He announced through the door before shaking his head at why on earth he was announcing it. Just bloody say it. “I love you.” He almost shouted, preparing to bolt.

The door swung open and Remus squeezed his eyes shut. “Love you too, mate.” James’s ruffled his hair, and Remus tried to mask his surprise at the wrong marauder. “You alright?”

“Mhm, mhm. Yeah, just wanted you out the bathroom, I’m going to have a shower, didn’t fancy it being cold.” Remus blurted. Great now he had to have a shower he didn’t need. Pussy.

Tuesday 23rd February 1977

 _‘I love you’_ Remus mouthed across the classroom. He was hoping if he didn’t actually say it, it wouldn’t be as confrontational, and he wouldn’t have an opportunity to chicken out. He had done it now, all that was left was to wait for Sirius’s reaction; for him to run away or something but he just stared at Remus blankly before he mouthed back a quick ‘ _what_?’

‘ _I love you_.’ Remus repeated, over dramatically exaggerating the words in his mouth to make it clearer; Sirius’s expression did not flicker, his eyebrows furrowed while he shook his head in ponder, ‘ _what?’_ He mouthed again.

Remus exhaled sharply letting his eyes flicker shut in irritation, ‘don’t worry.’ He motioned to Sirius, who nodded in conformation that he understood that. Out of all the things to not be able to lip read, why’d it have to be that?

Wednesday 24th February 1977

It was now or never; Sirius was changing the record by the small fireplace in their dorm, James and Peter engulfed in a tense chess game in the other corner. Playing it cool, Remus tried to lean against the brick wall next to Sirius, he knocked a cup off the fireplace mantle, and it smashed beneath their feet. “Reparo.” Remus groaned, sending the mug back to its spot on the shelf. _Stay calm_ , he told himself; _you can still do this_.

“Graceful as always, Moony.” Sirius teased, “You a’right?”

“Mhm, yeah. Just er look I—” An ear-splitting bang sounded from inside the chimney, if the interruption didn’t aggravate him so much he would of laughed at Sirius and Peter screaming in an unusually high pitch, “WHAT THE-- OH MY GOD ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?! WHAT THE FUCK-- WHAT ARE THE CHANCES--?!” Remus raged.

Sirius looked extremely concerned and placed a steadying hand on Remus’s shoulder easing him down, “Woah! Calm down there, cowboy. Probably just a bird or something.”

“What was it?” James asked, walking over the fireplace.

“Well how are we supposed to know anymore than you, Potter?” Sirius drawled.

“I think I just shat my stomach out of my arse.” Peter trembled, recovering from his scream and also making his way beside the fireplace. James craned his neck cautiously into the opening of the chimney and searched for the cause of the bang.

“I can’t quite see it, but it looks like a stuck animal.” His voice came muffled and echoed from inside the fireplace.

“Well push it out then.” Sirius shouted.

“Hell no, it could bite me or something!” James protested,

“Oh, go on you tart. Just shove it out!”

“It looks like it’s got a sharp beak!”

“Prongs you pussy just prod it!” Sirius continued.

“I don’t have a death wish!”

“ _Death wish_? you drama queen.”

“You do it then.” James removed his head from inside the fireplace, his face softly covered in bits of ash and soot, before he shoved Sirius inside the small chimney.

“Well, I-I mean it does look quite scary.” Sirius’s fearful voice echoed from inside. “What if it bites?”

“Oh my god, bunch of tarts.” Remus muttered before swiftly pulling Sirius back into the room before climbing into the fireplace and shoving his arm to where there was a bundle of feathers. The thing seemed to almost roar but only flapped against Remus’s hand before fluttering out the top of the chimney and causing particles of black ash that had been stuck to the brick walls for perhaps decades to fall upon his face in a cloud of soot.

Remus heard Peter squeak before he emerged back into the dorm room. “See lads? Easy peasy.”

“Awh, you look very cute, Moony.” James giggled, brushing the soot off his nose.

***

Thursday 25th February 1977

This was nothing short of embarrassing now, Remus was feeling it bubbling over and now he didn’t even care if he just blurted it out, he didn’t care if it wasn’t extremely romantic, he just wanted it out of him and he wanted Sirius to know. That unfairly beautiful boy that sat at the side of the transfiguration classroom, not taking notes but it didn’t matter because Remus would let him copy his, he would watch him while his tongue danced in the corner of his mouth as he focused and he would smile when Sirius asked what he was looking at.

Remus was so in love with him it hurt; a feeling he had never experienced and an odd one at that. He said he loved someone a couple times, his mother, the marauders, the girls - but he never meant it as severely as he meant this. It didn’t seem fair to class both as love when one was so different, so much stronger. Not that it undermines the affection he has for the rest of his friends, he definitely still loves them all, he just has something more than love for Sirius, there just wasn’t a word for that.

He felt awfully sappy thinking these thoughts, but he couldn’t escape them. He knew Marlene would scold him that it’ fragile masculinity, that he should be able to show his feelings. That cheered him up a bit, but his heart still wrenched as he watched Sirius. Okay. Enough is enough. Right now. He would do it literally _right now_ in the transfiguration classroom.

He teared a small piece of parchment from the corner of his page, scrawled it quickly and desperately. Just the three words.

_I love you._

Remus folded it into quarters and only when it left his hands and watched as the note made its way to Sirius did he quite realise what he’d done. Anxiously, Remus held his breath as his deepest feelings got passed through multiple hands to Sirius, it was the person next to him, he was about to read it – oh god.

Sirius’s fingers took the note, unfolded it once; everything seemed to be going in slow motion as Sirius went to unfold it a final time, but two long pale fingers plucked it from his hands into the air. McGonagall opened it muttering about how passing notes is the most disrespectful form of distraction but stopped as she read it. Her eyes darted to Remus, and Remus thought he might vomit his heart out his mouth.

If she read it out, he’d die right there. Of course, she was going to read it out, she always did. McGonagall eyed his suspiciously and Remus knew he was done for, it could have seemed platonic if his eyes hadn’t widened a pure look of terror and panic spread across his face. What if she was a homophobe? That would be even more embarrassing than just reading it out. She didn’t seem the type but that didn’t stop his anxiety slowing filling him up to the brim. He pleaded with her wordlessly, eyes begging her to just throw it away or something. He might have even mouthed ‘please’ he didn’t remember. He was just desperate.

The professor almost smirked, subtly flicking her gaze between Remus and Sirius, then for the first time in her life, McGonagall did not read out the note but instead slipped it in the pocket of her robe. “Now as I was saying, the issue with transfiguring a larger animal…” She continued, turning back to the front of the classroom.

Remus let out the biggest silenced exhale he had ever produced; that was _way_ too fucking close. He was too reckless; he would have to control his overwhelming affection until an appropriate time. One thing was for sure, he would never try to confess with a paper-trail or in a classroom ever again.

***

Friday 26th February 1977

“Dorcas,” Marlene sighed, “Darling we can’t.”

“Mhm five more minutes.” Dorcas hummed into her neck.

“We said that ten minutes ago.” Marlene laughed, using all her strength to pull herself away from the goddess before her. Marlene’s body felt cold without her wrapped around it, but Dorcas really was going to be late.

“ _Fine_.” Dorcas groaned, pulling on a shirt while Marlene did up her buttons. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Yeah, good luck.” Marlene smiled, going in for one last kiss; Dorcas pulled her in by her waist and when she slipped her tongue across her lip, Marlene regrettably pulled away again with a smile. “Don’t. You can’t be late. Again.”

Dorcas let go of her waist with a huff, “Ugh you wound me McKinnon.”

“For your own good, darling.”

“Yeah I know. You too good for me.” Dorcas leant down to get her broom and kissed Marlene quickly on the forehead as she left. Dopily, Marlene smiled to herself in the changing rooms for a moment before heading back up to the castle.

In the dorm room, Lily was sat on Mary’s bed under a blanket and Marlene already knew what was going down. “Marlene! Where’ve you been? Actually, don’t answer that.” Lily backtracked, “Anyway, I need someone with sense here. Mary has a ridiculous theory.”

“Another?” Marlene laughed as she climbed under Mary’s duvet.

“Um, I feel the need to remind you I haven’t had ridiculous theory in months AND turns out Carrow did shag Vance so you can suck it. AND this isn’t ridiculous… Well maybe a _little_.”

“Well if you’re admitting it then it must be ludicrous. Hit me.” Marlene smiled, tugging the duvet off Lily to become further enwrapped.

“Okay. So, you know how the boys have had no success figuring out Black’s girlfriend?” Mary started, Marlene nodded; they really had guessed almost everyone to no accomplishment. “Welllll… I think he and Remus are doing it.”

Marlene kept her expression neutral and looked to Lily, “I mean there’s just SO many plot holes in it.” Lily sighed, “Do you really think Sirius Black that’s been in half our year’s knickers is all of a sudden a shirt-lifter? He just isn’t the type. And Remus wouldn’t, he was with Marlene.”

“And Marlene is _literally_ a lesbian now,” Mary retorted.

“ _Okay_ , doesn’t mean he is. They’re best friends, that’s like Marlene and you shagging all the time.”

“I would be down.” Mary teased and Marlene hit her with a pillow, “Yeesh! Okay, Marls. So you are the best person for this, you’re gay so like you can sense other people’s queerness and you where in a relationship with Remus so like you really have all the information. What d’ya think?”

 _“Sense other people’s queerness?”_ Marlene scoffed.

“I don’t know! Just what do you think?”

Marlene didn’t know whether to avoid the truth or straight up lie, she wouldn’t be spilling their secret for them – that wasn’t fair; but she didn’t have much time to think about it. “I think it’s downright the most ridiculous theory you’ve ever had.” She bluffed effortlessly.

“See?” Lily agreed, “Plus… Remus er, he has a girlfriend.”

“Who?!” Mary looked like her whole plan had crumbled in front of her.

“Well, we don’t exactly know…”

“Aha! A secret girlfriend! That basically proves my point!” Mary lit up again. “Obviously a lie, Remus told a little fib to get rid—”

“No. He didn’t say anything—we er, we saw…”

“Saw?” Mary repeated. Lily looked a little uncomfortable and turned to Marlene for assistance, but she didn’t give any so Lily proceeded to mime sucking a dick.

“Jesus, Lily! Would be easier to just say it!” Marlene laughed.

“Fine! We saw him getting a blowjob! A big fat one behind the greenhouses!” Lily almost yelled.

Mary slumped against her bedframe, “Ugh, I really thought he was gay. But this is gossip of it’s own, what did she look like?”

“Told you we didn’t see. Just straight dark hair.”

“Oh, hasn’t got a consistent type then has he.” Mary sighed looking at Marlene’s long platinum blonde hair, “Patterns are—hold on! Straight dark hair? How long?!”

Lily tapped her neck, indicating it was around shoulder length and Mary’ smirk spread into a shit-eating grin. “Oh my god! You know who else has straight dark shoulder length hair?.... Sirius!”

“Oh my god.” Lily sighed, “You have no evidence.”

“Wrong. I am now piled with evidence. That is the biggest conformation yet though. So not only is that Sirius’s description to a T but also by the greenhouses? Which just so happens to be their favourite smoking place, and the only time you go passed that is when you have Care Of Magical Creatures which is the same time I have divination, that Sirius also has and just so happened to be absent last week because he asked to borrow my notes. Not only that but Sirius hasn’t ever kept a ‘girlfriend’ secret, nor has he had such a long relationship which I think he’d only do for his very best friend.

“There’s also a bracelet on his ankle that I can’t figure out for the life of me where he got – secret present from a secret boyfriend? I think so. The hickey he got last week looked like it was done by someone masculine maybe even _canine_. They’re both playing the pronoun game of ‘ _they’re so great, they are sexy’_ whenever they’re asked about it and spent a whole Christmas with each other in an isolated tower, even I can sense the sexual tension between them.”

Marlene and Lily stared in bewilderment, Marlene knew it was true, but Mary had managed to make it even more of a fact with that shit ton of evidence, bloody hell. “Ri. Dic. U. Lous.” Was all she was able to reply.

“I agree. But why don’t you put those skills to doing schoolwork?”

“Because then they’d be wasted.” Mary smiled, “You both owe me two galleons if they come out.”

“Deal.” Lily smirked.

“Hey! No, no deal!” Marlene cut in.

“Oh what? You agree they’re a couple?” Mary teased.

“Fine.” Marlene sighed, “Two galleons.”

 _Remus Lupin and Sirius Black, you owe me_ , she thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all!  
> Don't know if you noticed but this chapter was slightly longer (almost double) the usual length, let me know if you dislike it and would prefer me to revert back to 2k words per chapter :)  
> Next chapter(s) should be out quite soon, i get carried away sometimes lol!  
> Once again, all comments are encouraged, they seriously make my day whatever they are - even if i dont reply, i promise i read every single one!  
> Would love to know what you thought of this one, accidently made it a bit like a completion of one-shots in the middle, but i dont hate how it turned out, hopefully you don't either haha!!!   
> Chapter is obviously named after Crazy Little Thing Called Love by Queen ;)
> 
> Hope you're all doing okay! Lots of Love. <3


	32. I Found Me a Lover Who Can Play The Bass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Except he can't play the bass because he's too drunk.  
> CW: Sexual references, mild homophobic language at the end.

_The rains have their oceans,  
The sun has its moon,  
The leaves have a ground to accept their bloom.  
Everything needs a reason  
for falling.  
And I have  
you. _

Saturday 10th March 1977

Remus took all the usual necessary precautions one should take when you spend the night with the marauders when it just so happens to be you’re seventeenth birthday. He stayed up later than usual the night before, and then sat in bed to wait for the surprise waking-up, that was only really a surprise every now and then because Remus expected it now. He wouldn’t ruin the fun for the others though, so he’d pretend to be asleep, but he was ready for them.

At half past midnight, Remus still hadn’t heard any movement and thought maybe they’d forgotten entirely, that didn’t bother him too much, at least he would be able to sleep peacefully. When it reached one, Remus was running out of things to preoccupy his sleepy mind with, he tried reading but the words merged together and didn’t make sense, he sipped water and tried to silently gurgle it, counted his toes and came to the conclusion he definitely had ten; but after all that, his boredom was peaking and his tiredness overwhelming. The marauders would probably be coming soon, he would just stay awake a little longer and pretend to be asleep. However, almost immediately as he lay his head on his pillow, he was dragged into unconsciousness as his tiredness consumed him.

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MOONY!” Cheers startled Remus awake, he suddenly sat bolt upright and slowly realised he was no longer in his bed, but in the common room surrounded by the marauders and the girls, all wearing their pyjamas and the traditional party hats.

“Merlin’s balls! What time is it?!”

“Three in the morning.” Mary groaned.

“Well we had to surprise him, and he wasn’t falling asleep!” Peter protested.

“God, shut up you lot. How’s seventeen feel, Moony?” Sirius beamed.

“Sleepy.” Remus mumbled, falling back down onto the sofa and curling into a ball like a child.

“I thought it was supposed to of worn off by now!” Sirius hissed at James who shrugged. It caught Remus’s attention enough to open his eyes a little.

“Did you _drug_ me?”

“Well… All in good spirits! We just needed you asleep.” James smiled.

“You lunatics,” Lily sighed, Remus was thinking the same thing but too tired to respond, but then all of a sudden, he felt contrastingly alert as cold icy water splashed over his face. Remus stood up and looked to Lily holding an empty water-bottle.

“Crazy. The lot of you.” Remus sighed, whipping the water off his face and shaking it out of his hair.

“C’mon let’s get this done, I wanna go back to bed.” Mary yawned.

“Oi, that’s not the birthday spirit, MacDonald.” Sirius said.

“No, I love birthdays. But at an appropriate hour.”

“Trust me the feelings mutual, Mary. Don’t worry.” Remus waved her off.

“Party poopers.” Marlene muttered, but guided Remus beside the fireplace where a large box wrapped in golden foil proudly sat. “We got you this as a group.” She beamed.

“Jesus Christ guys, what the hell is this?” Remus laughed as he eyed the enormous rectangular gift.

“Well just open it and see.” Peter giggled; his excitement made Remus laugh but also a little concerned as he tore off the outer layer. Once the wrapping paper was off, he still hadn’t an idea what it was as the gift was still enveloped in a cardboard box. Remus scowled at the group suspiciously, but they all seemed too excited to care.

“Wait is that—hold on. No, you didn’t…” Remus chuckled as he gazed into the top of the box. Seeing what he thought-- there was no way.

“Get it out!” Peter squeaked.

“Oh my gosh… This is fucking insane guys!” Remus scoffed as he pulled a shining electric red bass guitar, its entire design sleek and a matted black portion accentuating the white of the strings, slightly weighty but as far as guitars go it was almost featherlike. “How did—Where did you get this!?”

“Mum and dad helped, we looked at some over Christmas and they sent it over from a muggle shop in our village.” Lily beamed.

Remus was speechless just kept looking between the glorious instrument that lay in his hands and his friends.

“More our benefit than yours, to be honest mate.” James chuckled.

“I don’t know what to say.” Remus smiled breathlessly, “Oh, God am I expected to play it?”

“Absolutely!” 

“Not right now, but definitely tonight.” Marlene confirmed.

“I can’t even be mad—I just… wow thank you guys.” Remus quickly enveloped them into a group hug. They stayed in the common room for a few minutes before James and Mary had fallen asleep on each other and they collectively agreed to go back to bed.

“Pete help me drag MacDonald upstairs, will you?” Lily asked and Peter obliged. Marlene helped Sirius with James, stating that the birthday boy should reserve his energy for the main event and denying Remus’s offers of help, Marlene was probably stronger than him anyway.

In the dorm, Remus’s bed looked more inviting than it had in the entirety it’s lifetime; he went to curl into it but stopped as a birthday was placed on his pillow. It was only small and had _Remus_ scrawled neatly on the ivory envelope. He immediately recognised it as Sirius’s, but he thought he had already opened his card downstairs. Suspecting a detailed drawn penis or something, Remus hurriedly opened it, longing for sleep.

Much to his surprise, there was no detailed drawn penis, not even a cartoon one. Instead, in neat black ink there was one sentence, one that made Remus believe his heart might erupt out of his mouth as he re-read. Sirius’s beautiful handwriting clearly stood out against the plain white of the card, but even still Remus found it hard to believe he wasn’t hallucinating.

_I love you, too._

When he cast his eyes up to the boy opposite, Sirius stared at him intently, the trace of a smile slightly evident in his lips. Remus flicked his gaze between the note and Sirius, feeling an overwhelming sense to say or do something but their shared eye contact seemed to be such an intense unspoken conversion, Remus didn’t know that there was much else to voice.

“James, we need to practise my shooting technique!” Marlene announced hurriedly, steering him out of the dorm, but Remus hadn’t taken his eyes off Sirius.

“Mhm okay…” James agreed sleepily, “Wait, McKinnon its four in the bloody--” his voice disappeared as Marlene dragged him down the staircase behind the closed door.

“For real?” Remus almost whispered. 

“Obviously for real, idiot.” Sirius smirked gently.

Remus strode over to him in two large paces, forcefully wrapping his arms around Sirius as he did the same; their bodies were pressed so harshly together and somehow it still felt like they weren’t close enough. Remus drew his head back from Sirius shoulder, turning to look at his face; he looked into his abnormally dark eyes and smiled as he lovingly surveyed him - he could do that now, everything he did, he would do it lovingly.

The emotion thickly filled the air as Remus pondered at how anyone could possibly love him, especially the Sirius he had wrapped in his arms; he didn’t care, they loved each other and that’s all that mattered.

Sirius gently caressed a hand through Remus’s hair and pulled him down to connect their mouths. Remus’s lips turned up under the pressure of Sirius’s, and he took liberty in guiding Sirius back against the wall. “I want to say it properly.” Remus admitted breathlessly, Sirius smiled and nodded. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” Sirius chuckled and Remus thought his soul might fly out of his chest, his words dangling beautifully in the small space of air between them. Not only had he got the relief of voicing the burden of affection he had been carrying for weeks, but Sirius reflecting it was like music to his ears. Remus pulled him close again and couldn’t help himself as he pressed kisses everywhere that skin was exposed on Sirius’s body.

“I love you, I love you, I love you” He repeatedly mumbled, he didn’t know if he’d ever be able to stop.

“I know.” Sirius laughed,

“No, you don’t,”

“Yeah, I do. I love you so much, Moony.”

“I love you so much, too.”

“I love—”

“Stop we’re worse than Prongs and Evans.” Remus chuckled and buried his head back into the crevasse of Sirius’s neck.

“Speaking of, I reckon he might be back soon.” Sirius pulled Remus’s gaze to his own, “Unless Marlene actually convinced him to go to the quidditch pitch at four in the morning.”

“Well she is very convincing and James loves quidditch.”

“Mhm…”

“Peter will be back soon though,” Remus agreed, “But I’m going to show you just how much I love you tonight.” He smirked, pinching Sirius’s arse and pulled away to slip into his own bed.

“Lupin you tease!” Sirius protested, following him.

“Nuh uh. Later.” Remus laughed, although he would have shagged him senseless if they were guaranteed an empty dorm, but alas they weren’t. Sirius huffed and trudged back to his own bed.

“Moony?” He called, and Remus tiredly hummed in response. “I love you.” Sirius smiled.

“Love you, Padfoot.” Remus smiled back, and thought he heard James and Peter coming back into the dorm room a few minutes later while his eyes drifted sleepily shut but his brain felt more alert and relieved then ever, contrastingly he thought he might _have_ to relieve the tightness in his boxers or else he might never sleep.

Remus fell asleep with a smile etched in his lips, his chest swelling to double its usual size and that night he dreamed that he lived in a small cottage with a stunningly green garden and a beautiful boy wrapped in his arms as they watched their dogs playfully chase each other around the colourful flower bed. 

“Rise and shine for the second time today birthday boy.” Mary smiled; she looked a lot more approachable when it wasn’t the dead of night – she valued sleep very dearly.

“Lucky it’s a Saturday.” Peter added, “Breakfast?”

“Yes.” Remus agreed, heading to the portrait hole.

“Uh not so fast, Moony!” Remus heard Sirius call, he spun around and beamed as Sirius came bounding up to him; although it faded slightly as he realised what he was holding. “Here.”

“Oh no.”

“Oh yes! And it’s charmed so you can’t take it off.” Sirius grinned, attaching a balloon with _I’M 17 TODAY_ plastered across it to Remus’s shoulder. “Don’t worry we’ll allow you to take it off tonight.”

“Gee thanks.” Remus drawled but accepted his fate as he walked through the portrait hole, tugging the balloon down so it didn’t hit the ceiling. It was going to be a very annoying few hours.

All day, Remus was hit with wishes of happy birthday and exclamations of excitement for his party tonight. It was supposed to be a surprise, but Peter accidently let it slip the week prior, which Remus was grateful for because he would be able to prepare himself. The more people that he spoke to, the more concerned he grew so decided to just ask.

“Guys, how many people are actually coming tonight?”

“All part of the surprise, my dear Moony.” James smiled, but after Remus delivered a more potent look, James continued, “Er like everyone.”

“ _Everyone_?”

“Like, a lot. You’ve got a shit ton of friends, Moony. We couldn’t deny them.”

Remus rolled his eyes but there was no point arguing, they were already invited – it might even be fun. No, it _will_ be fun. You only come of age once, he thought and Remus had been on top of the world all day; not even the annoying balloon or flirting girls could knock him off this high and a party his best friends has organised for him certainly wasn’t going to.

***

As usual, Marlene, Mary and Lily went back up to the common room to get ready a few hours before the party; Mary put on her record player and as Marlene exited the steaming bathroom with a towel wrapped around her wet hair, the sounds of ABBA hit her ears. It made getting ready extremely inefficient because they’d spend half their time singing into their hairbrushes instead of styling their hair or dancing instead of getting dressed; but it got everyone in a partying mood and was significantly more fun.

After Marlene had just finished perfecting her loose curls that made the blonde of her hair look even lighter, there was a rapid knocking at their dorm door. She sauntered over, leisurely swaying her hips to the tune as she opened the it and Remus and Sirius stood before her looking helplessly lost.

“You alright?” Marlene asked.

“No.” Remus stated, holding up his hands to show her. The tips of his fingers were almost entirely black like his flesh was rotting away and Marlene looked at him in horror. “Padfoot said he could paint my nails, but he clearly lacks the skill.”

Marlene giggled at Sirius’s apologetic gaze and pulled them both inside. “Mary we’ve got an emergency, boys need their nails painted.”

Mary pulled up a chair and laughed at Remus’s blackened nails, “Dear lord, what the fuck were you doing?”

“I thought it wouldn’t be that hard! Like colouring or something.” Sirius sighed.

“Where’d you even get it?” Lily slumped over Sirius’s shoulder to view the catastrophe also known as Remus’s nails.

“We got each other some for Christmas, but never got round to doing it.”

“Right well I’m not just doing it for you, I’m going to teach you how to do it.” Marlene stated, pulling Sirius to observe Remus’s nails while she cleaned off the black mess. “And then Remus I’m teaching you to do Sirius’s.”

“But it’s my birthday.” Remus whined doing uncharacteristically decent puppy eyes, but that didn’t waver Marlene.

“Well, I’m not having you ever turn up looking like this again.” She commanded after successfully removing most of the excess paint and opening a bottle. “Oh, this one will go with your bass, Remus! Are we wanting eyeliner again too?”

“Yes!” Sirius exclaimed, beaming at the three girls.

“No. This already took too much convincing, that’s all I’m willing to do.” Remus stated.

“Oh, but you looked so cool!” Lily pleaded.

“Yeah, full bassist attire. Borrow one of Sirius’s leather jackets!” Mary exclaimed.

“Oh my god. Yes.” Sirius grinned. 

“Absolutely not. You are gonna struggle to get me drunk enough to even play.” Remus said.

“No, we aren’t. Didn’t buy you that for you to not play it at least once.” Lily retorted playfully, “We’ll get you in full bad boy mode soon,”

“Yes, please. We’ll work on it, ladies.” Sirius nodded.

“Mhm good luck, I’ll stick with my knitted jumpers and cardigans for now though thanks.” Remus smiled, and blew on his nails as Marlene instructed.

“Remus, I wont force you to learn but I can still do your nails if you want, Sirius.” Marlene offered.

“You really think I’d turn down nail varnish? Silly girl, McKinnon,” Sirius laughed shaking his head then stuck out his hands, “Paint me up, bitch.”

He took Remus’s seat and Marlene began painting while Mary went back to straightening Lily’s fiery hair, Remus had started mindlessly going through the girl’s wardrobe, asking what this and that was and holding items out for inspection.

“Lupin, if you somehow ruin my outfit for tonight, I’ll turn your balls into earrings.” Lily warned.

“No, I use my balls!” Remus laughed, setting the dress back into the wardrobe, “Plus I think you look so much better in your nice little fluffy dressing gown.”

Marlene finished Sirius’s nails and completed them with a final drying charm then after one last declined eyeliner offer, Lily shooed them out so she and Marlene could get changed.

“You guys are so stupid! You can’t still deny Remus and Sirius aren’t a thing!” Mary protested and Lily rolled her eyes. “C’mon! He looked like he was going to get a hard on at the thought of bad boy Remus.”

“No, he was excited as all of us and you don’t think we’re going out with him, it was friendly.” Lily responded.

“Plus, everyone would. Straight Potter, lesbian me - we all agree bassist Remus is hot, Sirius isn’t any different.” Marlene added for good measure.

“I cannot _wait_ for you to be proven wrong.” Said Mary.

***

The common room was filled with bodies, drinks and echoing songs, thriving with sweaty teenagers dancing in tune with the music and some horribly out of tune. James was not lying when he said a lot of people were invited, Remus guessed almost everyone he’d ever had an interaction with was present and after the few greeting conversations, Remus was enjoying the party to the extent of everyone else and to an extent he hadn’t realised possible.

His usual idea of a fun party consisted of talking to new people or catching up with a few old friends, watching one of marauders get outrageously drunk and then going to bed slightly tipsy. However, the catch up conversations were merely a blur in Remus’s night and it looked as though for the first time in his life; he might be the drunkest marauder, though the rest weren’t far behind and Peter looked like he was going to throw up any minute.

“I want to make a toast!” James clumsily yelled, standing on top of the table that Remus usually studied at and raising his glass but he wasn’t heard over the loud music. “Oi! Listen to my toast!”

Someone turned the record to an acceptable level, but James still had to raise his voice, “Thank you. Now, we are here today for my dear, dear friend Lemus Rupin, he is of age now and I can’t mother him anymore which makes me very sad. My little boy is grown and I’m sad, but I love him very too much to care right now.” James words were slurring, and nothing really made sense, but Remus looked up at him with a lopsided smile because nothing was really making sense in his mind anyway.

“When I met Moony, he was so odd. Like so weird but I still loved him and then pad and Wormy did too and now we are a family and I love our odd family because I can’t tell is Remus made us odd or if we made him normal—”

“You’re all odd!” Lily shouted from the crowd.

“Yes, thank you wife! We are odd, and great and I really love Moony. And you should all love Moony because he’s great except he’s old now, but we can look past it. I love you, my boy! And I really hope you play the bass tonight because it is so cool but you’re swaying right now so I don’t know if you’re capable.”

“Pshh! I can do anyfing!” Remus protested from below James.

“Yes! Happy birthday, Moony!” James cheered as he pulled Remus up onto the table with him, “To adulthood and whatnot!”

“To whadulthood and whatnot!” Remus smiled and watching as the crowd started moving again once the music returned to bellowing throughout the room.

Remus found Mary in the crowd and if he had been soberer, he would probably have realised she was flirting with someone, but he was as drunk as a lord and discarded the irrelevant male beside her. “I would like to dance.” He stated.

Mary chuckled, “Since when?”

“Since now. But you have to show me.” Remus dragged her out to the more spacious area by the record player.

“Oh god Remus you look like a leprechaun.” Mary laughed as Remus swayed to the music.

“Thank you!” He grinned.

“Oh, bless you for thinking that was a compliment.” Mary chuckled, “Look take my-- oh god no. Remus dear what are you doing? Marlene! Assistance!” she called. Marlene came bounding, Dorcas following a little behind and they stared at Mary, “Remus wants to dance.” Mary explained.

“MacDonald says I’m really good.” Remus grinned.

“No, not even close, darling. His pissed off his nuts and might break a bone but he’s all yours.” Mary tossed his swaying body to Marlene.

“You can’t get drunk off nuts, silly! I would know, I love cashews.” Remus nodded solemnly.

“Oh my god.” Dorcas scoffed, taking Remus’s hands and guiding him back with Marlene to the sofa.

“Woah woah what happened to the dancing?” Remus whined as they sat him on an armchair. “I wanna dance!”

“You want to have this water.” Marlene smiled, handing him a cup and Remus frowned but sipped at it anyway.

“No, I want Sirius.”

“We’ll get you Sirius.”

“Can you get me dance?”

Marlene laughed at him and patted his cheek before leaving him with Dorcas and disappearing into the crowd. She returned with Sirius who was at about the same drunken level Remus was usually at which was around tipsy but lucid.

“Padfoot! Can I have a dance?”

“You want to dance?”

“Very much.”

“Well this is new.” Sirius smiled at Dorcas who shrugged; Remus tugged repeatedly at Sirius’s shirt, “Okay, Moony what do you want to dance to?”

“You.”

“You want to dance to me?”

“Mhm.”

“Er okay… how?”

“I’unno, yourda dancer.” Remus shrugged.

“Do you think we should go to bed? Or have some coffee?” Sirius suggested.

“I think we should have sex.” Remus whispered loudly, Dorcas snorted beside him and Sirius looked as though he were supressing a smile while he spoke.

“I would totally love that Moony, but I think you might be a tad drunk.”

“Psh, bullshit.”

“Okay, yeah. Well tell you what, we can dance and have some water and then we can think about sex yeah?” Sirius chuckled.

“Okay, but I want to give you—”

“Woah! This song is great for dancing!” Sirius stood abruptly. “Sorry, Dor.” He smiled to Dorcas, she shook her head and laughed through her nose.

“No worries, good luck with the little horny bastard.”

“You’re the horny bastard, Meadows.” Remus teased but Sirius was pulling him into the sticky crowd, so his voice was lost amongst the sea of bodies.

Sirius found Remus extremely amusing, but he had barely sobered up and felt the need to drag him to bed, Remus only followed because bed sounded like a blowjob might be involved. Peter and James were already there; Peter lay in the bathroom curdling the toilet seat for dear life, groaning into the basin. 

“Wormy’s still going, I just got done throwing up.” James told Sirius, who dropped Remus onto his bed.

“Well he might want to be quick, Moony’s looking a bit er…” Sirius gestured to a squiffy Remus.

“Mhm… You alright mate?” James asked Remus.

“Oh yeah, great birthday, Prongs. I love you too.”

“I love you too, too. How we feeling? Throw up or bed?”

“I love you. I love you and Petey and Sirius, but I _love_ Sirius.” Remus whispered.

“Because I danced with him.” Sirius explained.

“Moony you danced, and I missed it? Awh man.”

“I danced really good and I sang, and I created a band and I passed all my NEWTs.”

“None of that is true.” Sirius clarified, “But I don’t think you’ll be throwing up anytime soon so we can leave Wormtail where he is and go to bed, hm?”

“Yes Sirius, lets go to bed.” Remus nodded.

“I need to go clear up the common room, moons.” Sirius smiled.

“But you _promised_. Traitor.” Remus whined, “I don’t want to have sex with Prongs.”

“I’m not going to be offended, but you just broke my heart, Moony.” James joked. “Sirius I’ll do the common room, you get this poof into bed.”

When James returned, Remus had a strong grip on Sirius who shrugged beneath his weight in the bed. He heard James mutter with an amused tone, “You two turn queer when you’re drunk.” Before drifting off to sleep with his head rising in synchronisation with Sirius’s chest.


	33. The Cut That Always Bleeds

The tail end of March proceed to fly by in a matter of seconds, a whirlwind of revision and meaningless business; Marlene had spent almost all her free time studying for the spring term tests and she really wanted to do well this year. NEWTs weren’t too far away and if she did well, she might be able to persuade Madame Pomfrey to teach her more regularly. Regrettably this meant Marlene didn’t get to see much of her friends or Dorcas for a few weeks without even thinking about it too much. She and Remus accidently stumbled upon each other in the library and would give a silent smiled nod and return to focusing, or she exchange quick exhausted small talk with Mary and Lily in the bathroom before bed but apart from that, they lacked any kind of time together.

The only thing that kept her sane was knowing over easter everyone would have more than enough time together and no lessons to interrupt. Spring break was the two weeks that was most likely for everyone to stay at Hogwarts, it was less important for families to see their children when it wasn’t a major holiday; although it was normal for kids to return home when they could - Marlene certainly always did… or used to.

She was staying at Hogwarts this year, expecting to stay with Dorcas and Remus as they usually would but was pleasantly surprised to find out everyone was staying in their group. Mary almost got sent a howler for missing out on Easter service, but she assured them she was studying super hard. That was what got Marlene through, if she just kept at the ruthless revision, she could ace her tests, have a grand two week break, book in extra sessions in the hospital wing and return for her final term of sixth year reenergised and with much needed boosted motivation.

It reached the early days of April and her first examination took place the following morning, Care of Magical Creatures Theory, her practical would take place in the afternoon - Marlene was less worried about that one, she always had a natural way with animals or creatures (mind nothing compared to Lily), however, it was the theory she was worried for. The information on each creature would intertwine with another and she wouldn’t be able to decipher it, or she would forget it entirely.

Her and Lily bounced off each other, reminding facts the other had forgotten. Other than Remus, Lily was perhaps the most efficient person to study with. They did get distracted sometimes, but not nearly as often as they would if Mary joined. Remus was utterly devoted, sometimes annoyingly so but it made a good session, however he didn’t take Care of Magical creatures and was probably cramming for whatever he had tomorrow.

“Okay and porlocks?” Lily asked, flipping through notes leisurely in the common room, Marlene’s arse hurt from sitting on the wooden chair for so long but she wasn’t going to stop anytime soon, especially with the exam _tomorrow_.

“Shit, Lily! I haven’t looked at porlocks, your really think they’ll ask us about last years content?!” Marlene panicked, feeling a surge of overwhelming alarm rise in her as she frantically flipped through one of the books. “God, I didn’t even think about them, fuck—”

“It’s fine, Kettleburn only mentioned them a couple of times this year, I’m sure it won’t be on there. What about approaching unicorns?”

“I’m fine with practical, Lily! It’s theory I’m worried about!” Marlene huffed.

“Okay, calm your tits, Marls. Winged horses?”

“Be more specific!”

“Jesus Christ, relax. Let’s go with thestrals.” Lily stated, “James?!” She called toward the sofa area and James turned around at her call, hair sticking up wildly at the back, “Be a darling and make Marls a tea?” Lily asked and he smiled, standing to prepare one – more than happy to comply to any request of Lily’s.

“Okay so thestrals…” Marlene started, ticking off all the facts on her fingers as she went, Lily adding key points when needed until James placed two mugs onto the table.

“There ya go, McKinnon.” He slid it across to her place at the table, “And for you, love.” He smiled setting the second by Lily and pecked a kiss on her forehead.

“Thanks potter, you’re a real saint.” Marlene complimented, already feeling more relaxed at the hot liquid trickling down her throat.

“No worries, just don’t make it too much of a late one, ladies.” James smiled and headed back to his armchair.

“He’s right, you look exhausted, Marls.” Lily observed.

“Gee thanks. Another hour or two and I’ll go up.”

“It’s almost midnight! Half an hour.”

“Two.”

“Cramming isn’t going to help.”

“Two.” Marlene repeated.

“One.”

“Fine.” Marlene complied, making sure she stuffed every molecule of knowledge she could set her hands on in that overloaded brain of hers for one hour.

She crammed the following morning as well and on the way to the exam hall, all though she wasn’t alone as students in all directions had their eyes plastered to a sheet of parchment. Her and Lily both agreed that the test went decently, Marlene had her doubts, but she tried her best. At lunch she decided to move onto her charms revision that she had a test in the next day. You couldn’t really study for a practical more than she already had and thought she best be prepared considering James would slaughter her if she missed one of the final quidditch practices before the Gryffindor vs Hufflepuff game.

The practical of Care of Magical Creatures took place down in the grounds where they were expected to tend and perform various tasks with a unicorn. Marlene thought it went okay, although it did almost nip her fingers off when she tried to feed it – _my fault for not having a flat palm_ , she criticised after.

As soon as she was released from the testing, she went to the great hall and picked quickly at some food, merely for sustenance before heading to the library for a swift revision session that she could squeeze in before practise. Charms was simple, she seemed to be able to organise it in her head much more orderly than magical creatures and the wand movements seemed to come second nature after muttering the incantation which Marlene put down to her excellent muscle memory.

She vowed she would practise the drought spell and locomotion charm after practise, and she left the books piled on the desk in the corner of the library before she dashed at an almost run to the quidditch pitch – Madame Pince would forgive her eventually.

“Fucking hell, McKinnon, thought you weren’t going to show.” James cursed and shoved her into the changing rooms. They practised darting techniques and interception between passes, her and James were an unstoppable team together and the rest of the team followed suit.

The seeker seemed to be slacking a little that day and James spoke sternly but kindly as he recommended he get his act together before the following week. The boy took it solemnly, even calling James ‘sir’ which Marlene made note to tease James on later. He dismissed everyone after it started getting dark around six, and Marlene dashed to the showers to get cleaned up before studying for another few hours. It seemed all she was doing nowadays was dashing around and it was stressful, but Marlene had to remind herself it would be worth it.

“McKinnon!” Marlene heard behind her as she had just finished changing and was shoving her kit into her locker. Quickly she turned and flashed Dorcas a quick smile. “Never get to see you, nowadays. Fancy a practise?”

“I just finished, sorry Dor.” Marlene apologised, now apparently performing a balancing act with her locker equipment.

“Oh, that’s alright, I can come back up to the castle with you. Fancy a stop by the astronomy tower?” Dorcas smiled cheekily, “Or you can come to the common room or I’ll come to yours—”

“Sorry but I’ve really got to revise. Charms tomorrow.” Marlene explained.

“I’ll come. You can teach me some.” Dorcas suggested.

“No, I need to focus. You have a good practise, sorry.” Marlene apologised once more and went in for a quick kiss before heading back up to the castle and back into the library where her pile of books thankfully remained untouched.

She perfected the drought charm and ventured down one of the aisles to find a book on advanced levitation. She located it and spent the next hour with her nose tucked into the pages as she scribbled notes on it.

Abruptly, Marlene was awoken by the librarian who muttered about her working herself silly. “You need to go, library shutting and its over curfew.” Madame Pince explained, Marlene nodded, inwardly cursing herself for letting herself sleep when something much more important needed to be done. She swept all the books she could into her arms and bag, heading back to the common room where she could catch up on the work she missed. She was the last in the common room and decided to head up after an hour of distracted revising and the words started blending together; she was confident about Charms anyway; it came natural to her.

Tuesday 2nd April 1977

Any sense of coolness or confidence she felt the night prior was promptly erased by pre-exam nerves; but she willed herself to calm down or her hand might be jittery and shaky and cause her to mess up the wand work.

Everything went swimmingly in the assessment; she was confident once more that she would get a good grade. Not that she was able to slack off now, she had two more assessments tomorrow and then she was halfway through the week. She got back to the common room and revised until her eyes were strained, head throbbed and stomach growled ruthlessly, then she realised she had missed lunch, so headed for a quick dinner with Sirius who happened to head down at the same time.

He seemed gutted over the Charms exam which selfishly made Marlene feel better, but she knew he would do fine anyway, Sirius always did good.

Shovelling chicken and potatoes into her mouth, she mentally revisited the ways in which larger animal transfiguration could go wrong before Sirius snapped his fingers in front of her face.

“Oi, snap out of it.” He said, “Give yourself a break.” Marlene grumbled, she wouldn’t stop, just make it less obvious she was doing it. “Oh hey, Dor!” Sirius beamed behind Marlene who instinctively turned around smiled at Dorcas towering over her.

“Hi guys.” She greeted, seating herself beside Marlene. “You free later?” She asked.

Marlene shook her head and swallowed the potato she had stuffed in her mouth, “No, sorry. Transfiguration.”

“Tomorrow?” Dorcas asked hopefully.

“Hospital wing.” Marlene supplied, “and I promised to help Remus with his history of magic, then it’s potions revision.”

“I can study for potions with you.” Dorcas suggested.

Marlene shrugged, “If y’want.” Dorcas nodded with a stern face and left the hall quickly almost as if she was irritated that she had to study with her.

“Brrr.” Sirius mocked a shiver and Marlene shot him a confused piercing glare.

“What?” She quipped.

“What’s going on with you two?” Sirius asked.

“Literally nothing.” Marlene furrowed her brows in confusion.

“You shot her down pretty qui—"

“Well, I’m busy.”

“Yeah but—”

“Just stay out of it, Sirius, please.” Marlene stood and headed for an irritable study session.

Wednesday 3rd April 1977

“You look exhausted, dear. Early night tonight?” said Madame Pomfrey.

“Yeah,” Marlene bluffed, she couldn’t have the nurse worrying over her or worse, sending her away early, or even worse, tell her to take it easy.

“Right just pop those in the cupboard and practise brewing a dreamless sleep potion once more and then I think we’re all set.” Madame Pomfrey instructed. Marlene took the opportunity to use it as a little potions revision and compared the stirs to that of a draught of living death.

Potions was the exam she was most worried about, and now she had Transfiguration out the way, it consumed her mind and she thought about getting to the library for a study as soon as possible would help ease her.

It didn’t. She looked through books and books, discovering new things that shouldn’t be discovered this late in her timetable. Frustratingly, the library was closing again, and she headed back to the common room. Used to finding it empty, Marlene was surprised someone was still on the sofa, even more so that it was Dorcas.

“Didn’t bother showing?” Dorcas snapped, Marlene really wasn’t in the mood for an argument, her head was throbbing enough as it was.

“Sorry. I forgot.” She supplied, not wanting an argument and sugar coating was two very different things.

“Forget about helping Remus?”

“Why the fuck does that matter? And yes, I did actually.”

“Because sometimes you treat me like a side character in your busy little life and I’m tired of it.” Dorcas quipped.

“Oh, don’t give me that, I’ve had one busy week and all of a sudden you’re bored of me.” Marlene retorted.

“I didn’t say that. I just wish you’d make time for me.”

“We’ll you’re here, now.”

“Cos I had to squeeze it out of you and even now you’re looking like you want to leave or revise.”

“Maybe because that would be a more effective use of time then bickering with you, Dorcas.” Marlene snapped, “You still want to do potions?”

“No, I don’t want to do fucking potions.” Dorcas rolled her eyes agressivley, “I want to talk.”

“Well I don’t.”

“Of course you don’t. You never do and to me, that sounds like I’m not worth as much as a mediocre grade.”

“Bullshit. I’m just tired,”

“It’s not bullshit, Marlene.”

“Well maybe you aren’t worth it.” Marlene quipped aggressively, she was riled now and if Dorcas wanted an argument, she would give her one, no matter how weird it felt or how hurt Dorcas appeared at her last comment. “I thought you would support me wanting to achieve something, or understand that I just need to focus on something other than snogging for a week,”

“Fucking hell, Marlene! You make me sound like some insensitive bitch, I just wanted to spend time with you, but you clearly don’t want that.”

“Don’t give me that. Of course, I do, we’ve got two weeks off soon and we’ll have plenty of time, but I have things to do at the moment.” Marlene snapped back.

“Well let me know when you can fit me into your schedule.”

“Oh, blood hell, leave it out! What’s your fucking issue?”

“You’re my fucking issue, Marlene.” Dorcas spat, “And you don’t care enough to listen.”

“I do care, but you’re too bothered about _nothing_ to see that.”

“It’s not nothing! It’s showing me that at the chance to focus on something else, your going to grasp it with both hands. If you’re that uninterested just say because—”

“Oh, fuck you, Dorcas!” Marlene called, grabbing her books and angrily heading up the spiral staircase to her dorm, hearing Dorcas stomp the portrait hole behind her.

“Talk to Dorcas? She was waiting for—” Mary asked as Marlene swiftly entered the bedroom, but she didn’t let her finish, instead slamming herself in the small bathroom.

Marlene didn’t like being in the quiet confined room without the fiery atmosphere; it felt contrastingly quiet and small, but she needed time to collect herself, then probably should apologise to Mary.

She hadn’t argued with Dorcas before and she thought she would blame it on pent up stress, but it didn’t make her feel any better. A strange mix of fury and sorrow swirled in her stomach and she unconsciously let an angry tear drop from her eyes but swiftly wiped it off.

Being angry was justified, crying wasn’t. She took two deep breaths and lifted herself off the toilet seat she had perched herself on, stared in the mirror for a brief moment, telling herself _grow a pair_ and opened the door again.

“Sorry,” she muttered to Mary, who accepted it effortlessly.

“S’alright, what happened?” She asked, sitting next to Lily on her bed.

“Not too sure, to be honest.” Marlene shrugged.

“Did you break up?” Lily asked in a slight panic.

“What?! No!” She defended quickly, “No, just an argument.” Marlene muttered but internally found her stomach twist, that wasn’t a breakup was it? Would Dorcas think it was?

“I need to go over some potions really quick.” She pulled out one of the books she had snatched from the library, but it was quickly torn out of her hands.

“Marlene just stop for a sec!” Lily exclaimed, “You’ve studied too much already.”

“And that’s coming from Lily.” Mary added. “C’mon, we’re gonna chillax tonight, self-care sesh? Face masks?”

Marlene bit the inside of her lip that had started to bleed and formed a blister the last few days, but she tore at the skin with her teeth anyway, pondering whether it was worth resisting.

“No.” Marlene said, “First,” She stood to the bathroom where she located her toiletry bag and dug out a pair of nail scissors, “We’re cutting my hair.”

Mary and Lily exchanged a concerned glance, “You’re sure?”

“Yep.” Marlene nodded, she couldn’t be further from sure and had surprised herself by even thinking it, but now the thought wasn’t going away until she acted.

“With nail scissors?”

“Oh, we can neaten it with a severing charm if need be.”

“Well alrighty then, I think this is the closest we’ll get to a mental breakdown.” Lily shrugged, then added, “Muggle term.” At the two girls confused glances.

Marlene felt relieved looking at the few inches of golden hair strewn across the floor, even more so when she glanced in the mirror. Her hair was now just above shoulder length, still extremely blonde but bouncier and seemingly thicker.

“Hot.” Mary commented, looking at her through the mirror, Marlene chuckled. It was a much-needed change, she had kept the same appearance for far too long and after all she’d been through, she felt that she deserved to be a new person for now. That thought accidently faded her smile and she felt her eyes began to sting.

“Oh hey, we didn’t do that bad a job?” Lily said, quietly wrapping her arms around Marlene who hugged back.

“No, no. It’s not that.” She blinked and tears fell, swiftly wiping them away out of embarrassment. “I don’t know what it is, I shouldn’t—” she stuttered tearfully, “I don’t know why—”

“Shh shh.” Mary quietened, hugging Marlene from her other side. “You don’t need a reason, just let it out. Think you’ve just reached breaking point, darling.”

Marlene did _let it out_ per Mary suggestion although it was almost certainly involuntarily. They cleaned up the excess hair strewn across the tiles and suggested they do the face masks the following night as a treat for finishing exam week.

For amusement purposes, Mary tucked Marlene into bed and stroked her head softly. Just like her mother used to when she was young and the comparison caused Marlene to tear up again. Thankfully it was too dark for Mary to see, so once she had gone, Marlene rolled over and cried to sleep soundlessly; although she was so tired that she probably would have been out in seconds anyway.

***

Friday 4th April 1977

Remus had his athrimancy test that day and despite his uncontrollable nervous nature, he was confident that there was no way he could prepare for it anymore than he already had. Nevertheless, he ran over his notes at breakfast anyway and was just glad he didn’t have potions, he hadn’t had a lesson since fifth year but the thought still sent a shiver down his spine.

Pitifully, he sent a wave and smile across to the Hufflepuff table at Dorcas who seemed to be cramming in every crumb of knowledge possible. She barley responded with a tight smile and Remus tried not to be too offended, but Sirius shook his head subtlety and Remus obeyed – he would ask questions later.

As if on cue, Marlene entered the hall and Remus almost chocked on his tea, which in hindsight was very over dramatic. Marlene had cut her hair. It suited her, but it wasn’t just that, she seemed to have changed her entire atmosphere as she almost strutted down the hall, her new bob bouncing with her steps, the same kind of confident walk Mary or Sirius might possess. A few heads turned, Remus didn’t care enough to check whether they were jealous girls or horny boys.

“Wow, McKinnon! Looking hot.” Sirius smirked before she clipped him round the back of the head, which Remus giggled at.

“Don’t either of you two start.” She pointed two fingers at Remus and James, “I don’t want to hear it.”

“Why wouldn’t I say anything?” Peter questioned. “You shouldn’t underestimate me.”

Sirius laughed, “Wormy you’re not capable of anything to be underestimated for.”

“Fine. Marlene, you look er…you look… good.” Peter attempted.

“Jesus, fine. You fuck off too, Peter. Happy?” Marlene laughed.

“Yes. Exceedingly so.”

“Weirdo.”

Athrimancy went as smoothly as it possibly could; Remus left the exam hall in high spirits, locating Sirius leaning on a post who apparently finished his divination essay easily with time to spare- of course, he did, the effortlessly perfect bastard.

They killed time by walking around the grounds, the air smelling fresher as spring rolled in and the colour returning to the grass. The lake looked slightly clearer and crisp, the greenery around it more saturated with green than it had had been all year. Sirius explained that Marlene and Dorcas seemed to be having a bit of a tiff and Remus had hoped they sorted it out last night, but due to Dorcas’s chilly response that morning, he concluded they probably didn’t. 

“I don’t want to have to pick sides.” Remus voiced.

“Me neither; I’m sure it won’t come to that. They’ll figure it out.”

“Yeah they will. Joint at the hip those two-- shit!” Remus cursed as he tripped over something non-existent; trying to play it off, he jumped between feet but just looked like a bloody idiot and ended up on his hands and knees. Sirius cackled while dashing next to him, helping him to his feet.

“Ahh, you alright, babe?” He asked, sighing off the last of his laughter.

“Yeah I—did you just call me babe?” Remus laughed, “ _Babe?!”_

“Oh, shut it. I almost accidently did it in front of James the other day, had to play it off as bro.”

“So _that’s_ what that was.” Remus laughed harder, “ _Babe_ , that’s hilarious.”

“Oh please.” Sirius started blushing and Remus laughed harder, Sirius was almost never flustered.

“No, you’re not living it down.” Remus chuckled and Sirius groaned. “Oh, don’t worry, it’s kind of sweet, Pads.” Remus attempted to bring him out of his hands, before adding “You ponce.”

“Fine. I’m just going to own it. I’m calling you babe from now on.” Sirius announced.

“No, anything but babe.” Remus pleaded, remembering that he and Marlene did it as a joke and he did not want his affection toward Sirius to be undermined by what it connotes, nor did he think he would be able to listen to it without crying with laughter. “Something sexy in French or- I don’t know, just not babe.”

“Oh, mon amour?” Sirius teased; his tongue suspended just a little out of his mouth when he laughed. 

“I think that might be a little obvious.”

“And babe isn’t?”

“Now we’re literally arguing the same point.” Remus said.

“You asked for French.”

“French is sexy. Especially coming from you.”

“Oh, est-ce une nouvelle découverte dans le royaume pervers de Moony?” Sirius spoke effortlessly.

“I don’t know what you just said, and it would have been incredibly sexy if that didn’t sound suspiciously like pervert.”

“Ah je’taime, mon amour.” Sirius laughed.

Remus smiled broadly, he knew that translation - unfortunately his accent wasn’t as flawless as Sirius’s, but that didn’t really matter.

“Je’taime aussi.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter is named after 'the cut that always bleeds' by Conan Gray.  
> once again, any and all comments are encouraged! i swear to the heavens, i grin like a chesire cat at some of your thoughts, they really make my day!  
> p.s. my french is definitely questionable, if anyone notices mistakes please let me know so i can amend myself, just wanted to include a head-canon of mine that Remus has a bit of a language kink lol.  
> have a good day, lovelies <3


	34. Bedside Flowers

Wednesday 10th April 1977

“Oh my! Look at you.” Madame Pomfrey smiled as Marlene made her way into the hospital wing that afternoon, “When did you do that?”

“Last week.” Marlene smiled, subconsciously running a hand through her short hair.

“Suits you, darling.” The nurse complimented as Marlene put on her usual healer apron, it wasn’t quite full robes like Madame Pomfrey’s but it did enough - protecting her uniform that she usual didn’t have time to change out of. Although, she almost always discarded her tie and undid a few top buttons to free her neck.

“Thanks, just needed a change, I think.” Marlene said, heading beside the nurse and wordlessly helped her categorise items into various healing cabinets.

“Doing anything over Easter?” She asked.

“No, just staying here.” Marlene responded, “You?”

“Oh, the same. Last week of school’s always fun though?”

“Yeah, exam stress is over, but my captain has got me practising on the quidditch pitch almost every night; you’re fortunate the pitch is booked tonight, or I would have my head chopped off for coming here instead.”

“Good old Mr Potter, I’m sure.” Madame Pomfrey laughed, “Well whenever there is a match, we usually get an influx of injuries so that’s something. Who’s playing again?”

“Hufflepuff and Gryffindor.” Marlene answered feeling a knot tighten in her stomach; it had almost been a week since she had spoken to Dorcas. She wasn’t angry anymore and had time to apologise but couldn’t bring herself the embarrassment if Dorcas thought it was beyond repair. She just knew she didn’t want their reunion to take place when Marlene was tackling her ruthlessly on the quidditch pitch in front of the entire school. “So, I get my results soon—” Marlene changed the subject quickly.

“Yes, Marlene. I will consider giving you extra session, but I just don’t want you to strain yourself.”

“I can handle it!”

“I’m sure you can—”

“So, it’s a yes?” Marlene smiled.

“It’s a maybe.”

“Well at least it’s not a no.”

Marlene proceed through the hour taking over the organising completely as Madam Pomfrey focused on the two students in the hospital bays, neither of which Marlene could learn anything new off of.

Once she had finished, she brewed some painkiller drought to top up the vials and did basic cleaning work around the beds and monitors. It was boring but Madame Pomfrey always stated it was a necessity of learning, and Marlene knew she as right.

She finished the evening with sore feet, the standing making the heels of her feet slightly numb and she inwardly grimaced at the thought of more training tomorrow when her limbs where already falling apart. Marlene removed the apron, hanging it on the hook of Madame Pomfrey’s office, and went to grab her bag when a new patient came banging through the hospital doors.

“Over here.” The nurse indicated calmly toward the empty bed Marlene had just made, “Careful now.”

Two boys carried an unconscious girl, her arms slung around their shoulders all still wearing muddy quidditch robes, their cheeks rosed and windswept. Marlene stood frozen at the door of Madame Pomfrey’s office, immediately recognising the seemingly lifeless girl as Dorcas. Her heart skipped a beat as she was lain on the bed and Marlene remained stuck to the floor when the nurse cast a diagnostic charm. Marlene hadn’t learnt to read them yet, but she desperately wanted to.

“Oh, Marlene you’re still here! Um sorry would you mind grabbing a hospital gown for me, it’ll just take a second.” Madame Pomfrey asked as she cast spells over Dorcas. Marlene nodded frantically but seemed unable to move then felt as though her brain cells returned to her body and ran into the cabinets withdrawing a gown.

Now desperate to help she hovered beside Madame Pomfrey, watching Dorcas who looked drained of her usual pigmentation, eyes softly closed and mouth slightly ajar.

She turned to the boys beside her, asking “What happened?” and her voice protruded a little shakier than she intended.

“No worries, Miss McKinnon, it’s all well. You may go.” said Madame Pomfrey. 

“No, I want to help.” She said, “She’s my friend, please.”

“Bludger ‘it her straigh’ in the noggin.” One if the boys responded, “was a pretty ‘ard practise n she fell wif none of us seein’.”

“So, concussion?” Marlene suggested to the nurse.

“Miss McKinnon, I assure you she’s all sorted.” Madame Pomfrey said sternly, casting a few more diagnostics and initial healings.

“Could you please come to my office quickly, Marlene. You two go and inform your head of house and Madame Hooch, please.” She waved off the boys, then at Marlene’s conflicted look between Dorcas and the nurse added, “She’s _fine_.”

Marlene seated herself in the chair opposite the nurse who offered tea and a biscuit, before continuing. “I know it’s difficult when we see our loved ones hurt, but as a healer – especially in my instance, you need to be able to treat them unbiasedly otherwise you are doing no good for either of you, mhm?”

Marlene nodded but her mind otherwise preoccupied and staring into her tea suddenly seemed like an excellent way to avoid eye contact. “I’ve seen you do it, Marlene.” The nurse continued, “That first full moon with Mr Lupin, I saw myself in you. Without even prompting, you exited to that zone of healing without thinking about the soul attached to the patient; that’s how much of a natural you are, Marlene. It would be such a shame to contradict that.”

Marlene wanted to shake her by the shoulders, tell her this was different, but she couldn’t manage to find the words. “Yeah, sorry.” She muttered.

“You’re an excellent student, best I’ve had in years – I know its challenging, probably one of the hardest things about healing but I _know_ you can do it - I hope you don’t have to, but sometimes it’s inevitable.”

“Is she going to be okay, though?” Marlene knew it was probably the wrong thing to ask, undermining everything Madame Pomfrey was telling her, but she really couldn’t care less at that moment.

“Yes, she’ll be perfectly fine, I’ve seen this about a hundred times, Marlene.”

“Can I stay with her?”

Madame Pomfrey sighed softly, “Did you listen to me?”

“Well I’m not healing her; I don’t see the issue.”

“Well yes, I s’pose so. But I don’t usually allow visitors this late.”

“Please.” Marlene’s voice broke slightly and the nurse must of caught her desperateness for she nodded, albeit begrudgingly.

“Just this once, Marlene.”

The cloudy night sky had consumed any of the light present in a matter of hours, now candles dimly lit a few corners of the hospital wing while Marlene sat beside Dorcas, not removing her tired eyes from her soundly sleeping face. She stirred once but without any sense, barley opening her eyes before Madame Pomfrey forced a sleeping draught in her; and per Marlene’s calculations it should wear off in a few hours - ish.

“You’re really going to want to go to bed, Marlene.” Madame Pomfrey approached, quietly crossing the hospital wing and had changed out of her healer’s robes. “It’s almost midnight.”

Marlene looked to her, not sure how to decline once again, “She’s perfectly fine and I’m right there if she worsens.” The nurse continued, indicating at her office doors.

“Just a few more minutes.” Marlene asked but both her and Madame Pomfrey were fully aware that she intended to stay well over a few minutes.

“Okay but you must get some sleep, promise? _Accio pillow_.” The nurse asked, setting the freshly-summoned pillow in Marlene’s lap. She nodded and Madame Pomfrey smiled back, heading off into her office in one clean motion.

In the safety of the empty hospital wing, Marlene moved her hand from tracing the creases of the bedsheet up to enlace her finger with Dorcas’s. As she held her hand, the pad of her thumb brushed over the soft bronzed skin, her eyes still plastered to Dorcas’s face. The colour was returning slightly to her skin, looking less grey and now that beautiful smooth brown; Marlene smiled faintly at her improvements but knew she should still be slightly worried – she would never forgive herself if the last words she said to her was ‘fuck off’.

Accidently, Marlene obeyed Madame Pomfrey and ended up falling asleep for an hour or so, her hand still intertwined with Dorcas’s fingers; although she had forgotten the pillow, her head had lolled onto the side of Dorcas’s bed so her neck ached despite her stretching it. Soft yellow light had started to softly fill the room, the sun not quite rising above the treeline of the forest and Marlene concluded it must still be the early hours of the morning.

She allowed herself to keep her eyes closed but not sleep, still absentmindedly stroking Dorcas’s palm until she felt her squeeze back; her eyes flew open to see Dorcas slowly fluttering hers open.

“Hey, sexy.” She croaked, smirking even though she looked so extremely tired; Marlene smiled back through a sigh of relief, disregarding both worries that was going to die or that she was still upset.

“Hiya.” Marlene replied quietly, “How you feeling?”

“Meh, Alright. What are you doing here?”

“Well, Mrs Norris is poorly in the bed over there and thought I should visit her.”

“Wanker. I meant why aren’t you in bed? It must be like 5am.” Dorcas chuckled tiredly.

“Like I said, Mrs Norris really poorly, rumoured to be on her last life and I couldn’t just be sleeping while—”

“Marlene.”

“…I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“I’m grand, love. Now, go get some sleep before you ruin your pretty little face.”

“Uh,” Marlene gasped in mock disgust, “That is not possible.”

“Ugh and then I’d have to break up with you if you’re super ugly and that’s just a lot of effort that I don’t have right now so—”

“Fine.” Marlene smiled, “Fine, I’ll get some sleep, but I’ll be back in a few hours.”

“No, you won’t. Don’t be skipping lessons for me.”

“Nothing’s happening in the last week of lessons anyway.”

Dorcas rolled her eyes with a smile and nodded submissively, “Okay but I want you to come back significantly better rested.”

“Yes sir.” Marlene stood but quickly bent down to gently kiss Dorcas’s forehead, even though she had only been restricted from doing that for a week, the feeling had been greatly missed.

“Marls?” Dorcas asked quietly.

“Yeah?”

“I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry, too.”

Marlene was almost back at Gryffindor tower, the castle was eerily quiet and dark at night, like a whole other world. Walking automatically through the hallways, still half asleep, she turned the corner but immediately halted as she saw Remus, Sirius and James, her eyes following their pointed wands to a levitating bed.

“Marls! What the hell?” Sirius whispered harshly.

“What the fuck--?” She questioned, waking up a bit more and inspecting the bed floating above their heads, “Is that Pete?!”

“Shhh!” James chastised, “What are you doing here?”

“Doesn’t matter, Jesus!” Remus whispered, “Go back to sleep, Marls.”

“Where are you taking him?” She asked, indicating at Peter who was still soundly asleep in the hovering bed, looking much more out of place in the hallway than anything she had quite seen before, “How did you even get it out?”

“Shut up, I hear someone!” Sirius hushed but after a few seconds of silence, determined there wasn’t anyone. Although her curiosity and concern for Peter was at an all time high, Marlene had got used to their antics and shook her head, walking passed the boys back to the common room but hit another person and let out a high pitched, much-too-loud scream.

She heard the boys wincing from around the corner but looked to Mary in alarm, “Jesus you scared me!”

“Evident.” Mary nodded.

“Can you fucking keep it down?!” Remus hissed at the girls.

“What’s going on?” Mary continued.

“No idea.” Marlene shrugged, looking at Mary in Lily’s dressing gown, “Why are you here?”

“Well when you didn’t come back, I went to the boy’s dorm and then saw them and Peter’s bed was missing, but they left the map and I saw you were together.”

“You left the fucking map?” Sirius asked in frustration.

“This is why we are testing it!” James replied.

“Bloody quiet!” Remus whispered through his teeth.

“What—what the fuck. WHAT THE FUCK?” Peter rose from the flying bed, looking in alarm around the hallway and then down at the floor.

“Wormtail, shut it!” Sirius hissed.

“Uh Oh.” Mary whispered looking down at the map; Marlene shifted to see what she was viewing. Both girls whipped around at the same time to see Professor McGonagall standing sternly in her tartan nightwear. Mary shoved the map into her dressing down pockets and both girls looked at her with faux smiles. The boys dropped the bed clumsily and it landed hard on the stone floor with a loud thud and made Marlene’s feet shake due to the vibrations.

McGonagall seemed to lack the words to chastise them and as always Sirius was quick to try and diverge. “Oh, look it’s my three-favourite double ems!” He laughed nervously.

“What?”

“Minerva McGonagall, Mary MacDonald, Marlene McKinnon. No particular order of course—”

“Mr Black be quiet.” McGonagall stuck out an accusing finger, “Can someone please explain what in Merlin’s name is going on here.”

“I’m the victim!” Peter squeaked.

“Gah, Wormy you rat!”

“Just an innocent bystander!” Mary identified and Marlene agreed.

“I find that so incredibly hard to believe. You all have Saturday detention for the next month at least—”

“Woah, Minnie, Minnie.” James stepped forward, “Let’s think about this.”

“Mr Potter, I will not—”

“Okay, fine but Mary and Marlene really had nothing to do with this.”

“Nor me!”

“Marauders code, Pete!” James snapped back, “Like Mary said, innocent bystanders. Please if they are falsely accused, I will fear for my life, they are so scary, Minnie.”

“Not helping your case, Potter.” Marlene quipped.

“See! She’s scary, almost as much as you, Minerva.” The professor scowled at him from over her glasses, even though James might even be taller by a fraction, the effect was still terrifying.

“You’re still out of bed, girls.”

“Yes, sorry miss. We were just heading back, honest.” Marlene said.

“Well head back, you’ve got a detention after Easter break. Boys come to my office.” McGonagall ordered, Mary and Marlene dashed off quickly.

“What was going on there?” Mary asked once in the safety of the common room.

“No fucking ioda.”

“Where were you then?”

“With Dorcas.”

“Ah say no more, Casanova.” 

“In the _hospital wing.”_ Marlene clarified.

“Oh, shit is she okay?”

“Got bashed at practise but she’s fine. We made up.”

“That’s good at least. Sorry, I wouldn’t normally be so uptight that you didn’t come back but you seemed down lately, and I thought you wouldn’t be with Dorcas—”

“Mary it’s fine.” Marlene smiled.

“You can talk to me; you know if you’re sad.”

“I know.” Mary wrapped Marlene in a hug just outside the entry to the dorm, “I’m fine though.”

“If you’re down,” Mary continued, “I’m here.”

“I know.” Marlene muffled into her neck.

“If you need anything—”

“Mary, I’m grand,” Marlene pulled her back with her hands placed on Mary’s shoulders, “Are _you_ okay?”

Mary opened her mouth as if she was going to speak floodgates of confessions but settled for a soft “Yeah,” before turning into bed, Marlene was too tired to press on, maybe if her thoughts stayed coherent she would remember to bring it up tomorrow.

***

Thursday 11th April 1977

“This is ridiculous, you all need to get back to your lessons right now.”

“Please, Poppy. It’s the last day, you know I wouldn’t skip lessons if I didn’t absolutely have a valid reason.” Remus pleaded.

“I’ve never had this many people try and visit someone at once, it’s ludicrous.”

“ _Pleasssseeee.”_

“Half an hour.” The nurse concluded begrudgingly. “Not a minute more.”

“You’re the best Pomfrey.” Sirius grinned.

“Now she is still on bed rest, your screaming might not help the migraine – keep it down I have other patients and if your teachers ask, you were never here. Oh and--”

“Meadows!” Sirius beamed, ripping back the curtain and interrupting Madame Pomfrey’s warnings before enveloping her in a hug.

“I can still throw you out if you don’t keep your volume down, Mr Black.”

“Yes ma’am.” Sirius nodded.

“Bloody hell, what are you all doing here?” Dorcas smiled from her bed.

“Came to see ya” Lily set down some picked flowers on the bedside table. “How you doing?”

“Alright, head hurts. Turns out I’ve a broken arm too.” Dorcas sighed.

“Yeesh.” James sucked in air through his teeth, “Not playing tomorrow then?”

“Nah don’t think I can.”

“Awh, sorry, love.” Mary sympathised.

“No worries, you guys will win now.” Dorcas shrugged; Marlene smiled and slumped next to Dorcas on the bed and Remus drew the curtains again so the group could have more privacy.

“More vain than Black.” Marlene teased.

“It’s true! I’m their best player and maybe that idiot captain will realise it. Plus, you guys wouldn’t play to your best ability if you were going to beat me.”

“No way, I was really looking forward to knocking you out with a bludger.” Sirius laughed.

“Well someone beat you to it, I’m afraid.”

“Pun intended?” Remus giggled.

“Always.” Dorcas nodded, “Well if you don’t win tomorrow, I want it to be known, I’ll be mad.”

“Can we talk about something other than quidditch?” Mary sighed.

“No! What a _stupid_ suggestion MacDonald.” James sighed, “Quidditch is so much more than a sport, it’s _an art_ , delicate, intricate—”

“Well done, you got him started now,” Lily sighed, “You’re literally sitting down the whole time.”

“Woah!”  
“No.”  
“Too far, Evans.” Sirius, Marlene and Dorcas defended.

“We’ll win for you, darling.” Marlene smiled, “When’s the pitch booked?”

“Hufflepuffs should be done in ten.” James replied.

“Well get your arses down there!” Dorcas shoved them playfully.

“But we barely got to speak you!” Sirius protested.

“I got these lot.” Dorcas waved at Lily, Mary, Remus and Pete. “And I’ll be out by the end of the day, I’m not staying another night.”

“Alright get well soon then, love.” Sirius smiled,

“I’ll be back for dinner.” Marlene hugged her and left with James and Sirius. Remus took out the breakfast her had pocketed for her, knowing very well that the food in the hospital wing was not as high standard as the usual that Hogwarts provided. Dorcas asked him how he knew this, and he spluttered an excuse about weak immune system.

The girls chatted about something Remus tried to understand but gave up after a few minutes, Peter seemingly doing the same. Mary appeared quite enthusiastic about whatever was going on, Dorcas returning the chatter just as eagerly and Remus thought it was quite nice to see someone in the hospital without the bitter atmosphere it usually provided.

If the marauders ever landed in the hospital wing, like a prank gone wrong and they usually had awkward apologies or unknowing silence; or if it was after a full moon, Remus would be too exhausted to talk. 

“It’s been half an hour folks.” Madame Pomfrey peeped through the curtains.

“I feel so much better, can I go, please?” Dorcas asked. The nurse surveyed her suspiciously and nodded.

“Hm yes okay, let me grab you a cast and some bits and bobs and then you’ll be out. Do you have a change of clothes? I don’t fancy you putting your muddy quidditch robes back on.”

“Oh, I brought some!” Mary chirped in and held up a small bag, Dorcas inspected it and laughed softly.

“Mary, I love you darling, but these aren’t going to fit me.”

“Remus’s might.” Lily suggested.

“I’m not stealing the poor boy’s school shirt right off his back.” Dorcas waved off. “I’ll just wear my quidditch robes back to the common room.”

“I’ll go and grab you some stuff,” Lily suggested, “What one is your dorm?”

“Oh, just ask for Emily, she’ll show you where to go.”

“Okay; we’ll just be a sec.” Lily announced, dragging Mary with her.

“Right well this is just for a few days, freshly healed bones are still fragile so don’t take this off until I say so,” Madame Pomfrey warned attaching a cast to Dorcas’s left arm, “And early night tonight. If you get a migraine come straight back, and sorry but no quidditch for a week, then we’ll see.”

“Okay, Thank you.” Dorcas smiled,

“Right, that’s it. You can be off once you got your change of clothes.” Madame Pomfrey nodded and left Remus Peter and Dorcas behind the curtains as she turned into her office.

“Dorcas, you sly bitch, you have one of the coolest wardrobed I’ve ever seen; and I haven’t stolen from it yet?” Mary laughed as she entered, holding a bundle of clothes.

“Anytime you please, MacDonald.”

“I’m holding you to that now c’mon I wanna get out of here.”

***

Friday 12th April 1977

“Marlene Arabella McKinnon if you don’t eat your bloody breakfast, I’m going to force feed you.” James declared.

“Your middle name is Arabella?” Dorcas chuckled.

“No shut up.”

“Eat it.” James ordered.

Marlene grunted and began to stab her eggs, knowing she was going to feel sick for the duration of that minute before going onto the quidditch pitch. The game would be kicking off in an hour and lessons had been cancelled for the last day of term with the intention for students to watch the game and pack for the Hogwarts Express leaving the next day.

Things had significantly improved considering Dorcas wasn’t playing, so that was one less thing to worry about, but Marlene was still uncharacteristically nervous, although she always did a good job at hiding it.

“Traitor.” A hufflepuff muttered at Dorcas as they walked past the Gryffindor table.

“Oh, fuck off, it’s a sodding quidditch match.” Marlene quipped.

“Woah, it’s okay, they’re just being a dick.” Dorcas said.

“Who knew Hufflepuffs could be dicks, I thought your whole thing was being kind.” Lily shook her head.

“Until there’s a quidditch match, and the only shot you had at winning is sitting at the opposing team’s table at breakfast.”

“That Pipin is pretty good and our seeker is slacking though, that could make it.” James observed. Marlene really wish he hadn’t and felt the breakfast she was chewing suddenly hard to swallow. It seemed she had grown so accustomed to being stressed over the last exam week, that she put pressure on herself to do good in this match, which really wasn’t too big a deal.

Now, she was just lying to herself, this match was a big deal, but she was prepared, and it was nothing new. Marlene put down her fork, she was done with breakfast and had eaten enough that James wouldn’t chastise her and attempted once more to put her hair into a ponytail but with no luck.

Her hair had grown slightly since she cut it last week, but at the time she hadn’t thought of the logistics of tying it up while playing quidditch. It didn’t quite reach the back and bits would fall out into her face. She was missing the high ponytail she usually shoved it in, but Dorcas reminding her she looked hot every few seconds balanced it out.

“Let’s do this, bitches.” Marlene smirked.


	35. Stupid Lovesick Teenagers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> CW: Underage drinking.

Dorcas was right. The Hufflepuff team was slacking without her on the team and the stand in chaser was undeniably nothing but pure shambles. Remus caught Marlene and James sniggering alongside each other suspended in the air as Madame Hooch called a yellow card – most likely amused by the sheer easiness of the game. It was almost impossible for Hufflepuff to pull through, even if they caught the snitch, Gryffindor was still ahead.

The stands erupted as Gryffindor inevitably won; Hufflepuff still cheered for their win and Remus couldn’t help shake is head in how someone could be so infuriatingly the opposite of sore losers.

“FUCKING YES, LADS!” James swooped down into the stands, bending from his broom and kissing Lily in mid-air. Sirius and Marlene high fived passionately in the centre of the quidditch pitch. Remus couldn’t help cheering along with the crowd surrounding him, he was never too interested in quidditch, but the atmosphere was very contagious.

They headed back to the common room in cheers, Marlene Sirius, James and the rest of the team being carried by the house and Remus thought at one-point Marlene was actually suspended above their heads. Remus made it very clear that even though Dorcas was from Hufflepuff, he would take no slander and that she was here to celebrate the win as much as everyone else; it didn’t feel it fair that she be left out.

James cracked open bottles of firewhiskey immediately and because the whole house was involved, the alcohol supplies were readily available, everyone grabbing filled cups of drink. Remus scrambled for a record to fill the background behind cheers, settling on the most upbeat he could find and the Gryffindor shouting morphed into off pitch singing.

Remus joined in, spinning Lily as she twirled but didn’t think he actually danced except the occasional sway or shimmy. She was decent, had a good voice but not so much for the loud upbeat songs, more a soft gentle singing. He was almost too preoccupied but he and Lily both noticed and confiscated drinks off a pair of second years, instead redirecting them to the butterbeer.

“I swear kids nowadays.” Lily sighed loudly.

“Waste not, want not.” Remus shrugged, downing the unknown substance, although immediately registering it was much too strong for a twelve-year-old. “Gah!” He gasped, grimacing at the burning in his throat.

“Yes, Moony!” Sirius slung his arm around Remus, still in his quidditch gear which made him look unfairly hot. “We’re getting you on that bass tonight.”

“Almost a month and you still haven’t done it!” Lily protested.

“I haven’t had the chance!” Remus laughed.

“Well now’s your fucking chance. PRONGS GET THE BLOODY GUITAR IT’S HAPPENING!”

“Not a guitar.” Remus corrected.

“Same flippin thing.” Sirius dismissed.

“Do my ears deceive me? It’s happening?” Marlene asked as she and Dorcas approached.

“IT’S HAPPENING!” James bounded up to them, large bass case in hand. “I’ve had that muggle speaker set up for weeks now, so you’re all set.”

Remus eyed James and the bass, it was so bloody tempting – way too tempting but nerve-racking all the same, the common room had never been so filled. Remus snatched the other half-finished drink of confiscated burning alcohol off Lily and downed in one for a final confidence boost.

“WOOOOO!!!” James cheered, the rest following suit and shouting his name.

“Dorcas you singing, love?” Remus asked as he slung the bass over his shoulder.

“Maybe in a minute but this is your time right now.”

“But you need singing sometimes!” Remus protested, “Now is a sometime. It’ll cover my drunken mistakes.”

“Nope.” Dorcas shook her head.

“Fine, I’m singing then,” Remus declared, turning to the front of the common room barely catching the astonished looks on his friends faces.

“Remus, er—”

“Underestimating my ability, Evans?” He teased with half a smirk.

“Never. Although every time I do, I’m proven wrong. Go ahead.” She chuckled.

“Ladies and gentlemen! May I have the absolute pleasure of announcing we have a fucking—sorry! _Fricking_ live performance! By none other than Remus _fucking_ Lupin—I mean _freaking Lupin_! Sorry I’m so excited, he’s so good guys. Give It up for Moony!” James yelled into the microphone that had been somehow stored in the common room for a few months and Remus had no idea where it came form but it was working, and Remus was going to sing into it now? No time for nerves, fucking go for it.

“Hi I- um, I’m Remus as you probably know.” He introduced himself, cringey at his own awkwardness. “Right er, I’ll just for it then?”

The group at the front nodded, all looking giddy with excitement, the rest of the crowd facing him; the record changed so Remus had some kind of backing track, it was an immediate start, no warm up and Remus felt the nerves and fizzing alcohol thrumming though his veins take over as he squeezed his eyes shut and began singing into the microphone, his fingers automatically already playing the bass.

The cheers that erupted throughout the room at the first few seconds of his performance filled Remus like a balloon and he gathered the courage to open his eyes, gazing at the jumping crowd going wild as he continued. It felt surreal and his lips curled into a wicked smile through his song, subconsciously nodding his head and tapping his foot.

Remus had never been centre of attention and he never liked being it but this didn’t feel all that daunting, like he was there solely for others enjoyment and that thought comforted him. His gaze dropped to his friends at the front, Marlene swinging her head to the beat with her hair sticking to her face; Dorcas dancing wildly beside her. James and Lily screamed as they danced, Peter smiling widely at Remus and shoving him a thumbs up and he saw Mary beside Peter trying to get him to dance.

Remus’s gaze finally landed on Sirius who looked at Remus as though he was a god of all things known, his mouth wide in an astonished smile; Remus kept his eyes locked with Sirius’s grey ones as he carried on singing, feeling the electricity between them pass like static wind and took pride in how Sirius had his focus solely plastered on him, relished as he seemed to take any and all power out of the famously undestroyable Sirius Black.

Nothing else mattered except them in that moment, and Remus subconsciously widened his smile while belting the chorus; Sirius scoffed breathlessly and broke eye contact to tell Marlene something inaudible over the noise.

The song came to a dramatic end and Remus was left breathless, beaming at the crowd screaming for more, “My friend Dorcas is going to sing now, she’s so much better.” Remus laughed, pulling the girl onto stage.

“That’s such a bloody lie!” She scoffed into the microphone, “This man—I swear to god. But I’ll do it just for you love.” Dorcas winked at him, nodding she was ready and Remus started on the bass again, more comfortable this time and allowed his head to fall and rock around as the music and Dorcas’s singing consumed his soul.

***

Marlene was sceptical as Remus slurred that he would sing, not wanting him to make a dick of himself when he was actually good at bass. She didn’t knock him down, he seemed too confident in that moment but was brought right back to his usual self as he awkwardly introduced himself. Peter started a record and Remus almost instantly took over the room, his long fingers strumming the strings and gravelly voice filling the walls.

Boy, Marlene could not have been more wrong. Remus might be the best fucking singer she ever heard. She screamed in synchronisation with the crowd as he burst straight into song. The most unexpected controlled voice exiting Remus and he once again seemed completely overtaken by music.

Marlene risked a glance at Sirius who looked paralysed, his mouth slightly open and eyes wide. Laughing, she bobbed along, and the song picked up, throwing her hair like she never used to be able to do because of its length.

Remus looked in his element, his lips pressed to the microphone in a broad smile that made Marlene beam at his sheer happiness. She thought she was interrupting something as Sirius and Remus looked at each other from the crowd, an electricity almost canine passing between them.

“Marlene. I’m so unbelievably hard right now.” Sirius whispered loudly to her who cackled uncontrollably.

“Merlin.” She giggled, “What other talents does her have hiding, I mean is there anything he can’t do?”

“God, he could so do me right now.”

Marlene laughed loudly again, “Sirius! Oh my god. Me too though.”

“Fuck,” Sirius gasped as Remus squinted his face belting the final note.

“Don’t cream your pants.” Marlene teased.

“Literally no promises.” Sirius chuckled nervously.

“Thank you, thanks! But my friend Dorcas is going to sing now, she’s so much better.” Remus announced into the microphone, ignoring the cheers for encore. He pulled Dorcas from beside Marlene and she stumbled beside him, smiling.

“That’s such a bloody lie! This man—I swear to god. But I’ll do it just for you love.” She nodded and the bass started again followed by Dorcas singing a few seconds later. _Jesus fucking Christ._

“Don’t cream your pants, McKinnon.” Sirius teased back.

“Too bloody late.”

Sirius laughed again; the two tried to enjoy themselves although there was a major distraction. “No, no, no,” Sirius muttered with a laugh as Remus approached to sing into the microphone with Dorcas, their voices complementing each other perfectly and the dancing crowd of teenagers cheered again.

Their smile was contagious, and Marlene subconsciously found herself dancing at the same beat Dorcas and Remus were bobbing at the front. As Remus turned back to focussing on his bass, they tore their eyes off each other and Dorcas moved her eyes to Marlene who held out a middle finger. That motherfucker knew exactly what she was doing but Marlene couldn’t help feeling lightheaded and weak in the knees.

Every time the song ended, screams of protest erupted for another and Marlene really couldn’t refrain form joining in, the atmosphere had never been quite so electric in the common room before. She had never been to a concert or proper live event but if it was anything like this, she was definitely missing out.

“Nipping out for a fag!” Sirius announced loudly over the blasting sound. Marlene joined him, if she wasn’t already exhausted from the quidditch game, passionately dancing for half an hour had taken it all out of her. They turned into the stairwell and sighed as some seventh years were wrapped around each other snogging.

“Get a bloody room.” Sirius muttered, pushing passed them. Since the stairs were otherwise occupied and James would slaughter them for having a smoke in the dorm, they clambered onto the roof through the large window.

“Think I have a Rockstar kink.” Sirius laughed with cigarette between his teeth.

“No shit.”

“Oh, fuck off.” Sirius chuckled. 

“Fairly obvious. Thought you might faint, Black.”

“I wasn’t going to faint! You were going to faint!”

“Can you blame me?”

“I one-hundred percent cannot blame you.”

“If anyone asks, I haven’t got over Remus and you’re secretly crushing Dorcas.” Marlene joked. Sirius’s face dropped slightly, and she worried she had said something incredibly wrong. “Sorry, I didn’t…” She started, not quite sure what she was apologising for.

Sirius shook his fallen head, “Not you, McKinnon. I’m sorry—shit.”

Marlene furrowed her brows, looking at Sirius from a meter or so across the roof and trying to make out his expression in the darkening afternoon air. He raised an exasperate hand to his face and wiped the entirety of it quickly. The abrupt change in mood caught Marlene off guard, she wasn’t prepared but tried no matter.

“Hey, you alright?”

“Yeah, yeah, sorry.”

“No, what’s up?” Marlene asked again. “Sirius.”

“God. I just, I don’t know.” He started, shaking his head, “I just wish it wasn’t like this.”

Marlene looked at him to continue, not quite being able to offer words of comfort is she didn’t know what was going on. “Did something happen?!”

“Merlin no. No, nothing happened. It’s just like this… I guess.” Sirius said, “I want to talk like this all the time, to James or anyone. I don’t want to have to fucking pretend that I’m into Dorcas—”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t—”

“Marlene, it’s not you. It’s just how it is.”

Marlene wanted to tell him it didn’t have to be, but she wouldn’t lie to him _. It was so fucking hard_ , she knew that, but she couldn’t fathom not even being able to talk to her friends about it. Not wanting to pressure him into telling the group, she refrained from mentioning it just yet, but it could solve issues – _or create them_ she thought grimly. It was truly impossible to say.

“I just…I love him so fucking much—" Sirius voice broke, and he shoved a hand over his face. Marlene tried not to show her inward recoil at such strong emotion, instead scooting along the tiled roof so she was closer. “Sorry.”

“Don’t, it’s okay.”

“I just want to show it, Marls. I want to fucking scream how much I love him from the rooftops. Everything about him, he just makes me such a better person and- god it’s just crazy.” Sirius sighed.

“Well then do it.”

“Huh?”

“Scream it from the fucking rooftops.” Marlene supplied. “Muffilato. Go on.”

“This is so bloody stupid.”

“Go on.”

“Marlene—”

“Do it.”

Sirius rolled his eyes, sighing deeply. He stood up, overlooking all of Hogwarts grounds and with one final amused glance down at Marlene, he inhaled loudly. “I LOVE REMUS LUPIN SO FUCKING MUCH IT MAKES MY HEAD HURT, I WANT TO SHOW HOW MUCH I LOVE HIM AND SNOG HIM ON THE SOFA AND TAKE HIM ON DATES AND WEAR HIS JUMPERS AND TELL EVERYONE WHAT A FUCKING AMAZING PERSON I’VE FALLEN FOR!”

Sirius slumped back onto the roof, slightly breathless. “Well that felt… like a soppy rom com.” He concluded; Marlene laughed quietly.

“Well at least you tried it.”

“Mhm. Did kinda help, actually.”

“Sirius.” Marlene prompted after a few seconds silence, “I know it’s not perfect; but, you could try at least the group. Y’know talk to Remus about it.”

Sirius shook his head, “It could go so wrong, Marlene.”

“Yeah…” Marlene agreed solemnly, “or it could go so right.”

They agreed not to think about it too much the rest of the night, just to enjoy themselves for a few hours. As they re-entered the common room, they took a couple shots together and went over to where Remus was still playing his bass but had apparently now moved onto karaoke. The girl at microphone was to say the least a drunken mess, but Remus played with her at his consistently high standards.

“Right, my go.” James moved onto the makeshift stage, “Moony I expect the best backing track please. ABBA if you will.”

“Oh god.”

“Oh, shut up! I will be a shameless ABBA fan, if I please! They’re cool!” James shushed the crowd. It didn’t matter if they were cool or not because the moment James declared they are, it instantly became cool. James Potter never did anything _uncool_. Although, that did seem questionable once he started singing off key.

“Drink, Mary?” Marlene offered.

“Nah. I’ll get you one though.”

“You’re not drinking?”

“Just don’t fancy a massive hangover tomorrow.” Mary chuckled, “Firewhiskey?”

“Ooh yes please!”

***

Remus seemed to remember Mary coercing him into some sort of dance battle, but if he had learnt one thing this year was that if he became drunk enough – he would dance quite happily. Thankfully, he thought everyone was also too drunk to realise it. He also thought he won the battle, though in hindsight when he was sober the next day, that seemed all too unlikely.

The bodies in the common room seemed to be fizzling out, the younger years going to bed at least one or two hours beforehand and the rest, Remus didn’t know or care.

James appeared to be doing a sloppy strip tease for Lily and Marlene who were dissolving in fits of giggles on the sofa and Remus flopped beside them, lazily chuckling and James failed to rip off his quidditch shirt.

“Moony, join me the girls are loving it.”

“Hard pass, Prongise.”

“Might actually be sexy if Lupin did it.” Lily teased, slapping James’s arse. “But you can’t expect him to grind on his ex-girlfriend.”

“Think m’not capable, Evans?”

“Oh, Remus no, that was not a challenge.”

“Should hope not. Fucking sex-machine, I am.” Remus slurred.

“I would say we’ve reached the pathological lying stage, but I reckon that’s actually true.” James laughed.

“You flirt, potter—” Remus chuckled.

“Stage?” Marlene questioned with a smile.

“Moony is so well strung, I think I’ve figured out his stages of drunkenness. It goes; slightly spacey,” James started, ticking off the stages on his fingers and looking as though he had to think incredibly hard to form any kind of coherent sentence. “Then dancing lunatic, pathological lying and finally utterly queer.”

Marlene snorted into her red cup, causing fire-whiskey to splatter her face and Remus laughed, not quite knowing what was going on but Marlene being assaulted by her drink was giggle-fit material.

“Well you’re all bloody gay.”

“One to talk, McKinnon.”

“So, we are adding stripping to the Remus drunkenness scale?” Lily chuckled.

“No stripping.” Remus commanded, “Shirt over me, all time.”

“I think that would fall under dancing lunatic anyway.” Marlene analysed; Remus nodded, not sure what he was agreeing to but Marlene looked fairly certain, so that was enough.

He stood up to fill their drinks while a new record turned on that made him feel particularly jiggy and Remus remembered absolutely nothing after that.

***

Saturday 13th April 1977

Marlene awoke to the upmost worst thrumming headache she had ever had, and she thought she might never drink again. Combined with the ache in her body, she fluttered one eye open before the other, the light streaming through the large windows so brightly she thought she could hear it. After adjusting to it, she gazed around at the catastrophic scene before her.

Turns out, Marlene had lost her shirt at some point and was now chilling on the common room sofa in her bra and athletic quidditch shorts, lying almost on top of James, who also was half naked but with ripped pants. Remus was lying on the carpet, Sirius asleep inside his jumper all while Remus was still wearing it. If Marlene could take a mental snapshot of the image, she would treasure it forever, not only was it absolutely hilarious but also quite undeniably cute.

Dorcas was sleeping with her mouth open on Lily’s lap, her cast covered in various graffiti that had appeared overnight. The only fairly presentable one was Mary, curled at the bottom of the sofa in a ball, soundly asleep.

It might have been the afternoon, but Marlene was the only one of them awake until James stirred beneath her.

“What the fuck,” He grumbled tiredly, “Did we have sex?” He laughed through his nose.

“I think I’d die of alcohol poisoning before shagging you on the common room sofa, Potter.”

“Um okay, ow.” James chuckled, while Marlene hoisted herself off him and started searching for her shirt _,_ or any shirt, really.

“You both started stripping.” Lily corrected, waking up tiredly. “But I think you passed out before you could finish, Marls.”

“Halfjob.” James teased.

“Well looks like you couldn’t get your pants off, so I’d quit judging, Potter.”

“Oh my god, shush.” Dorcas grumbled, opening her squinted eyes slowly. “Fuck, I’m never drinking again- Marls, why are you naked?”

“Not too sure, but it appears we’ve swapped partners.” She indicated at James and Lily. “Oh!” She gasped, finding a pink Floyd shirt. “Wait this is Sirius’s. Is he—” Marlene laughed as she looked back over to Sirius and Remus.

“The twink got his shirt off so he could get in Moony’s? Pair of idiots.” James chuckled and at that moment, Peter came bounding down the stairs to the boy’s dormitory into the common room. Freshly showered and chipper.

“Morning, or aftern—”

“Peter shut up.” Lily held out her hand, “Sorry, but you’re very loud right now.”

“How you so chipper?” Marlene chastised.

“Well, I threw up and thought I should be responsible for you all, so didn’t drink anymore.”

“Well great work, Wormy. Top class responsibility, gonna take me hours to stretch this off.” James sighed.

Sirius moaned, awakening form his sleep. “What the fuck.” He snorted at his placement in Remus’s jumper which awoke the other boy, Remus pulled away abruptly but just ended up harshly their bumping foreheads together.

“Oof! Oh my god, fuck, ow.” They grunted, muttering words of discomfort.

“Pads get the fuck out my jumper.”

Sirius obeyed, slithering out onto the carpet, “Marlene give me my shirt. McKinnon! McKinnon get back here!” He chased her around the sofa, and she squirmed trying to avoid his grip. “Marlene its cold! Oh, my head hurts too much for this.”

“This is sexual assault!” Marlene giggled as Sirius grabbed the hem of his shirt, trying to pull it off her, “Sirius Black you fucking pervert!”

“I don’t care, I’m gonna freeze!”

Their scrambling awoke Mary on the edge of the sofa who didn’t have time to utter a word before she was running to the other side of the room and throwing up in a plant pot. “Oh, love.” Dorcas walked beside her and tried to scrape up the huge mass of her hair, “Ah, I thought you weren’t even drinking last night.”

“Mhm.” Mary hummed, nodding politely before announcing she was going to have a shower. Marlene did the same, eager to be refreshed and clean although unfortunately it only minorly cured her pounding hangover.

When the shared bathroom was emptier than usual, Marlene remembered that most had gone home for the Easter break this morning. And only then was she struck with the embarrassing realisation that the entirety of their house would have passed through the common room that morning when it was littered with their unconscious bodies. However humiliating, Marlene couldn’t bring herself to care too much; there was nothing she could do now and for two weeks she could enjoy herself without the stress of lessons or studies.

***

Monday 15th April 1997

Remus was thoroughly enjoying the break from lessons; it gave him more time to focus on his extra circular studies. Sirius teased that they were the same thing, but Remus blatantly ignored him; he didn’t understand how Sirius could have such a lack of thirst for knowledge, but he wasn’t going to be influenced by it.

“It’s literally the holidays, Moony. You can give yourself a break.”

“This is a break, Pads. We don’t cover mermaid communications in the curriculum and it’s very interesting.” Remus supplied without glancing up from his book but heard Sirius chuckle across from him. “You don’t have to be here, you know.”

“I know.” Sirius replied softly but didn’t move. In fact, Sirius didn’t move for about half an hour; something Remus couldn’t help noticing considering he was always fidgeting with something. He felt Sirius’s gaze on him and finally looked across to him from his book.

Sirius was smiling at him and looked as though he had been for a while; his head resting in the palm of his hand. “Don’t you get bored?” Remus asked.

“Of you?” Sirius’s smile widened, “Not ever.”

Remus fought the corners of his lips beginning to upturn, but that was useless considering he could feel the blush rising from his collarbone. “There’s a shorter word for that.” Remus deflected, “Not ever. Never.”

Sirius scoffed through a grin and shook his head. “Idiot.”

Remus smiled and turned back to his book but reached out his foot under the table to play with Sirius’s. After a few minutes of playful scuffling under the table, he inwardly sighed – was he really playing footise with Sirius Black in the library like a stupid lovesick teenager?

Yes. Yes, he was. Because that’s exactly what he was – a stupid lovesick teenager.

And he loved it.

“Fine, what do you want?”

“Nothing.” Sirius smiled. Remus eyes him suspiciously, “I like watching you study, okay?”

“I don’t buy it.”

“Fine. But for the record, I do love watching you study.” 

“Out with it, tosser. What do you want?”

“To talk?” Sirius asked nervously. Remus’s heart did a funny little twist that must have deadpanned his expression, but he found it in himself to swallow harshly and his voice erupted a little shakier and nervous than he would have liked.

“Er yeah… S’everything okay, Pads?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, i loved writing that chapter, hope you enjoyed reading!  
> Quick PSA: i know that logistically setting up a bass and microphone and stuff would take longer than a few seconds but that would ruin the fun of it, so for now just pretend ;)  
> If you imagined Remus singing a specific song, let me know because i have a few and i couldn't choose, although a few weren't time relevant :/   
> Again, thank you all so much for reading, not too much longer to go now i think! Once again, all comments (whether compliment, criticism or statement are encouraged and apricated!)


	36. Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> CW; Sexual references.   
> The moment we've all been waiting for!

“Yeah, everything’s fine. Don’t look so worried.” Sirius chuckled, “Well…Just work with me here okay?”

“Okay?” Remus replied sceptically.

“Well I was thinking…”

“Did it hurt?”

“Wanker.” Sirius quipped, “I was thinking, well no I spoke to Marls.” He looked as though he was having trouble finding what to say and despite his command to not worry, he couldn’t help feeling anxious about what Sirius was about to say.

“Right…” Remus nodded.

“Well yeah and um, she kinda said something that I’ve been thinking about a lot so er—”

“Merlin, what?!” Remus accidentally snapped, feeling the worry mount to a point of outbreak; he didn’t want a break-up to be dragged out like this, highly embarrassing for both parties.

“What if it goes right?” Sirius said, as though it explained everything.

“Huh?”

“That’s what McKinnon said.”

“Well kinda need context, Pads.”

“Right, yeah. Right.” Sirius nodded, visibly deciding to just be out with it. “I want to come out.”

“Oh. Like… _come out_?” Remus raised his eyebrows; Sirius nodded again, shyly. “Both of us?”

“I mean I would like that but if you aren’t ready, I can do just me.”

Remus shook his head softly; they were in this together – he wouldn’t let Sirius do it on his own. Sirius’s expression saddened, obviously mistaking the shaking of his head for a denial so he took his hand from across the table. “Together.” Remus smiled.

“Really?” Sirius’s eyes widened. “I don’t want to force you.”

“You aren’t. Timing is right, we can’t keep hiding it and I think you’re going to burst if you don’t tell Prongs.”

“Mm.” Sirius chuckled softly, “And I love you.”

Remus smiled, smitten and had to peel his eyes away from the other boy, swallowing his nerves. “So when?”

“Whenever it’s right I guess, as long as we are doing it.”

“No, Pads. I need to be prepared.” Remus decreed; Sirius gave a small breathy laugh.

“Of course, my apologies… this afternoon?”

Remus almost chocked on his breath, staring at Sirius in disbelief. “ _This_ afternoon?”

“You asked for a date, Moony.”

“Right, no, yeah okay.” Remus contemplated, rubbing his chin absentmindedly. It _would_ be better if they could just get it over with and it wasn’t like it was something you could prepare or study for. “Okay.”

“ _Okay_?”

“Yeah let’s do it.”

“You’re serious?”

“You’re Sirius.”

“Oh my god, shut up.” Sirius laughed, “So how are we doing this?”

“Hm, how about you go and tell Wormtail and Prongs while I hide here.” Remus suggested.

“What happened to _together_?”

“You can tell both of them about both of us being _together_.” Remus smiled, “You tell them, I’ll tell Mary and Lily.”

“What!? How’d I get the short straw there?!” Sirius protested, “The girls will be fine with it… I think. Shit they might not, I didn’t even think about them. Okay, you tell Pete and James, then the girls we’ll do together.”

“You do James—”

“No!”

“Okay fine, Pete—”

“Worse!” Sirius protested. “You do everyone, you’re more extroverted than me.”

Remus chuckled harshly, “Oh fuck off. Plus, _twas your idea_.”

“Don’t twas me.”

“I’ll twas you all I like. You should tell everyone; I’ll hide in the corner.”

“Compromise.” Sirius suggested. “We both tell everyone.”

“Sounds grand.” Remus smiled.

“Should we do them separately?”

“No. Get it over with in one.” Remus nodded. “But maybe the marauders first, they’d want to know before the girls, and we can sus how much they want to kill us.”

“Deal.” Sirius nodded. “I hope they don’t kill us.”

“Me too, love.”

“Are you nervous?”

“Incredibly.” 

“Me too.” 

“But hey, what’s the worst that could happen—actually don’t answer that.”

Sirius chuckled and nestled himself in the seat beside Remus, the library was empty anyway – after all it was the holidays and Remus really was the only one that used it then. “Read it to me.” Sirius commanded.

“Hm?”

“The books on mermaid communications or something. It’s a few hours till afternoon, and I believe that’s the time we agreed.”

The corners of Remus’s lips upturned, and he picked up the book while Sirius rested his head on Remus’s shoulder, “Merpeople are divided up into various sub-species or races, depending on where they live. The earliest merpeople lived in Greece and were known as sirens. In modern times…”

***

Marlene swore loudly as her hopes and dreams were ripped from her reach directly in front of her eyes. She groaned, dropping from her cross-legged position into a tight fetus shape on the carpet.

“I believe—”

“MNNM!” Marlene moaned, attempting to block out Dorcas’s gloats. It didn’t work.

“--that it’s now six to none.”

“Oh, fuck _offfff!_ Petey play against Dorcas for me before I lose any and all sense of dignity?”

“Bit late for that, McKinnon.” Dorcas chuckled, resetting the chess pieces. “We can just rematch?”

“No. You said that the last fifteen thousand times. I get it, I’m shit at chess and you’re a god. Pete c’mon, play against Dorcas before she forces me again”

“Okey, Marls.” Peter skipped from the sofa to their spot by the fireplace. Both Peter and Dorcas won every match of chess they ever played so Marlene was actually pathetically excited to see the extreme battle about to unfold in front of her.

“Wormy, marauders meeting now!” Sirius called as he and Remus swept through the common room toward the dorm, pulling James from the sofa as they passed.

“Sorry, guys. Duty calls.” Peter apologised, scurrying behind the boys and up the staircase.

“UGH! Ultimate betrayal, Pete!” Marlene called after him, turning to face Dorcas once more, albeit begrudgingly. “No.”

“C’mon what else are you gonna do? I’ll go easy on you.”

“I don’t want your shitting pity, Meadows.” Marlene joked, “Imma win this time _for real_.”

“Sure. Sure, you are.”

“Fuck off. Pawn to F4.”

***

James and Peter were waiting inside the dorm; Remus wanted one last conversation with him before the possibility of everything going to shit became worryingly high; his heart was pounding in his chest, rattling around his ribcage like a captured bird and he tried breathing deeply to settle it.

“I’m scared, Pads.” He admitted, pathetically. Voicing it wasn’t going to change anything except make him look like a child, but he did it anyway and was glad he did. Sirius nodded, reaching up to press his lips quickly on Remus’s forehead.

“Me too.” Sirius nodded, “Together, right?”

“Together.” Remus echoed. “I love you.” He adds, hoping he is able to say it again and that this doesn’t bring their relationship to a tragic end; these past few months had been the most alive Remus had ever felt, he didn’t know if he’d be able to cope without Sirius by his side. The thought made him fight back tears and he had to remind himself that was the worst possible situation - or, maybe getting hate-crimed might be worse; being murdered or something.

No loosing Sirius was still probably worse.

“Love you, too.”

“What are we saying?” He asked. Sirius shrugged; Remus noted he was also shaking slightly.

“Dunno.” Sirius said, “The truth.”

Remus wanted to ask what that was exactly but Sirius pushed open the door to the dorm, the barrier between them and rejection now no longer in existence and Remus felt his stomach twist, even more so when Sirius stayed close beside him, almost brushing his arm.

James and Peter were sat on the bed, the usual arrangement for a marauder meeting; except this was so drastically not a usual marauder meeting and it started the moment Sirius and Remus didn’t walk over to the prank planning board, just stood in front the other pair.

“Right this better be a good one because we haven’t had a good prank in—”

“This isn’t a prank.” Sirius interrupted James harshly. “We-, we need to tell you something.” Remus felt his heart pounding at an almighty rate, concerned the other boys might be able to hear it through his chest.

“Okay… Both of you?” James eyed them curiously, probably suspicious of their seriousness. Remus took a deep breath and nodded, thinking he wasn’t capable of using actual words. They were mere seconds away… Remus thought he might have got more preparation time, but this was it.

 _This was it_.

James and Peter both looked at them awaiting the announcement and Remus hoped with his whole heart that Sirius would do it, that he would take the bullet for the both of them; but that wasn’t how this worked. _Together_.

“Me and Pads- we um, we’re…” Remus started, looking to Sirius for confirmation. “We’re a thing.” He nodded, feeling a little light headed, but relieved all the same.

“Pardon?”

“Dating. Boyfriends. Shagging. Whatever you want to call it.” Sirius blurted. Remus studied both boys cautiously, Peter looking dumbfounded but most of all confused. James looked blankly for a fleeting moment, but a shit-eating grin spread across his face and he burst out laughing.

“Huh?” Peter made a noise of question.

“Oh, Wormy. You gullible fool!” James laughed, “They’re _joking.”_ He explained.

“Oh.” Peter chuckled, nodding and catching onto the prank. Except it wasn’t a prank and Remus’s chest felt tighter than before at the prospect of their relationship being so outrageous that it was deemed a joke.

“We’re not joking, James.” Sirius deadpanned; James ignored him.

Remus’s expression didn’t change from the serious sternness and he chanced a risky glance at Sirius to see his hadn’t either – maybe even got harsher. Only after Sirius and Remus didn’t show a flicker of amusement did James and Peter’s grin’s start to fade. “Guys drop it.” James shrugged, deeming it a wasted prank.

“No.” Remus stated, “No because we aren’t joking.” 

“What?” James’s grin was wiped completely free, his face turning almost as stern and Sirius and Remus’s. “You’re fucking serious?!”

“Yes, I am. Literally what we’re trying to tell you.” Remus blurted, inwardly cursing himself that sarcasm was his copying method because that was bloody funny and could’ve even got a laugh if it wasn’t for the severity of the situation. Marlene would have snorted if she was there, Remus was sure of it.

“Sorry.” He apologised quickly even though he didn’t want to, “But yeah. We’re for real.”

Peter looked as though he might be sick but that might just be Remus overreacting and analysing every detail of their expressions, he was definitely good at overthinking. Nevertheless, he still felt as though _he_ might throw up any second.

Remus felt Sirius’s hand grasp his and instead of flinching away he squeezed back and watched as James and Peter focused their gaze on it. “You’re bent?!” Peter blurted.

“Yeah. Twinks, poofs, shirt-lifters – whatever you want to call it, I don’t care.” Sirius quipped. Peter’s look of outraged shock turned into a more amazed expression of horror.

“You’re not joking?” James asked again, his expression still unreadable.

“No Prongs, we’re not fucking joking.” Sirius snapped and Remus could feel the pulse fastening in his hand, maybe it was his own, maybe it was both. James looked from Remus to Sirius in three quick glances, then down at their interlinked hands; his expression turning somehow angry as he stood abruptly.

“What the fuck are you doing?” He questioned, although it was more a statement. Sirius’s hand left Remus’s and he walked to James and Remus slid a hand between them to stop anything happening. God, he really hoped this didn’t turn into a fight. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means what the fuck do you two think you’re doing, Sirius?”

“Listen,” Sirius’s voice was hard and dangerous, “I can’t pretend I don’t care what you think, but I love Moony—”

“You love him!?” James and Peter’s voice sounded at the same moment.

“And we’re going to continue whether you like it or not, and just accepting it is going to make all our lives a whole lot easier.” Sirius commanded. “Don’t make me choose, you won’t do well.”

Remus’s stomach twisted; he hadn’t thought they would continue if it went as south as it was currently going, and Sirius’s decision to choose Remus over his brother made him feel honoured and uneasy all the same. 

“This isn’t a fucking fling- this is the marauders dynamic you’re messing with! You can’t just sling Moony aside once you’ve had your fun, Sirius!” James quipped.

“I’m not going to fucking fling him aside!” Sirius was getting mad now, Remus was too although he didn’t feel it would do well for him to intervene just yet, but he didn’t like how James was pinning him as some useless piece of meat that was incapable of judging the situation for himself.

“Why would he be different?” 

“Because Remus is different!” Sirius looked as though he was preparing to through a punch or jinx. Remus really didn’t think James would be the cause of their problems, but Peter was still sat on the bed seemingly re-evaluating all his life choices.

“Padfoot. This could mess—”

“I have a fucking brain, James.” Remus quipped, “I know what I’m getting into, we both do. It’s not like Sirius is just using me for fun. It’s mutual and If you can’t accept us—”

“Oh, I don’t give a shit if you like cock or not.” James said, baffled. Peter squeaked at the word unsubtly, “I don’t care. Whatever floats your boat. But _this_ …” He waved a finger between Sirius and Remus, “This I do care.”

“Well stop.” Remus ordered, “We can’t help it that we just so happen to love each other out of all the other boys at Hogwarts but if you care so badly, by all means, beat us to death.”

James pondered a moment, raising his gaze from the floor to switching between the two boys. He wasn’t so outwardly angry anymore, but Remus was still uneasy. “You really love each other? Like _in love_?” He asked as he slumped back onto the bed, holding eye contact with them both. Remus wished the word stopped creeping up, but Sirius answered instantly.

“Yes.”

Remus nodded as well, because he really did. James surveyed them for a moment more, then dropped his eyes, “Okay,” He sighed.

“Okay?” Sirius questioned.

“Yeah, okay,” He nodded.

“So, you don’t want to disown us or something?” Sirius questioned. James scoffed.

“Oh c’mhere, idiots.” James pulled them in to a tight hug, “No I don’t want to fucking disown you.” He chuckled, “We’re marauders; through thick and thin. Just a shock. And playing with our friendship, it’s dangerous. But if you really mean it, then fuck it.” He explained carefully, “But if you break up, I don’t think I’ll be able to choose so you’re going to have to get married or something.”

“Way to see the glum side--” Sirius chuckled.

“It’s not legal.” Remus stated, accidently bringing the mood down further just after it had picked up a little. He couldn’t pretend he hadn’t thought about it, accidently dreamed of it; James was always talking about him and Lily’s future – James is going to ask her to marry him after they leave school and move in together, then have a shit-ton of kids, enough to make an entire quidditch team. They’d get a dog, one Padfoot could play with – a big house with a garden…

Remus couldn’t deny he wanted that, thought about it, dreamed even. It didn’t seem like his thing, but James made it sound so wonderful—doesn’t matter. As he just embarrassingly informed them, it’s not even fucking legal.

“What about you Pete? We okay?” Remus asked, changing the subject quickly to counteract Sirius and James’s look of slight surprise that he had thought about it, and Remus tried so bloody hard to ignore the small look of disappointment that crossed Sirius’s face.

“Mhm,” Peter hummed, still deep in thought and Remus thought he might have to stay there for a little while.

“I’m happy for you, wankers.” James smiled. It sounded like he wasn’t too sure of himself, but it was enough for Remus and he finally let out a breath and turned to Sirius. He probably should have waited, but he was so full of relief that he hugged Sirius right in front of James and Peter.

It wasn’t like they were shagging or even snogging, but it still felt so public, so open and the feeling was different but not unwelcomed. After a moment, James wrapped his arms around them, creating a three-way hug and beckoning Peter in.

“We good?” Sirius asked.

“We good.” James confirmed. Remus felt high on relief, but not fully, not until they told the girls. “I have a few questions though.” James admitted.

“Shoot.” Sirius instructed. 

“So, if you love- how long?”

“Halloween.” Remus supplied, ignoring James and Peter’s shock, “Well, the summer. But got serious at Halloween.” He corrected.

“Fucking hell.”

“Yeah.”

“This whole time?”

“Are you mad?” Sirius asked cautiously.

“No, no. Well- no not mad, just… really—confused?” James pondered, “How did you—how did we not catch on?”

“No ioda, mate. We were pretty fucking sloppy.”

James nodded suddenly and then widened his eyes in realisation, several times. They allowed him to go on the journey of realisation for a minute, Remus trying not to laugh as he could see the inner workings of his brain putting pieces together.

“You don’t turn queer when you’re drunk!” James exclaimed, “You’re just all-round queer!”

“Attaboy.” Remus chuckled, slapping James shoulder. “Anything else?”

“Loads.” James nodded, “I’ll ask later, I assume you wanna tell the girls or have you already- oh my god.”

“What?”

“You and Marlene—you’re both gay.”

“Astute observation.” Remus mocked.

“That’s hilarious.” James snorted, “The queerest straight relationship ever.”

Remus sighed, he assumed Mary might make that connection quickly as well, eager for the teasing to be over. “God, so many fucking questions.” James sighed but more to himself, then collected himself and smiled at both boys. Remus felt accepted even if Peter was still silently rethinking every choice he ever made; he would come around, if James was good, he would follow his lead. Now all he had to do was hope the girls were just as okay, but he was less worried about them to be honest.

***

Marlene lost. Again. She was sure she was closer this time though, but that didn’t give her desire to play again; chess was a dead game to her. Grumpily she flopped beside Mary on the sofa and tried to share the blanket she had wrapped herself in. Marlene had noticed the steady decline of fashion Mary had always been partial to, normally wearing jogging bottoms and a jumper nowadays, maybe adding a blanket to spice things up.

It made her uneasy but there really wasn’t much evidence that anything was wrong and suggesting that there was could backfire; so, Marlene treated her as usual.

“Tea, guys?” she heard Lily offer behind her, finding it strange because Lily had literally just made her a tea so didn’t know why she’d be offering again. She turned to laugh at her for having dementia or something but discovered she was offering it to the boys who had just entered.

“No thanks, darling.” Sirius smiled. “Can you two give us a minute?” He directed at two fourth years that they were sharing the tower with and they scurried away quickly.

“Everything alright?” Lily asked, absentmindedly setting down on the sofa due to James guiding her there.

“Hm? Oh, yeah, yeah.” Remus twiddled his thumbs like an old man, standing before them all and clearing his throat; everyone continued their business around the common room as usual, Dorcas still resetting the chess board for what Marlene assumed would be a game with Peter but for some reason he had flopped into armchair looking in shock. Marlene felt the need to wrap him in a foil blanket and place him at the scene of a tragic accident.

“Dorcas get over here, Sirius is about to reveal his secret lover.” James ordered, and almost everyone perked up. Marlene and Dorcas shared a surprised look before they both looked to Sirius and Remus, trying to keep it subtle.

“Yeah. It’s Remus.” Sirius said, suddenly. Marlene didn’t know what she expected, whether it was some dilly dallying around the subject, but she assumed they had just done all that upstairs.

“Yup. Surprise, we’re gay!” Remus lifted his and Sirius’s interlocked hands and Marlene remembered she should probably be acting surprised. Mary straightened beside her, and smiled widely, Marlene didn’t like that she hadn’t realised how long Mary had gone without properly smiling.

“No, we aren’t joking, MacDonald, this isn’t—” Sirius rolled his eyes, obviously interpreting Mary’s smile as something that must have happened a few minutes ago. “What the fuck are you—”

Mary was off the sofa in seconds, down at Remus’s feet which Marlene thought was so abnormally strange she couldn’t help but laugh slightly. “Mary what—”

“Stop moving!” Mary commanded, “Show me your ankle.” Remus submitted, looking insanely confused – not differing from the rest of them. “Where’s the bracelet?”

“Bracelet?”

“The fucking bracelet.”

“What the actual—”

Mary moved to Sirius’s feet, “Aha! The bracelet! Where is yours?” She asked, inspecting Sirius’s golden ankle bracelet. “Oh my god, it’s the stars and moon how sodding cute.”

“Get off me.” Sirius chuckled, “What are you on about?”

“They aren’t matching?”

“What- no. It was a birthday present.”

“Awh.” Mary smiled, “Okay well, doesn’t matter I still half right. Pay up bitches.” She held out her hands to Marlene and Lily.

“What the actual fuck is going on!? Why am I the one confused?” Remus said.

“Mary figured it out.” Marlene explained, “I tried, sorry. Now I owe her two galleons. Fucking mess—”

“YOU KNEW?!” Mary gasped. “Unbelievable. How… Goodness, sorry meant to say I’m happy for you tossers.”

“Yeah,” Lily seconded, “unexpected but lovely.” She smiled.

“See? Why couldn’t it have been like this? Why didn’t we have a normal, heartfelt coming out like McKinnon?” Sirius sighed while accepting Lily’s hug.

“Macdonald had to go and figure it out.”

“Well you weren’t exactly subtle.”

“Well they weren’t obvious!” James protested.

“Yes, they were.” Dorcas chuckled, “Sorry but it’s facts.”

James kept defending himself to the others while Marlene caught Sirius’s eye, smiled and winked. He returned a grateful smile, and she saw him squeeze Remus’s hand that was still interlocked with his own; she felt a surge of relief for them, finally a small amount of pressure relieved for the pair.

“Okay, it doesn’t matter we’re out now.” Remus shushed the argument waving his hands in the air with a small smile. And they all settled for a regular night in the common room.

Marlene was concerned about the mute Peter in the armchair, if he didn’t accept them, she’d punch his guts out – friend or not. “Alright, Petey?”

Peter didn’t answer, pondering for a moment and he innocently shook his head. “I don’t get it.” He stated.

“Don’t get what, Wormy?”

“All of it. Like… so Dorcas is the boy for Marlene, but who—”

“Dorcas isn’t a boy.” Marlene quipped unintentionally, “That’s like the whole point.”

“But like how does it work?” Peter continued, looking at Remus and Sirius. “I guess Sirius can be girly but—”

“Pete…” James cautioned. Marlene felt anger welling up inside her and by the clench of Sirius’s jaw, she knew he felt the same.

“And you said _shagging_? That’s not—”

“No, it is.” Sirius snapped, “We can still shag, and it’s—”

“Sirius—” Remus attempted to calm him, placing a hand on his shoulder.

“—fucking amazing. Remus likes it when you beg, likes to hear—”

“Sirius!” Remus repeated, “Stop. He’s just confused.”

Peter sat in the armchair, horrified. Marlene couldn’t say he deserved it but watching him squirm was satisfying; not that she didn’t love Peter, but he was downright rude sometimes.

“Peter I’ll answer your questions but you gotta learn some things are impolite, kay?” Remus continued, softly. Probably more effective than a punch in the face; Remus always did have a better course of action than her.

“No, er don’t worry. I get it. Sorry.” Peter shrunk into himself, “I’m sorry.” He repeated.

“S’kay.” Remus nodded and subtly nudged Sirius.

“Sorry too, Wormy.” He apologised.

Remus nodded again like he was content with the situation and Marlene thought she should probably drop it too but…

“I don’t get that attitude.” She whispered to Dorcas beside her.

“Mhm, he’s just been raised like it, love. A bit of a shock I reckon, going from not knowing anyone queer to half your friend group being gay. He’ll come around.”

“Yeah, I guess.” Marlene nodded. She really should drop it; Dorcas was right, he’ll come around. Her and Remus act a bit like a moral compass for Marlene, if they think the same thing, she’s in the right; if they disagree, she’s in the wrong. And considering she looked as though she was agreeing with Sirius… she was well off her morals.

So, she dropped it.

“I think this calls for some firewhiskey.” Lily announced. It was met with a few cheers, but Mary stood, wrapped in her blanket.

“Go ahead, I think imma go to bed.” She announced. “Sorry boys.”

“That’s alright, love. You okay?” Remus asked.

“Yeah, just tired.”

 _Just tired my arse_ , Marlene thought. Mary never turns down drinks or a small party hang out _especially_ , if they were celebrating something she predicted, (that did actually happen once and somehow, now a second time).

Marlene stood “I’m tired too.” It wasn’t thought out, Dorcas would probably be in an awkward dilemma whether to come up to Marlene’s bed or go back to her common room and the boys probably felt abandoned after just coming out, but Mary needed her right now.

She had left the room so quickly that none of that really crossed her mind until she was winding up the staircase and entering the dorm. Mary was curling up into her bed and Marlene didn’t give her a chance to deny her company, slotting herself in between her sheets. She knew Mary too well, she would wave her off if Marlene made it possible, and Mary needed to talk.

“I told you, I was here for you. So, you need to talk to me, Mary.” Marlene decreed, “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, go to bed.” Mary laid down and Marlene mirrored her, their faces inches apart on Mary’s pillow.

“I’m not leaving.” Marlene stated. “Not until I know you’re okay.”


End file.
